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Soft and Fluffy

Sunday, March 02, 2014

Yup. I was a skinny kid, and mom was always on my case about my weight. When I was 14 she told me that grandmothers need to be soft and fluffy. I retorted that soft and fluffy was not what I wanted to be. I vowed I would never be a soft and fluffy gramma, furthermore, I would never be heavy enough to be a burden on the people who were caring for me in my old age.
I managed to stay hard and boney until I was 38 when very slowly the pounds began to pile on until I became a soft and fluffy 220+ pounds grandmother. I remained there for many years.
Then, at my annual checkup, my doctor called me old; which caught my attention, and I remembered my 14-year-old-me's vow; I decided to do something about my situation.
Three hundred and thirty days ago I began this program, and have lost 63.2 pounds. Most of me is no longer soft and fluffy. . .there's a soft tire, and a fluffy gut, but the rest is as hard and boney as a 156 lb woman going on 130 pounds can be.
Five days ago I went on a short 1200 calorie binge that threw me for a loop.
Today, I feel like a changed person. I don't know if that will be my last binge, or not. What I do know is that it wasn't the binge that threw me for the loop - it was the anxiety, anger, and frustrations that I had been experiencing for the previous two weeks, that had nothing to do with my weight, that threw me for the loop that ended with me going an the binge.
Now. How do I experience anxiety, anger, and frustration without being thrown for a loop that ends with a binge?
If it's only a 1200 calorie binge, is that ok?
Maybe I'll figure it out after I get the taxes done.
Fiddlety--dee. Tomorrow is another day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MACMOM57 3/4/2014 9:51PM

    Turn the page your doing well. Stay strong you can do it. Great blog.

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CINDYKC2000 3/3/2014 9:50AM

    Always remember where you came from and focus on where you are going. Everyone hits bumps in the road both in life and on our journey. You are doing awesome and this bump in the road is a way to reflect.

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1CRAZYDOG 3/2/2014 9:23PM

  Don't beat yourself up! You're on the path now and take it a day-at-a-time. Wish I had better advice for you but am sure some others will.


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FIT-N-TRIMME 3/2/2014 7:08PM

    Wow, you have done so much. when you find out, let me know. and tomorrow is another day as you mention,

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Thoughts on the Cottonwood

Saturday, February 08, 2014

I fell in love with the cottonwood and JR almost simultaneously. The two years we spent together ended rather abruptly, and very painfully. I Still miss the cottonwood, but there are others and I am still in love with them all - JR -- not so much.
It took me years to become obese, and it's taking me years to become not.
As well as becoming not, I'm becoming better. Why this is coming to me so late in life, I'll never know, but I am confident that it will. Fortunately for me, that wrenching experience with JR didn't destroy my faith in myself. Life has thrown me many a curveball over the years, but it's taken me way too long to be the me that I am.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ICECUB 3/27/2014 10:10PM


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HELENTORTOISE 2/10/2014 11:50AM

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MTRACHEL 2/9/2014 9:46PM

    Every day we have 24 brand new hours to live! Sounds like you are!

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1CRAZYDOG 2/9/2014 9:13AM


۱ ̨۱ ̨۱ ̨۱ ̨۱ ̨۱ ̨۱ ̨۱ ̨۱ ̨۱ ̨۱ ̨۱
2; \̅_̅/̷̚ʾ \̅_̅/̷̚ʾ \̅_̅/̷̚ʾ \̅_̅/̷̚ʾ \̅_̅/̷̚ʾ

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NUTRON3 2/9/2014 6:18AM


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LOSE4LIFE47 2/8/2014 11:14PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Happy New Year!

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

These are the questions and my responses posted on the Spark Team 2014 Winter 5% Challenge Community message board. I love any and all challenges (winning may not be everything, but it sure is fun)!
What do you want to change?
1. Make exercise a permanent part of my daily routine
2. Make sensible eating a permanent part of my daily routine
3. Lose 36 more pounds
How do you want to look? I want to look like a healthy woman.
How do you want to feel? I want to feel energetic (not energized. . .just right).
What things will you be able to do in the future with a slimmer healthier body? Not much more than I do already, just not as worn out afterwards.
All the OTHER things that you want to change!
1. Lose the diabetes meds permanently (right now Doc has me off them on a trial basis)
2. Ditto with the blood pressure meds.
3. Wear smaller clothes.
Observation: After losing the first 54 pounds, I already feel like a healthier person - that's a real motivator for losing these last 36 more pounds. However, I know that it's very, very easy to lapse. Therefore:
4. I want to learn how to make it easier to stay on track, and harder to lapse.
(Thanks to the team leader for asking the questions so I could verbalise what was going on in the recesses of my mind.)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 1/1/2014 9:09PM

  Awesome plans.

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CHANTENAY 1/1/2014 9:07PM

    Super plans. You have lost 54 pounds, that is great! You have a good year underway.

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STEVEN2GO2 1/1/2014 8:00PM

    Great job with trying off of the diabetes and hopefully off the high blood pressure meds!

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  They sound like great goals, emoticon

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CINDYKC2000 1/1/2014 5:11PM


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NHES220 1/1/2014 2:58PM

    Great changes to shoot for! Definitely similar to mine with the weight to lose, blood pressure meds and eating/exercise.

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Not a Blog, But a Note

Monday, December 30, 2013

The holidays are over, but I am not sad. I had a great time. dh is still complaining, though, and will continue until next visit. My dd's life is a mess, but I have finally realised that it's her mess, and not mine. Once more, I've come down with grambaby flu, and caught the cold germs they brought with them - last time they were here, they brought the shingles virus which didn't clear my system for 8 weeks. So far, their germs haven't killed us - I'm hoping they're making us stronger. All the kids will be here the week before Easter - maybe I should start looking at caskets. 8-)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIME4DEE 1/3/2014 6:39PM


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CHANTENAY 12/31/2013 10:01AM

    Hang in there, at least your life is peaceful most of the time! Take good care of yourself.

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CINDYKC2000 12/30/2013 10:19PM

    Feel better quickly Em. Keep building those immunities!!

Hope DD figures out her life and pulls it together for her family and herself.

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KELLIEBEAN 12/30/2013 9:57PM

    I like your sense of humor! I'm glad you had a nice holiday. I hope you are feeling better very soon!

Here's to a great Easter! emoticon

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STEVEN2GO2 12/30/2013 9:34PM

    I hope you do not get the shingles this time!!!

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MERRYMARY42 12/30/2013 8:42PM

    I know, it seems like children pick up everything, and it always seems to be harder on us, but, grand babies are worth it, I think, I hope you feel better soon, get ready for Easter, it is not that far away, Happy New Year

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1CRAZYDOG 12/30/2013 5:43PM

  Feel better!

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RENATA144 12/30/2013 5:22PM

  Perhaps you should suggest to the visitors with children to get their shots & checkups before they visit. It's not fair to you to get ill with each visit. You have the right to be healthy.

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DRLMAZ 12/30/2013 5:21PM

  Thanks for sharing

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Reality Check

Friday, November 15, 2013

I grew up beneath the approach path of a major airport, and I learned to identify various aircraft by the whine of their engines (among other identifiers). The last airplane I'd learned to identify was the Boing 767. When those planes were coming in, you couldn't even hear yourself think let alone continue with a conversation. Since then, I've learned to identify all sorts of whines, including the ones inside (and outside) of my head, and the reality is they're all annoying.
The past nine months of this journey have been, for the most part, terrific. The best part, of course, is having lost 50 pounds. The worst part: Only my hairdresser knows. Whine.
Pffft. This morning, my scale reflected a 1.8lb weight gain. OK. I ate 4 pieces of Girl Scout chocolates before wrapping the lot up and giving them to my pottery-making friends. And, yes, I did eat quite a few pistachios. But I don't think that was enough to gain 1.8lbs. Whine.
I felt like throwing it all in after reading that scale (those scales?). So I know there's a bumpy road ahead. After all, The Holidays are looming in on us. Now, I'm getting to the meat of this: Dd has invited her in-laws to our home for Christmas. At this point, I don't know if they're coming, but I sure do hope they do not. I do not like these people. They aren't bad people. Unless you can call having diametrically opposed philosophies to mine as being bad. My daughter lives with them. Her husband is in hog heaven: he has the best of both worlds. Furthermore, he insisted they sell the house she bought with her money, and now he's investing her money in rental property in Idaho. IDAHO! His car fell apart, so he drives the car my daughter bought before they met, AND the car her company gave to my daughter. He's not a bad person, either; at least he's not the ax murderer that I thought he'd be. Wwwhhhhiiiiiiinnnnnnneeeeeeee!
OK. Now I've got to turn this whiner back into the winner she has the potential to be............

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTYNA7 11/22/2013 9:35AM

    I have my share of whines and concerns and sometimes I need to say them. I worry about my DD and... I wanted... better. But it has helped to see that it is her life and she must make her own mistakes and I am not able to say what is right for her or what she needs to experience.

However I also need to keep my focus. How often do I use other people's problems as an excuse not to deal with my own. I have my "I matter" list on the fridge and I try and stick to the things it says I need to do for myself every day. It made me smile when DD noticed I had taken it off the fridge while company had been here and wanted it back. When I looked at it again I realized every single thing on that list applied to her too. I am a role model. When I say "I need to do something today towards making me feel safe and secure" I am talking about my own finances, the condition of my house, the people I am around.

Lead by example. Have healthy options to eat over the holidays. Take care of yourself. Thanks so much for the goodie. It is lovely to see a new face visitng my page.

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CHANTENAY 11/19/2013 12:58PM

    Sometimes whining is helpful. I don't mind it. It'll help you get over this hump.

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PATTYKLAVER 11/16/2013 2:18PM

    Oh, the drama of family! I've got one of those, too. I'll trade you a Mom and a sister for your daughter, Good luck to you.

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1CRAZYDOG 11/15/2013 3:40PM

  OH Lord have mercy, and let the blessings begin to find the patience to deal with it all, eh! Hey, if I find it, I"ll let you know, and I'm sure you will too!

That said, all you can do is your best. Take each day one-at-a-time. Going off track, while it's not good, you've looked at the situation and learned. So, time to take the lesson and move. on. I love the analogy to a flat tire. If you are going down the road and a tire goes flat, you change it, right. THEN you move forward on your journey. You don't change the tire and start the journey all over again. You start from the point where you changed the flat!

((((HUGS)))) I suppose you have to love family, but you don't have to like 'em!

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GRACEOMALLEY 11/15/2013 3:23PM

    Doen't sound like a terribly inspirational group, to be sure. Theres always the chance they will say no or make other plans - right? Just keep telling yoursef that you can do this for a few hours - and keep it to a comparatively short day that will only last a few hours. I have faith in you - you can handle this! I'll also second KELLIEBEAN that you can look forward to Dec. 26th when all this will be over for another year.


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IOEINC 11/15/2013 3:09PM

    My daughter's mother in law!! Enough said!!! Luckily we very seldom cross paths with her. The father in law is a nice man and must be a saint to still be married to his wife.

And my daughter's husband can be a bit hard to take. He corrects everyone like he is always right. This can get very irritating very quickly but I try to excuse it as bad behavior learned from his mother. He adores my daughter and treats her like a queen so both my hubby and I tend to overlook the correcting fault.

As for my immediate family I would say we are quirky but that the extended family on both sides are completely nuts but at least they put the FUN in dysfunctional.



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KELLIEBEAN 11/15/2013 2:50PM

    Oh if I had a dime for every oddball decision my kids made and for the families they got involved with. Then I think how my mom felt the same way about me on many occassions.

Every year at this time, I look forward to December 26. I do not yet have to deal with my kids' inlaws, my own family causes me to look for the nearest wine bottle.


I hope you get through the holidays intact. I hope I do too. Let's gear up now to get through it!

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