Sunday, January 12, 2014
So, I am blogging to day to relieve some frustration. I started working full-time 5 months ago, and also had my fourth child 1 year ago. Before I began working I had more time to manage, but throwing a full-time job into the mix has REALLY thrown me for a loop.
I struggle constantly to lose weight and end up just maintaining. I am grateful that I am not gaining, but I am not satisfied. I thought once I changed my baby into a daycare center I could workout before or after work, but then it was I didn't want to leave her at a daycare for 12 hours.
I know there are a couple of days I could fit working out into my schedule, but it is like when those days roll around, I am exhausted and don;t feel like doing anything. And I feel like what would 2 days really change anyway? I mean, truthfully I know it would help, but telling myself that, when I would really rather just relax and spend time with my family, time with family and relaxing wins every time.
I also set our den up with a little bit of small equipment and the things I need to get in a workout at home. That has been a failure as well because we live in a small house and when I'm working out I need to be in the "zone" mentally and my focus kept getting interrupted by the kids, so I gave up.
I can feel the stress in my shoulders and neck, I just need to get on track. I inspire others everyday, why is it so hard to inspire myself. I mean I get inspired by new angles to take this on, but my approaches have been unsuccessful, and eventually it takes a toll.
I feel like people view me as not necessarily overweight, or at least by that much because I've lost between 50-60. I have another 25 to lose. I just really feel mentally scattered about this. It's not like me, when I want something, I make it happen. I am obese on the BMI charts and need to get down to 169 to be considered overweight. For my body frame, I am happy at around that, even up to 175.
I bought new running shoes, workout clothes......I have a free gym membership through my job. I leave my house at 6:30 every morning, after getting myself, baby and 7 year old ready (still have to do her hair and motivate her), and then I get home at 6;30pm, have to rush to get dinner on the table. I have not even done homework with my 2nd grader one time this year.
I can't work less hours and I can't give up my job. Even as I type this I am annoyed. I just keep telling myself, if you want it to happen you have to make it happen....
I have a half day Tuesdays, which ends up being a catch up day for appointments and housework. And I have off weekends, which ends up being family time and time to relax.
My solutions so far, that I feel are realistic.... I will have to put headphones in and workout at home, and possibly work out on Tuesdays after work if my baby is situated at daycare. I need to be more active in general. Also attempt to be more active with family time. One active family date per week at least. Once the daylight starts sticking around a little longer, I wouldn't mind walks after dinner.
I know I will not give up, and I will reach my goals. Time management is huge. I have zero time to spare. Thanks for reading. I really needed to vent my frustrations, even though I view it as excuses, because I am a "no excuses" kind of person.....lol... but nonetheless, it is what is.
Here's to a new week....!
Disclaimer: I am VERY thankful for my children and family! I also LOVE what I do! It's just learning how to balance everything is the struggle! =)
Saturday, November 30, 2013
So I did well on Thanksgiving...up until the pies were done. Grrrr. It is what it is. In 2 days I've had 5 or 6 pieces of pie! I have no excuse. I lost control. But today is a new day with a new set of choices. I'm ready to move on. I will make some healthy turkey soup with leftover turkey and the leftovers will be gone! I have purchased some healthy choices for snacks and I will focus on the NOW! In the past I would wait until Monday, but why waste 2 more days? I can change any moment I am ready to! Who needs Monday? Not this girl!
Have a good weekend!!!! Thanks for reading!
Sunday, November 24, 2013
So taking the time to ask myself "Am I worth this?" really helps me steer clear of bad food decisions. But lately things have been kind of tough. I've just really been stressed out. I feel overwhelmed and I feel like somewhat helpless in the stress at times. I am not able to control stress because it is in my environment all of the time. It;s something within myself that I have to control to be able to deal with it. I know stress is never depleted and I am not waiting on that moment, I am struggling to get my mental power and clarity in tact. It sometimes overwhelms me and I lose thought on the bigger picture. It's like a political campaign in the way of my vote obscuring my decision making, only it's every day choices, not a presidential election. And the thoughts are more powerful than any campaign because they are more personal, because they are campaigns I speak to of myself. Sounds a bit a crazy and it may be. I am just trying to get to the bottom root of stress.
It's frustrating. It's constantly building road blocks, some high, some low. I just want to cruise down a smooth path. I'm over the construction. I am happy in life. But there are times when I feel like I am one slip from losing everything that makes me me.
What makes me me is a happy family, a time when we are all thankful, truly thankful, for what we have. Cleanliness, organization, healthy living, learning, growing and building on who we are as people......but then we are faced with trials and tribulations that come in forms of story problems.....which who is really good at those??? And I know I'm like most trying to climb my way to the ultimate me, and whoever said sprouting was pain free.....but it's just overwhelming. You know the 20's version of me would smoke and drink it all away and work thru it, but when the smoke cleared the problem was halfway complete...... so continue on until you reach the next level.....then I gave that all up.....turned to food on and off through out life, got a handle on that. And then as I think....do I really have a handle on anything? Or is the more work I do to better myself like building a safety devise to keep me afloat? But sometimes I'm feeling like a little pig and the big bad wolf is coming and I;m not sure if my safety device is really safe....
I'm not all that bad off I know, it's just stress in my chest. You know, I have 4 children and my oldest is pregnant, she is 18 years old and has 8 weeks to go. My youngest just turned a year. I just started a new career in nursing, been employed 3 months. Stressed about my mother who has schizophrenia and lives 12 hours away caring for herself at age 61- totally not a good situation. Marriage is pretty stable....Trying to get financially fit and be the best version of myself I've ever been. Totally beginning training to be a Health and Wellness Coach....taking my time with it.
I feel like I'm like most trying to make it and do the best we can. I just need sort things through, accept what is possible to help change for the better and what's not. I can't give all of me to others, that leaves me with nothing. So prioritizing and organizing is all I can really do. Just stay solution oriented in my mind and work hard to be a better me. I know that things will never be perfect, but as long as I feel content with my choices that is all I can ultimately aim for.
Monday, October 14, 2013
I need to get back in touch with the burning desire to finish what I've started. I have REALLY been struggling for the past few months. I am not gaining, but I am not losing. I was doing SO WELL. And I know that with every choice, I am choosing my path...... I know I need to stop thinking so much and start doing.
I meet these wonderful, inspirational people every day and I know some of them had to work a lot harder and come a lot further and they are making it happen. I can do it. 25 pounds to go!
I have to learn to relearn and to adapt. I will not quit quitting. I know this is a process I will defeat.
I need to crock pot cook and involve my kids in the exercise (time constraints). I need to keep sleep as a priority (the baby still wakes up and it drains me). Note to self= "YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS MELISSA- Treat yourself accordingly!"
Monday, September 30, 2013
I have been so inconsistent for the last month that I am beginning to drive myself a bit batty. I started a new job and my husband also changed positions at work that calls for him to travel from time to time, the kids have went back to school....It has been an overall big adjustment. Many days I am completely wore out and do not feel like exercising. And then when I try to plan to exercise I feel selfish because that is time away from my kids. It is easy to say they need a healthy mom, I get that, but they also need dinner, help with homework, directions on what to do and they need to see their mom's face in general.
So, my job is pretty active except for the next 6 weeks because my "boss" is out on maternity leave and that leaves me to do a bunch of desk work.
But nontheless....I NEED to exercise, my body completely feels like it is craving a good "burn". It is a bit frustrating to figure out HOW is the best way. Waking up EARLY at like 4:30am is NOT reasonable for me. So, my plan is Monday, Wednesday, Thursday to stop at the gym on my way home. Tuesday and Saturday will be my days to jog/walk/run and Friday and Sunday will be optional, maybe go for a walk with the family, maybe play the Wii or Kinect or maybe nothing at all.
I'm hoping this works. The major possiblity of it faulting is my husband leaving for work for a few weeks, so I need a plan B.
Plan B work out Tuesday, Saturday and Sunday. Walk and/or be active with the kids all other days....!
Wish me luck!!! Thanks for listening!
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