Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Last night, I made Jacob's favorite meal, in Jacob portion sizes, and then found out he was at a wrestling match till 11pm. It's also a favorite paleo meal, and I have lots of leftovers for lunch. I have accomplished three things on my healthy to-do list. I have logged in, I have walked for 30 minutes, I have taken my morning meds. Now I have to get ready for work, and the rest of the day. I have to go to the pharmacy and pick up the new med for glaucoma. I'm still wrapping my head around all of the news from yesterday. It might take a bit.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Every year for my birthday, I schedule the yearly appointments. Eyes, teeth, lady parts. I'm forty seven. 47. I assume I have many years left to live. This year, the doctor's did not have availability for me on the actual day, so I scheduled them today. First was eyes. The eye pressure is building, there is damage to my optic nerve, and I was officially diagnosed with glaucoma. I have a script, eye drops, which I have to take for the rest of my life. I have to return in a month, and then I can get my vision check for changes to my glasses. he thinks, from my description, that I am going to need progressive lenses, better now as bi-focals. NOT happy. Not happy with glaucoma, not happy with lenses that that insurance wont cover. He had diluted my eyes, so I was dizzy and blurred for the rest of the day. I tried to wrap presents, but the headache soon sent me to bed. Next up, after my nap, was a visit to the dentist. He is pleased with my home care but concerned about my dry mouth. I explained that I tested positive for Sjorgren's syndrome, but had never been symptomatic. He said I was now symptomatic. and he said I should use a special ( read expensive) mouth wash. He explained about enzymes, and proper digestion. If it gets worse, I'll have tooth decay, and will have to use the fake saliva. Then he said I would need new crowns. two of them. $1,000 a tooth, which the insurance pays roughly 40%. That's almost a $1.000 in dental for me. Then I go to the doctor for my lady parts, and the receptionist tells me the doctor is delivering a baby, can I reschedule? so that exam is put off for another two weeks.
but the bad news sent me thinking. Glaucoma is hereditary, so according to the eye doctor, it was a forgone conclusion that I would get it, but he is surprised that I got it so young. He couldn't think of anything I did to cause this, but I am still examining my life. Teeth, dry mouth and sjogren's syndrome are also hereditary. So according to the doctors, there is nothing that I can do to slow the creeping deterioration that is aging. But I still think that how I live my life has an affect on me physically. I need to make the connection from "slip ups" quick nibbles of the non paleo variety, and not losing weight, not feeling well. I need to make the connection between what I do, and how I am. So here I am, again, saying that I am going to commit to paleo. I truly believe that I will regain some of my health if I can live a grain free, dairy free existence. and that whiny voice, that says it's to hard. that It's to expensive, that my family doesn't support it. I tend to agree with the voice. now I need to answer back with it's worth it. I'm worth it.
Friday, December 12, 2014
I havent been faithful to the daily blog. I wake up with thoughts in my head to share, but usually lose them by the time I get computer time. today, I have a to-do list.
1) dishes, counter, sink cleaning.
2) sweep, floor
4) holiday baking ; almond shortbread, gingerbread
5) wrapping of presents
6) Christmas work party
7) dinner out for the three birthdays.
Tuesday, December 09, 2014
First off, my daily absence has been because I've been super icky can't breathe sick. Theraflu, chicken soup, orange juice, tea... This has been my existence since last Monday. Definitely a down ward spiral. I capped it off with a really productive therapy session. The theme was self care. nurture. I have a fundamental difference in how I am sick from my husband. When he is sick, he seeks isolation. When I am sick, I become this whiny crying baby who wants to be waited on. This difference breeds conflict. I have this expectation that someone else will take care of me.. Erroneous expectation. A little cognitive error message. So I walk around with this unmet expectation, which is ( this is the bombshell from therapy) a form of denying the situation in front of me. I am finally beginning to see that NO one, not the husband, not the children, not the job, is going to take care of me. Having these unmet expectation just breeds dissatisfaction.
For years, I have heard you cant lose weight for someone else. For years I have had different motivations. Dieting for a new guy. job, outfit, wedding. I think I am beginning to see that I have to take care of myself, I have to do it for myself.
Yesterday, in therapy, I was able to describe the downward spiral toward mania/anxiety/ binge eating. It starts with breaking paleo. My unmet expectation is that somebody will cook for me, and it will met my dietary needs. Not going to happen. And expecting my husband to change his dietary ways, for my sons to learn a new way is denying the reality that if it's going to happen, it has to be me. So step one is to realize that I am responsible for paleo. ( ironically, one of the spats over the weekend was between husband and I over my eating of cold macaroni and cheese. I quote "I'm so tired of you blowing all the hard work and money we spent on paleo. I bring the leftover home so the boys will have something to eat, not you.")
the second part of the downward spiral is a break in my routine. Something happens that throws the day off, and I fall down into the black pit of overstimulated anxiety, mania. I guess this is more all or nothing fatitude. Once my routine goes, my meds go. For some unknown and unhealthy reason, I skipped making my med kit for the week. Once meds go, the anxiety episode takes over. And then I find myself trying to answer the queasy manic frenzied feeling with food. Which brings me to to last night. except that I answered the queasy feeling with medication, and forced sleep.
Today's goals are to make it through work..and onward toward my birthday holiday. Tomorrows blog will be about my three year journey toward health, and the state of Kate for the birthday blog.
Monday, December 01, 2014
I am really glad November is over. I would rather practice gratitude every day, then forced into one day filled with carbohydrates and family drama.
So, how did I do?
1.to lose weight. starting weight 295. ( stayed the same)
a. keeping calorie range, with a deficit of-500. tracking this deficit in the calorie differential challenge for By the numbers team. ( I was in calories range 20 days of the month)
b focusing on paleo 80/20, with one cheat meal a week. limit it to one meal, and not slide down the path to one week, WATCH for all or nothing eating. ( still working on this)
c. counting carbs, with a spread of less than 20 carbs between meals. ( 30, 45, 30) ( havent figured out how to track this.)
d. tracking what I feel while eating ( totally forgot this aspects, as well as the timing of meals)
e. timing my meals.
f. checking my blood sugars. ( down to 150)
2) WALK. 5 AMs a week. 10,000 calories burned this month for the NOVEMBURN challenge. plus I am going to try for the #fit2feast# challenge, 10 minutes of something everyday until turkey day. (46,548 was total steps, but didnt make the calorie burn or the daily steps this month.
3) De-cluttering goal... all my progress has gone down hill, because I didn't maintain it. I'm starting over with the dinning room table.
December Goals: Of course the overall goal is to lose weight, be healthy, be happy and whole. I will know the starting weight after the Biggest Loser Campaign at work. How?
1) daily tracking of calorie range. less than 2,440. Calorie differential. Honest tracking. Carb counting.
2) daily steps. 10,000 a day.
3) blood sugars, daily
4) timing meals
5) De cluttering. This month, I am maintaining the table, and going for the counters.
Daily plan 12/1.
1) spin, spark, drink tea and theraflue
2) breakfast smoothie
3) shower, etc
4) load the dishes. put dinner in crock pot.
5) go to work, biggest loser weigh in.
6) work. write reports. walk every hour.
7) come home for lunch
8) write some more after lunch.
9) go to gym, treadmill till 10,000 steps ( one hour)
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