Sunday, August 17, 2014
Its almost been 17 years since I said good bye to my dad. I was going back to school to finish my last year at. Green mountain college and I did.nt want to go as usual. I had the usual knots in my stomach and didn't want to leave home again. On our way up, a cardinal had flown into the grill of my dad's black dodge truck. We found him when we got there. We got my room assignment and got all moved in. This time felt different for some reason. It wasn't until almost two weeks later that I knew why. We said our good byes and for some reason dad said to me to"Whatever happens I want you to finish school" I didn't know what he meant by it only that I promised I would. He hugged me, kissed my head and I watched him walk away. I always watched him drive off as far as I could this time as he was a small voice said to me, "you're not going to see him again" I cried until I couldn't think straight any more, then couldn't imagine my life without him. He'd always been there for me. I didn't want to listen to it and didn't believe it. Call it a preminission, I think it was the Lord telling me he was going home. I went about my duties of classes, books and homework not thinking about it again. I called home every night and two weeks into my semester I'd called home as usual, mom picked up the phone and told me that there was a situation she needed to call me back. Well after about an hour or so of waiting I decided to call her back. She'd told me dad was found dead at the work site laying peacefully on the couch. He'd apparently laid down fell asleep, and died of a massive heart attack while at work. He was a carpenter and was at someone's house. My life hasn't been the same since. My anchor was gone, the carpet pulled out from under me. I had to get home fast. I went to find a friend and between my three friends they drove me home that night. I didn't sleep one bit that night. Idtwed but it wasn't happening. I spent the next six weeks home trying to decide what to do with my life there was only one thing to do finish as I promised. I got my work caught up and headed back. Life didn't seem to matter any more. I was there to fulfill a promise nothing more. It seemed like all the life had been drawn out of me and I was just going through the motions of every day just to get by. I still to this day feel that way around this time of year. It hasn't been an easy road for me at all. But I try to make the beat of it as he would, and carry on. He always told me to so my best no matter what if you know you've done your best there's nothing more you can do. I tell my boys the same thing with everything they do. I hope you'll do the same....don't take anything for granted, you never know how quickly it can change on you!