Tuesday, March 11, 2014
This is my test from God for the Lenten Season.
Some people stash fabric, others yarn, scrapbook supplies, and other various stuff. I have a stash of coffee!!! Yes, I love coffee. I drink all kinds in all forms. Drip, percolators, k-cups, espresso forms....I love it all. I am not ashamed of my stash. For thise who are worried 90% of the coffee is decaf.
Big thanks to my hubby for helping me build my stash. Only sad part is I have coffee up for Lent along with candy. I could not pass up a good deal when each cup of coffee is under $.50 a cup...dude!!!
Plus, if you look you will see a gold box on the upper left hand side. It is a box of Lindt truffles I am saving for after Easter Mass when I can enjoy a cup of coffee and a truffle with my kids. Off to the far right corner are mini boxes of flavored coffees dh and ds found for my drip coffee maker.
Please do not judge...LOL
Dh's truck we picked it up 12/31/13 and I have enjoyed being a 2 car family. I just hope we continue to be a 2 car family for many years to come.
Dh hung my new curtains. I tried, but with my knee I could not brace myself on the ladder and twist to use the drill and stuff. Plus, he is batter at this stuff than I am.
kids having fun making cupcakes with daddy
I updated my backslash in the kitchen. Sorry I did not put away the meds from this morning. I wanted tile, but lets face it really pricey and time consuming. I found these last week at my Target for $12.99. Some read Jave, Mocha, Latte, Coffee, Joe, I heart and a coffee bean and others just have designs. When the kids they thought I painted the coffee cups on the wall. Dh, who knows my skills, thought I stenciled them on...NOPE!!! Just a few stickers and a rulers and well I did not want to do housework. LOL
Hope you like the pictures. I was suppose to be resting away a headache, but I am afraid I would fall asleep and miss the kids at the bus. Off to get the kitchen table ready for homework.
Love and Blessings
Sunday, March 09, 2014
Today I got a wake up call. Well, actually all weekend. I did not make it to church this morning, but I did watch it online. It makes life easier than fighting with ds and dd2. Anywho, the homily really hit home today. The Fr. was comparing cheating on homework, flirting, cheating on our diets.... are all examples of Satan tempting us like he tempted Jesus in the dessert.
I have been endlessly tempted and playing with food. Today I realized it has been Satan making me feel like I have been and turning to my old habits. Now, I have turned to food for comfort since I started this journey of a healthy lifestyle. I have always been strong enough to pull myself out. This time I have been drowning in pain, sadness, SELF PITY is more like it. I have felt worthless, unwanted, unloved by people, but I know it is not true.
Yes, my kids really test me.
Yes, I am lonely some days.
Yes, my housework is endless and there are days I have no idea where or evennhow to tackle my list.
Yes, I had a crappie birthday, but at least I had a birthday. I could always be pushing up roses.
Yes, dh messed up and he was been doing his best to make right. I have to forgive him. I have mentally and I now I have to verbally.
My mom made up for my bad day leaps and bounds. I can not wait for her bday and show her how much I love her and appreciate her making me feel worth while.
My bday was 2/18 and it is 3/9....too many days of self pity. I have never been like this in my LIFE. My mom would be ashamed of me. I am ashamed of me.
I have learned I am not alone.
I am not the only mom who struggles with their kids, knee issues, endless housework, and simply LIFE.
Best of all I have an amazing husband. I have three pretty healthy kids. I am never without important things. ie money for doctors, food on the table, a roof over my head....tou get the picture.
I have kids who in their way do,love me I just need to open my eyes more. I need to stop being the mom I am not meant to be. I need to slow down and taking life and enjoy my kids more. i appreciate and love how hard my husband works. I just need to be more vocal and not let things bottle up.
I am to the point food makes me ill after I eat. What is worse...I have not enjoy all of the foods I consumed. If I one more cookie that is not from Kashi. or on more pizza with a thick crust, or one more day without my 10glasses of water I am going to scream!
I am pushing the reset button tomorrow morning and I need help. I need to be held accountable. My goal will never be reached if I do not stop this self pity party. I need to start making sure the food I eat will be what is best for my health. I will step on the scale and I know I have put on more weight. I can tell with my jeans and I am mad at myself. In four years of this journey I have never taken this many steps back.
I feel this is the best time to really focus on my lifestyle and my health. Lent is in full swing and if Jesus can fast for 40days and night, then I can clean up my eating this season.
I never thought giving up coffee would be so hard. I have done it before, but now when I need it for comfort it is gone. I have not turned to coffee, but I have turned to the amazing cookies I made the family, I have turned, to nasty cup cakes (they were gross but I ate them and hated myself afterwards).
My wake up call. I have used my endless knee pain as a crutch and I am tried of it. I am calling the dr tomorrow and asking if I should be concerned. I do not think I do, but after doing yoga back to back for 4 days I have spent most of Friday and this weekend rest my knee in endless pain. I need to figure out what is going on and move on from this pain.
I thank you for reading my confession. My wake up call of some sort. I was meant to hear the homily today. The Fr., though not mine, really spoke to me through the TV and I am grateful for the call.
Praised to God for forgiving me and my many MANY faults. Now I must forgive my husband and myself and get back on track.
Love and Blessing to all.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
My 10 & 8 yr olds are growing up. They want to watch PG-13 movies and listen to other kinds of music.
They are learning and have heard a few bad words. I know I was watching PG-13 movies. I am not too worried about movies.
As far as music goes I get a little weird. They were at one time allowed to listen to Radio Disney, but I hate the station, when I get it in clearly. I know I am depriving them of some awesome style music. I know they can not appreciate the world of music. I told my older two they can listen to almost anything. I told them if I hear bad words come out of their mouths then it will be back to Christian Music only and no movies beyond G.
How did you give them control? I am a control freak with them when it comes to music and tv. I want them to appreciate different forms of art. I just remember how I was with music. It was super important to me. I also had some crazy thoughts, old me. I think it would help ds with expressing himself. Like when I was mad at my mom I would play Fresh Prince "Parents Do Not Understand" (I think I got the title wrong), but my mom got the hint...LOL
My dd1 is going to the 6th grade and I know she is going to feel out of place. When she went to a sleepover she was afraid to say she likes Christian Music because the other girls listen to Spears, Cyrus, and stuff I would not approve of before today.
I have heard some great songs from non-Christian music. Some are funny and inspirational.
Well, I am rambling. Off to get laundry going.
I did tell her to never be afraid of to say I like, Newsboys, Steven Curtis-Chapman....you know
It is how she was brought up. Music I never have to worry about.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Y'all are so kind being worried about me. I had a terrible week last week.
It started with dh on Valentine's Day and his inability to be polite. He was running late and I asked him to let me know and he did not. I gave him a gift and he never said thank you or even acknowledged the gift and card. I got hurt and mad. He gets a get out of Valentine's Day card because my bday is on the 18th.
Well, then Saturday, 15th, we took the kids to the Kissimmee Fair. It was fun and not for my bday, but what cool we still had the 16th and 17th.
Sunday came and left NOTHING. We even went to Super Target and I was going to get some coffee for my Kuerig and I heard his remark to dd1, "There goes mommy's bday gift." So, I "changed my mind" and put the boxes back. This way he can take the kids to the store and pick up the coffees for my bday. NEVER HAPPENED
Monday the kids had off for Presidents Day and he never wanted to leave the house. I went and did a mini food shopping. I even gave him a chance to take us out for lunch for my bday. but NOTHING.
Tuesday the 18th, my real bday and I thought may be he was going to call in sick and hang out with me and treat me. NOT He woke up got ready for work and mumbled with no feeling and love happy birthday as he walked out the door. nothing extra special or out of the ordinary. nothing like have the kids ready i am taking you out for your bday NOTHING.
After another good cry like the rest of the weekend. I took myself out!!
I went to Michael and bought a skein of yarn and knitting doodads.
I went to Target and got a birthday up of joe from Starbucks
I went to Publix and got a good frozen pizza and ate half alone.
I then decided I am not going to cook dinner. Ds was in a bad mood and since dh was not going to do anything for my day and knowing he would do anything for the kids. I told him about ds not in a good mood and i wanted to take him out to mcds for the lego movie happy meal. of course he agreed and we did and that was the end of my bday. not even a CAKE
He did try to give me a card but I would not take it. until i learned the kids signed it at mcds while I was ordering i opened it the next morning and thanked the kids...just not him.
Since then I have been killing him with love and kindness because when his bday comes I am going all out for him. I am starting now. I am planning now for April 11 when he turns 43. my mom told me to do nothing. i said nope....i want him to see what I except even if he is busy with work and school and not home life. i have been taking up the slack as always.
So the week went on and nothing from him. never even an apology and when I asked this past friday what the **ll happened to my bday. he came up with excuses and i corrected him and he laughed. I told him it would have hurt less if he just honestly forgot and not ignore my bday.
still he has not tried to make up for his screw up. it hurts.
but I have been giving him kisses when I have not done in a long long long time. I have been telling him I love him and we stopped that 6yrs ago almost 7yrs ago with the birth of dd2. not sure why.
I have been picking up after him and i picking up after him. like folding his pj pants off the bathroom floor and folding them. putting his clothes way for him since in his eyes it is my job.
I have been asking him how is day was and I never do
Just doing my best to kill him with kindness.
So here I hear I am feeling a little better but still hurt. in 20 yrs this is the first time he did NOTHING for my bday.
That was my week.
What made it better was the kids were unusually well behaved.
To top off the week my mom came over on her way home from her dr appt in tampa. She took me out for lunch and coffee. We went to Michael, $tree, and Target. Had a good time and talked.
She feels bad dh did this to me. She expects it from my sister's husband not mine.
Even after i told dh how much he hurt me he still has not apologized. I did go back to target and got 6 boxes of coffee and a few other things and he knew enough not to question me.
still does count as a bday gift or just a thought. he does not have to give me anything, but the thought is more important to me. stop by the store on the way home and pick up a cake or cheesecake (extra points) do what he has done in the past take the kids out to pick out a gift, cards from the $tree, and make a cake. make my favorite meal or just something.
Okay, i think i am done venting....LOL
Here is to a better week no matter what!!
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