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Jealousy Rears Its Ugly Head

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Wow I didn't realize it had been so long since I did a blog entry.

Anyway, this is something that's been bothering me for the past maybe week or two and I just thought I'd share my predominant mood lately.


It's a horrible thing and yet so HARD not to have it!!

So I have this very close friend of mine, she was around my starting weight a few months ago, and now she's lost more than I have.

See I lost 70 lbs, gained 14 back because my counsellor told me to get off the scale - so I didn't get on one for 3 months. While I appreciate her advice was meant as a good intention, all it did was give me free reign to eat what I wanted because I couldn't see the consequences. Then I took up a new fitness regime that included kickboxing and weight lifting - so I know I've gained some muscle and lost some fat but the end result is that I've been hovering in the same 5lb range for months. And then my wonderful friend comes along who I adore and who I KNOW had health problems including diabetes and psoriasis that were exasperated by a poor diet and she met with a naturopath who put her on a very strict diet - no dairy, no grains, no sugars, no potatoes and some other 'no' stuff - she doesn't count calories or measure anything. And she has now lost more than my 54 lbs since around June.

Am I happy for her? Absolutely - but I've been struggling with the fact that I am both happy for her and REALLY JEALOUS.

Do I have a right to be jealous? Nope. She's worked hard, she's stuck to a very difficult regime. I just don't think I could do something that extreme because I'm just not a creative cook - she's amazing. Give her a bunch of mystery items and she'll whip up some gourmet food in 20 minutes. I don't have that talent- but it seems to be what's really helping her.

I can't afford to meet with a naturopath - my healthplan doesn't cover it and a first time visit is $140 and $75 for subsequent meetings. But I did have a phone meeting with a nutritionist that my plan does cover. She has suggested I stay in the same calorie range but that I get into more of a 5 meals a day of 300-400 cals and get 20gm of protein in each meal - she thinks I'm not getting enough protein for all the working out I'm doing. I had kind of suspected that was the case so I wasn't surprised when she told me. So the past few days I've been practicing new meal plans to incorporate more protein, less carbs. I know my friend has cut out grains of all kinds and all dairy - but I just don't think I'd survive. I have, however, gotten her to agree to text me pics of what's for dinner every night so at least maybe I could get some ideas?

It's strange how we can be both happy for someone and very jealous of them. I mean, sure, I feel it once in a while when one of my Sparkfriends starts kicking it into high gear - but they're online people - this is my bestie that I see every week! And every week I see her, she's smaller than the week before!

I have to remember that our bodies are different, that what she needs and what I need are different things. So I guess in the end, it's just accepting that we're all on our own journies and remembering that. And celebrating everyone's success - whether it's mine or someone else's.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MESHEBELLA 11/24/2014 11:36AM

    Its all in the way you think about it. We all have a bit of a jealousy streak, whether we admit it or not. But, instead of looking at it as a glass half empty, look at it as half full! Instead of letting the jealousy pop up... use her as your motivation! If she can do it, so can you. Everything happens for a reason... she had the visit with the naturopath, your insurance didnt cover.... maybe you should take what you can learn from her visits and run with it! I know, I know, we each have our own journey and our bodies change in their own time. But, sometimes you just have to let that inner competitor loose... you will get there, and she will look at you in awe. In fact, maybe she already does! emoticon emoticon

- Michelle

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HOBBESIS49 11/6/2014 2:39AM

    Your honesty about your feelings of jealousy are really good. My sister and I have a give and take of that on occasion I think.

You are doing SOOO well...

Be so VERY proud of YOU.

emoticon Jane

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LOLATURTLE 10/28/2014 11:19AM

    I feel you. My bestie was heavier than me in high school. She lost weight all through college. I gained weight all through college. She has lost even more weight recently, but I just remind myself I don't have her life. If my husband was a doctor, I could afford to not have a job and put my two kids in daycare so I can take as many spin classes as I want, too. Alas, I work full time. Shrug. It is what it is.

And of course someone who has cut out entire categories of food does not have to count calories! But again, you need to have time (or put aside EVERYTHING ELSE in your life) to make all your food from scratch. Because there is no place I can pick up a healthy (not burgers/fatty meat) grain free sugar free dairy free meal that my husband will also eat, so. That's not a plan for me either.

I just wanted to say, I feel your pain. It's normal. You just have to remember you're not that person. And hey, maybe there are aspects of her life that you WOULDN'T want to trade for.

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TINYFRIEND615 10/27/2014 10:10AM

    I can totally understand how you feel! Getting healthy is a process, and her process is going to be different than yours. Refocus YOUR goals. Maybe pick some different ones than she has, and focus on that! You can do this! emoticon

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KING_SLAYER 10/26/2014 7:35PM

    I say that a little jealousy is okay as long as it pushes to try harder and you don't go and kill the other person to make you feel better about yourself.


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READY4CHANGE81 10/26/2014 1:24AM

    I know sometimes it's hard to see others succeed when we are stuck. Everyone is going to lose weight at a different pace and what may respond well for her body may not for you. While everyone is different I never promote cutting things out. Low carb will make you lose weight very fast, but as soon as you add them in your diet the weight will come back on. However, that is only MY opinion. :)

You have come so far to feel jealous of someone else's journey. I know it is easier said than done, but try to focus on YOU. :) xoxo

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JAMER123 10/26/2014 12:14AM

    Every body is in need of something different and when you find what you need, you will lose the weight. If it's using the scale (& I do), eating 5 meals a day (I should but don't and that hurts me), etc. Find what works for you and be proud of what you have accomplished so far on this journey. Don't look ahead at the big picture but look back and see what has happened so far on this journey.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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_BABE_ 10/25/2014 5:17PM

    Your friend doesn't have to count calories because she has cut out all that I recognize as food. I think I tried some anti- yeast thing once and lost 14 pounds in 2 weeks, meat and green vegetables...whoop di do.

Do what works for you. You were consistent and I think whatever one chooses....consistency is key...hey wait I think you told me that once! emoticon

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2BDYNAMIC 10/25/2014 4:54PM

    Two things come to mind ....
#1. Just because a Dr. says to stay off the scale is not to be taken 'literally.' For instance, Sparks pro's have a lot to say abt the scales in blogs and I believe they advocate weighing one a week if I remember right. (If I stayed off for any length of time, I would fudge too) .....
#2. I work with two women who feel 'inferior' to my computer skills. So one in particular has turned green and delivered some jabs and nasty comments. YET, I have always been willing to TEACH her and show her anything that will bump her skills up. So ......... what if you let your friend be an advocate too and glean some of her info for you too? .......... I am sure she has learned lots that could benefit you .......... And after that, run your own race and don't look at the horse in the lane next to you. It is detrimental to any of us. ....... You keep on going and don't stress because it halts weight loss and more. Hope that helped.

Comment edited on: 10/25/2014 4:55:17 PM

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TWESTEN1 10/25/2014 4:25PM

    We're only human - don't forget that! I know that you love your friend and are super proud of her, but yeah, I can see where it hurts b/c you want to be seeing the same results. It will come - I think it's good you're adding more protein. Personally I like getting on the scale once a week. For a while, it was every day & that was way too much... but with once a week it still helps keep you in balance. Good luck - you can do this!

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LADYGSC 10/25/2014 4:13PM

    Stay strong - remind yourself that everyone is different - forgive yourself for your feelings and

emoticon emoticon

You have done a great job so far!!

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BERGBA7 10/25/2014 3:32PM

    You achieved so much and are nearly half way through your journey! Be proud of yourself and think back at what you were when you started!
emoticon emoticon

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Expectations for BLC26

Monday, September 22, 2014

I expect that I will screw up.
I expect that I will not feel like exercising on at least one day.
I expect that I will want to eat chocolate for dinner instead of vegetables.
I expect that I will not see a number that I wanted to see on weigh-in-days.
I expect that my commitment will waver.
I expect that excuses will abound.

I also expect that I will forgive myself for screwing up.
I also expect that I WILL feel like exercising on many other days.
I also expect that I WILL feel like eating vegetables more than chocolate for dinner on most days.
I also expect that while my commitment will waver, it will not disappear altogether.
I also expect that I will not accept my excuses (MOST of the time) and that my team will not accept my excuses either.

The rest? That's gravy.
(fat free gravy of course.)

(I expect they should maybe change the task on this to something other than 'Expectations'... LOL)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEMLOVA29 10/1/2014 3:18PM

    This is going to help me so much!

I'm back and it looks like you're killing it! You're doing amazing!

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    wonderful expectations.

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ADARKARA 9/23/2014 5:49AM

    haha! Yes I think "expectations" is a loose term. You can do it, though!

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    Love this!

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I Want To Cut Off My Right Foot

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

For monthsÖ okay a yearÖ Iíve had pain issues in my right heel. I remember the day it started quite clearly. I was walking home from work, the back of my shoe was coming apart and started rubbing on my heel (basically shredding my heel). I started to change my gait to keep it from doing that and was walking kind of funny. I should have got on the bus but instead, I kept walking the rest of the 5k. And ever since then, Iíve had issues with pain in that heel and calf and I think Iíve really messed myself up.

I have a history of plantar fasciitis in my in-step on both feet but not on my heels. Iíve worn orthotics for years and the in-step problem had largely subsided. But for the past year, ever since that day I have had heel pain plantar fasciitis in my right foot and Iím completely to blame for how bad it is now because instead of wearing shoes with orthotics in all summer Iíve been wearing sandals. Not horrible sandals, I mean they were expensive sandals with arch support etc. but they werenít custom orthotics. And Iíve been wearing them almost every day since the beginning of May and now here I am in September and my right foot is just KILLING me. So sore in the morning I can barely walk. Eases up a bit during the day but still a constant ache. I canít do any long distance walking and the running thing is completely off the table now. My calf is so tight now too Ė I guess in relation to the heel thing. So the past couple of days Iíve been begging for the weather to turn so that I could start wearing full support shoes and not be overly hot. All this sun and Iím now begging for overcast and rain.

It seems that no matter how much stretching I do, itís not making any difference. Everything I have read though says that I have to wear those orthotics all the time Ė even in the house Ė and that I need to ice, stretch, ice, golf ball roll, ice, and massage my calf. So Iíve been doing these things for the past few days. So far it hasnít made a difference but other than cutting off my foot, this is my only option. A concentrated effort to heal the heel!

Actually, Iím kind of just a big ball of hurt lately. In addition to the kickboxing 3 days a week Ė which takes a toll on my shoulders, I started in my bowling league last week (Iíve never been in a league Ė Iíve never bowled more than twice a year). And omg I was SO sore by the end of the night and for several days following. My right shoulder, forearm and wrist were all sore and tender. Actually, itís bowling night again tonight and Iím still sore from last week. My team assures me that this will go away after the first few weeks. I sure hope so! I did buy my own bowling shoes (Amazon - $25) so I can at least put my orthotics in those.

Okay, Iíll stop whining now. But I huuuuuuuuuurt.

(Oh - PS - for those that care - I did manage to get through Day 12 of the cleanse. And then had PIZZA. And it was awesome).

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOLATURTLE 10/7/2014 12:14PM

    I hope you're feeling better. UGH PF is the WORRRRRRRST.

For me, foam rolling (like calf massage but way more effective! at least for me!) my calves is the biggest help. Stretching helps a tiny bit, foam rolling my calves helps a TON.

Do you have a splint to wear at night? I've been able to get by without mine for a while, but when my pf was at its worst that + the foam rolling made it start improving much faster.

I have one like this:
that velcroes around the foot & the lower calf, not the big scary boot one. I got it at walgreens or some such.

Don't the the one with the strap from your toe to your calf, it just cuts off the circulation in your toes and you wake up in an entirely new, though not any better, sort of pain.

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 9/18/2014 5:54PM

    I am so sorry that you live with so much pain. You do not deserve it. It's a great thing that you have such an excellent sense of humor because that's a fantastic survival tactic.

Take good care of yourself!

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DREAMINGBEYOND 9/17/2014 10:24AM

    I had a mild case of PF. I also got it from walking all summer with sandals. I just wore shoes in the house, stayed off me feet, swam a lot and used a frozen bottle of water and rolled my foot on it a lot. that was my first case of it though and it never came back it was pretty mild when i started treating it though. Good Luck!

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_BABE_ 9/16/2014 9:26PM

    I feel you about the foot pain because when your dogs hurt ain't nothing right in this world. emoticon

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WISHICOULDFLY 9/16/2014 7:27PM

    PF is a bitch. I've had the injections in my foot and that has helped. It really hurts having it done, but I did get relief.

Do you have "The Walking Company" stores near you? I went there a year ago and they scanned my feet and fitted me with walking shoes with built in orthotics. They are like water shoes with holes for air. I like them because my feet get hot and I like that I can wear these without socks. I wear the NEUTRAL (I have flat feet). Here is a link:

Oh and uh, emoticon on making it through your 12 Day Detox! emoticon

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    I am so sorry you are in so much pain. You are still doing alot of exercise but i agree that maybe you should see someone about your foot.

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ADARKARA 9/16/2014 3:31PM

    Not to be Captain Obvious, but have you seen a podiatrist?

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TWESTEN1 9/16/2014 2:36PM

    You are hysterical!!!! I love that you enjoyed your pizza... you definitely deserved it after that cleanse :)

I'm sorry you have to deal with that pain and discomfort. I've got the arthritis in the knees and some days it just pains me so much, but I don't want to stop exercising b/c I know I need it.... I just want to move without pain!

Hopefully the pain from bowling will go away shortly and just leave you again with the foot pain... but maybe that will go away too ~ wouldn't that be awesome?! Hang in there!

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Wild Rose D-Tox Cleanse - Days 6,7,8,9,10

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

I bet you were thinking I quit didnít you? Cause I didnít do a write up for daysÖ. Well you would beÖ. Wrong! But I admit, I certainly came close a few times. Like on Saturday when we went through the McDonaldís drive thru to get my friendís kids some ice cream cones (hot day) and she got a McFlurry for herself and I gotÖ.nothing.


I feel like the joy of food has been ripped away from me and all my choices are boring and restrictive. But Iíve made it to day 11. So I guess I can make it to day 12 too. What got me through the weekend was realizing that coconut milk was okay and that meant curry was okay. So cauliflower potato curry got me through the weekend. Along with popcorn.

Other than the curry, I didnít try any other new recipes but returned to ones that I could live with Ė the quinoa tabouleh salad and the quinoa and brown rice meatloaf have been the staples. I probably havenít eaten as many vegetables as I could have but I didnít find a salad dressing recipe that I cared for all that much.

My energy returned by day 8 and I was able to make it through boxing on Saturday and even through my entire trainer workout yesterday. But I havenít had an overabundance of energy like everyone claims that I would have. I donít Ďfeel amazing and like I could take on the worldí like everyone told me I would. I feel more back to normal than anything along with a side of slightly deprived and frustrated in my limited choices. Oh and I haven't lost any weight. Like nothing. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

So, that being said I donít know if I would do the cleanse again except to say that it did seem to wean me off sugar Ė how permanent that is remains to be seen but the cravings have greatly reduced so thatís good. It might be something I did after the holidays to get the treats out of my system.

I wonít list all the menus from the days I didnít blog but yesterday was:

Muesli with almond milk
Coffee with almond milk

Apple with almond butter

Quinoa and brown rice turkey meatloaf
Quinoa tabouleh salad

Carrots and snap peas with hummus
Glass of almond milk

Guacamole with rice crackers
Omelet with tomatoes and green onion
Oat and egg Ďpancakeí with stewed berries

Coffee with almond milk

PS. I also think I deserve extra points in life for having done this during sharkweek when all I normally want to do is mainline chocolate and pizza.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 9/10/2014 6:12PM

    Congratuations on keeping this up! And you really should lose weight. Do you ever have those weeks where you lose nothing and suddenly you wake up one ordinary day when nothing special has happened the day before, and the scale has you down 4 or 5? I hope that happens to you. emoticon

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_BABE_ 9/9/2014 9:38PM

    I agree with Diane. Today I used up some ingredients (to get them out of the house) and was a star at the office. I made chocolate cupcakes with chocolate ganache. I had one.

I was munchie feeling the whole day. Usually lunch suffices but not today...and I do blame sugar.

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TWESTEN1 9/9/2014 7:48PM

    You are doing awesome! And congrats for getting thru the drive thru and ordering nothing!!! That's hard to do :)

If you can stick with the no sugar you will be a happier person :) I did so good for so long b/c the cravings really do go away, but once you start adding it back to the diet - forget about it! The cravings come back with a vengeance.

Again, congratulations!

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SUPERKARA36 9/9/2014 6:32PM

    Yeah You! You can do it!

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ADARKARA 9/9/2014 2:39PM

    I think you're doing fabulously! I wouldn't have lasted as long. I'm terrible with feeling deprived. You are strong and


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WISHICOULDFLY 9/9/2014 11:45AM

    You are a stronger woman than I am. You deserve a medal for sticking with it. I am not one for anything that is too restrictive. It just makes me MORE rebellious and NOT in a good way. And YES, you DO deserve extra points fro doing this during Shark Week. emoticon

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Wild Rose D-Tox Cleanse - Days 4 & 5

Thursday, September 04, 2014

I didnít get around to blogging yesterday because I was running interviews all day and was nowhere near my computer. So this update is for both Day 4 and 5.

Day 4 was okay, starting to get bored of the food. It all tastes so bland. Even though I add herbs and spices! I was even more lazy on that day and frankly pretty irritable. My bus was 40 minutes late getting me home due to a traffic accident and by then I was STARVING and had no intention of going to kickboxing. That was almost a moment of weakness because I wanted food fast and I didnít want to eat another damn apple or any more hummus. But I persevered. I made a Mexican fried rice and beans recipe (with hidden grated brussel sprouts). It was okay, nothing great and I wouldnít make it again. I managed to go to bed without giving in.

Day 5 went by in a blur because I was running back-to-back interviews all day. By the time I got home all I really really wanted was to eat Pad Thai for dinner and M&Ms for dessert. I didnít though. I did get my workout in but instead of 65-70 minute workout I couldnít get through it. I did 55 minutes. I just literally pooped out. Didnít have the energy, muscles were shaky, just couldnít do any more reps of anything. So Iím finding that this cleanse is making me feel a bit weak I think.

No weight change either day.

Yesterday's menu:

Muesli with almond milk
2 boiled eggs
coffee with almond milk (I miss my coffee cream!!!)

Apple with almond butter

Leftover quinoa meatloaf
Leftover quinoa tabouleh salad

Leftover popcorn

Leftover Mexican fried rice (was definitely a Ďleftoverí day Ė hazards of being single)
Cod filet baked in lemon and butter (I hate fish, so Iím making myself eat it begrudgingly)

Popcorn with butter (although this cleanse has a no dairy rule, for whatever reason it does allow butter).

So Iím on day 6. Including today (as it's only morning), thatís 7 more days to go. Itís a lot of work, requires prep and forethought so I donít find myself caught up starving with nothing quick to grab and Iím bored of the food. Trying to get through all 12 days will be a monumental effort I think.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ADARKARA 9/4/2014 3:27PM

    Are you getting enough protein? Maybe that's what's making you want to cave. I know if I don't eat enough I feel like crap.

You're doing great though!

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    " I managed to go to bed without giving in. " - I saw this and LMAO. Sometimes you just gotta go to bed early damn it. You have lasted longer than I would have. I am IMPRESSED. You might as well finish what you started. emoticon

Just think. When you are through this phase, you can enjoy a healthy burger eaten slowly and fully appreciated. emoticon

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TWESTEN1 9/4/2014 1:21PM

    Hey, I'm impressed with how far you've come. And that you are still getting good workouts in... 55 minutes is still amazing! Just make sure you don't push yourself too hard - don't want you passing out during a workout :)

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