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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

I had to get a physical for work today. They sent me to planned parenthood for it because that's where they said they'd pay for it. I had all I could do to stay there. I wanted to run so badly it wasn't even funny. I don't believe in abortions at all, never thought I'd ever be in a place that takes human life before it starts. I love my three boys with all my heart, I never would replace all the morning sickness, pain of labor, or anything since then for reasons that were beyond my control. Yes I do understand in times of certain situations but still it's a human life! How can anyone just do that? Especially to something they've created? I know there are some people who disagree with me, but weare entitled to our own opinions. I so desperately wanted to ask the doctor who saw me how she slept at night and even existed at all? As I sat waiting in the examining room I looked around at the things them had in there. One was a simple little rubbermaid square box with a lid on top but at the time it was underneath it, it had a papertowel in it, my guess was that was for an unborn baby. I had to keep myself contained from screaming out why? And crying in hysteria over it. Looking back on my tree labors, realizing my choice was right to bring my kids into the world and not destroy them. I may complain about them but I love them and wouldn't change anything. I guess it was an overwhelming sense of grief for the babies that had been taken that washed over me. I couldn't help it, I don't know everyone's circumstances and what goes through their heads, its definitely not a place I'd like to go back to. No ones gonna tell me any different either.


17 years and still as clear as a bell

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Its almost been 17 years since I said good bye to my dad. I was going back to school to finish my last year at. Green mountain college and I did.nt want to go as usual. I had the usual knots in my stomach and didn't want to leave home again. On our way up, a cardinal had flown into the grill of my dad's black dodge truck. We found him when we got there. We got my room assignment and got all moved in. This time felt different for some reason. It wasn't until almost two weeks later that I knew why. We said our good byes and for some reason dad said to me to"Whatever happens I want you to finish school" I didn't know what he meant by it only that I promised I would. He hugged me, kissed my head and I watched him walk away. I always watched him drive off as far as I could this time as he was a small voice said to me, "you're not going to see him again" I cried until I couldn't think straight any more, then couldn't imagine my life without him. He'd always been there for me. I didn't want to listen to it and didn't believe it. Call it a preminission, I think it was the Lord telling me he was going home. I went about my duties of classes, books and homework not thinking about it again. I called home every night and two weeks into my semester I'd called home as usual, mom picked up the phone and told me that there was a situation she needed to call me back. Well after about an hour or so of waiting I decided to call her back. She'd told me dad was found dead at the work site laying peacefully on the couch. He'd apparently laid down fell asleep, and died of a massive heart attack while at work. He was a carpenter and was at someone's house. My life hasn't been the same since. My anchor was gone, the carpet pulled out from under me. I had to get home fast. I went to find a friend and between my three friends they drove me home that night. I didn't sleep one bit that night. Idtwed but it wasn't happening. I spent the next six weeks home trying to decide what to do with my life there was only one thing to do finish as I promised. I got my work caught up and headed back. Life didn't seem to matter any more. I was there to fulfill a promise nothing more. It seemed like all the life had been drawn out of me and I was just going through the motions of every day just to get by. I still to this day feel that way around this time of year. It hasn't been an easy road for me at all. But I try to make the beat of it as he would, and carry on. He always told me to so my best no matter what if you know you've done your best there's nothing more you can do. I tell my boys the same thing with everything they do. I hope you'll do the same....don't take anything for granted, you never know how quickly it can change on you!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

68ANNE 8/18/2014 12:42PM

    Always very hard around the same time for me. Nine years now

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MILPAM3 8/18/2014 9:05AM

  My dad died the year after I graduated from college. He's been in heaven for 40 years now. I'm looking forward to seeing him again. If I can make it through, you can.
Prayers & blessings,

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Saturday, August 16, 2014

Well today was great. I took the kids school clothes shopping, only spent about$75 for three kids! We got a ton of stuff including two pairs of winter boots! I love our local salvation army. I'm not one to spend a lot of money on clothes for the boys. Since I've got three of them it makes it easy because you buy for the first and then all of them can use it. Except shoes, I seem to be buying about four paira year for the two older ones and only one pair of boots and sneakers for the little one. The older two ruin their shoes quickly and I don't get to pass them to the youngest. All in all I really think I did well. I asked my oldest if he wanted to go to walmart or the salvation army he told me the salvation army is cheaper let's go there. Its used yes but it's still got a lot of life left to it. Our church twice a yr has a free garage sale type thing. You can bring stuff in like anything my youngest has grown out of to let someone else have and pick up things you might need for your other kids. I've got a huge bag of clothes , a Eddie bower wooden high chair, a pack and play and various other things I'm planning on donating this time around. Make room for other stuff. Well hope you all have a good weekend....hugs!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MT-MOONCHASER 8/17/2014 12:39PM

    I have found some incredibly good bargains at thrift shops. Some stores donate their unsold stock instead of storing it out of season, so I have found some brand new items with manufacturer's tags on them.

I think that it is great that you are having your little ones bargain shop with you. That is teaching them some really good habits.

Have a good week!


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68ANNE 8/17/2014 10:30AM

    I wish there was a salvation army store near me but I guess I'm good with the four thrift stores in town

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PENNYSAVER2 8/16/2014 9:07PM

    I'm glad to hear that you had such a GREAT day!! emoticon

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yeah it was a good day! :)

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Went to work today with my hopes not very high for succeeding today. Well I've proven myself to be better at my job then I first expected. With his grandsons help I managed to get my client in the shower today. I think it was a matter of just waiting for him to be comfortable with me and me with him. I put my bad shoulder out a little but it was worth it. I am happy with my results today because I actually accomplished what I set out to do. Then I made him home made real mashed potatoes with gravy for lunch instead of going to the diner with him. I'd much rather give him good home cooking then take him to a greasy diner for the same thing I can make him right there at the house. I love cooking for anyone and have gotten very good at it. My only difficulty is he's diabetic and trying to change his diet at 94 years old isn't gonna happen. Especially when he eats just empty carbs all the time and processed junk food. I told his granddaughter in law that I wasn't used to making boxed stuff or frozen meals. She told me she'd rather do the same for him. She lives an .hr and a half away so it's impossible for her to cook for him all the time. I just hope I have made an impression on him enough for him to get better meals. All will take time to get used to things and I think I can manage it. Thanks to all of you who've written on my last blog. I haven't had the chance to thank you personally. Hope you all have a good day tomorrow!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

68ANNE 8/15/2014 8:22PM

    Glad it was a better day

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my Jonah day

Friday, August 08, 2014

I start out with such high hopes and faith in myself only to be shot down and feeling discouraged. My new job is great, except for one little factor. He refuses to take a shower for me or even change his clothes without a fight. I've been brought up to respect my elders not force them into doing things they don't want to. So what am I supposed to do? I had to get his son to help me get him changed Atleast. I didn't push the shower issue. Now I feel like a failure because I didn't do my job as it should've been done. I didn't want to let my old boss down but I may have to on this one. Everyone tells me to be firm with him. Ok tell me how when he's a pill and an overgrown 2 yr old who seems to be throwing a tantrum? I don't have a clue. When my little guy (my littlest) throws a fit I get mad at him. But how can you get mad at a grown man who you don't know very well and expect him to do as you wish? Ugh!!!! Help!!!! I like him, respect him, but also dnot want him getting sore on my account. Where do I draw the line on this one? I'm feeling incredibly defeated and as though I'm not doing what I should and that they'll get rid of me because of it. How can I change this situation around to where he gets in the shower for me and Atleast helps me some without having to get anybody yelling at him?! I'm feeling stumped and need advice, thanks!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

68ANNE 8/10/2014 10:30AM

    How can you get it to be fun? Instead of feeling like he has to, he should want to. As with many things, it might take time and research. Tell them that you are working on this so they know there is a challenge but you are up to it

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GHOSTFLAMES 8/8/2014 5:12AM

    emoticon emoticon

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