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Oh White Bread How I Long For Thee

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

We're not just talking Wonderbread here. I mean GOOD white bread. Bakery sourdough or french bread or real flaky french croissants (not those awful north american doughy kind that you make sandwiches out of) or those yummy half croissant/half cinnamon roll thingies. If it's white and crunchy - I'm drooling.

I love white bread. I especially love to toast it and smother it in butter. I love butter too, now that I think about it.

White bread is one of my biggest nemesis (there are several, but this one is formidable). I wasn't brought up eating it, my mom always bought that healthy whole grain whole wheat stuff. And I like that too. It's my preference for a sandwich even. But I don't crave it like I do toasted sourdough or french baguettes.

I haven't done it in a long time, but one of my favourite lunches used to be to get some cervelat salami, a few slices of havarti cheese and stuff them into a french baguette. No mayo or mustard or any of that fancy stuff - just bread, meat, cheese. And then I'd basically eat the entire loaf. Yep, I totally did that. On several occasions. It reminded me of when I was in Europe and basically lived on bread, meat and cheese because that's all I could afford at the time.

So with my recent fall from grace and stumble in my habits, my emotional eating tendencies have been coming back and I've been turning to my nemesis for comfort again. I've picked up this habit where on weigh-in days, after I've weighed in, whether the results were good or bad, it meant I could go to the bakery on the way to work and get one of those croissants. Oh and that cinnamon thing. And/or maybe a scone. Seriously, they should limit access to bakeries for Carb addicts. Like an alarm goes off if we step into a bakery. 'Whoop whoop whoop whoop - CARB ADDICT ALERT - will buy way more than she needs or maybe even wants - whoop whoop whoop whoop'.

That's not the only white bread habit I've picked up - but that's how it started. One day, one croissant. The next day another 'treat' - until every day becomes treat day and I step on a scale and low and behold, I have not only not lost but I've gained. (Let's not blame it all on my white bread addiction, we have to remember my penchant for fried foods which I indulged in especially when I was travelling for work last week and my habit of mainlining chocolate every night for the past two weeks).

I've maintained the exercise habit, though I admit I'm not pushing myself for improvement lately. So that's something that I'm going to need to work on - I need to mix it up again. I'm in an exercise 'rut'. With the time change and lighter evenings after work, I may try to get back into the C25K training though my chiropractor is not a fan of me running again.

So this week, I'm going to concentrate on lowering my sugar intake - meaning no white bread or chocolate. At least I've now eaten all the chocolate in the house. haha

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HERCULIA 3/18/2014 5:09PM

    Totally get it. Today I ate what should be the last 2 bagels for a long time. Having to lower my blood sugar and my weight. Also, no chocolate for me either. Now during Easter time it will be hell walking into a pharmacy but I must stick with it. Hope you are doing great so far!


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FAERY_FACE 3/18/2014 2:04AM

    I totally get this! I had this love affair with "fluffy white sandwiches" and it moved me to tears a few years a go when I decided to give it up. One day without bread was a totally unimaginable concept for me. Now I have bread maybe once a month, and that is fine. But I don't feel I need it to survive any more, and I feel great! Best of luck with kicking this habit. It truly is a hard addiction to overcome, but you CAN do this!

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SJKENT1 3/16/2014 11:13PM

    Hello...my name is Sandra and I love bread. Not wheat bread or any kind that is somewhat healthy. I just love good, warm, toasty bread.


with cinnamon sugar or honey or jam or just with smart balance (never been a butter user).

Yum again.

In my family, restaurants and meals are judged by the bread. Someone told me it's an Italian thing. When we ask, "oh how was the food?" we answer, "the bread was fabulous" as the meal was good and "uh, the bread was ok" as in probably won't go back. emoticon

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WISHICOULDFLY 3/15/2014 4:45PM

    Your blog awakened cravings I have not had in a while. Now all I can think about is french bread with LOTS of BUTTER! emoticon

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OCEANWIDE 3/14/2014 9:35AM

    I totally get you, I live in a small town of south of France and there are 3 bakeries in my street meaning I have to pass by at least one of them wherever I go. It's living hell and heaven at the same time haha ! At the moment I'm trying to cut out bread since I love rice cakes and wholegrain bread it's alright but I miss it so much !
Good job for challenging your old habits ! Great blog by the way !
emoticon emoticon

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 3/13/2014 7:04PM

    You've got a beautifully and elegantly written ode to the pleasure of truly outstanding white bread---the way that the French make croissants or brioche is a culinary masterpiece.

I am on a fairly cold turkey plan with white flour--and even with whole wheat flours of any kind. I cannot do it sparingly; it sets off triggers in my system faster than a bank teller can switch on an alarm when a guy wearing a Nixon mask walks into a bank.

Carbs are my drug too--just like Amy says. You need to have a frank break-up conversation with them and with yourself. You gave up smoking. You can do it.
My current plan is to say that I can eat white carbs on the 10th, 20th, and 30th day of the month. I try to evaluate what I will gain and what I will lose by making food choices. I've got to decide whether I want Death by Scone or Death by Dementia. Or maybe I can have both.

You are young! (Relatively). Can you just be occasional pals with carbs? Or will they be toxins forever?

I do feel your painwich. And if you go to France you will see a little chain of stores aptly called "Painwich" to mock you! But I am starting to digress.

Great blog. You are a true writer.

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PENNYLANE15 3/13/2014 1:09PM

    I'm right there with you!! I LOOOOVE carbs!!! They're so hard to resist whether it's just a slice of fresh bread or smoothered in yummy sugary goodess like a bakery donut or a slice of pizza! My cousin told me to give up carbs --well eat the "good" carbs and eliminate the "bad" and I was like, "I'll be straight with you, that's never going to happen b/c I will surely die and/or be miserable". So I've just learned to portion it out and make it fit into my calories. Or a nice splurge on the weekend. haha Good luck to you! I know you can do it!

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LOLATURTLE 3/12/2014 11:00PM

    We are such twins. My favorite is potato bread, toasted and slathered in butter. If I could eat nothing but toast, pudding, and cheese and not be fat or die of nutrient deficiency, I would pretty much sell my soul. Oh, and crackers. The buttery kind.

First step - no more stopping at the bakery! Once you get some momentum going you can try treats in moderation again, but you gotta get out of your current rut!

I hope I'm contagious. I successfully had ONE slice (pre tracked to make sure it fit in my day) of my beloved potato toast with measured butter, not slathered, today! I'm pretty proud of myself. I also stayed out of the sweets and snacks at work and ate my packed healthy (freggies) snacks! *flexes bicep* SUPERSTARRRRR

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_BABE_ 3/12/2014 8:30PM

    Whoop..Whoop whoop I think we are going to hear about a loss next week.

I find my new philosophy has to be ...do not try..just do it!

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    "Like an alarm goes off if we step into a bakery."

I second this!

I also love a good homemade white bread or a bakery specialty loaf, or cinnamon buns, etc. Carbs! I feel better when I don't eat a lot of them, though. And once I start I have a problem stopping. So better to not eat any 9 times out of 10.

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CHANGELIFE2014 3/12/2014 6:33PM

    Why don't you try some dark chocolate to get your chocolate fix?? There is also a lot of recipes that have cocoa in it. I have a few. that don't require chocolate. i have a bar recipe that is pretty healthy with popped quinoa, natural maple syrup, coconut oil and peanut butter and 1 cup cocoa. It's really good. If i get around to making it (i tried it in a class) i will post the recipe.

White bread is harder to avoid. :)

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AMARILYNH 3/12/2014 4:47PM

    Hey, love the alarm idea - it would for sure go off when I walk in. I love me some good bread too - but I love cookies and pastries (think apple fritter) even more. I can only buy one or two at a time - if they are in the house I WILL eat them. But avoiding them CAN be done - I'm living proof. If I can do it you can do it - which is NOT to say I never have them, just one or two at a time. Preferably separated in time from the last time LOL. You know my motto, right? DON'T GIVE UP!! You can accomplish ANYTHING if you just don't give up!!

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KING_SLAYER 3/12/2014 4:01PM

    Damnit, now I want a bakery fresh, hot from the oven, sourdough loaf! And lots of butter... aaaarrrrggghhhh

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TRUNKJUNK 3/12/2014 1:36PM

    I'm not bias I like all bread and with butter. Since I like a good sandwich and I need to make healthier choices I found Aunt Millie's 35-calorie bread is great and is available in wheat and potato. It's not nearly what I want but it'll do. It's soft and tastes like the bread with much a higher calorie count.

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AMY4593 3/12/2014 1:15PM

    You know my theory of carbs being my drug. If there was a pile of cocaine on the table next to a nice big bagel....the bagel would win every time!! In college I lost weight on the vodka and cigarette diet but I'm not sure if that one would work with 4 kids!! Lol....seriously though, I screw up every single day. I have yet to have a perfect day and I don't think I ever will. My goal is to make more good choices than bad. That's it. Most importantly, for both of us, is to lose the Ef-it attitude. It's so easy to grab a cookie, some white bread, or in my case an entire box of Girl Scout cookies and just say Ef-it....but we need to stop. When you figure out how to do that....let me know!!

In the meantime....stay off the bread!!!

Love ya!

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    I can totally relate! My mom did the same, never bought white bread, and now I too love the good white bread. Great job for kicking it to the curb!! You CAN do it. I like you can't have it around or I will eat the whole loaf with butter. I still eat butter but the no salt variety and try to limit my consumption. Chocolate, the same, I know that feeling of relief when it is gone. LOL

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Where Have I Been?

Sunday, March 09, 2014

THAT is an excellent question my friends. I'm asking myself that same question. The last blog entry I made was at the beginning of January and it's now more than 2 months later.

Well, where I've been is struggling. Oh sure, I still logged on everyday, I even tracked my food for most days - up until a few weeks ago I could tell you basically everything I'd eaten for the past year. But I've been half-assing that too lately, I'll track in the morning and then if I eat a poor choice or too much of something, I find myself just not recording it. As if it never happened. Which is bizzarre because I totally used to track every single thing that went into my mouth, good or bad and thus felt very little guilt over it.

I've even been on a BLC team for the past two months, but I rarely post and rarely even read the threads when last year I was super involved in the team and it really helped motivate me.

So where does it go? Where does the commitment to consistency, the joy in feeling strong, the pride in eating well go? I see it happen time and time again to many people here on SP. They're fanatics, they're doing great and then they slowly drift off. They come back every once in a while and say they're starting again but usually within a few weeks or a month or two, they've disappeared again.

I can clearly see where my lackadaisical efforts started. It was after I got home from my brother's wedding. The wedding that had been motivating me between March and September, knowing I had to get into a dress and stand in front of a hundred people. But once that was over, I didn't have anything else pushing or threatening. And I look at my weight loss pattern and I've hovered in basically a 5 lb range for the past 5 months since then. So why do I not feel motivated to keep going? Is it because I'm okay with this weight? Well I'll tell you, I'm not. I never picked out a goal 'number' because I think attaching a number is a good way to set myself up for failure when I may never be able to reach that. So all I've ever had in mind was lose 100 lbs and then see how I feel - do I want to maintain there or go for more? I know I'll never be a tiny person, I've gained and lost so much weight that my skin is riddled with stretch marks and I know it won't retract, so I don't really want to strive for something like 160 and then be just as disappointed that I look like I'm wearing a skin suit. What I want is to get to a weight where I feel healthy, fit, curvy, sexy, and strong. I know that I don't feel that right now, maybe I will at the 100lb mark, maybe I won't. I don't know.

This is totally rambling, I know. This is a stream of consciousness blog entry so if you're getting bored, you're more than welcome to head on over to something more interesting.

I'm trying to find that mojo again - how does it just disappear? I don't get how the threat of the wedding could have been so motivating but something like my high school reunion in May - an event where everyone wants to go back and look WAY better than they did then - isn't as motivating.

I'm at my 1 year point from when I started (again) and I thought for sure I'd be at the 100# mark by then, I was already at 65 by month 6! But then I stalled out. I know there's no timeline, there's no deadline that I have to lose in and that we each have our own journeys but I'm disappointed that I wasn't able to maintain my momentum.

Anyway, that's where I've been. Struggling.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_BABE_ 3/11/2014 3:11PM

    Welcome to my part of town! Struggleville. It's a tad shady but the people are friendly!

Mojo (a very technical term for getting your head out of your..) is mystical but you are here now and that is the first step to getting back I believe.

I love your blogs and what you said has helped me think about being more consistent and getting on with what I want more than life itself...to be 199 lbs....well you know not more than life....but very, very close.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AMY4593 3/10/2014 11:41PM

    My friend,

I have struggled, I have not had the awesome results that you have had, I have fallen off the wagon and ate all the food off the ground, I have been dishonest with myself and others too YET through it all, you have been there to threaten me and make me laugh!!! So, I say to you.....Don't you dare stop tracking your food!!!!!! You have tracked through thick and thin (Ha!) and if you stumble with tracking it will be too easy to let everything else go. So, I am sternly instructing you to NEVER stop tracking!!! That is your thing and you GOT this! I am not willing to give up on you because you have not given up on me. While losing weight will not magically bring us total happiness....you and me both are aware of the fact that we will never be truly happy in life until we are happier with ourselves. I am on a 2 week streak for being back on track and I challenge you to beat me!!! We are basically the same weight now....so let's see who can finish this BLC the strongest!!!!! Beeyatch....It's ON like Donkey Kong!!!!!!!!

I love you Sista!!!!!!!!!!!

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LOLATURTLE 3/10/2014 5:13PM

    I wish I had answers for ya buddy, but I am right there with you! For me I keep getting "interrupted". I need to not let things be an excuse, but some interruptions are true interruptions, not excuses! It's hard to find the fire again but when I find it I'll let you know where it's hiding!

For me it was at least partly complacency... I focused more on how much better I feel and look at 255 than I did at 300, and it took a while to wake me up to the fact that just because I am better doesn't mean I'm DONE. haha.

And the other part I think is... it's not as hard as it was in the beginning, in some ways. I feel like I've been doing this long enough that it should take less effort. when I have been most successful, honestly, what and how much I eat has been the central preoccupation of my life. Not all times in my life do I have the freedom to devote that kind of focus to it, and I also kind of feel like... I've been doing this over a year now. I should be able to be successful WITHOUT every waking moment being focused on it! But it doesn't work that way. I'm going to have to give up a significant chunk of my mental energy and focus to this again if I want this to work. I'm still trying though. Not giving up. I TRACKED TODAY!!!! :)

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AMBERLICIOUS88 3/10/2014 11:38AM

    Glad to have you back :) Thanks for the update. I'm struggling again all of a sudden too. I think it's easier to just do it rather than beat myself up for not doing it. Atleast it is still in the back of our minds...

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    Here I am a perfect stranger, read your entire well-written blog and I saw something in your ramblings. I think you got some results, and even if you lost weight and looked better for the wedding, the results were not good enough for what you had to go through, including the commitment level.

Your focus is looks perhaps instead of healing and health. If you continue on and not take better care of yourself and put in the effort, the older you get the more you'll experience the effects of poor life style choices.

It isn't about something as simple as looks. It's self-development, self love, self respect and a cold hard look at the facts instead of the fantasy.

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ADARKARA 3/9/2014 8:03PM

    Think about this: you've MAINTAINED for 5 months. You didn't gain! That is a success in itself!

Go read my blog Never, EVER Give up! Be a tortoise!

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    I would have to agree- few of us lose the weight we want to lose without struggling.

Get back to tracking everything, and don't stop pushing forward in creating a new you.

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AMARILYNH 3/9/2014 3:54PM

    Minea, very few of us complete our weight loss journey (or at least the weight loss portion of it - the journey itself is never complete!) without going through times of struggle. In my own case more than once that included weight GAIN, which is never fun. The key is never giving up - that's the mistake I made in every previous weight loss journey. With the help and support of my SparkFriends its been different this time - and it can be for you too.

We are here for you!! Just don't give up - you WILL succeed if you just don't give up. Look at your own pictures - look how FAR you have come! You look awesome!! Truly if you never lost another pound you'd look awesome! So its really up to you. Do you WANT to lose more? I'm positive I speak for all your friends, both spark and IRL, when I say we will love you just as much if you make a decision to stay right where you are. Its you that you have to satisfy, not us.

Just don't give up - its hard to beat a person who never gives up!! Babe Ruth KNEW what he was talking about when he said it - I personally think its IMPOSSIBLE to beat a person who never gives up, at least in the game of life!! Hugs, Marilyn

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So THAT didn't go exactly as planned...

Friday, January 03, 2014

You know that saying 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions'?

Yeah. That was the holidays for me.

Going into it, I thought yeah, I got this. I've dealt with lots of my 'issues' and developed all these 'tools' so I can handle something as innocuous as several days off in a row, a hiccup in my routine and a few family dinners.

Yeah not so much.

Turns out, and of course you and I both knew this, that nothing has really been fixed in this grand idea of 'control' around uncontrolled circumstances. I was still amazed at how quickly I returned to my old habits. Habits like choosing the cheesiest thing on the menu, eating it all, eating until I was SO full, and mainlining chocolate because it's on EVERYONE's coffee table and given to me as gifts by the bucket load.

So after a few days of eating poorly and not fitting in a workout it was 'starting tomorrow', I'll get back on track. But tomorrow never comes of course. It being a few days after New Years, I still haven't really gotten all of my habits back under control. When this happens, I have to return to the basics and the one thing that really works is to incorporate those changes one at a time. It's not a light switch, I can't flip it and be perfect. So I go back to step 1 - stop drinking diet pop. The pop creates the cravings etc. etc.

I'll move through each step just like I've done before when I faltered. I don't like to use the term 'fall off the wagon' because when I visualize that saying, I see the wagon as being this high place of sober living, the protected area where it's hard to get to and once you do, no one can reach you unless you fall off. But that's not where I can exist, I have to exist in the real world, with my feet on the ground, pounding the pavement on this journey through life. And sometimes, there's this big-ass rock right in the way and I trip over it. And then I lick my wounds, along with some ice cream and a bunch of chocolate and candy and movie theater butter-coated fingers and then I stand up, pull up my now tighter big girl panties, and I keep going. And I slowly pick up all those great habits I had that I dropped when I faltered. Oh! Here's my no-pop habit. Oh! There's my 10 freggies a day habit. And here's my yearning for exercise! It's splayed out like a yard-sale and I just have to pick them up again.

It hasn't been a total and complete gongshow in that I did get some exercise. My brother was visiting (which was awesome) and he worked out with me a few times and went on a big 2 hour hike.

But I haven't been on a scale since before Christmas and I think I'm going to hold off until BLC starts. I'm not quite ready to deal with the damage yet. Not to say that I'm just going to keep going on this dangerous path. I'm working on picking up my good habits again so that hopefully when I do get on that scale for BLC that it the ultimate holiday damage will be kept to a minimum.

So welcome to the New Year folks. I've missed you all!!!

Let's rock 2014.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOLATURTLE 2/12/2014 4:49PM

    You and I have similar loathing for the concept of The Wagon, hahahah.
But I looooooooooooooove your analogy - sometimes we fall down, and when we do we drop our armload of good habits. How else to pick them up but one at a time? I mean it's not like I keep my habits in a BAG like some HEATHEN amiright??? lol. workin on it tooooooo. emoticon

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SHERRYBETH84 1/23/2014 5:24AM

    You are not alone, I am there with you. Seems like the holidays trigger all of my old habits. I like your idea of just fixing one thing. Today, I will start the freggies. Thanks!

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AMY4593 1/14/2014 12:28PM

    You really are my twin sister!!!! We even screw up the same!!!! Mainlining chocolate??? I did that as well as snorting it and smoking it!!! It was like a shark feeding frenzy over here!!! Soooooo.......on that note......let's get competitive!!!! A friendly wager during BLC perhaps???

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AMBERLICIOUS88 1/10/2014 10:46AM

    Join the club...lol! Go get em tiger!

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    i LOVE your honesty. It is so true, with one good habit, follows your others!

This year will be a great year!

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ADARKARA 1/4/2014 10:40AM

    You'll get back into it in no time. emoticon

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KING_SLAYER 1/3/2014 10:56PM

    It happens :) I might as well have been hooked up to an IV bag of chocolate for all of the truffles, M&M's, peanut butter cups, etc that I have eaten in the past couple of weeks.

But it's a new year and a new opportunity to get things right. Back to the grind!

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    The way I look at it is that if we had NOT planned to stay with our healthy plans over the holidays and gave ourselves a free pass, THEN what the hell would have happened, HUH? The important thing is that we at least had the best of intentions and it was not a total blowout. We pick ourselves up and ease back into sanity again and feel better with each accomplishment. I am focusing on planning, prepping and following through for now, not perfection.

Stay strong! emoticon We got this!

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_BABE_ 1/3/2014 8:51PM

    That's a great idea returning to basics. I have found that it really is wise to just incorporate one new habit at a time because as my new motto states...progress before perfection. Like I could ever be perfect anyway! emoticon

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STONECOT 1/3/2014 8:38PM

    Don't you worry. A week or so of indulgence doesn't ruin a year of good living. You'll come back to the BLC full of commitment and strength, as I will myself. Life is there to be enjoyed, so enjoy it and get back on track on the 16th or thereabouts. emoticon

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AMARILYNH 1/3/2014 8:16PM

    Yeah I picked up a few pounds too. emoticon But I'm back to eating healthy - the past is what it is!! We can DO this!! Hugs, Marilyn

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FEISTYLIZARD 1/3/2014 8:01PM

    I know this all too well. I only really indulged in the holidays for a week, but man, what a week. My body is far too accustomed to salt and sugar right now, that I feel a bit like an addict. But you're right, sometimes we trip up. And when we trip, we can lay down and give up or we can keep running. Happy New Year. And, those fluevogs are amazing!

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    Good for you for getting back to it. Don't beat yourself up, just move forward.

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Hanging on by fingernails this week.

Monday, December 09, 2013

I've been having a rough week. A rough few weeks really. While I'm continuing to get my exercise in every day, my food issues seem to be rearing their ugly head (just when I thought I'd gotten a hold of them and started to 'master them').

I've been doing a lot of 'comfort eating' and a lot of 'just this once'. Except 'just this once' isn't supposed to mean just-this-once-a-day-along-with-a-bunch-of
-other-crap. And I've been bingeing which I haven't done in a while. I've actually tracked all my food in spite of my bingeing and it's always such a gut punch when I do track it and realize that I've had almost a 4,000 calorie day. Such as going to a movie on Friday and having a large buttered popcorn and m&m's for lunch. Or on Saturday night when I'd spent the day eating within my calorie range (gotta get back on track after the popcorn fiasco from the day before!) and then became obsessed with the thought of chocolate chip cookies. Warm, soft, gooey chocolate chip cookies. So I got up and made them. I should never even have had the ingredients in the house to make them - but I did. And then I ate most of them.

Does anyone else suffer from 'obsessing' over a type of food? I'll get something into my head and then I can't stop thinking about it. It's FOOD for gawd's sake. Why am I focusing on it so intensely? Why is the thought of it all-consuming sometimes? Like with the popcorn - the night before I had decided I was going to go to a movie on my day off and then I immediately thought about the popcorn. Mmmm buttered popcorn. And then I literally thought of it all evening and all morning and had decided that I was going to have it for lunch. And not just a little bit, a LOT. And I looked forward to it the whole time.

In terms of the bingeing, I know that these choices have not been just because I wanted them, they've been me trying to deal with feelings. I've been trying to figure out what it is that's wrong - why I'm turning to food to medicate myself. Some of it started around 'his birthday', some is because I know I'm not going to get to my weight-loss goal for the year (which is dumb because it's JUST a number!), some of it it loneliness, some of it just shear boredom - so many of my friends have moved away and are busy with their own families, I don't have as many people to just do things with.

But I think a lot of it has to do with the holidays approaching. I hate the holidays mostly because it becomes painfully obvious that I'm single. My family even gives me extra gifts because they literally feel bad for me that I don't have someone special buying me something special. I miss my brother and feel like I'm alone at Christmas and that it's all about my stepsister and her husband and their kid - that I'm just an add-on. I get annoyed because Christmas makes me broke because buying all these gifts for people on a single salary is difficult. I get sad because I'd like to have a family and carry on fun Christmas traditions that my parents did with me but I can't because I don't have kids of my own. I get sad because New Year's is coming and I don't have a New Year's kiss waiting for me. As you can see, basically I'm throwing a giant pity party and I'm the guest of honour.

I've recently met a counselor that specializes in depression, body issues and self acceptance techniques. She's running an 8-part course on body acceptance and learning to love yourself and I think I'm going to shell out the cash to take it. I think it might be worth it. My goal for this year was to learn to love myself. I haven't quite learned that yet - I'm still obviously working on it.

I'm not engaged as much on SP as I was - the last few weeks I've been pretty absent. I know one of the reasons is that I just don't like how they've changed things. They've taken away some of the things that I used most often, so I'm not enjoying my experience on the site as much. If it wasn't for BLC I might not have even been on the site at all!

Anyway, just a rough few weeks. Struggling to regain my footings and momentum. It happens to all of us at some point or another. It's staying with the commitment to change my life and my habits that I'm working on. It's not a perfect science.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANCYLRAGS 12/11/2013 11:30AM

    You are definitely not alone. I have been exercising great...probably only because we have my sister's dog. But whatever helps me get the walks in the better. I noticed FITBIT mentions ACTIVE MINUTES though and mine aren't up there close to the actual exercise minutes. I can work on that though. But food! Is it the season? I know I go through this when I am on vacation - like I give myself permission to eat. This summer I blame the weight gain on my sister's recovery. When she had a bad day I ate. When she had a good day I ate in celebration!!! I know I have to want to eat properly or it won't get done and I am resigned to the fact that I do not care enough right now. I have put back the weight I lost....and it started after my surgery last year BUT I know that is an excuse just like using my sister is an excuse...although I thought a good one. If I can keep the exercise up...then I will get to the healthy eating again. I know that exercise and healthy eating help my attitude and mood. The exercise is pulling it up there...

And wow! You have done great on your journey! Good for you. I'm sure this too will pass! Happy holidays!

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LOLATURTLE 12/11/2013 9:48AM

    Yep. Food obsessions? check! telling myself "just this once" and then eating a huge pile of garbage for three days? CHECK! I feel horrible today. HORRIBLE. I think that's what led me to be like "OK, DONE." but the thing is, I have thought that all week - "Okay, I'm done." eaten a perfect breakfast, brought a healthy lunch with me, but I don't end up having that lunch & then it all goes to crepe. Today is still a mystery. Will I eat healthy? Or will it all go to crap again?? WHO CAN SAY???? CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE!

You're doing the right thing... trying to get to the root of the emotional eating. I hope you do take the class & that it's helpful! I wish I could find something like that.

I'm sorry you're dealing with holiday stress/depression. I hope you get to do something lovely that makes you happy as part of the festivities. I'd invite you here but I'm working most of the week of Christmas... booo. hahaha. emoticon and such. I'm sorry your family makes you feel like an afterthought. That's crappy. I can assure you that *I* think you're fantastic. You will be *my* favorite person there, that's for sure.

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TIGER_LILY_613 12/10/2013 8:58PM

    Food obsession? Check.
I recently had a 3-week craving for cookies. I finally ate it and it didn't make one bit of difference. It wasn't even satisfying ! Talk about a let-down !

Single for the holidays? : Double check !
Haven't been in a relationship since 2007. I used to hide behind my weight, instead of facing my fear of rejection. Now I'm trying to come out of my shell. Since my family literally lives in different countries - none of them close-by - I've spent ALL my birthdays, Christmases and New Years' holidays alone for several years.

It's ok, you're not alone. We are all on a mission to find happiness, and you're taking big steps by taking that body acceptance class! We're rooting for you !

Comment edited on: 12/10/2013 8:59:33 PM

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SHERRYBETH84 12/10/2013 4:03AM

    Obsessive over food? I was pounding ice cream all summer long and got back up to 190 from 165. The weight came on as smoothly as the ice cream went down. Each swallow was a , "
Poor me, I worked so hard because we are short staffed. I am so fat, what difference does one more day matter? I will find my motivation and eat clean tomorrow. I deserve this treat because I have worked so hard and lost so much weight that it is time to celebrate."

Emotional eating is the worst. No one can fix it, and it is not logical. It comes from the heart. I hope you find your inner peace and can find some joy this holiday season.

You are not alone in this battle to find balance and health.
Try to remember how great you felt when you bought your skinny jeans!

Comment edited on: 12/10/2013 4:05:22 AM

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WISHICOULDFLY 12/9/2013 10:10PM

    I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. I have to think there is still a lot of emotions tied "his" birthday, then add on the upcoming holidays and you have the perfect "SHIrT STORM". I think you should be very proud of yourself for keeping up with the exercise. That in itself is a huge change for those of us with the "all or nothing" mindset.

As for being single and lonely, I can tell you that sometimes you can be even more lonely married, so do NOT settle. You deserve someone who "gets" you. Just keep immersing yourself in life and increasing your exposure to more and more people. I do not know what your religious leanings are, but maybe you could check out a progressive church? Unitarian, perhaps? Just a suggestion.

As for obsessing over food, it sometimes controls my every waking thought. Sigh...sending you warm hugs and positive vibes. - Connie

P.S. If you think the 8 weeks course will be of value, DO IT!

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 12/9/2013 8:06PM

    I am so sorry to hear that you are obsessing. You totally deserve to take the best care of yourself as possible. And I lament the Spark People changes that make you come here less often. We on the BLC are here for you!


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    It's like you've taken a page out of my head. Food obsession? I don''t know if that will ever go away. Right now while I'm in a weight-loss competition at work I can tie those thoughts away knowing I won't be doing anything about them for now. I want to win. It's a nice change to fighting the food obsessions every.d@mn.day. Some days it was cinnamon buns, some days chips, some days chocolate chips, some days brownies. Like the obsession takes over my brain. Blah! It tires me out fighting that battle in my head. And some days I'm clear headed without a food obsession in my head. I wish there were more of those days than the others. Perhaps one day.
Being stressed about being single? I've been there, done that. And I turned to food as well.

Hang in there. It may be a bumpy ride by you aren't alone and you will weather this storm.

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MOTHEPRO 12/9/2013 2:57PM


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CHANGELIFE2014 12/9/2013 2:16PM

    I can also understand you. I'm single too and like you get pity gifts each year for xmas by my family. I hope your class goes well. You have done great this year. You are a work in progress. Don't be so hard on yourself! you still have a lot to be grateful for. I have a friend that just got over a serious illness and started walking without a cane this week He is a great reminder to me that things always could be worse. :)

I also obsess over food all the time.

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_BABE_ 12/9/2013 2:14PM

    I always have to admire how you put it out there and say exactly the thing a lot of us feel. I myself of late have tried to fake it until I make it but it's really not addressing the issue and its more about putting it off for another day. While avoidance therapy (as I like to call it) works for awhile as there is some benefit to not dwelling on what you don't have it is probably not easy at Christmas time.

It happens and it's going to happen again but DO NOT let it derail your plans to change your life. You want this so don't let buttered popcorn stop you. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AMARILYNH 12/9/2013 2:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon That all makes perfect sense to me. YES I have been known to obsess over a certain food - not so much just lately but quite often over the course of my life. I so admire how you are analyzing your own issues - that takes a LOT of guts to do!! But remember this - you are LEARNING every day!! You are WAY ahead of where I was at your age. I totally believe you are making huge progress! Everyone takes a misstep every now and then. Don't be so hard on yourself!! REMEMBER your goal about loving yourself - its a GREAT goal!!

And don't forget - you have LOTS of us out here rooting for you!! Hugs, Marilyn

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KING_SLAYER 12/9/2013 2:01PM

    Food obsession, I get it too. I love chocolate chip cookies :) As for the popcorn, I believe that is ingrained into our brains; go to the movie, get buttered popcorn. I get a large popcorn when I go to see a movie, can't help myself, its an indulgence.

Dislike the holidays because of feeling lonely? You are not alone there. I haven't had a relationship in almost 16 years. I know what it's like to be the single person at the New Years Eve party, every stinking year. My best friend (friends for 30+ years) moved last July, I haven't been out to do anything since then (the few other friends I have are always busy with family or other things). Christmas shopping, back when I still had my own business I would spend approximately $4,000 each year, on 4 people (mom, dad, brother and my son). Since I haven't worked in 5 years now, I can barely afford to spend a couple hundred dollars. And even with that I will struggle to find ways to pay for those gifts.

So go ahead and have your pity party for now, just know that you aren't the only person attending that party.

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SJKENT1 12/9/2013 1:58PM

    That was so me this weekend. Resulting today in feeling like crap. Too much thinking about the caramel corn that my husband bought from a kid fundraiser... cost too much money to waste. Oh brother, the excuses I can make are incredible.

Even ate a kit kat bar... well they were on sale for 46 cents each at the sampler station at Walmart. Kept a week and caved yesterday because I had already caved on something else.

The therapy for you is a wonderful gift to yourself, your health and your life.

Family... I was single for many years. Any holiday was painful. I'm married now and holidays are still somewhat painful. I'm far from family and even if I was with them, they would drive me batty after awhile. I just can't believe that all families are a mess... but maybe they all have stuff going on, just some are better at hiding it than others.

Sending you a big emoticon

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CAT125 12/9/2013 1:18PM

    'obsessing' over a type of food..........

I've totally been there the last two weeks....and I packed on 20 pounds to prove it. Hang in there!

Comment edited on: 12/9/2013 1:24:03 PM

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