Saturday, October 25, 2014
Wow I didn't realize it had been so long since I did a blog entry.
Anyway, this is something that's been bothering me for the past maybe week or two and I just thought I'd share my predominant mood lately.
It's a horrible thing and yet so HARD not to have it!!
So I have this very close friend of mine, she was around my starting weight a few months ago, and now she's lost more than I have.
See I lost 70 lbs, gained 14 back because my counsellor told me to get off the scale - so I didn't get on one for 3 months. While I appreciate her advice was meant as a good intention, all it did was give me free reign to eat what I wanted because I couldn't see the consequences. Then I took up a new fitness regime that included kickboxing and weight lifting - so I know I've gained some muscle and lost some fat but the end result is that I've been hovering in the same 5lb range for months. And then my wonderful friend comes along who I adore and who I KNOW had health problems including diabetes and psoriasis that were exasperated by a poor diet and she met with a naturopath who put her on a very strict diet - no dairy, no grains, no sugars, no potatoes and some other 'no' stuff - she doesn't count calories or measure anything. And she has now lost more than my 54 lbs since around June.
Am I happy for her? Absolutely - but I've been struggling with the fact that I am both happy for her and REALLY JEALOUS.
Do I have a right to be jealous? Nope. She's worked hard, she's stuck to a very difficult regime. I just don't think I could do something that extreme because I'm just not a creative cook - she's amazing. Give her a bunch of mystery items and she'll whip up some gourmet food in 20 minutes. I don't have that talent- but it seems to be what's really helping her.
I can't afford to meet with a naturopath - my healthplan doesn't cover it and a first time visit is $140 and $75 for subsequent meetings. But I did have a phone meeting with a nutritionist that my plan does cover. She has suggested I stay in the same calorie range but that I get into more of a 5 meals a day of 300-400 cals and get 20gm of protein in each meal - she thinks I'm not getting enough protein for all the working out I'm doing. I had kind of suspected that was the case so I wasn't surprised when she told me. So the past few days I've been practicing new meal plans to incorporate more protein, less carbs. I know my friend has cut out grains of all kinds and all dairy - but I just don't think I'd survive. I have, however, gotten her to agree to text me pics of what's for dinner every night so at least maybe I could get some ideas?
It's strange how we can be both happy for someone and very jealous of them. I mean, sure, I feel it once in a while when one of my Sparkfriends starts kicking it into high gear - but they're online people - this is my bestie that I see every week! And every week I see her, she's smaller than the week before!
I have to remember that our bodies are different, that what she needs and what I need are different things. So I guess in the end, it's just accepting that we're all on our own journies and remembering that. And celebrating everyone's success - whether it's mine or someone else's.
Monday, September 22, 2014
I expect that I will screw up.
I expect that I will not feel like exercising on at least one day.
I expect that I will want to eat chocolate for dinner instead of vegetables.
I expect that I will not see a number that I wanted to see on weigh-in-days.
I expect that my commitment will waver.
I expect that excuses will abound.
I also expect that I will forgive myself for screwing up.
I also expect that I WILL feel like exercising on many other days.
I also expect that I WILL feel like eating vegetables more than chocolate for dinner on most days.
I also expect that while my commitment will waver, it will not disappear altogether.
I also expect that I will not accept my excuses (MOST of the time) and that my team will not accept my excuses either.
The rest? That's gravy.
(fat free gravy of course.)
(I expect they should maybe change the task on this to something other than 'Expectations'... LOL)
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
For monthsÖ okay a yearÖ Iíve had pain issues in my right heel. I remember the day it started quite clearly. I was walking home from work, the back of my shoe was coming apart and started rubbing on my heel (basically shredding my heel). I started to change my gait to keep it from doing that and was walking kind of funny. I should have got on the bus but instead, I kept walking the rest of the 5k. And ever since then, Iíve had issues with pain in that heel and calf and I think Iíve really messed myself up.
I have a history of plantar fasciitis in my in-step on both feet but not on my heels. Iíve worn orthotics for years and the in-step problem had largely subsided. But for the past year, ever since that day I have had heel pain plantar fasciitis in my right foot and Iím completely to blame for how bad it is now because instead of wearing shoes with orthotics in all summer Iíve been wearing sandals. Not horrible sandals, I mean they were expensive sandals with arch support etc. but they werenít custom orthotics. And Iíve been wearing them almost every day since the beginning of May and now here I am in September and my right foot is just KILLING me. So sore in the morning I can barely walk. Eases up a bit during the day but still a constant ache. I canít do any long distance walking and the running thing is completely off the table now. My calf is so tight now too Ė I guess in relation to the heel thing. So the past couple of days Iíve been begging for the weather to turn so that I could start wearing full support shoes and not be overly hot. All this sun and Iím now begging for overcast and rain.
It seems that no matter how much stretching I do, itís not making any difference. Everything I have read though says that I have to wear those orthotics all the time Ė even in the house Ė and that I need to ice, stretch, ice, golf ball roll, ice, and massage my calf. So Iíve been doing these things for the past few days. So far it hasnít made a difference but other than cutting off my foot, this is my only option. A concentrated effort to heal the heel!
Actually, Iím kind of just a big ball of hurt lately. In addition to the kickboxing 3 days a week Ė which takes a toll on my shoulders, I started in my bowling league last week (Iíve never been in a league Ė Iíve never bowled more than twice a year). And omg I was SO sore by the end of the night and for several days following. My right shoulder, forearm and wrist were all sore and tender. Actually, itís bowling night again tonight and Iím still sore from last week. My team assures me that this will go away after the first few weeks. I sure hope so! I did buy my own bowling shoes (Amazon - $25) so I can at least put my orthotics in those.
Okay, Iíll stop whining now. But I huuuuuuuuuurt.
(Oh - PS - for those that care - I did manage to get through Day 12 of the cleanse. And then had PIZZA. And it was awesome).
Thursday, September 04, 2014
I didnít get around to blogging yesterday because I was running interviews all day and was nowhere near my computer. So this update is for both Day 4 and 5.
Day 4 was okay, starting to get bored of the food. It all tastes so bland. Even though I add herbs and spices! I was even more lazy on that day and frankly pretty irritable. My bus was 40 minutes late getting me home due to a traffic accident and by then I was STARVING and had no intention of going to kickboxing. That was almost a moment of weakness because I wanted food fast and I didnít want to eat another damn apple or any more hummus. But I persevered. I made a Mexican fried rice and beans recipe (with hidden grated brussel sprouts). It was okay, nothing great and I wouldnít make it again. I managed to go to bed without giving in.
Day 5 went by in a blur because I was running back-to-back interviews all day. By the time I got home all I really really wanted was to eat Pad Thai for dinner and M&Ms for dessert. I didnít though. I did get my workout in but instead of 65-70 minute workout I couldnít get through it. I did 55 minutes. I just literally pooped out. Didnít have the energy, muscles were shaky, just couldnít do any more reps of anything. So Iím finding that this cleanse is making me feel a bit weak I think.
No weight change either day.
Muesli with almond milk
2 boiled eggs
coffee with almond milk (I miss my coffee cream!!!)
Apple with almond butter
Leftover quinoa meatloaf
Leftover quinoa tabouleh salad
Leftover Mexican fried rice (was definitely a Ďleftoverí day Ė hazards of being single)
Cod filet baked in lemon and butter (I hate fish, so Iím making myself eat it begrudgingly)
Popcorn with butter (although this cleanse has a no dairy rule, for whatever reason it does allow butter).
So Iím on day 6. Including today (as it's only morning), thatís 7 more days to go. Itís a lot of work, requires prep and forethought so I donít find myself caught up starving with nothing quick to grab and Iím bored of the food. Trying to get through all 12 days will be a monumental effort I think.
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