Monday, September 01, 2014
It's been one month, since I last posted a blog, and things sure have changed.
My mom finally became a regular at the Post Office and now get two days off, Sunday and Monday. Which means my "ME" time is reduced to one day.
This as led my depression to get worse. My knee still hurts, and I haven't been hungry for food, so I have been reaching for crap, because hey eating crappy food is better than not eating at all, right?
The biggest change that has been happened is the issues at work.
Hello, my name is Misha, I am 27 years old, I am a being bullied.
So bad, I almost killed myself on Friday.
You see, this woman that bullies me, is in upper management. And she is a lot like my ex boyfriend. The one that could talk himself out doing something wrong and still make you feel guilty because it's your fault, when you weren't even there. Yup, that kind of person. We have all known a few in our lives, and this woman is one of them.
And she scares the heck out of me because of that. And I am the weak one, the easy one, the easy target, and she loves to see people cry. So she picks and bullies me.
At least the majority of the coworkers on my side. But lets just say, Friday was a bad day. And I might have slipped into old habits. And it's become a mess at work. And I have to deal with all of this crap storm when I got back in on Wednesday. Weeee....NOT. Makes for a fun weekend, dreading going back to work.
I really don't need this job. I don't use the money for anything other than the imaginary pool I see in my future, thus my savings account. I still rely completely on my parents. So why am I staying at a place where I bullied and have reverted back to hurting myself to cope?
I do love the cats.
I don't know what I will be doing in a week from now, but I wanted to let you know that though I do feel like jumping off a cliff, I have yet to do it. And I'm dealing.
And if you have any jobs in the North Austin area available for someone like me, I would so be willingly to switch.
Have a good holiday guys, and hopefully I will be back to the old routine soon enough.
Friday, August 01, 2014
First off, thank you for all your kind words.
I am not doing better, which is why I went AWOL for a while. But I wanted to let you know that I am still around, and still working towards my goal.
So, I guess it was two weeks now. Not last Tuesday, but the Tuesday before, I yet again re-injured my knee. My ankle kind of started hurting, which caused my knee to start hurting, which is never a good thing.
If you have followed me for a while, you know that my knee is a source of issues with me. And the fact that my depression is bad, and now I can't exercise, I am a bit worse than I was.
I tried to exercise on it a week later, but it didn't fly. I guess my shoes broke down to the point of me causing another bone bruise, or maybe I just stepped wrong and didn't realize it until the damage was done. I can still do basic things, but at the risk of not being able to do my cleaning at work, I am not doing much working out.
My little bit of not sleeping well, has got up with me. (Oh, and to Ms. USMAWIFE, I did start taking the magnesium, I don't know if it's working yet though). Now, all I do is sleep. I sleep durning my lunch break, and I rest all night until I can call it quits and sleep at 9:30 or so.
On the up side I am in the 120's now. I weighed in at 129.8 yesterday, and even after eating Taco Bell last night, I weighed in at 129.6 today. I really am not as happy about it as I should be. Maybe because I know I would have been there sooner if I was able to workout. What really bugs me, is all the lovely physical therapy I remember from the multiple times I went through this before, isn't really working.
I can do all it just fine. But ask me to dance or move too much, and nope...pain.
I really loath my knee. Seriously, it's like the bain of my life anymore. Every time I get on track, or I am close to doing something awesome, I hurt it. And it's not my fault really, it's just that the shoes broke down. I need like lifetime shoes. The only time I realize I need to switch shoes is when I hurt myself. Not good.
So, that's life right now. Still depressed and tired. Still losing weight.
Just thought I would let you guys know how it's going.
Hope you are all well. I am off to bed because I didn't get my nap time today.
Saturday, July 19, 2014
So I had both Wednesday and Thursday off. Friday I was just kinda oh well about things, but hey that happens.
In my attempt to keep my depression at bay, I decided to workout more and keep busy. Well I wore myself out. Thus I haven't slept well the last few nights, and opted out of working out on Friday, even though I had planned to do so.
Today I had to clean at work, which means getting there early. What fun. Not. We got in a ton of cats, mostly smelly kittens when I was away.
I also still haven't been sleeping well. Thus making me lazy. And thinking about stuff. Which is never a good thing. Honestly I just have to make myself not hide in a corner and cry of late. Really sucks too.
I just feel like crap. Mentality, physically, everything. It's like the Winter Blues in summer. It's like PMSing with out the period.
Did I mention I was tired. Yup, I am.
Well I am still keeping at it. Still faking a smile every minute of the day. Still pretending like I am not thinking about stupid dumb things.
And all I want to do is come home and play Skyrim. I don't even drink but I have been craving something the feeling of being "tipsy." And I am so close to being in the 120's (I am officially 130.0 pounds), but I just want to eat all the carbs.
Carbs are like my drug. My high, and lets face it, low carb and carbless things just don't cut it. I guess it's like fake beer for an alcoholic. Sure it might taste okay, but it just doesn't feel the same. Weird I know.
Oh well. Trying to resist the pizza and ice cream. Just say no Misha!
Well that's all for me. I have to go back to work soon. Boo work.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Having time off from work is wonderful, but then again, it felt like I worked 8 days straight! Eeek! I technically had Monday off, but it wasn't enough to feel like a break.
Yesterday I worked out and cleaned my sheets. But that was about it for my productiveness. I spent the rest of the day on the couch playing Skyrim. I have really missed that game. It was so nice to relax and not worry about cleaning or work or anything like that.
Of course I should have been cleaning, or unpacking or cooking or SOMETHING! But oh well.
Today I woke up with the hiccups. And well, hiccups have made me fill a bit funny today I guess. I did my Zumba which I kicked b-u-t-t at, but about 5 songs left, I just felt wrong. Like I was going to throw up or something. I tried to do my Bodyrock, but in all honesty, I just really went through the motions and not really worked at it.
I am still nauseous. And my hiccups came back. Grrr.
I was hoping to get some cleaning done, since my mom lunched out the kitchen the other day "unpacking." Seriously taking crap out of boxes just to put in on the countertops is not unpacking. Gosh! She pisses me off sometime. Especially lately, but that's part of the depression. The anger side, as in I want to kill you. Got to love my depression.
But I think since I feel so rotten I might just make some low carb lime bars do the dishes (since I am the only one that does), finish laundry, and play Skyrim.
Oh well. That's my update for now. Tomorrow my schedule goes back to normal, so I will be off on Monday and Tuesday. Wee! Have a good one guys!
Monday, July 14, 2014
Well today, Monday, I have off of work! So happy to have a bit of rest after 6 days of, excuse me, hell. Tomorrow I have to go back in for some fun time (not!) work! It's going to be a long day, but the thought have having two days after that off, is what is keeping me going.
I woke up early, still with a headache I have been battling for a few days now. Since today I have off (weee!), I did one full hour of Zumba! Then my BodyRock Day 5 of the Transformers Challenge. It was mostly arms and shoulders today (and I still hurt). We did these triceps pushups, and OMG I feel so weak. I couldn't even do one. Those are hard stuff! Makes me want to work on them more. Triceps have always been really week for me. After working out and taking a shower I went to eat lunch with my dad!
We decided to go to one of our favorite places, Brickhouse Tavern! Love that place! I had the duck wings (like buffalo wings, but duck) and they were so awesome. I don't remember them being battered last time, but they were this time, which means probably no more keto for me. But I kinda kicked myself out yesterday with some cookies. Not bad enough that I shouldn't be in keto today, but with the wings, I don't know. No keto yet though.
After lunch and dropping Dad back at work I headed out to the Container Store. Now that store is like crack for me. I am an OCD organizational queen. And if I had the money, our house would look like an ad for that store! I mainly went to get this fancy smanchy YouCopia Tea Stand! It's super cool and can hold up to 120 bags of tea!
And since I was right by Nordstrom's on the Rack, I decided to go look for some bras.
And I looked. And I looked, and I looked some more. I hate my current boob size. It's no where to be found!!! GOOOOOOOOOOSSSHHHHHH!
I tried like 10 pairs of bras, and only found two that fit. One that was on sale, and one that wasn't. One bra was $28 and the other was $30 which is a steal in my mind. I got a 34DDD which just barely worked if I used the middle hook (you are always suppose to use the looses hook, so when the band stretches you can still wear the bra), and a great fitting 32DDD. I tried on a bunch of other 34 and 32 and found that the 32's is the only size that will work for me. But, even it worked on the 32, the DDD part was a bit to small. So yup, that means I am probably a 32G or 32DDDD. Weeee...NOT! Do you know how hard that is to find that in stores!?
I guess I am just going to have to go to Nordstroms and pay $70 for a bra. Not looking forward to that. But at least I have two bras that fit, and two sports bras that fit. And that's it. All my underwear doesn't work, but I am purest and want cotton only, which is impossible to find at a nice store. Guess Walmart might have some.
But it was an experience at that store. They are really nice, and clean, and organized for a "discount" store. Then when I was standing in line, they started checking people out with their phones! Craziness! I got checked out by this really cute guy. Not going to lie, even though I am not really into dating, he was a cutie! And he mentioned how expensive the bras were and how did didn't understand how girls could wear them. Now that I think about it, he might have been flirting with me.
Oh, MY GOSH! Was I flirted with? Weird. Yup, clueless Misha. Well all in all it was an interesting experience. And had they had more bra's my size, I would be more than willing to go back and get more! Especially at only $30 or so! Dang that's a steal!
Once I got back home, the first thing I did was set up my Tea Stand! I have so many teas, that I still have tea in boxes. Oh well. I don't know if I limit my tea collection to just what I can fit in the Tea Stand, or get another one. Probably get another one, so each kind can have it's own little box or two! Hehe. I am a tea-holic!
Well that's it for me! Have a good one guys!
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