MISHAMW   26,671
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Depression Sucks...

Saturday, July 19, 2014

So I had both Wednesday and Thursday off. Friday I was just kinda oh well about things, but hey that happens.

In my attempt to keep my depression at bay, I decided to workout more and keep busy. Well I wore myself out. Thus I haven't slept well the last few nights, and opted out of working out on Friday, even though I had planned to do so.

Today I had to clean at work, which means getting there early. What fun. Not. We got in a ton of cats, mostly smelly kittens when I was away.

I also still haven't been sleeping well. Thus making me lazy. And thinking about stuff. Which is never a good thing. Honestly I just have to make myself not hide in a corner and cry of late. Really sucks too.

I just feel like crap. Mentality, physically, everything. It's like the Winter Blues in summer. It's like PMSing with out the period.

Did I mention I was tired. Yup, I am.

Well I am still keeping at it. Still faking a smile every minute of the day. Still pretending like I am not thinking about stupid dumb things.

And all I want to do is come home and play Skyrim. I don't even drink but I have been craving something the feeling of being "tipsy." And I am so close to being in the 120's (I am officially 130.0 pounds), but I just want to eat all the carbs.

Carbs are like my drug. My high, and lets face it, low carb and carbless things just don't cut it. I guess it's like fake beer for an alcoholic. Sure it might taste okay, but it just doesn't feel the same. Weird I know.

Oh well. Trying to resist the pizza and ice cream. Just say no Misha!

Well that's all for me. I have to go back to work soon. Boo work.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALIENRITA 7/23/2014 10:17PM

    sending you a hug and some positive thoughts. emoticon

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STARPESCADO 7/19/2014 9:37PM

    Sending U hugs - U have worked so hard on your journey :)

Hope that you are feeling better :)

U are such an awesome person - I want the best for you!

Sending U some positive vibes & sunshine :)

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SOUL2SHINE79 7/19/2014 4:06PM

    emoticon emoticon

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USMAWIFE 7/19/2014 3:32PM

    emoticon try taking some magnesium before you go to bed. that will help relax you and allow you to slee

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KNEEMAKER 7/19/2014 3:26PM

  Keep on keeping on!!! emoticon

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My Days Off!

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Having time off from work is wonderful, but then again, it felt like I worked 8 days straight! Eeek! I technically had Monday off, but it wasn't enough to feel like a break.

Yesterday I worked out and cleaned my sheets. But that was about it for my productiveness. I spent the rest of the day on the couch playing Skyrim. I have really missed that game. It was so nice to relax and not worry about cleaning or work or anything like that.

Of course I should have been cleaning, or unpacking or cooking or SOMETHING! But oh well.

Today I woke up with the hiccups. And well, hiccups have made me fill a bit funny today I guess. I did my Zumba which I kicked b-u-t-t at, but about 5 songs left, I just felt wrong. Like I was going to throw up or something. I tried to do my Bodyrock, but in all honesty, I just really went through the motions and not really worked at it.

I am still nauseous. And my hiccups came back. Grrr.

I was hoping to get some cleaning done, since my mom lunched out the kitchen the other day "unpacking." Seriously taking crap out of boxes just to put in on the countertops is not unpacking. Gosh! She pisses me off sometime. Especially lately, but that's part of the depression. The anger side, as in I want to kill you. Got to love my depression.

But I think since I feel so rotten I might just make some low carb lime bars do the dishes (since I am the only one that does), finish laundry, and play Skyrim.

Oh well. That's my update for now. Tomorrow my schedule goes back to normal, so I will be off on Monday and Tuesday. Wee! Have a good one guys!



What An Experience!

Monday, July 14, 2014

Hello all!

Well today, Monday, I have off of work! So happy to have a bit of rest after 6 days of, excuse me, hell. Tomorrow I have to go back in for some fun time (not!) work! It's going to be a long day, but the thought have having two days after that off, is what is keeping me going.

I woke up early, still with a headache I have been battling for a few days now. Since today I have off (weee!), I did one full hour of Zumba! Then my BodyRock Day 5 of the Transformers Challenge. It was mostly arms and shoulders today (and I still hurt). We did these triceps pushups, and OMG I feel so weak. I couldn't even do one. Those are hard stuff! Makes me want to work on them more. Triceps have always been really week for me. After working out and taking a shower I went to eat lunch with my dad!

We decided to go to one of our favorite places, Brickhouse Tavern! Love that place! I had the duck wings (like buffalo wings, but duck) and they were so awesome. I don't remember them being battered last time, but they were this time, which means probably no more keto for me. But I kinda kicked myself out yesterday with some cookies. Not bad enough that I shouldn't be in keto today, but with the wings, I don't know. No keto yet though.

After lunch and dropping Dad back at work I headed out to the Container Store. Now that store is like crack for me. I am an OCD organizational queen. And if I had the money, our house would look like an ad for that store! I mainly went to get this fancy smanchy YouCopia Tea Stand! It's super cool and can hold up to 120 bags of tea!

And since I was right by Nordstrom's on the Rack, I decided to go look for some bras.

And I looked. And I looked, and I looked some more. I hate my current boob size. It's no where to be found!!! GOOOOOOOOOOSSSHHHHHH!

I tried like 10 pairs of bras, and only found two that fit. One that was on sale, and one that wasn't. One bra was $28 and the other was $30 which is a steal in my mind. I got a 34DDD which just barely worked if I used the middle hook (you are always suppose to use the looses hook, so when the band stretches you can still wear the bra), and a great fitting 32DDD. I tried on a bunch of other 34 and 32 and found that the 32's is the only size that will work for me. But, even it worked on the 32, the DDD part was a bit to small. So yup, that means I am probably a 32G or 32DDDD. Weeee...NOT! Do you know how hard that is to find that in stores!?

I guess I am just going to have to go to Nordstroms and pay $70 for a bra. Not looking forward to that. But at least I have two bras that fit, and two sports bras that fit. And that's it. All my underwear doesn't work, but I am purest and want cotton only, which is impossible to find at a nice store. Guess Walmart might have some.

But it was an experience at that store. They are really nice, and clean, and organized for a "discount" store. Then when I was standing in line, they started checking people out with their phones! Craziness! I got checked out by this really cute guy. Not going to lie, even though I am not really into dating, he was a cutie! And he mentioned how expensive the bras were and how did didn't understand how girls could wear them. Now that I think about it, he might have been flirting with me.

Oh, MY GOSH! Was I flirted with? Weird. Yup, clueless Misha. Well all in all it was an interesting experience. And had they had more bra's my size, I would be more than willing to go back and get more! Especially at only $30 or so! Dang that's a steal!

Once I got back home, the first thing I did was set up my Tea Stand! I have so many teas, that I still have tea in boxes. Oh well. I don't know if I limit my tea collection to just what I can fit in the Tea Stand, or get another one. Probably get another one, so each kind can have it's own little box or two! Hehe. I am a tea-holic!

Well that's it for me! Have a good one guys!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUEARNOLD1 7/14/2014 4:58PM

    Sounds like you had a very busy but productive day off! Good luck tomorrow back at work!

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Still At It!!!

Friday, July 11, 2014

So today I woke up at 7:00am and got ready to work out by 8:00am! It was awesome.

I did a short length Zumba World class, and decided to do a few extra songs on the end. I love my Zumba, but what made them think a Short Class should be 20 minutes (or about 7 songs), a Medium class 40-45 minutes and a Full Class at 60 minutes is beyond me. I would love a good 30 minute class, especially since the first song and the last song are always a warm up/cool down which rotates between 2 songs each (four total).

After that I did Day 3 of BodyRock's Transformers Challenge. It was a new trainer, and let me tell you, that will be my go to butt workout from now on! IT WAS AWESOME!

I really enjoyed it, because it was hard enough to work me, but not so hard that I couldn't do it, like yesterday's workout with Shawn. I always have issues doing Shawn's workouts because of the intense upper body strength needed in the body weight exercises. But this was all lower body. Awesomeness!

If you guys want to check it out, they have it on their Pinterest page under Transformers board! A real winner for a lower body, butt, HIIT workout!

I am still keeping busy, and still miraculously still in keto! I am still depressed, and stressed out, and wanting to kill someone, but I am doing better in the fact that I am not thinking about hurting myself, all the time. Just when I feel like I want to kill on of the managers at work do I think about that, which is an improvement.

I am thinking tomorrow and for sure Sunday are going to be rest days, which means I am going to change up the Challenge of BodyRock's rest days a bit. But they have the rests days on days I am usually off, so it works out well. Monday I'm off, so that will be a huge workout day, plus lunch with Dad! Tuesday will be another rest day because I will be at work! And Wednesday and Thursday will be fun workout days because I'm off! Weeee! I need some time off.

I need a vacation. I need to go to Schlitterbahn this Saturday with my best friend who I miss a ton! I need to go visit my other bestest friend up North too.

I am really dreading going to work. That's never a good thing. I wish I knew how to look for another job. I really lucked out on this one to be honest. Maybe I should join Linked In or whatever that thing is. I have enough money saved that if my parents want, I can go back to school for a while, but then I will be out of health insurance, which sucks. Okay, stop thinking MISHA!

So, better get back to getting back to work. Hopefully tonight I will have enough energy to fix me some spaghetti squash for dinner!

Have a good one guys, and keep SPARKING!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POMATOJUICE 7/11/2014 10:58PM

    I really hate that "I'm dreading to go to work" feeling. When I start to get that feeling, that's when I usually decide it's time to move on. It doesn't seem like you've been there that long, but time flies! It never got any less stressful, huh? :( I do remember you saying they had really high turnover.

I find it interesting that you worded it this way, though... "If my parents want, I can go back to school for a while." Well, what do YOU want? Do you want more school, or to just find a different job?

I mean, I know the job market in Tx totally blows right now. Most of my friends haven't been able to get much beyond part time jobs and many have trouble making ends meet. In your area, I'd imagine that there would be more options, though. I suppose it comes down to what you are interested in and what you are qualified for.

I'm glad to hear that through all of this stress, you haven't given up! That's awesome!! I feel like I need to get back to doing some videos sooner or later. I like the bike and all, but if I feel like I was getting much better full-body workouts when I was doing videos!

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WIFE48 7/11/2014 11:12AM

    Thanks for sharing.

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Another SMASHED Workout!

Thursday, July 10, 2014

To be honest, even though my work schedule is all wonkie, I am really enjoying it!

I only had to clean two days, which means I have today and tomorrow to have enough time to workout before I go to work at 10:15am. I even can workout on Saturday if I can get rid the dad, and Sunday if my parents don't mind me doing so. But I need a rest day, so I am thinking that will be Sunday.

Next week I am off Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, which means major workout days and not my quick 40 minutes to an hour workout. But like full Zumba, BodyRock, extra ST and yoga/stretching kind of days. Then I go in late (10:15) on Friday July 18, which means I can do something similar that I did today. That Friday, July 18, is the start of my regular schedule again. So it's back to working out hard on Monday and Tuesday, and I guess workouts at lunch for Wednesday and Thursday, quick workout in the morning on Friday, and rest days for Saturday and Sunday. Though I do clean on Saturdays, so not so much rest there.

I am really trying hard to workout and stay in keto. The first part is so much easier than the second. Oh well. Keto is being mean right now, and my body is just not wanting to go into it. I wish I had time to start making lots of keto goods, but I really don't.

I did however make this Pinterest Avocado fries thingy. Too much onion, and I didn't care for the pepper, but over all it, a keeper.

Here's to another day at work! May it be a heck of a lot less stressful that it was the past two days!

Bye and keep up the Spark people!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOJO0607 7/10/2014 10:39AM

    Great work, and happy sparking!

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