Sunday, March 02, 2014
Yup. I was a skinny kid, and mom was always on my case about my weight. When I was 14 she told me that grandmothers need to be soft and fluffy. I retorted that soft and fluffy was not what I wanted to be. I vowed I would never be a soft and fluffy gramma, furthermore, I would never be heavy enough to be a burden on the people who were caring for me in my old age.
I managed to stay hard and boney until I was 38 when very slowly the pounds began to pile on until I became a soft and fluffy 220+ pounds grandmother. I remained there for many years.
Then, at my annual checkup, my doctor called me old; which caught my attention, and I remembered my 14-year-old-me's vow; I decided to do something about my situation.
Three hundred and thirty days ago I began this program, and have lost 63.2 pounds. Most of me is no longer soft and fluffy. . .there's a soft tire, and a fluffy gut, but the rest is as hard and boney as a 156 lb woman going on 130 pounds can be.
Five days ago I went on a short 1200 calorie binge that threw me for a loop.
Today, I feel like a changed person. I don't know if that will be my last binge, or not. What I do know is that it wasn't the binge that threw me for the loop - it was the anxiety, anger, and frustrations that I had been experiencing for the previous two weeks, that had nothing to do with my weight, that threw me for the loop that ended with me going an the binge.
Now. How do I experience anxiety, anger, and frustration without being thrown for a loop that ends with a binge?
If it's only a 1200 calorie binge, is that ok?
Maybe I'll figure it out after I get the taxes done.
Fiddlety--dee. Tomorrow is another day.
Saturday, February 08, 2014
I fell in love with the cottonwood and JR almost simultaneously. The two years we spent together ended rather abruptly, and very painfully. I Still miss the cottonwood, but there are others and I am still in love with them all - JR -- not so much.
It took me years to become obese, and it's taking me years to become not.
As well as becoming not, I'm becoming better. Why this is coming to me so late in life, I'll never know, but I am confident that it will. Fortunately for me, that wrenching experience with JR didn't destroy my faith in myself. Life has thrown me many a curveball over the years, but it's taken me way too long to be the me that I am.
Monday, December 30, 2013
The holidays are over, but I am not sad. I had a great time. dh is still complaining, though, and will continue until next visit. My dd's life is a mess, but I have finally realised that it's her mess, and not mine. Once more, I've come down with grambaby flu, and caught the cold germs they brought with them - last time they were here, they brought the shingles virus which didn't clear my system for 8 weeks. So far, their germs haven't killed us - I'm hoping they're making us stronger. All the kids will be here the week before Easter - maybe I should start looking at caskets. 8-)
Friday, November 15, 2013
I grew up beneath the approach path of a major airport, and I learned to identify various aircraft by the whine of their engines (among other identifiers). The last airplane I'd learned to identify was the Boing 767. When those planes were coming in, you couldn't even hear yourself think let alone continue with a conversation. Since then, I've learned to identify all sorts of whines, including the ones inside (and outside) of my head, and the reality is they're all annoying.
The past nine months of this journey have been, for the most part, terrific. The best part, of course, is having lost 50 pounds. The worst part: Only my hairdresser knows. Whine.
Pffft. This morning, my scale reflected a 1.8lb weight gain. OK. I ate 4 pieces of Girl Scout chocolates before wrapping the lot up and giving them to my pottery-making friends. And, yes, I did eat quite a few pistachios. But I don't think that was enough to gain 1.8lbs. Whine.
I felt like throwing it all in after reading that scale (those scales?). So I know there's a bumpy road ahead. After all, The Holidays are looming in on us. Now, I'm getting to the meat of this: Dd has invited her in-laws to our home for Christmas. At this point, I don't know if they're coming, but I sure do hope they do not. I do not like these people. They aren't bad people. Unless you can call having diametrically opposed philosophies to mine as being bad. My daughter lives with them. Her husband is in hog heaven: he has the best of both worlds. Furthermore, he insisted they sell the house she bought with her money, and now he's investing her money in rental property in Idaho. IDAHO! His car fell apart, so he drives the car my daughter bought before they met, AND the car her company gave to my daughter. He's not a bad person, either; at least he's not the ax murderer that I thought he'd be. Wwwhhhhiiiiiiinnnnnnneeeeeeee!
OK. Now I've got to turn this whiner back into the winner she has the potential to be............
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