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Where do I begin?

Tuesday, October 07, 2014



Well… Where do I begin?
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged… lol.

I am currently working 3 jobs, trying to get a promotion at 2 of the 3 jobs. I’ve been in a down spiral with my weight loss. I wasn’t really loosing much weight with exercising and monitoring my meals. As I would often have a cheat meal, that easily became a cheat month for me… I’m back on the wagon again… Sort of.

I am on meds, which have been helping me lose weight and not in a good way. I am fighting the early stages of being extremely ill. My surgeries went well in July and August, but they found some stuff that was rather questionable and now, it’s confirmed. The meds I’m on kill the issue and everything else too. I’m losing weight right now, cause food taste rather metallic to me or cause me to become violently ill. I’m keeping my energy up by drinking lots of water, eating protein bars, small meals, soups, and shakes or smoothies. I’m barely hitting 1200 calories, every day. I’m no longer eating soy, breads, pastas, juices, and most starches… Only because they upset my stomach 10-fold!

I’m stressed out beyond compare… My house has become a war-zone since my dad’s dementia has progressed. The only time I find solace is when I’m at work or at my exes house. I have a trip coming up this Jan 2015, to LA, Cali. I want to see if Cali is viable for me to live at and how much would I need to stay there. If not, I’ll look at San Antonio. I plan on seeing my in-laws while I’m in LA… I want to bring pictures of my hubby, when he was little for them to see. I miss him a lot, but know he’s in a better place.

Dating and school have been put on hold temporarily. I want to go back to school come Jan 2015. As for dating… Ya, that’s been put on hold indefinitely. I need to focus on my health and well-being, before bringing in another person and their stress into my life.

Sending out warm, fuzzies to those who need them…
Hugs to all.

  
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PURPLEPEONY 10/7/2014 8:29PM

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Long Distance...

Monday, August 25, 2014

I’m not one of those women, who falls head-over-heels in love with someone at first sight. I find beauty in people’s attitudes, their views on life, their priorities in life, and their overall character. It really takes a long time for me to fall in love. I didn't tell my ex-hubby that I loved him until 3 yrs of being my friend and 2 years into our actual relationship.

Now, I’m attracted to Mexican or Latino men with love handles and mustache/goatee combos. You know, an "Osito" type of guy (a teddy bear guy). Ya, I know… I just described almost every Mexican or Latino guy in American, if not the whole world...

If this mystery guy has tattoos, is gauged, and has kids already (or at least wanting some kids) that’s a bonus. Actually, it would be an added bonus if he was self-sufficient too! Really, I am tolerant of a lot of character flaws, just saying…

Enter stage left, Martin Martinez… [His real name is being hidden, you know my rules…] We met via FB, more specifically a chat group in FB that promotes positive body image for all body types, including men. I joined the group on a downward spiral of self-destruction… Martin instantly asked to become my FB friend, to which I declined and stated a response to him, but not reported as an unknown person to FB. There was some troublesome trolls in the group, a few people were being negative, instead of positive and supportive.

From the issues that arose, a second group was started with a “via invite only” group from the original group. Another positive body image for all body types, including guys group. Martin, again was added to the group and posting some really positive comments and pictures to the groups. I went back through my friend requests and added him to my friend list.

A few days had passed since… It was on one post in the second group, where I formally introduced myself with a candid snippet bio and lots of pictures. He responded to my post. We went back and forth on comments, before he said he was hopeful to speak with me some more. Here I am thinking he already has access to message me and can see my FB page what more does he want from me?

So, being the forthright person that I am, I posted both in a message and on his wall, “I thought you had access to my account, what gives? Lol.” (Ok, it was along those lines…) We again go back and forth in our comments to each other. Then he finds my messages and we start conversing via FB messenger…

He proceeds to tell me to call him, via FB. I didn’t know you could call someone via FB… This is a new concept for me. We talk on the FB mobile 3 or 4 times for 2 hours or more each time.

From our conversations, I found out…
Name: Martin (pronounced Mar-teen)
Age: 37-ish, I’ll have to double check later…
Lives: LA, Cali
Kids: 3 kiddos - 2 teens and youngster (under 5 yrs)
Work: He works as a Pharmacy Driver…...........? [I was drunk, when he told me… I Don't Really Remember Exactly...]
Tattooed: Hell Ya! ((Score!))
Gauged: Hell Ya! His gauges aren't really that big too. ((Double Score!))
Past Baggage: 2 exes and some general drama, otherwise not bad at all… I understand that he has been hurt royally by these two women. He's cautious of women and rightfully so! I still see good in him though...

Martin, has an extremely huge heart for doing some things, that I would never consider doing for my exes. Nevertheless, he has kids with his exes and I think that’s why he’s tolerant of them in his daily interactions. He is a phenomenal father, putting his children’s needs above all else. In all honesty, I really don’t see anything wrong with him, at this moment.

We have discussed a possibility of actually seeing each other. This would mean I would be going to Cali for a week next year about Feb or March, after St. Val’s Day and before the Spring Break chaos week. My friends and in-laws in Cali would be happy to have me… I just need to give a month notice of my decision.

So for the moment we are talking long-distance.
I’m not getting my hopes up about him.
He just fascinates me…

  
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PURPLEPEONY 8/25/2014 11:27PM

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A good thing?

Wednesday, August 06, 2014



I believe it's a good thing to have your heart broken. Sure, it hurts like hell and you think your heart will never stop hurting... You cry, until you can cry no longer.

However, the best part about being heart broken is when it does stop hurting, you emerge stronger than before. I promise you the pain will eventually subside. You are even more beautiful or handsome inside and out for having gone through that painful experience. You gave it your all as a fighter, now embrace being the survivor!

Sure, it will be hard to trust again or to love so openly again... This time, things will be different, because you have changed. You will never be the same again. Yet, you know that you can handle it, because you've done it all before...




Ya, I got kicked to the curb, yet again by one of Casper's friends...
Total B-FFFN-S!!!!!





  
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PURPLEPEONY 8/7/2014 1:44AM

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BETHEUNICORN 8/6/2014 11:16PM

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UMBILICAL 8/6/2014 12:51PM

  Been there

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Results are in...

Friday, August 01, 2014

The results from the July 21st appointment is in... I'm not a Stage 1 for Cervical Cancer! Yay. But I need to keep testing again in a year to make sure it doesn't progress!

The doc continued with the scar tissue removal today. I'm 12hrs post opt. I feel... okay. I'm sore but working through the pain. Even did a brutal 2 hour shopping trip to the grocery store. Thank you grocery gocarts! :)

I'm resting a bit before finishing my cuzs birthday gift and party stuff.

Can't wait for tomorrows adventure!

  


Doña

Thursday, July 31, 2014

I work with this guy named, Sebastian Cruz. Now, Mr. Cruz is a traditional Mexican guy… He’s average height, husky build, short cut black hair. He has a slight accent, mustache-goatee combo and is a light brown skin tone. His hazel brown eyes give him an edgy look, even with his black thin framed glasses on. He has a debonair side of him, but he also has a rambunctious side too. Sebastian works as the in-house IT person. He makes sure all the computers, printers and system are running properly. Which allows him the ability to move around, from place to place, insuring the system is running right for all personnel. He carries himself in a professional manner, most of the time. Then there are times, when he gets around me and we end up laughing for hours over something minimal. I guess, I bring his humorous side out. Sebastian always seems to laugh and smile more during the day when we get together for one of our conversations.

This brings me to topic of our story…

Now, my office sits behind bullet proof glass and a heavily locked door. My office is secured to say the least.

Two weeks ago, Sebastian and I were in my office, discussing some random topic and laughing periodically. I made mention about some video clips on YouTube, that I wanted to share. Sebastian made the remark that I didn't have a speaker system for my computer. I told him that using the built in system was fine for me. However, Sebastian insisted that I must have a speaker system if we were to continue watching the video clips. I explained the system I had was completely fine. Being the wonderful guy that Sebastian is, leans in and tells me, "I have a box full of speakers in my office. It would be no trouble to get you one. I insist." I finally yield to his request to get me a speaker system. Sebastian walks back to his office and is gone for about 15 minutes. I watch as he returns from the long corridor connecting our offices, smiling with a speaker system in hand.

He comes back into the office and explains briefly that I need to move in order for him to install the system. I laugh because of his verbiage and registry that he is using. The conversation goes something like this…

Sebastian: Cyndy, you know I got to get up in there. (He implies under my desk.)

Me: (Giggling) Oh really?

Sebastian: I didn’t mean like that! (Laughs) I gotta get down there and do my job.

Me: (Laughing) Uh huh. Sure you did! (Laughing harder)

Sebastian: You took it there, didn’t you?

Me: Well, you left yourself open like that. (Laughing)

We both laugh for a while after that. He installs the system, just looks at me and I bust out laughing… We go for several rounds of silent glances and rounds of laughter. Sebastian’s boss returns and he leaves to actually accomplish some work.

Last week, my boss bought a new payment machine for my office. I had to submit a request for Sebastian to come and install the device. He came over, checked out the new device and explained that he had to get some stuff from his office to set it up. He walks away to his office.

Thirty minutes later, he returns, asks me for the model umber of the device. I give him the manual that came in the box. He leaves again.

Twenty minutes pass, before he returns to install the device. He sets up the machine making sure all the wires are connected and the device is working. He climbs under my desk and makes sure there is room for the new device. As my computer has a bunch of wires everywhere! However, the system menu doesn’t come across the screen. He leaves to call his boss and find out why the menu is being difficult...

Another twenty minutes pass, before he comes back in with a USB to “install” my device through the computer. He does some stuff on the computer. While we wait for the computer to do its thing, we chit-chat about the week’s prior humorous conversation. We both laugh. About fifteen minutes pass before he realizes there is a problem in the installation. He leaves to go back for his office.

Forty minutes pass, before Sebastian returns with a different USB. He is clearly frustrated that the installation and device is taking such a long time. He inserts the new USB, finds the program and installs it. We go back to our conversation and I get him laughing again. He realizes he needs a tiny screwdriver to add the screws to keep the cord of the new device connected. He leaves, yet again to retrieve the screwdriver from his office.

While Sebastian is gone, I am resourceful and use a paperclip to attach the screws to the device. Finally, Sebastian returns a few minutes after I finish attaching the final screw in place and put the device back in its original position. He explains that he will have to disassemble the device to connect it properly now. I tell him, “Oh that’s great.” He flips the device over, sees that I have already attached the screws. This is the icing on the cake part of his frustration… He throws the screwdriver down and just goes off on a rant about having to walk to his office yet again for something else in which this project required. I finally get him to laugh about the situation… He climbs under my desk for the second time during this endeavor.

I go to the area outside of my office and tell him to watch for which cord I pull to disconnect the old device… I pull the cord, he unplugs it. Then he handles me the new device through the cut out in the bullet proof glass. He mentions on how one part of the cord is spliced and he might need to unscrew the cord and fish it up into my desk. I just look at the cord and know it will fit, without unscrewing it. Seconds later, I get the splice through the opening in my desk and Sebastian connects it. The machine comes to life and starts beeping as it connects with my computer.

I walk back into my office and notice my computer and phone have moved. I try to move them back to their original spots, yet the cords are too tight. I give Sebastian grief for tying the computer cords too tight and verbally force him to adjust the cords again. He rectifies the cords, lecturing me on the cable management of my computer.

So, officially Sebastian leaves my office, but not the area. He makes some snide comments about my age which irks me to no end! Now, I’m irritated and ready to go off on the age remarks… I correct him at some point and inform him that I am to be referred to as “Mistress Cyndy” not girl or “Miss”. My reasoning is because I grew up old school, or at least with an old traditions mentality, once a woman became 18 years of age you referred to her by her correct title. So, thus Mistress instead of Miss, Woman or Lady instead of Girl was the norm in my household. Ya, I blame the white side of my family for this… Anyways…

Sebastian gets the impression it’s okay to refer to me as “Doña Cyndy”. I cringe…

I finally calm down enough to tell him, “Sebastian, if I were you, I would walk that way (pointing towards his office). Right now, you’re in my strike range and bulletproof glass will not stop me.” He canters, “But Doña Cyndy…” I retort, “Do you really want me to be on the other side of this counter?” Sebastian just walks away with a swaggered walk of a triumphant peacock…

It’s been work two days since these events… Sebastian is still referring to me as “Doña”.

Aye, I guess I’ll have to live with it… According to my friend, I had best behave, since it’s obvious that I am the troublemaker and encouraging him to follow in my stead. Ya, right! As I stated before, I bring out this other side of people, especially him…

Hugs, Love and Laughter!
- Cyn M -


  


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