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Kickboxing My Psyche

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

When I last checked in at the beginning of July I was totally planning on blogging at least every few days. But Iíve just been so darn busy working out I havenít had a chance! Hehe

So here I am 3 weeks later. The hope that some of the gain was water weight was in fact true. I lost I think 4 lbs in the first week of starting to track and drink water regularly Ė water weight! But the rest has not melted off so much. So my total gain was 11 lbs. However, instead of concentrating on a number I have decided to make my focus on enhancing my strength. I think knowing my body is strong and healthy is so much more important to me than a number on a scale. I know that by concentrating on my strength and health that the number will drop too over time but Iím not going to fixate on a goal number. Especially with the amount of strength training Iíve been doing, Iím quite sure that SOME of my fat loss is being turned into muscle gain and so the actual number in the end doesnít move much.

In addition to doing the trainer-designed workouts that I started in June, a friend of mine introduced me to 30 Minute Hit or ĎThe Hití as itís apparently affectionately known. The Hit is a 30 minute kickboxing based circuit. So itís kinda like Curves in that you move from station to station only itís much more hardcore. Each station is 2 minutes. Thereís an audible timer (over the rockin music) every 15 seconds so you know when to switch from single to Ďdouble timeí Ė you do singles, then double, then switch (if youíre doing leg work, you have to switch back and forth). So you start out skipping rope (or doing stepups) to get your heart rate up, then you do straight punches into a bag, then straight kicks, then crunches, then left and right hook punches, then round-house kicks, then some more crunches, then upper cuts, knee-ups (as if you were kneeing a guy), then glute work on a bosu or exercise ball, and a couple of legwork ones. Then at the end, you get to take on Bob. Heís a big tall rubber dummy and for 2 minutes you get to hit and kick the sh*t out of him. Itís amazingly cathartic. So after 30 minutes youíve had a great workout, are sweating like a pig and you get to take out your dayís frustrations with a pair of boxing gloves.

At first, I was really hesitant about going because all I saw were skinny ladies in skimpy workout outfits coming out. But my friend, who is a regular attendee, is not tiny and I figured if she felt comfortable in the atmosphere then I would give it a try. And Iím glad I did. Theyíre all very friendly and supportive in there and contrary to my first assumption, Iíve seen women of varying sizes and fitness levels attending. Itís a completely new exercise for me, but itís quickly helping me build my strength. So The Hit along with the trainer workouts have been my main focus for the past 3 weeks. I do the trainer workouts on Monday, Wednesday and Saturdays and go to The Hit on Tuesdays, Thursdays and sometimes Saturdays (yes! Both workouts in the same day!). Sundays I like to do something cardio based Ė walks, hikes, swimming, biking or just elliptical and Fridays are my rest days.

So although I havenít really lost much weight in the past 3 weeks, Iím not getting too bent out of shape about it because I know for sure that Iím working hard and Iím definitely building muscle. Iím already feeling stronger. And Iíve noticed changes in other ways Ė thereís a slightly more obvious cut to my waist and my posture is improving, Iím able to walk standing tall much more often than my normal slouch (I notice how much I slouch when I walk past store windows, lol). With a stronger core and shoulders, Iím able to walk tall and keep my shoulders back (and my chest out loud and proud! Haha)

Now foodwise, I havenít been too bad. Iíve been staying in my range most days Ė Iím averaging about 2 days over. Iíve kept the binge monster at bay for the most part (except last Friday when I went to a movie and got overwhelmed by the smell of popcorn and just HAD to have it. With butter. Because reallyÖwhat would be the point without it amiright?)

And finally mentally Ė well Iíve had some ups and downs. More ups this month than otherwise. Iím trying to really focus on the positive, on good thoughts, good vibes, letting go of old and welcoming new. Itís not always easy but itís a hell of a lot healthier for my psyche. And although my group therapy sessions have ended, there's a few of us that have committed to meeting over coffee every few weeks to check in on each other and that has been very helpful too.

I just wish more of my missing Sparkfriends would re-appear - I really miss them!! I'm talking to you Lola. Specifically. Yeah - I totally just called you out. Whatcha gonna do 'bout it?! Huh? ;)

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMBERLICIOUS88 7/24/2014 10:46AM

    You sound like you are on fire! It does feel good to feel stronger huh? Atta girl! Kick the $hit outta Bob!

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TWESTEN1 7/24/2014 7:07AM

    Wow - I wish I had a Hit class close by - that does sound incredible. And yes, I'm sure you've totally built up some muscle mass with all of those workouts :) Good for you. Personally, I think the scale is more detrimental to our mind sets than anything else... wish I could stay off mine!

Keep up the great work & again, congrats on the strength training. I agree, it's tough when our Spark friends disappear. But, I had one leave due to a major injury and she just came back & it was so good to see her again... so maybe Lola will surprise you!

Have a great day!

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_BABE_ 7/23/2014 8:28PM

    emoticon

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TREP13 7/23/2014 6:49PM

    The Hit sounds awesome!!! I would love to find something like that around where I live. Since moving from NYC to San Diego, I haven't been very physically active. I joined a gym briefly but I didn't like it. I need to branch out and find something to get my butt moving. You are motivating me with that description of your kickboxing workout. Great job! You are kicking a$$ (literally)!
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Seriously. How is that even possible?

Tuesday, July 01, 2014

So the last time I weighed in was on April 9th. At the time, my therapist had suggested that I just stop weighing myself for a while and concentrate on my mental and physical well being without being tied to a number of the scale.

In that time (almost 3 months now, hard to believe) I went to Italy for 3 weeks and yes I ate a sh*t ton of carbs with lots of bread, pasta and pizza. But I also did a hell of a lot of walking. I continued to work out 3-6 times a week when I was home. I didn't eat great, I admit that. I had some binges. But I wasn't expecting what I saw when I got on the scale today.

I apparently have gained 15 pounds! How is that possible!? I mean, I know I'm prone to gain weight easily but geesh! Come on body! Brutal!

Okay so I reflected on my past 3 months and especially on about my last 10 days. I have had a TON of salty foods lately. So the first thing I'm going to do is try to flush the salt. That should be good for like - 3-5 lbs right? Then it's only a gain of 10 lbs. Somehow that seems more reasonable in my head.

Also, I've changed up my exercise and REALLY been working out hardcore, sweat dripping everywhere kind of working out for the past two weeks. And then this past weekend, I also added in a cardio-kickboxing thing that my friend wanted me to go try (it's called 30 Minute Hit - anyone heard of it? It was kind of awesome and I felt pretty bad ass). And I also went to her bootcamp. It was 75 minutes of squats and lunges. I'm pretty sure that's all they made us do. Because I wasn't even able to walk yesterday.

So I know that a ton of exercise and very VERY sore muscles (especially my 'sit' muscles, ugh hurts so bad) will also make you retain water as it uses the water to tend to the abused muscles for them to repair. So I'm bankin' on that too.

And finally - I have to accept that I cannot be that person that doesn't get on a scale once a week. I just have to otherwise boom - gain 15lbs.

Through the help of my therapy though, I've gathered more tools in my treasure chest to aid me in not letting this number dictate my mood for the day or let it take me down. It's done, it is what it is. So yes I will reign in my food habits and mainline water but I will not let this number change who I am or how I feel about myself because up until I got on that scale, I was feeling pretty strong with all my hardcore workouts. So after I got off the scale, I went and did another of my workouts. These are the ones the personal trainer planned for me - OMG I haven't sweated that much basically ever.

Okay new month! Let's get on with it!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PURPLEVALENTINE 7/2/2014 8:16PM

    I can totally relate but you are doing great! Getting in more water to flush the water out will help and you are doing awesome with the working out. Gotta keep doing what you are doing and you will see results!

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SJKENT1 7/2/2014 12:04PM

    Menia - what awesome progress. I was just talking to someone else about awareness, acceptance and stopping the "stinkin' thinkin' " that can spiral me out of control.

Good for you. I'm applauding, can you hear it? emoticon

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LOLATURTLE 7/2/2014 9:00AM

    Yep. I feel you. In the 1 & 1/2 months I was crazy busy with work + the play I gained like 12 pounds, so yeah. It's SICK how fast it comes on. But some of it is definitely water.

Your workouts sound great! I miss mine... I got into a bad habit last week of staying up late & then sleeping in. Need to go to bed early for the rest of this week & start getting up earlier so I can start hitting the pool again!

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MISSUSRIVERRAT 7/2/2014 8:02AM

    Water retention due to salt and muscle recovery...agree.
Do you think that you maybe added a little muscle mass in this time?
Maybe you also ought to measure at least your waist?

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PANDASUE2 7/2/2014 7:40AM

    I had a struggle with the scale for at least two years. Some days it still happens... but you know what? I've learned that if I want to stay where I am to keep on track, or, to get any lower, I have to weigh in at least twice a week to make sure my progress/maintaining isn't being thwarted by something. I know that I'm going to have a cheat day that is going to make my weight fluctuate something awful for a few days, but by my weigh in day (Saturday morning, before eating, after working out), I know that that weight is what I'm working at, or trying to maintain. Three months, I feel, is way too long to not know where you're at. Your therapist was right, you do have to find your emotional/physical well being without associating yourself with a number on the scale, but when we're overweight and want to lose/maintain, we have to know where we're at.
Good job at sweating something fierce, keep up the good work :-)

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WISHICOULDFLY 7/2/2014 6:38AM

    Oh sister, I feel your pain (see my blog from yesterday). It is not fair that it is SO EASY to pack the pounds on, yet SO HARD to remove them. Sigh...but as you say, it is what it is and we just have to pick ourselves up, smile and move forward with determination to better care for our bodies, our minds and our hearts.

Salty foods can make me jump up 4 or 5 pounds. Keep drinking your water and eating lots of fruits and veggies and you should get rid of that in a couple of days. emoticon - Connie



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ADVENTURESEEKER 7/1/2014 9:05PM

    I gain so easily as well. I have to get on the scale or I will let the food creep in. Blah!

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_BABE_ 7/1/2014 6:48PM

    It's not fair. I had a couple of binges this last week...ice cream and baked goods and am up 6 or 7 pounds. I know its not permanent but to some extent it can be hard to swallow.

I know now that I have to be good 95% of the time or the scale won't budge.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Ignorant Writers Perpetuating Myths of the Overweight

Friday, June 20, 2014

I read an article this morning in my local paper entitled 'Nudge Nudge: Follow this easy plan to lose weight'

The article is here: www.timescolonist.com/nudge-nudge-fo
llow-this-easy-plan-to-lose-weight-1.1
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This article pissed me off SO quickly, that for the first time in my life, I actually wrote the author. Below is my letter and the response I received within 5 minutes of sending it.

________________________________
Dear Adrian,
I was appalled and dismayed at the callous and ignorant article you recently ran in the Times Colonist entitled "Nudge Nudge: Follow this easy plan to lose weight". It is uninformed and reckless writing like this that perpetuates the myth that all overweight people are lazy and simply eat too much. There is an epidemic of fat shaming in this country and abroad that is fuelled by irresponsible articles such as this. Would you tell alcoholics to 'just drink less'? Or maybe drug addicts to 'just stop doing drugs'? It's as easy as that right? But wait! It was just all in jest and sarcastic so it's okay. Well you know what? It's not okay. It's not okay to make assumptions, generalize and give off-the-cuff advice like you've done just because you mask it in a cloak of humour.

The simplistic advice to 'just eat less food' completely disregards the many intricate issues around obesity and its inherent medical and mental health issues. Your nutritional advice (of which you are obviously not an expert) is just as ridiculous as the others that you jest of (Breatharian or Paleo etc.) An overweight person who reads your article is vulnerable to feelings of inadequacy, shame and uselessness because you've told them that this should just be simple and easy. I mean, look at you! You've lost a whole 6 lbs!

The next time you see someone who does not fit your ideal weight for their height (whether it be too much or too little), stop judging about why that might be. You don't know them, you don't know anything about them and you sure as hell are not in any way qualified to comment on what they should and should not put in their mouths. Shame on you for writing such a thoughtless article and continuing to encourage the stupidity that abounds already.



__________________________

Hi -

The article wasnít meant to be offensive in any way. I am sorry if it offended you Ė but it honestly wasnít intended insult or upset anyone.

The background is this: I actually lost a bit of weight by eating less (rather than going on a proper diet). So I thought the notion of touting this as a ďdietĒ seemed funny, akin to saying you can get in shape by running more or stay dryer by using an umbrella, for example. In fact, I felt I was poking fun at myself.

I felt sure no one would take this seriously, as the idea is so silly.

It wasnít meant to poke fun at anyone who might be struggling with weight problems, or suggest that overweight people are lazy and eat too much.

Again, apologies if it struck you that way.

Best regards,

Adrian
________________________________________
___________________________

So - what say you? Was I out of line? Was he out of line? Should I respond back to him again or just let it lie?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SJKENT1 6/23/2014 10:12PM

    GOOD FOR YOU!! Yes all caps! The problem in our world is too often harsh and mean-spirited words are said or written hidden behind so-called humor. I'm not laughing, nor do I think a good deal of others aren't either.

You stood up to a bully. I say it again, GOOD FOR YOU.

I'm glad Adrian wrote back, but Adrian really didn't apologize. Adrian only implied that you took it wrong. Too many people do this too.

emoticon and emoticon . I am proud of you for taking a stand and saying "Not today!"

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_BABE_ 6/20/2014 5:48PM

    I look at this article and think while he is making light of something that is serious I also see him really poking fun at the whole diet industry.

Yes it's not that easy to simply eat less but it also should not be a problem that fuels a billion dollar industry.


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ACEYTRAY 6/20/2014 1:55PM

  Of COURSE he meant to poke fun at people. Why else would he mention the "diet phenomenon" and imply that diets are useless and ridiculous, instead of genuine efforts at behavior-management (for most of us)? Granted, I did think the article was funny, in a perverse and ironic way, in the way that The Onion is funny--only because it reminds you of something you hate about the world/yourself.

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This Wasnít Exactly What I Had In Mind

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

SoÖ yesterday was my birthday. I do not say this to elicit Ďhappy birthdayí salutations but to put into context my mental status of the past few days. I turned 38 years old yesterday and I did most of my Ďcelebratingí (letís be honest, others were celebrating, I was cringing) on the weekend and told everyone that I had a class to go to so I couldnít go out ON my actual birthday. The class I had was actually my group therapy but I donít make it widely known that Iím doing it because itís a thing just for me. But I had consciously chosen to still attend my Monday night group therapy in spite of, or maybe even because it was, my birthday.

You see, this isnít what 38 was supposed to look like. Ten years ago, 38 was married with a child, maybe two. Happy, content. Even a year ago, when the likelihood of 38 including a husband or children was basically nonexistent, 38 still had a different sheen to it Ė I was happier, healthier, stronger, TINIER. But 38 has arrived and it justÖ. isnít what I had in mind.

So the opportunity to sit in a group of women who Ďgot meí and understood what I was blubbering about was where I wanted to be on my birthday. Sometimes it just helps to talk about it. After I talked about my binge eating last week in group, I was actually able to NOT binge eat the rest of that week. So it felt good to get out my thoughts and feelings around the dreaded day that had been approaching. And OMG where does the time go? Geesh it just moves so darn fast. I SWEAR we just had Christmas!

Depression and disappointment is the difference between expectation and reality. This is what our therapist said. Sheís right but it still sucks. The key is to change our expectations while still maintaining our hopes and dreams. Itís a very fine line.

Anyway, so itís been a sort of rough few days mentally as I accepted this whole new number. I know itís Ďjust a numberí the same way we say about the scale. And I guess just as we feel about the scale, I donít FEEL 38. I mean where the hell did the last 8 years go?!

For my birthday, I asked for a personal trainer. How demented is that right? So my dad gave me money to hire a personal trainer. I picked one off the internet that will come to my house. I met her on the weekend. You could bounce a quarter off her ass. This will likely never happen to me (at least I donít Ďexpectí that, haha), but sheís pretty buff and has all her certifications and in the 30 minutes I spent with her, she didnít make me want to punch her (I always fear that a trainer will get in my face too much that Iíll punch them, lol). Anyway, we agreed that sheís going to come to my house and work with me to create an upper body and a lower body workout which I can then work at for the next 3-4 weeks and then weíll do it again so she can see how Iíve progressed and change things up for me. I exercise pretty regularly but I get bored and I donít do a consistent strength training workout, so Iím looking forward to having this new direction to work on. Oh and my therapist also told us about an acquaintance of hers that does outdoor summer workouts on Mondays for people of all strengths, abilities and sizes so I thought I might try that to spice things up this summer too.

So now that Iíve exorcised my demons about my birthday, Iím trying to move on. Change my focus, reduce my expectations but retain my hopes and dreams. All this change is damn hard ya know?!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOLATURTLE 6/18/2014 1:48PM

    I think my natural inclination is to try and say something all "buck up, camper!" or "don't sweat it, you're great!" which... means well but doesn't give full respect to what you are feeling and sharing.

Admittedly, I know JACK about being single in your 30s. And admittedly, amounts single women want to hear from married women about being single usually = nothing. So you know... hahaha.

I like what MIAMOJO says because it's more practical. Sort of, how do you frame things in your mind for yourself and your own well being. It sounds like you are working on that, and therapy is helping, so I'm glad.

But I also think it's perfectly acceptable to need a moment to be like... hey, this isn't what I thought my life would be like and I'm disappointed about that. We all have aspects of our lives that turned out that way, and need to process. I'm glad you're doing that, too.

Sometimes I feel like we're as marinated in expectations related to age as we are in stuff about body image - both ones that are constantly mirrored around us in society (you should have done/achieved/obtained X by Y age) and ones we know from our own lives (my mom had kids at 30, so I am officially "behind schedule" according to life as I know it...). It's so hard to let go of those & just live your life. However, as a most fabulous lady once said, "nothing is certain until you are dead, and even then, I'm sure God negotiates." emoticon

Keep on working out the demons as best you can. emoticon

As far as the personal trainer, I think that's an AWESOME birthday present! (I did something similar last Christmas, although I had to go TO the gym for the class, I would love the luxury of having someone come to my house!) I'm rubbish about getting in the strength training, too, so I'm jealous! Enjoy, I hope the workouts are great!

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AMBERLICIOUS88 6/18/2014 11:29AM

    OMG! I swear you are my twin! I just turned 38 on the 6th...and spent my bday ALONE! This HAS to be our year. It just HAS to be. I soooo agree with MIAMOJO...
Hope you enjoy the strength training, I just started some too and I'm loving it and feeling STRONG! LET'S DO THIS! LET'S GET IT ON!!! LOL!

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SJKENT1 6/18/2014 11:25AM

    What a great Birthday present for you!! I hope this will be a great adventure for you. Sounds like the first visit went well.

Happy Birthday!! emoticon

I think you are so smart and courageous to attend the group. Good for you!!! I think more people should try this out.

Hugs

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_BABE_ 6/17/2014 9:22PM

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWZ-
pLUb9L8

Don't punch me. emoticon

Great honest blog as usual.

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KAYLEESMEME 6/17/2014 8:37PM

    emoticon emoticon

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AMARILYNH 6/17/2014 7:09PM

    I'm glad you made the choice to go to group therapy last night - it definitely sounds like the right decision. That's all I have to say because I think MiamiJo said it all - and PERFECTLY!! Learning to love ourselves where we are NOW and our life where it is NOW is the true key to happiness. Hugs, Marilyn

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MIAMOJO 6/17/2014 7:01PM

    There's a saying that goes, "The key to happiness is wanting what you have, not having what you want." It is entirely possible to feel content and happy today and still be working on your goals for the future. There's no reason the two can't happen at the same time. I do it every day, so I know it's possible! This is a major key to happiness in life, especially when we're disappointed because we're not where we expected we'd be at a certain point in our lives.

Look at it this way -- when you finally do reach a goal, there will always be new and different goals you're striving for. For example you'll meet Mr. Right, and then you'll be dissatisfied until he pops the question. You'll marry, and be unhappy until you have a baby. Then you'll have the baby and your apartment will be too small, so you won't be happy until you buy a house. When the kids finally leave home, you won't be happy until you retire. But you can't retire until you have enough money, and you won't be happy until you do. When you finally can, you won't be happy until you sell the house and move to Florida...etc...

It's just human nature, but good for you for becoming aware of it because it can make a big difference. The only thing that's real is this moment right now; everything else is just a fantasy.

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Thereís Good Days, Bad Days, and Then Thereís Binge DaysÖ

Monday, June 09, 2014

So since being back from vacation (and letís be honest, about 4 weeks leading up to it too) Iíve been trying to reign in my sugar addiction that has become wildly out of control. Iíve been trying to get back onto my path of healthy eating and feeling good but itís been a really rocky start. There were a few days last week where I didnít just blow it from some not so great choices - I was full-on binging. Like on Wednesday when I got Thai takeout (pad thai and deep fried spring rolls) for dinner and ate until I was so full I couldnít breathe and then just for good measure I followed that up by an entire large bag of mini reeseís peanut butter cups.

Or letís look at Friday. I was off work on Friday and I had the best of intentions. I ate well that morning and then went for a 1 hr hike at the lake and had a turkey wrap for lunch. But then I went to a movie that afternoon and I just became possessed with the buttery goodness and ate an entire large bag of popcorn with butter. Then after dinner (a turkey burger, it was innocent) I then scarfed down an entire big bag of caramel popcorn. So that by the end of the day, I was somewhere near 3x my intended calorie range for the day and 6x my fat intake.

Why am I admitting to this? Cause itís true. And if I donít admit it, then I can even convince myself that it didnít happen. And if I convince myself that it didnít happen thatís when I stand on the scale and think Ďdamn, why canít I lose weight!?í (not that Iím getting on a scale at this point in time as Iím concentrating on habit control rather than numbers right now). My point is that honesty with myself is a key tool that I need to reincorporate into my habits. Itís not just others that I can lie to.

Yesterday was my first honest to goodness Ďgood dayí that Iíve had in a very long time. I ate Ďalmostí within my calorie range (which compared to Friday was good right?! Oh and if youíre wondering about Saturday yeah well that was a large bag of peanut m&mís and then an unintentionally thrown-in-the-basket-cause-theyíre-on-sale bag of mini reeseís peanut butter cups. Yes again. They were supposed to last me all week. They lasted me about 30 minutes.)

Yesterday I also got some good exercise in as I went lap swimming at the pool. And I was pleasantly surprised that I felt great. And I was thinking to myself, you need to remember this feeling. You had this feeling every day for a while there! You were strong and felt healthy and looked forward to your next workout and the healthy meal you had planned in your head!

I hate that every day is a new day Ė I hate that saying! Because it just means that every day I have to get up and decide AGAIN that Iím going to make this a good day. And some days, man, some days it just blows. No sugar coating here (ha! Iím so punny). I wish I could just turn off my binge-eating habits once and then wipe my hands of the whole ordeal. See? All done, thatís fixed. But thatís unfortunately not how things work or how theyíre ever going to work.

So yesterday was a not so bad day. Today, so far, itís been not so bad. Hopefully by the time I go to bed I can chalk it up to a good day too. And hopefully soon there will be more good than bad and a whole string of them together!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WISHICOULDFLY 6/15/2014 12:23PM

    Hey. I'm pretty much in the same destructive pattern right now. I'll let you know if I figure out how to break it. emoticon

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AMARILYNH 6/11/2014 8:43AM

    LOL at hating 'today is a new day' - that is encouraging to me because I NEED a fresh beginning!! But I guess everyone is NOT like me - go figure? I had a bad weekend of eating too - it kind of snuck up on me. But I'm back on track and you'll get back on track too. No one said life was easy OR fair!! But its what we've got so we will make the most of it! emoticon emoticon

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_BABE_ 6/9/2014 9:47PM

    Sugar is evil...not only does it screw with you the day you eat it but it keeps me hanging on like a junkie for days afterward. emoticon

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AMBERLICIOUS88 6/9/2014 8:28PM

    Confessional! Lol. Take a deep breath. U got it off your chest. What's wrong with us? Bad enough we r single! Do we have to keep ourselves chubby and single? Lol! My problem is beer. I can do without sweets and cheeseburgers. But beer. It cures loneliness too. Lol. Lets try for a streak. I'm on day one. Aiming for a week. No beer. No bags of m&ms for u. Lol! C'mon lets do this

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LOLATURTLE 6/9/2014 6:19PM

    TWINS. YES. I have those days. What is WITH those days??? I too wish there was a switch. Just, *click*, no more binges ever. Tadaaa! Why are some people normal and small and they just "eat whatever" and don't get obese and they don't have to think about this EVERY DAMN DAY??? it is not faaaaaaaaaaaaaaair but it's our lives and here we are.

This resonates with me so much: "every day I have to get up and decide AGAIN that Iím going to make this a good day." It's a lot of responsibility at 6am before you've even had your coffee. BLECH.

But we can do this.

I have totally done that recently, but not with candy. It was cookies. Mr Turtle asked me to buy him cookies (he has a problem in that he HAS to have sweets in the house, and excellent self control in that it takes him like a month to eat up a package of cookies). So I bought some that I don't like so that I wouldn't eat them. And then just for kicks, I bought a package of those big, cake-soft frosted sugar cookies. Which I LOVE and which are like 200 calories each. WHYYYY OMG WHY DID I BUY THOSE??? They're gone now, which is good because they aren't around to tempt me, but bad because they all went in my belly.

I think for me, the binging gets worse when I have been feeling deprived. When I feel like my food choices are chains instead of choices, holding me down instead of freeing me of bad health and fat.

It's hard to be hippy skippy positive girl all the time though. Those are the hard days. Those are the days we have to STAY AWAY FROM THE PEANUT BUTTER AND COOKIES! Buy some berries! Those you can binge on. :)

Oh also, SWIMMING! IS SO FUN! I wish you were near so we could go swimming together. :) RACE YOU! (you will win! I am so slow!)

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