Thursday, April 17, 2014
Kind of bummed, but trying to not let it get in my way of success. I've been down this road too many times to let it get in my way. It can be so difficult mentally....this journey, but I've came this far, there's no good reason to not continue....
A week ago was my birthday, and that is the reason I got off track. I had several trips with different friends and families to go out for my birthday and I could have made better choices with eating. But, I am at 188 and I know it's not really solid weight. I know if I get back on track, starting at this very moment, that the low of 182 will be back and I will surpass that number as well.
I have control. I need to grasp it. I need to understand the journey consists of ups and downs, accept it, face the hard work I must put in and congratulate myself for coming so far.
People are really noticing everywhere I go how much weight I have lost, and it feels REALLY good. I will not let this bump in the road conquer me. I will conquer this bump in the road.
Thanks for reading! We can do it!
Sunday, April 06, 2014
So it's been awhile since I have blogged. A few weeks ago I typed up this awesome blog, but then the computer ate it and there was no way I was retyping it. Smh...
Since my last blog, I have quit my job. Our household became complete chaos and required a full time parent to be at home. It was difficult to leave my job, because it was my first job as a nurse. The nurse practitioner and I had a really good vibe. But, my family has to come before anything, and there was no room for possibilities. I had to leave. No regrets. It was the right choice. The process of leaving was internally painful.
Anyways, since leaving, one month and 5 days ago, I have lost about 15 pounds. It is much easier to lose weight at home, without the drug reps aka food pushers coming in every day with loads of Panera Bread, Moe's, Pizza, doughnuts and tons of other foods, sometimes 3 times a day. It's disgusting. I highly disapprove of that process. Yes, it is about self control, but to sit in an office and have patient's rooms right next to the lunch room, you see it all day and smell it all day...it is just complete torture. I did bring my lunch every day, but it was torture. And there were days I gave in. It was just bad. I know they have a job to do just like everyone else, but the types of food they brought....Chic-fil-a, Starbuck's....I mean come on! We're health professionals, promoting HEALTH! It drove me bonkers! Anyways, I don't believe I would choose another position that involved that mental torture in the future.
So, since being at home, I've had MUCH more control over my eating. It's so much more a way of life for me and not a diet- per say. I am eating to lose weight, but it is very much a lifestyle at this point. I will always buy the healthy foods and cook the healthy foods I am currently. My family eats the same foods. There is no separation. No diet food, just healthy food. It makes me feel really good. Sometimes I mentally get down on myself because I feel I can do more as far as nutrition, but truly, the big picture says I deserve a pat on the back. I mean come on, I have family of 6 eating all of the same healthy foods! And no one goes hungry! That took awhile to get to without anyone feeling deprived. They, themselves look at others that have horrible eating habits and can see the difference, they know the difference. I mean it sounds minute, but I didn't have that ability at a young age. In fact, I was about 26 when I started really realizing how unhealthy most store bought foods were. So, I am very happy with the way things are in that aspect.
Moving on, exercise. I have to tap into my strengths with exercise in the same way. Since leaving my job, I have been spring cleaning and just rearranging and purging so much stuff! Everything just builds up when you have two parents working full-time. I was literally coming undone with my house! I am finally getting to a manageable point. There is definitely more to do, the storage room is next, but it is the final big kabang! And to make it all come together nicely, we are having plausible weather! Spring has sprung! So needless to say, my ducks are lining up nicely.
Stress. I truly need to stick with the thought, there are things I can and can't change. I have a child, an adult child, that is suffering through some tough times. She lives at home. So when she is experiencing these stressful times, I of course feel every bit of it as well. I am doing my best to be supportive without draining myself. There are times when I feel altered, and my capabilities of being a good mom to my other 3 are compromised because my entire body FEELS the stress. But, as a mother, what are you to do? You can't easily remove yourself from the situation because it feels as though you are giving up on this child, adult or not. It's tough. She got herself in a bind. She had a child at 18, and is a single mother, going to college, working, but suffers through much mental and emotional anguish. We're working on getting her the help she needs, but it is a long enduring process, especially with no insurance.
My husband is also away in California for work, so at times, I feel like my sanity is also in California, lol. It's just less stressful when you have a companion in person to help deflect stress. Of course I can talk to him, but it is not the same. This trip should be about 3 weeks, with about 8 days to go. Let's throw in the fact he lost his wallet out there, and we live on the east coast.... so yeah, replacing everything and all of that has been super FUN!!!
Anyways, I am feeling optimistic about life and about my journey to the healthiest me! There are obstacles along the way, but I am doing my best to suit up and fight through them! Hope all is well in your neighborhood!!!
Thanks for reading!
Sunday, January 12, 2014
So, I am blogging to day to relieve some frustration. I started working full-time 5 months ago, and also had my fourth child 1 year ago. Before I began working I had more time to manage, but throwing a full-time job into the mix has REALLY thrown me for a loop.
I struggle constantly to lose weight and end up just maintaining. I am grateful that I am not gaining, but I am not satisfied. I thought once I changed my baby into a daycare center I could workout before or after work, but then it was I didn't want to leave her at a daycare for 12 hours.
I know there are a couple of days I could fit working out into my schedule, but it is like when those days roll around, I am exhausted and don;t feel like doing anything. And I feel like what would 2 days really change anyway? I mean, truthfully I know it would help, but telling myself that, when I would really rather just relax and spend time with my family, time with family and relaxing wins every time.
I also set our den up with a little bit of small equipment and the things I need to get in a workout at home. That has been a failure as well because we live in a small house and when I'm working out I need to be in the "zone" mentally and my focus kept getting interrupted by the kids, so I gave up.
I can feel the stress in my shoulders and neck, I just need to get on track. I inspire others everyday, why is it so hard to inspire myself. I mean I get inspired by new angles to take this on, but my approaches have been unsuccessful, and eventually it takes a toll.
I feel like people view me as not necessarily overweight, or at least by that much because I've lost between 50-60. I have another 25 to lose. I just really feel mentally scattered about this. It's not like me, when I want something, I make it happen. I am obese on the BMI charts and need to get down to 169 to be considered overweight. For my body frame, I am happy at around that, even up to 175.
I bought new running shoes, workout clothes......I have a free gym membership through my job. I leave my house at 6:30 every morning, after getting myself, baby and 7 year old ready (still have to do her hair and motivate her), and then I get home at 6;30pm, have to rush to get dinner on the table. I have not even done homework with my 2nd grader one time this year.
I can't work less hours and I can't give up my job. Even as I type this I am annoyed. I just keep telling myself, if you want it to happen you have to make it happen....
I have a half day Tuesdays, which ends up being a catch up day for appointments and housework. And I have off weekends, which ends up being family time and time to relax.
My solutions so far, that I feel are realistic.... I will have to put headphones in and workout at home, and possibly work out on Tuesdays after work if my baby is situated at daycare. I need to be more active in general. Also attempt to be more active with family time. One active family date per week at least. Once the daylight starts sticking around a little longer, I wouldn't mind walks after dinner.
I know I will not give up, and I will reach my goals. Time management is huge. I have zero time to spare. Thanks for reading. I really needed to vent my frustrations, even though I view it as excuses, because I am a "no excuses" kind of person.....lol... but nonetheless, it is what is.
Here's to a new week....!
Disclaimer: I am VERY thankful for my children and family! I also LOVE what I do! It's just learning how to balance everything is the struggle! =)
Saturday, November 30, 2013
So I did well on Thanksgiving...up until the pies were done. Grrrr. It is what it is. In 2 days I've had 5 or 6 pieces of pie! I have no excuse. I lost control. But today is a new day with a new set of choices. I'm ready to move on. I will make some healthy turkey soup with leftover turkey and the leftovers will be gone! I have purchased some healthy choices for snacks and I will focus on the NOW! In the past I would wait until Monday, but why waste 2 more days? I can change any moment I am ready to! Who needs Monday? Not this girl!
Have a good weekend!!!! Thanks for reading!
Sunday, November 24, 2013
So taking the time to ask myself "Am I worth this?" really helps me steer clear of bad food decisions. But lately things have been kind of tough. I've just really been stressed out. I feel overwhelmed and I feel like somewhat helpless in the stress at times. I am not able to control stress because it is in my environment all of the time. It;s something within myself that I have to control to be able to deal with it. I know stress is never depleted and I am not waiting on that moment, I am struggling to get my mental power and clarity in tact. It sometimes overwhelms me and I lose thought on the bigger picture. It's like a political campaign in the way of my vote obscuring my decision making, only it's every day choices, not a presidential election. And the thoughts are more powerful than any campaign because they are more personal, because they are campaigns I speak to of myself. Sounds a bit a crazy and it may be. I am just trying to get to the bottom root of stress.
It's frustrating. It's constantly building road blocks, some high, some low. I just want to cruise down a smooth path. I'm over the construction. I am happy in life. But there are times when I feel like I am one slip from losing everything that makes me me.
What makes me me is a happy family, a time when we are all thankful, truly thankful, for what we have. Cleanliness, organization, healthy living, learning, growing and building on who we are as people......but then we are faced with trials and tribulations that come in forms of story problems.....which who is really good at those??? And I know I'm like most trying to climb my way to the ultimate me, and whoever said sprouting was pain free.....but it's just overwhelming. You know the 20's version of me would smoke and drink it all away and work thru it, but when the smoke cleared the problem was halfway complete...... so continue on until you reach the next level.....then I gave that all up.....turned to food on and off through out life, got a handle on that. And then as I think....do I really have a handle on anything? Or is the more work I do to better myself like building a safety devise to keep me afloat? But sometimes I'm feeling like a little pig and the big bad wolf is coming and I;m not sure if my safety device is really safe....
I'm not all that bad off I know, it's just stress in my chest. You know, I have 4 children and my oldest is pregnant, she is 18 years old and has 8 weeks to go. My youngest just turned a year. I just started a new career in nursing, been employed 3 months. Stressed about my mother who has schizophrenia and lives 12 hours away caring for herself at age 61- totally not a good situation. Marriage is pretty stable....Trying to get financially fit and be the best version of myself I've ever been. Totally beginning training to be a Health and Wellness Coach....taking my time with it.
I feel like I'm like most trying to make it and do the best we can. I just need sort things through, accept what is possible to help change for the better and what's not. I can't give all of me to others, that leaves me with nothing. So prioritizing and organizing is all I can really do. Just stay solution oriented in my mind and work hard to be a better me. I know that things will never be perfect, but as long as I feel content with my choices that is all I can ultimately aim for.
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