Monday, September 15, 2014
If I were to let work define my day, I would say it was crappy, but even then that would be pushing it. For inasmuch as I felt overwhelmed today, and had a teary meltdown in my boss' office, my day was chock full of surprising and up lifting moments. The enormity of my current role at work started to stand out when one of my staffers moved to a different group. So then I was doing her job, plus mine which was imbalanced to start with, but then tipped over quickly. Add in me misplacing one of my meds (serotonin based) and I was on the edge. Last night, I went to sleep with a lot of pain, which I convinced myself was another kidney stone, and by the time I met with my boss, I was ready to crack, and I did. (the meds have since been located...in plain sight).
There are shifting sands at work. My job is safe, but everything around me is very fluid, and I need to go with the flow - even though I feel like I cannot keep my head above water. It is apparent to everyone that I am doing way more than my fair share, but I have to push through until we transition into something different. It is not easy. There were bright spots all through the day though, where multiple (unrelated) people called me "the nicest person in the universe," etc, for doing them the tiniest of "favors." If I am in the position to help someone, it is easy for me to assist, and people always appreciate it.
Between the exhaustion, pain and overwhelm, I decided to sit out tonight from the gym. I went to Trader Joe's instead and had the nicest cashier ever. I dubbed him the King of Friendly while he was ringing me up, and he told me his first little one is due to arrive in 29 days. The happiness was floating off this guy. Loved it. Pedro. There will be a follow-up letter to Trader Joe's about his awesomeness once I recover from my workload. Hopefully, I can get it out before the baby is born. I am due for a return trip to the gym tomorrow.
Across the pond, celebrating his bday with family, my coach sent me a pic of a family outing. Instant smile! It is lovely to be thought of and I appreciated the gesture.
Hubby left me a little box to cheer me up. I didn't notice it until after he went to bed. The adorableness of it just melted my heart.
Work is taking it toll on me in the short term, but I have such goodness, love and support around me that I cannot help but keep trying and moving ahead. Work can be crappy, but life is good. Just remember what is important and don't sweat the rest. Everything works out in its own time.
Saturday, September 13, 2014
It's becoming a matter of choice for me. Every choice has a consequence and has the potential to hurt me or help me. This is what has been subconsciously happening to me lately. I am not letting things fall into place. I am making choices and then things are falling into place.
Case in point - choosing a restaurant to eat dinner. Normally we drag this conversation out with no one wanting to make the decision. Now though, more and more, what I eat is becoming more important, so I picked a place with a salad bar. (I am trying to overcome veggie deficiencies). I am on the salad bar line, should I have the creamy salad dressing or the vinaigrette,...the croutons...or not. Each choice does not have to be perfect every single time, but the more I can make a good choice that is in line with my goals, the easier my path is going to be. (side note, I had the vinaigrette and no croutons)
Sometimes, you just want the chocolate mousse and there is no going around it. It didn't happen that way today, but let's say I was in Sardi's in NYC, I am going to have that mousse. Pick and choose what's important, and then make that choice, for you.
We grocery shopped and I made a lot of positive choices there. I thought about a bagel, which I love, although they are strangely on the tasteless side. I talked myself out of it. I won't always but I did today. I am still working on paring off those vacation pounds. I made a little progress, almost halfway gone, but geez louise, it is much easier to pack them on then take them off! That is helping me currently with those choice selections. I want to be along further than I am, but I am going to have to work hard to get there.
I'll tell you what though, things are starting to click, and I am improving. Mentally, along with the rest of me. I am in the middle of a rejuvenation for myself. It is a great feeling to embrace yourself as you are, warts and all, but still see yourself as beautiful and be open to change and improvement. That's right when I am now. I love my life. It may not be perfect, but it is perfect for me.
p.s. for those who asked on last blog, I lost 3 of the 7 vacation lbs.
Friday, September 12, 2014
Today was the culmination of a long and tiring week at work. Whew! My time in the office is over for a couple of days, but I brought a giant pile of work home with me to accomplish before Monday. It is quite all right, though some would frown on this practice.
Prior to last year, I would spend MANY late nights in the office. I barely felt like I could keep up yet I refused to surrender. The person who made me stop this happens to be away this week, so if he were around, I would be working out with him, not burning the midnight oil - it's my coach, Hadley! It's good he is away, getting a break and a chance to celebrate his bday with his family - and gives me a bit of time to catch up (hopefully) before he gets back. When he does return, my late work nights (at least on Weds/Fri) are over, and we are going to get right back into it.
I've had some good workouts this week, mix of weights and octane, and I will do more octane this weekend. I am ready for it. I need it. While I have not weighed in since I came back from vacay in late August, I feel I should have lost something by now. I need a peek-a-boo at it as a gauge. It would be nice if I lost the whole shebang - 7 lbs, but we'll see. I am still driving towards 399, and then my following milestone at 380 - which will be the second 10% loss.
In the meantime, I am eating less food, and stopped eating fried food. My cheese snuck in last week, but I recognize I feel so much better without it, that I will steer clear. I am not sure if I will leave the dairy bandwagon all together yet, but it is possible. I am rolling with the flow right now.
This is a good stance because there may be more significant job changes coming my way. I am completely secure in my job, but the dynamics of it seem to be changing greatly. I just need to be ready for it. and I am.
Busy weekend ahead: will see hubby in the a.m. (one of the first times all week), we will go out for breakfast, drop my car in the shop, go grocery shopping, to the post office, to the bank, visit my MIL, and somewhere in all that I may sneak in a weigh in and a visit to the gym. WHEW! After working the last 2 wknds, I am really happy to be off!
Hope you all have a great weekend! Woo hoo!
Thursday, September 11, 2014
For many, myself included, today marked a significant and terrible event in our lives. People say "never forget" as if that is some kind of option. Years ago, I would have had a much different outlook on this day. I would have been morose, and avoiding contact with others. But I am not that person anymore. Today, and every day, I celebrate Al, my friend, and honor his life, by living mine, in the way he did - joyfully, lovingly and with non-stop laughter.
A couple of years ago I came up with the genius idea of having a news blackout day. This helps quite a lot. I have no need to relive any of it. My tribute to my friend today was even though I have been sore from back to back arm workouts, I went to the gym tonight. YEAH!!!! We worked on legs which I usually reserve for Hadley time but since he is away, I figured it would be a-ok. I brought it up to my trainer.
We started off on something called a hack something, sort of like a leg press laying down, and its sidekick, same thing, but leaning on the apparatus in a semi-seated position. This made me feel very uncomfortable, and I made us move on.
We moved to the more manageable calf raises while seated, leg curl, leg extension, and a different version of the leg press. I could do all those. Think I am feeling it in my back right now, but overall not too bad. I channeled Al when I need an extra push to make it.
If there was ever a friend who was a thousand percent behind me, it was my friend, Al. He was a cop, and very into fitness, and he frequently encouraged me during moments of where I would start. He had an outrageous sense of humor, was a big prankster, and someone I will miss to my dying day. In the meantime, though, I am not dying now, and the very best way I can remember his presence in my life, is by being the very best me. That means, I keep fighting for every bit of fitness I can get, I avoid letting work consume my life like it seems to be doing lately, and I keep going no matter what.
I choose to celebrate life, and strangely enough, it happens to be my own.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
at the gym! Yes, between sets my nutty trainer and I were cutting up and doing some moves. This is beyond my comfort zone, but I realize my comfort zone is expanding.
Tonight's workout featured some of the same body parts as last night - arms, triceps, abs, I guess. I don't know what the trainer has me doing. I am not sure if he makes the names of the exercises up or if these are common terms - such as - wood chops, driving the bus, salt and pepper. All involved resistance and range of motion. Something is working. I am feeling happy and energized in a way I haven't in a while --- I know that is because I am building consistency again, and not letting work derail my efforts by keeping there for many hours.
My energy - even at 9pm at night is spinning off me. I am happy, proud and ready to go back and do more tomorrow. My coach (Hadley) returns in just about a week. He is abroad visiting his family, and he is still sending me encouraging messages. You can't help but love a guy like that.
I interspersed bouts of walking faster tonight with my regular pace. I am going to try to do this regularly. Intervals have really helped me in the past and it is time for me to do more for myself. I am really happy with myself! WOO HOO!!
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