Friday, August 29, 2014
Quite honestly, I thought the breaking news about Hello Kitty would be the most shocking thing I would hear today. Nope, not even close. The most shocking thing came from my coach's lips when he said, "OK, now we are going to run as fast as we can down to that tree."
Did he say run?
Seriously? He thinks I can run?
Truth be told, I thought he was crackers, and I am not saying that it would be the first time I thought that (and probably not the last.) But, I thought about it. Can I run? When was the last time I might have done that? I will probably fall or trip and fall. This is a bad idea. All of these things and more went through my head.
I got a bit anxious, and told him I was afraid.
I don't remember specifically what he said then, but he lets me feel the feeling but not back down from doing it. I tell myself I am going to try it anyway. It feel really weird at first. I know I have not done this in a very long time. I thought I had forgotten how to run. I push down the feeling when I am moving that it sucks, that I am sucking at it. I whisper to myself I am not going to judge my movements; I am just going to go and I keep going.
To any other human besides me and Hadley, it might have looked like, "what the heck was that?" In that moment though, behind the building, I didn't care. I was moving in what amounts may be to a pre-run (my term for it) but I felt unbelievably good and happy in doing it.
I am feeling exhausted right now, but still smiling. Work has been a rough week, but I left there on a positive note today. I have to go back in the early morning for a volunteer duty, which I do genuinely love. This night's workout gave me some peace and hope in my heart. So much of it goes back to my coach who not only understands me, but uplifts and encourages me in a way that only he can.
I am taking my own advice, and starting from where I am. I getting it done, step by step, run by run. Every little thing is going to be all right.
Friday, August 29, 2014
I've been having a few struggles this week - mostly at work - which is unusual for me. One bright spot about it is I spoke up about it, and my boss apologized to me. I work very hard and I was not feeling the love. Ironically on the same day as all of this was transpiring, I did get a $100 bonus in my check for a whole other reason. Weird.
I've decided while the craziness is still going on, I am going to coast a bit, and just dwell on positive things in my life until the rest falls into place.
Here are a few things I am grateful for right now:
1) Had a night off from the gym last night - gave me time to go get my hair cut.
2) Found out the truth about Hello Kitty (what do you mean she is not a cat?!!!)
3) While working tomorrow, I still have Sunday and Monday off.
4) I gained weight while on vacation, but my coach did not make me feel bad about it. Though I think I have him figured out, he still surprises me a lot.
5) No matter what is happening, my hubby never fails me to make me laugh.
6) My good friends - living all over the world - from California to Senegal - never matters how much time has passed over when I have seen them last - there is always a great and mighty love there.
Life is too good (and short) to be full of negativity. I am letting go of what might have been and re-focusing on what can be. It's up to me.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
I was checking out a friend's sparkpage, and I noticed they are just about 100 pounds less than what I weigh at this moment. Wow! That's a lot of pounds down, but interestingly enough, we all share the same struggles, often focusing on the can't instead of the can.
What can I do? What have I accomplished? I am trying to take this attitude with me wherever I go - to the gym, to work and at home. Life is worth celebrating!
Chairs. I could write a whole separate blog about this, but I have chair anxiety at times. God forbid I am supposed to sit in a plastic folding chair. Yesterday though I went to a meeting, and I sat in one of the conference room chairs without issue, and without the chair cutting off my circulation. Big score! :)
The shuttle bus. We were on vacation and I got in and off the bus. Yippee! The up and down the stairs bit is still a challenge, but improving! Yay!
Having success in the gym translates to other areas. I feel stronger, empowered and happy.
It is not all physical. It is mental and emotional. My work life feels like shaken up snowglobe lately, and my workout with my coach last night really helped to shift things into perspective. Sweat equity rules!
Maybe I am saying this part because I will be weighing in again in a couple of days, but the number on the scale is feedback. Tells me if I need to tweak something - do I need to work out with more intensity (like last night)? have a few less carbs? Whatever. I am driving towards the 399's and I will get there. If I don't make it, I'll know the fried gator was a mistake, I ate too many dinner rolls and perhaps that ONE night I had dessert while we were away - and frankly, was not that good, could have been avoided.
I am grateful for so many things I've overlooked before. I got up with a leg/foot cramp this morning at 5am, but I walked it off, and then got in the shower. I walked it off --- no crying, no screaming, just an acceptance of yeah my leg hurts and got up, shook it off and continued on. This buttercup sucked it up.
That's where I want to be - and I see myself moving towards that place -- where interruptions, unexpected turns and changes can come into my life, and I can just accept them, and roll on ahead. Woo hoo! Let's go!
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
When I got to the gym tonight to meet up with my coach, I noticed the training room was booked for a Zumba class. Uh-oh. While I held out a little hope that we might be doing an extended walk around the parking lot, I had a feeling I was about to rendezvous with my old friend, the octane. (a version of an elliptical). And I was right.
Did the first bit in 20 minutes (non-stop) and then had a break off the machine to do 10 more minutes. I had the option of going halfway to 15, then breaking, but Captain Mindgames talked me into pushing along to 20. I know there's a lot of science behind how my workouts go and how they are planned, but there's also more than meets the eye. When it comes to messing with my head, getting every last ounce of energy out of me, pushing me as far as I can go, this guy isn't just going on science. He has made it into an art form, including how he can needle me like nobody's business. Maybe this is why I have such a fondness for him. His take no prisoners, lay it all out there style pushes me, and pushes me hard.
Tonight for instance, I was sweating up a storm. I don't usually sweat this much in a session. My hair was dripping, my glasses were slipping off, it was hard to coordinate getting a sip of water (although, I really can't blame that part on the sweat.) I was huffing and puffing but as I was closing in on the 30 minute mark, I started to get that whooshy happy head. It's been some time since I felt the whoosh so strongly. It made me feel HAPPY. It made me feel empowered. It made me think, yeah, I got this. Plan the work and work the plan. No matter what is happening in my life, I owe it to myself to show up and to keep doing what I am doing.
My blog last night was a note to remind myself - the road is going to feel a lot tougher very soon - making a point of getting to the gym and doing my workouts is not always going to be easy - so I have to set myself up for success in any way I can. I am not going it alone, I have tons of support from every corner of my life, and I am accepting it from all comers. (This is a big change in attitude from a person who was always too afraid to ask for help.)
I'd promised hubby earlier if coach did not kill me tonight, I would stop and pick up cookies for him at the supermarket. Yeah, I did that. But I also spent about an hour wandering the aisles looking for things that I can eat (low sodium, low potassium) and are healthy for me. I did great! I got some greek yogurt, chicken, multigrain bread and other things that I can make for lunches and have for dinner. I am setting this part of the pan in motion by making breakfast at home, bringing food for lunch and having a pre-gym snack around 4pm.
This is one of those moments that I can stand up and be proud of myself. I know what I need to do, and little by little, I will get there. I am following through, because I am absolutely worth it. In all honesty, when I left the gym tonight, I felt outrageously good. I got this! #allsystemsgo
Monday, August 25, 2014
I am in old territory with a new mindset. I am on the verge of my life getting way busier again, with work at the top of the list. When work is at the top, I frequently get pushed to the bottom, but I am determined to not let that happen to me this time around. This is always the time of year when my schedule gets amped up. Today's surprise, during my first day back from vacation, was one of my key staff is leaving for a new role --- which is great in many ways for both of us --- but there is that sense of doom of what it does to me, in the current quarter, and how do we overcome the deficit, while not letting service standards slip, and more importantly --- not letting work trump my gym life. It's going to be tricky.
Essentially, there is one way out of this for me. It may not be the only way, but I think it is the way that is going to work best for me. I need a plan, and I need a plan that I can stick to, and I need help in sticking to that plan.
Where am I from about a year ago, give or take a couple of months -- I am 65 pounds lighter, and significantly smarter in how I handle my life. I wised up last year and hooked up with a trainer and a coach. The trainer has shifted onto a new person, and he is nice enough, and can probably get the job done. I still miss my previous trainer oodles, but I am showing up and that following through and that's half the battle.
I've been away for a week, in the land of fried and barbecue, and among the nicest people on the planet. I was not stellar in my eating, but I did pretty darn good overall. Had some fried gator, fried catfish and even frog legs first night out, but afterwards scaled it back to have a big salad with grilled chicken more often than not. It pretty much became my standby meal. Got tired of it, but I am also still on the push for dropping beneath 400 before the month is over. So grilled chicken it was. I think I handled myself well. Also ate fruit, and other program fitting food, and moved around, so I feel okay about my week long adventure.
Much the same for the ensuing weeks. I need an executable meal plan, and back on a program at the gym. I know I need structure to keep things working in place, otherwise I could easily slip off the bandwagon - not intentionally - just with so many other things happening at this moment. I don't want to make it easy on myself to give up, and I know myself well enough to know that even with my great success of 65 pounds gone, I m a candidate for tripping up if I go off-line. I can't have that anymore. That is unacceptable. I have worked too hard to get to this place to give up now. I am all in and will do what needs to be done. I just can't go it alone.
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