Wednesday, November 12, 2014
I have obviously slacked in my sparking so I have not noticed that there are now more point levels to go for - yipeee, it was sad (and weird) to notice that once I reached the highest level I started to slack in my spraking as weill.
Now I only wish they would bring back the "huddle" function it sort of made it easier for me to visit teams better.
I have finally been to the indoor pool - bougt a six month card andnwill start going on weekend mornings again, that will be nice.
At work - a little slow which will fire back in two weeks when deadline is coming up - but if I pull myself together it will work out nice. Letīs hope for that.
Yesterday I went for lunch music/soup in the church that I am building a habit of visiting when they have this arrangement. I have inspired two friends to come as well, we meet there when we can and chat for a while. Yesterday only one of them would come and she had messaged that she would be late so I listened to the music and started eating alone. A woman came up and asked if I wanted to be alone and then joined me. She belonged to a bible study group which inspired me to converse about the fact I heard a professor say on teve - that homo sapiens has so far (as we know) been the first specie to pass knowledge on to their children - the neandertal (?) people did not know this they have concluded as their tools where pretty much the same for 200 000 years, while homo sapiens has gone from stone axes to distance drones in about 10 000 years. And that the transmission of knowledge meant socializing and when uýou start to train children to become socially acceptable you also implan a more sophisticated fear and fear without love is the source of evil... and suddenly I got what the apple and adam and eve and original sin means... a very interesting conversation that jumped around in philosophical areas and my firend joined and contributed also - this is the friend who works with Bowen family system in her job as a thereaput. We laughed a lot and it is really interesting how a conversation like that can brin a lot of energy!
Top story of our paper was a 70 years old lady who was found dead in her flat - and died probably two years ago. The first thought of everyone is "what about the smell" and nobody can explain why nobody has felt or reacted to any smell - after two years there are of course no smell anymore... but the lonliness that it is a sign of shook us all and we havebeen talking a ,lt about how our society today works.
Then we learned that the lady was norwegian - many poor norwegian moves to sweden after retirement as it is much cheaper to live here than in Norway (they found oall that oil and are now a lot richer than us). And she had her pension money on autogiro and her bills paid by autogiro too, and obviously had no closer realitves and had not wished to become friends with the neighbours...
It urges me to appreciate the present and be as loving as I can, because life is both terrible and wonderful...
Yesterday night I visited my friend that lives close and is a very sad person - she focused most on bad things happening and yesterday she asked me how worried I was about Putin. I have to say "Not at all" as I am terribly lazy in following the news and it worries me more that lille old ladies dies alone in my home town than all the conflicts in Ukraina. Because the later I can do absolutely nothing about, while I can be a better neighbour/friend/realtive... and it is sort of ironic that my friend knows what happens in Ukraina but had not heard about the lady being dead for two years - which has been all over the local news for two days.
Gave me somthing to think about again...
Wednesday, November 05, 2014
I had a busy day yesterday - three press conferences in a row and all three with articles that was supposed to be delievered for todays paper. State of the world market and prognosis for 2015 ... brought the computer and between that conference and the next (that was about how the city centers shopping is to handle the loss of customers to the malls outside town) I managed to write almost all of the first one... And arriving ten minutes early for the third - big day for council work - I managed to get the second started too, and wrote part of the third while they were talking - it was a seminar... then rushing of to pick up doggy on my way to the doctors appointment.
AND the dog care lady was sort of company seeking so depite my schedule was tight to say the least, I sat down for a couple of minutes to talk with her. She is a little lost because she has no occupation for the moent and as she has the dogs to care for she canīt do just anything, the dogs has to fit in... but I do beat myself up for sitting down - the consequence was that I drove live a maniac to the health centre and parked 2.59 for the appointment at 3...
I really like my doctor - he spent one and a half hour just talking with me - we tried to figure out what to do and how to move on. He thought that I was being to hard on myself and asked about cognitiv behaviour treatment - but said at the same time that I seemed to be very capable to make my own programs for how to approach things so the problem is that I need some sort of regular support and I said that I have a hard time with many support persons, I donīt lack knowledge or strategies so I hate to be treated as if I am not capable... which unfortunately is the truth... and this doctor is still in training so he will be at childrens hospital for three months, I canīt see him again until march.
We agreed that part of the problem is that I go overboard with my ambition, I might start in balance but after a while I want to do too much and then I canīt handle it and it all crashes...I also stated that I am am very bad with result goals, process goals are easier for me to maintain. What happens is that I fall over into results after a while and then I obsess and it gets too much and I fall.
So the idea is to try to do good things and restrict myself from overdoing them... I will send him a note with my plan for exercising - and he wanted me to decide for an upper line as well as the minimum... that will be tricky because it means that I canīt do more minutes than I have decided as a maximum... I think it is a good idea. It is not hard to settle for the minimum - it is 3x30 minutes a week, but the maximum...? I think I will go for 30 minutes on weekdays and an hour a day on weekends... that will be 4,5 hours a week, I donīt think I will ever want to do more than that...
After coming home I finished all articles, was done at six and then fell asleep in front of the teve...I have more or less decided to let the standup practice rest for a while, letīs see if I can stand not to be there...
Wednesday, November 05, 2014
Had planned to go to the gym yesterday and signed up for a group with circle training - couldnīt find one of hte shoes so I never got there. Thought doggy was guilty but found the other shoe in my car later...
Compensated with joining the dog walk in the evening (a facebookgroup that gathers us in my village two evenings a week to walk the dogs and give them an opportunity to behave sociallly well with other dogs...) - but my fitness is lower than ever so I abandoned them after ten minutes and walked up in the woods as the runners track has lights on. Altogether I walked for fifty minutes - panting and having to stop over and over, oh my!
AND when I came home I saw some posts in the facebookgroup for these dog-walks that a wolfe had been spotted some hour ago up by the exercise track...ewww! The wolf is a big issue where I live, after being extuingished since 1860 or something it has wandered back through Russia and FInland. And now the population seems to have become big enough to really make an impact - it has taken a lot of sheep around here this summer and there is of course a big debate if we can live with it... the state pays for putting up really impressive fences, but the wolves seems to learn how to manage them...
I have to admit that it is scary to walk in the woods, brought a knife this morning, not that it would help me agaisnt a gang of them but a single I might be able to scare off....
Most plausible is still that they are more araid of me than I of them but as I have a small dog with me and they have been known to attack dogs, I am a little worried.
I have decides to let the tandup rest for a while - it gives a lot of anxiety and I have thought that it is okay because there is no other way to learn. But I still donīt really know why I should learn it the way that it is performed. Myself ams not amused by standupcomedians most of the times, and I think I have learned what I want to do... the hard thing will be to become an "outsider" again, I am a sucker for being "cool" and it was very "cool" to be an aspiring standupcomedian.
A neighbour called this weekend and asked for a meeting with me as an editor. He came yesterday, this is a man that have bee mayor for the conservatives and I respect him a lot although our political views are different... he told me that the local history society is working with a book for our village/area and asked me if I would be his "sounding board" since I have the competence for editing... I was REALLY flattered. Then he also asked if I would consider writing one of the chapters - concerning the society that works for the future nowadays, trying to get people to move here and like the place... I said yes to that too.
And it might have been a little too fast, this guy has had a stroke, he is 75 and another stroke might end his life and then I will be involved woth a lot of old men that I am not too keen on... but I will pass that obstacle when/if it comes up.
I will now put all my focus in getting on a healthy streak agin, today I will see my doctor and I fear it because I am ashamed of my failure... I also have three jobs to do before that so I better get going!
Monday, November 03, 2014
Waking up fairly early, think Iīll give myself ten minutes of accordian practice before I start moving... my ambition today is to make the plan for next edition and start doing some small things with it.
For the moment I am a quitter with the standup next week...I feel silly not wanting to do it, and I feel like I am letting myself and other people down - and that is not adequate at all so I donīt know what is going on.
On the happy side - a firend called yesterday and asked for some cooperation from me as an editor. He is working with a book that involves the area that I live in and I think it is maybe an anthology and he has planned and published a couple of books before and I have no idea why he wants to have a meeting - but I am flattered and it is a great ooportunity to get the house cleaned... because I will have to declutter entrance livingrooma and kitchen - good thing I did this to my kitchen saturday morning.
Have a nice day!
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