The day I have been dreading since December arrives this Thursday........the dentist. What was suppose to be done in December has been prolonged due to the last tooth cannot be saved. So..another tooth pulled.....another bridge put in. I dread the pain. The only saving grace I have ....is that this is the last tooth to be worked on.
For awhile, I have been guilty of not going forward in my efforts in bettering myself in health. The depressed part of me wanted to put it on hold till my teeth are done. Fortunately......I realized that there will always be something to side track me....IF I let it.
I have been doing well in my fitness challenges and yes.....nutrition. After Thursday, it shall be a challenge because I shall be back to soft and liquid type foods. Walking will be hard for a few weeks as the pain shoots up my face as the hole in my mouth throbs with pain as it tries to heal.
I don't want to take a huge step backwards....and it is up to ME not to relent to that temptation.
I have come up with MY March Madness. Each day.....I shall focus on an accomplishment I have completed. Getting in all my healthy guidelines may prove to be a stretch......and not to be beaten.....I will focus on something I am TRULY thankful for. I shall be grateful and positive all the same.
I could have BLOWN off this week as far as food planning is concern. I choose NOT too. This am we went grocery shopping and yes...I have stocked up for the impending mouth pain with soft foods....I also purchased and planned for foods PRIOR to D DAY....hence ...dentist day! LOL!
I really truly LACK in VEGGIES in the winter months......SO...to combat that...I made SALADS for the NEXT four days via mason jars!
I feel SO proud! I do.......and it makes me look forward to the first part of the week. I did this a lot in the Summer months, but alas, got away from it in the Colder season. You can do this with cut up fruit as well and it lasts up to 7-8 days in the frig.
Snacks and meals are tentatively set.
So....even though I may have a slight set back......and I may be at a stand still.....I am not down and out. Mentality.....I shall be ahead of this game of life because I am still fighting. I may be down for the moment, but not for the count.
I just love that line uttered by Jack Nicholson in the movie A FEW GOOD MEN.
A few weeks ago I had a heart to heart talk with my dear friend Susie out in California. I opened up to her with my thoughts on why I struggle so at times with eating healthy and following weight watchers. I do so well....then....I don't. I am a on see-saw.
I understand myself more and more as time goes by and when I THINK I have figured it out......I realize I have more to learn. I totally get the program....I do. I just don't totally get me.
It dawned on me that I never had a weight issue until I got married. I had to think of my life before hand.........
as a child....I was active. We didn't have the 100's of channels on the television. We didn't have cable...the computer ...and games! LOL! They were BOARD GAMES and only for rainy days and evenings! We were OUTSIDE! I was OUTSIDE! Food was......not how I eat now..that is for sure. We had a balanced meal and if we were hungry...my mother would utter the famous line, "eat a piece of fruit." and we did. Pop was unheard of. It was a luxury and we got that treat ONCE per week....Saturday night with our popcorn. Candy was RARE. They were for holidays ONLY. ....and we TREASURED IT and made them LAST.
In high school...I got a dog.......Morgan. My first pet that was TRULY all mine. I use to take him everywhere with me. We would walk ENDLESS hours together.
College...never gained that freshman 15 that was warned. In fact....I came home on Thanksgiving break.....SMALLER. My mother was afraid I was not eating enough. Truth was.....I WAS. I was more active than ever. I walked EVERYWHERE...that is what you DO on a college campus. I made friends that were active and health conscious. You have to understand....Richard Simmons was sweating to the oldies.....Olivia Newton-John was getting physical and Jane Fonda was a nightmare in tights. The dining commons was NOT an issue. The salad bar was plentiful and NO WAY I was going to be caught DEAD eating poorly.
I purposely took later morning classes. I found a friend that liked to go to the REC IM BUILDING to work out. We would walk the track......use the equipment for strength training and finish off with laps in the pool. Off to shower...a healthy breakfast and ready for the day of classes and studying. In the evenings, I would Jog...yes...JOG with another friend.....no matter WHAT the weather was like outside. Bed at a decent time and the next day...I would start all over again. The weekends were made for DANCING!
My mind and body were NEVER more healthy in my life.
After college....moved back to the area with a decent job/career. I made a friend that loved to walk and bike ride. We shared the same schedule and spent a tremendous amount of time together.
Then...we both got married....and...she moved away.
My life changed. It wasn't as carefree as it once was. I had to become a married adult. My husband was overweight at the time......and now rather obese. I started to change and developed different habits that I never once possessed. It was slow...it was gradual....but it transpired all the same.
In time.....I joined weight watchers. I wasn't ready to be honest. I liked the idea of weight watchers, but bottom line, I didn't like ME on weight watchers. Still went ...for as long as I wasn't gaining...I was okay.
Then.....I started to learn...started to do........then...I would falter......the see-saw method.
Well......I tried to make friends that wanted what I did. BIG MISTAKE. If they did well...I did well...if they didn't......I didn't.
How weak is that?
Yet....whether I liked it or not.......that is my truth...my reality.
I told my friend Susie.....I need to get back to ME again..the person I once was.......by myself.......and...I was SCARED.
I am NOT a lonely person persey. I really am NOT. I am lonely with fitness and nutrition. I hate doing it by myself. I do.
Susie told me to DO what I wanted....and others may follow........and if not......be strong and think of how you USE to feel and that will carry you until you FEEL it now ...on your own.
The very first thing I did was decide WHICH program to follow on weight watchers. Tracking is a not for me. I tried. I used games with different color pens....stickers....etc. Those 49 weeklies are my downfall. They are my BAD BOYS. I am not mature enough to handle them. Simply filling...same thing....too many weeklies. Simple start philosophy with 7 weeklies per day.....I make better choices. I am smart.
The second thing I did...was get an active link. I named it Morgan. That took some time to find the RIGHT name for me. I was going to go with AL....LOL...get it? then Dallas....but it still did NOT feel right to me. Morgan is perfect. I walk more thinking of my beloved dog from days gone by.
I then went on FB to FIND weight watcher groups that were serious minded. I work so many hours that I don't have actual time for inperson friends. I found three that I like. One is strictly recipes...which comes in handy....the other is motivational....and the THIRD does challenges. Every day we have a challenge to complete and I post at night to say YES....MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It sounds like I am on the computer a lot...but in all essence....my time has been drastically cut down.....more than half....and I am SO OKAY with that.
I do post my status ...I do share what I have done...and my friends have joined in. I encourage them....and hit LIKE a lot.
Last Thursday I lost 2.6 WOW.
Today I went...not knowing what that scale would show...not many days between Thursday and Tuesday. I was prepared either way. I lost POINT 6.
I honestly feel that I have FINALLY found my way........and it took my past to SEE it. I don't live in the past.......I don't live in the future....that is my reality. I live for the day....and I needed to improve upon it.
I am not sure why it took so long for me to find my way. Many times I thought I had....and perhaps for that time period I did......it was a temporary road that would take so many detours.
I have ALWAYS enjoyed my meetings.......they made me think...........these last two weeks...I found myself LISTENING more in Ernest ......like I am thirsty and ready to DRINK in the knowledge instead of processing it........now I am trying and doing.
I guess you could say...I am more than ready to .......HEAR and DO.
and IF others choose NOT to continue on with me.....
it is really actually....ALRIGHT.
It is alright ....because....I have myself......
and I didn't really realize till I talked with my friend.....
For over a year now....I have been eyeing the active link that is available with weight watchers. I have felt like a kid in the candy store looking.....dreaming.....of having one. I have held it in my hands......I have read everything I could on it.....I asked questions.
I must admit...some of the reviews have been harsh.....I get that. Members thought that they were CHEATED in earning their activity points. I get that too.
I mulled over the reviews, but didn't want to be influenced by other's disappointments. I actually understand the base line and fitness minutes. It is a hard pill to swallow for we all like to think we DID more....EARNED more in activity points. I know I for one can be like that. I mean....if I DO something.....there should be a huge ticker tape parade that I accomplished a workout! LOL!
Seriously though, I understand the base line where I need to earn a certain amount of fitness points to maintain where I am now. Going beyond that base....is a plus for me in being fit and active. That is where the true success comes forth.
I realized this more and more as I kept track of what I have done these last few months. Case in point.....my all day steps exceeded 10.000. Etools gave me FOUR activity points. My fitness minutes for the day were 50. That 50 was for CONTINOUS minutes and I plugged that in and my activity points then were reduced to 3 activity points. Which one was TRULY accurate? They both were......HOWEVER......by all rights......as much as I would have LOVED to have FOUR points.......I EARNED THREE for that was TRULY my workout.
I am ready to accept this.....take this challenge.....and have it become a part of my life.
The draw back to the active link....is that it does NOT count steps. I love steps...miles...for I love to see how FAR I have walked. I love the site for walking across America. I have completed it once...it took just over 3 years and now I am on my second loop. I am currently in Kentucky and have a long ways to go before I reach Oregon. SO.....I shall still keep RAMBO for that fact. Plus...I love him. I do.
This past Tuesday, I finally got my active link.
The first 8 days are the longest ones for I have to get my assessment for my base and then the challenge starts to increase my daily target in points earned. I cannot wait.
My biggest dilemma was naming my new friend. I absolutely believe in naming your fitness pal. I do. It sounds so cold in saying...MY ACTIVE LINK. This is going to be my friend....my companion. We are going to go hiking.....swimming.....walking.........an d places such as baseball games.....carnivals.....ETC. We are going to be BUDDIES!
So........I came up with DALLAS. I loved that show and still do. Who cannot love Linda Gray? She is older...and is such a picture of perfect health. I loved JR and his humor. A good friend of mine also lives near Dallas and has always told me that I was an honorary Texan. DALLAS is perfect....even IF I am not.
SO......do I THINK I can dance?
I am actually a terrible dancer, but I love to do so anyways!
The most important thing......I have to have fun in what I am doing...or I just don't do it.
Not too long ago, a friend called me before she was to leave for her weight watcher meeting. She was thinking of wearing her shoes for her weigh ins. My immediate response was, "Why? Are you trying to mask your gain?"
She become VERY defensive towards me. She wanted to know why would I ask her that?
Because all week long she kept telling me that she had to get her eating under control. Her snacking was nonstop and she was making unwise choices.
That is why.....
Our conversation was then cut short.
This am a customer came in. We have known him for YEARS...before he was married...... then married.....and now has three kids. He has gained so much weight that it is clearly noticeable. He looks like a weeable...you know the tiny toy? I love him to death and I personally don't care....but today.....he mentioned that he had to get new clothes and they were bigger because of his height. He informed me that his torso is longer than his legs.
I kept a straight face.
We chatted a few and he went on his way smiling.
I was lost in thought for HOURS. I thought of my friend who is now mad at me ....and our customer.
Not that I am pointing fingers at anyone for the one I happen to point...I have more pointing back at me.
They are both clearly in denial and they play games in their minds to convince themselves to feel better about themselves. It is almost like saving face.
Me.....I am a PRO at playing games and because of that...I can see thru other's games. I do.
My friend is always posting on facebook how wonderful power foods are and that tracking is the key. Then she texts me with her daily struggles.
When I post stuff like that on facebook...I am serious. I am REALLY doing the things I say I am. When I am SILENT...that means...I am NOT doing what I should. My friend Kim figured that out about me and confronted me on that fact. I asked her how she knew? She knew because she is the same way. She recognized the GAME she herself played.
So...I was caught.
It is so amazing how many stages one goes though in obtaining a healthy life style. So many steps.
When I first joined weight watchers...it wasn't to lose weight, but not to gain anymore. When I THOUGHT I was ready....I had to learn. I understood the program...but I didn't understand me. You have to MORE than WANT weight loss...you have to ACCEPT it and CHANGE....ADAPT.
I am constantly learning...growing. Sometimes I think I am a total failure myself, but then something happens and I realize just how far I have come.
CASE IN POINT.....
At this week's meeting a member expressed that her downfall was pizza. She cannot stop. In her family, they cannot agree on what they like on their pizza, so they order a pizza for everyone with their choices. HENCE...more pizza is left over....more pizza for her.
I raised my hand.......I had a suggestion.......
I told her that we order ONE pizza and have them make half my way ...and the other half my husband's way. It was a good solution....and the member thought about it...and could see that option.
ME.....I realized......that I wanted to lose weight/eat better but didn't want to let pizza go...so I came up with a solution...that I NEVER REALIZED was pretty smart! At the meeting...I realized......I am doing better than I thought....that I am too hard on myself. I have come a long ways.
I truly believe that another problem that lies within us....is TIME. We want results NOW. Some are in a better place mentality and get there faster than others. (like me).
Yet..I have never given up. When I think I have learned it all......know it all......I am struck with the cold reality, I have more to learn and more to change...adapt.
I am back at sharing my food with my friends as well as my fitness goals for the day.
I smile silently to myself once again....
One friend on face book...does WATER WEDNESDAY. Every time she posts the word...FLUSH...we are to drink 8 ounces and hit like. Now during the day....even though it is not Wednesday....instead of a sip....I take a BIG drink and think....FLUSH!
AND to me..that is a FUN game...a game that actually BENEFITS me POSITIVELY.
My games .......are slowly ceasing and in their place...are ways I have adapted....or accepted.......
and...still....I am haunted in the REVELATION......
I still have MILES TO GO BEFORE I SLEEP.
BUT..instead of being totally afraid ........
I FLUSH as I start to walk that never ending road.