Monday, September 15, 2014
My life has gotten into quite the rut lately. The man I work for doesn't have a stove at this time, so I am forced to use the microwave or take him to the diner. What am I to do? I try to order healthy at the diner by just getting a cup of soup usually along with a cup of tea. But there's just so much soup someone can eat. I always come away from there feeling weighted down. Its getting old really and until they get the stove fixed I'm doomed to go on this way. Any ideas? As a result of it I'm gaining weight instead of loosing it like I want to. I was considering taking something like hydroxycut dummies to help me loose weight. Any advise or ideas? Thanks and hope you all have a great day!!
Saturday, August 30, 2014
I went to my ob this past week. I have been on sprintec for a year now and have gained more weight then I wanted to but still lost the baby weight. My top weight was 226 when I gave birth to my youngest. I dropped to 183, then over the summer last year, I dropped to 175. Now after the winter, I'm back up to 185. I don't like what's happened, I am experimenting with getting off the pills for three months to see how I will do without them. I'm hoping I can drop my weight again and be able to stay off the pills completely. I'm going to be cleaning for an elderly man for a while hoping to be moving more then I have been the last two years working for my mom. Next thing I'd like to do is to work on bringing my bp down. Its been too high another side effect of my pills. If anybody has any ideas for different foods to eat or what exercise to do I'd appreciate it. Thanks and have a good weekend!
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
I had to get a physical for work today. They sent me to planned parenthood for it because that's where they said they'd pay for it. I had all I could do to stay there. I wanted to run so badly it wasn't even funny. I don't believe in abortions at all, never thought I'd ever be in a place that takes human life before it starts. I love my three boys with all my heart, I never would replace all the morning sickness, pain of labor, or anything since then for reasons that were beyond my control. Yes I do understand in times of certain situations but still it's a human life! How can anyone just do that? Especially to something they've created? I know there are some people who disagree with me, but weare entitled to our own opinions. I so desperately wanted to ask the doctor who saw me how she slept at night and even existed at all? As I sat waiting in the examining room I looked around at the things them had in there. One was a simple little rubbermaid square box with a lid on top but at the time it was underneath it, it had a papertowel in it, my guess was that was for an unborn baby. I had to keep myself contained from screaming out why? And crying in hysteria over it. Looking back on my tree labors, realizing my choice was right to bring my kids into the world and not destroy them. I may complain about them but I love them and wouldn't change anything. I guess it was an overwhelming sense of grief for the babies that had been taken that washed over me. I couldn't help it, I don't know everyone's circumstances and what goes through their heads, its definitely not a place I'd like to go back to. No ones gonna tell me any different either.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Its almost been 17 years since I said good bye to my dad. I was going back to school to finish my last year at. Green mountain college and I did.nt want to go as usual. I had the usual knots in my stomach and didn't want to leave home again. On our way up, a cardinal had flown into the grill of my dad's black dodge truck. We found him when we got there. We got my room assignment and got all moved in. This time felt different for some reason. It wasn't until almost two weeks later that I knew why. We said our good byes and for some reason dad said to me to"Whatever happens I want you to finish school" I didn't know what he meant by it only that I promised I would. He hugged me, kissed my head and I watched him walk away. I always watched him drive off as far as I could this time as he was a small voice said to me, "you're not going to see him again" I cried until I couldn't think straight any more, then couldn't imagine my life without him. He'd always been there for me. I didn't want to listen to it and didn't believe it. Call it a preminission, I think it was the Lord telling me he was going home. I went about my duties of classes, books and homework not thinking about it again. I called home every night and two weeks into my semester I'd called home as usual, mom picked up the phone and told me that there was a situation she needed to call me back. Well after about an hour or so of waiting I decided to call her back. She'd told me dad was found dead at the work site laying peacefully on the couch. He'd apparently laid down fell asleep, and died of a massive heart attack while at work. He was a carpenter and was at someone's house. My life hasn't been the same since. My anchor was gone, the carpet pulled out from under me. I had to get home fast. I went to find a friend and between my three friends they drove me home that night. I didn't sleep one bit that night. Idtwed but it wasn't happening. I spent the next six weeks home trying to decide what to do with my life there was only one thing to do finish as I promised. I got my work caught up and headed back. Life didn't seem to matter any more. I was there to fulfill a promise nothing more. It seemed like all the life had been drawn out of me and I was just going through the motions of every day just to get by. I still to this day feel that way around this time of year. It hasn't been an easy road for me at all. But I try to make the beat of it as he would, and carry on. He always told me to so my best no matter what if you know you've done your best there's nothing more you can do. I tell my boys the same thing with everything they do. I hope you'll do the same....don't take anything for granted, you never know how quickly it can change on you!
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