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There's this new book, about what really works for long term wieght loss....

Tuesday, October 07, 2014

The teaser article on the webb said she had to give up three things....
1) fad diets, moderation, the cheat day. doesn't work for her, and really doesn't work for me. A bite of chocolate leads to the whole bag. It's not one serving of mashed potatoes, it's four. the whole bag.. I shouldn't be eating food that comes in a bag anyway. that's not PALEO
2) time.. that it's going to happen in so many days. I intentionally set my spark people goal as a day so far in the future, I can't contemplate. Yes, Empty Nester day is going to come, and with it, my goal weight. I try not to do the math.. so many days, so many pounds, how many pounds a week... I just know that TODAY, I am healthy. Tomorrow, I plan to be healthy. What comes after next week, we shall see.
3) BLAME. whose fault is it that I hit almost 50, grey haired, obese, unhappy with my career? The choices have been mine. The years and the grey I can celebrate. OBESE I can do something about, now and in the future. the career thing.. that's another story...

the article talked about this question? So, if you've struggled and failed to eat healthier, ask yourself: Where did you go wrong, how can you be fully accountable and what specifics steps can you take to solve your dilemma? That's far more empowering and leads to pretty powerful results. SO, looking at the past weekend.. where did I go wrong? I didn't get out of bed. I gave in to the awful feeling. I ate to feed the awful feeling. It was all me, no one else was home. I guess to be fully accountable, I could track, from memory, eat bite seared into my guilty conscious. I can tell you that I fantasized for a way out, a way to a clean house with an organized linen closet, to a job that pays the bills and more, to a relationship that has balance. And while I fantasied, I eat. But the period ended, with no real damage to the scale, and I wake today with resolve. Here with go AGAIN.....on board the healthy train.... My specific step was to wake, and GET OUT OF BED. to walk, to go to work. To eat when it was time to eat. To take each step, one foot in front of the other...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_RAMONA 10/7/2014 7:45PM

    Hang in there, Kate! I know it's hard... When I look ahead and consider how far away "life as I want to be" or "goal anything" is, I feel trapped, anxious and overwhelmed. Right now I wake up every morning, and even before I open my eyes I feel the crushing weight of everything in front of me... and if I were to give in the least little bit, I know I'd just stay in bed, too... or look for ways to dull my senses (I'd probably choose Bourbon). I go through my days feeling every minute as though it's eternity itself... and all I feel is overwhelmed and anxious (I'm not sure... I think numb might be preferable? Or does numb come after overwhelmed has taken its toll?)

Maybe you just needed a 'vacation' day, and instead of giving yourself one without apology or excuses, you took one in the only way you could think of at the time. I'm glad you're once again moving forward.

I'm trying to give myself little mini-vacations as I go along this very unpredictable and exhausting path I'm on... an hour here, an hour there... giving myself the gift of fun/rest/fantasy/calm... anything I want... as long as on top of everything else it doesn't derail my own sincere goals, and rob me of what I want for myself.

Something of which to take note: from a purely behavioral perspective, depression (numbing?) is anger turned inward. I must confess, I'm on a continuous slow simmer over here... I am pretty angry about a good number of things, and I'm having to be very careful about keeping it real... more than anything else, I cannot swallow/stuff my anger, or I'll really be in trouble. I've been writing some pretty angry missives (and burning them ), doing some stomping around, and venting (mostly appropriately... I'm a bit of a door slammer).

Be careful with the blame thing, my dear friend... it's an absolute certainty that every one of us would do a number of things differently if we had had our present experience to guide our younger selves, but as Maya Angelou says: "You do the best you can. When you know better, you do/choose better."

Nothing is lost as long as we can find our way clear to choosing better bit by bit. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time... washing it down with an occasional glass of wine/whine helps, too, LOL!

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Comment edited on: 10/7/2014 7:48:23 PM

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Is numb a feeling?

Tuesday, October 07, 2014

I've been off track, off the grid, off program and way away for days. I don't know why. I have been trying to keep the therapist homework in mind; what I am feeling while I eat? Is Numb a feeling? I set October goals, and then walked away from them. I set a meal plan, then walked away from them. But walking would imply activity, I just sleep. I would wake, eat some carbs, sleep some more. My husband yelled at me for going off paleo " if we have invested all this money and time to Paleo, you can't just give up." I missed work.

I don't know why, but I woke up this morning and said enough. I woke up, put the dog out, and decided to be healthy today. I drank my lemon water, took my pill and went for my walk with CATLADY. I know I need to eat breakfast... track the feeling... but again, is numb, going through the motions a feeling? At least with a healthy breakfast, I wont have the resulting guilt.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FORZACHANDMATT 10/7/2014 6:50PM

    I think numb is a feeling - kind of like being disconnected. Hang in there!

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FMIAYLA 10/7/2014 6:41PM

    A very wise man once told me "what you focus on grows". So observe the feeling - numb works for me - But focus on the positive behavior you are doing. Then follow BABYSOX's advise and celebrate those victories.

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BABYSOX 10/7/2014 4:47PM

    One step at a time and celebrate each small step in the right direction!

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1CRAZYDOG 10/7/2014 2:29PM

    ((HUGS)) Wish I had some answers/advice for you, but I really don't.

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Trick no treat this Halloween...October Goals

Saturday, October 04, 2014

I had my round of Doctor appointments in September and have some new insights into my goals. I ended September by taking a mini vacation from logging, and then walking, and then it rolled into not eating according to plan.... so OCTOBER is a month to pull it back together.

September..
emoticon staring weight was 306...ending weight was 299.5 emoticon
emoticon Major goal was to eat according to plan with a deficit of -500. According to my master calendar, I ate within my goal 26 days. ( that's assuming I tracked accuratelty) emoticon
* emoticon Walking.. this is harder to report because I lost my SPARK in the middle of the month, and replaced it once payday came. I will restart tracking in OCTOBER.
emoticon I added the goal of de-cluttering. to accomplish this we had a little pow-wow, and I wrote a behavioral contract with the boys. We had a major cleaning day, and cleaned the counters, the table and the floors. Looking around, I need to enforce the daily clean up part of the behavioral contract.... LOL!

OCTOBER GOALS: Incorporating the feedback from the specialists....
1) TO LOSE WEIGHT by eating according to the plan 80/20, and following my daily calorie recommendation, with a calorie deficit of -500. I'm still paleo, but the specialists recommended I add quinoa, or brown rice occasionally. the nutritionists gave me a book on carb counting. I'm still thinking it over... but the therapists suggested I add a daily note to my tracking of calories and carbs, of what I felt when I ate. I will try that, as well as timing my meals so that I slow down my eating. MY PCP asked that I check my blood sugars daily, so I will add that.

2) WALK... now that I have my SPAT, I want to walk 100,000 steps this month. That's over 4, 000 steps a day, so that's my goal.

3) De-cluttering and keeping the house clean.. a work in progress. This month, I want to attack my bed-room.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOPEYP 10/5/2014 4:28PM

    emoticon emoticon

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BABYSOX 10/5/2014 7:59AM

    Great goals. Here is to a Happy and successful October.

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PEEKINGOUT 10/4/2014 10:59AM

    Good luck on your goals for October. I am finding de-cluttering my house and losing weight have many things in common, both emotionally and physically.
Thank you for sharing your doctor's recommendations.
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1CRAZYDOG 10/4/2014 10:55AM

    You're making progress. Don't give up!

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REBESANCON 10/4/2014 10:43AM

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I need to change my behavior.

Thursday, September 18, 2014


I read an interesting article about putting it all together. Losing weight is more than eating healthy, and exercise, you have to change your fatty behavior. Iíve struggled with consistent weight loss, and am working on losing the same 12 pounds I gained last winter. If I am not constantly vigilant, I can gain 10 pounds. Obviously, I need to change my behavior. Next week, the day of the doctor appointments, I met a new therapist, and the goal is to learn new skills to change my behavior. This article from SPARK ď sparked ď into thinking about some small things I can do, or already do to be a more successful weight loss champ.
First, Practice mindful eating. ACTION TIP: Set a timer. Start by finding out how quickly you currently eat your meals. You may be surprised to find out that breakfast or lunch at your computer is over within 5 or 10 minutes. Then, work on adding time to your meals, aiming for each meal to take AT LEAST 20 minutes. This will be my Goal for next week.
Second, change my perception. This is something I inconsistently practice. GOAL: I will always pick the smaller plate, salad bowl. ACTION TIP: Eat from smaller salad plates and small bowls for daily use.
Again, PLANNING makes all the difference. Days that I plan my lunch, snack, dinner, and track it, and pack it in the lunch cooler, I do much better. Having pre-portioned snacks allows me to control the calories. ACTION TIP: pre-portion your snacks into a smaller container (or plate) so you know exactly how much you're eating.
The fourth ACTION TIP is one that I will need to think about. TIP: Make a list of your food weaknesses and the places you encounter them. Come up with solutions to avoid those encounters,. Stick with your plan of avoidance until you build up the strength to face that food without giving up your control. My food weakness; pizza. Leftovers. Anything in the break-room. My plan: For now, no buying pizza. Put up the leftovers, or freeze them right away so they arenít available for midnight eating. Donít go into the break-room.
I need to get better with the 5th action step. ACTION TIP: If you donít' already, start tracking your food. Even if you don't list all the calories, fat or carbs you eat, even a simple list can make a big difference. Donít forget to include beverages, sauces, condiments, and other small "tastes" in your log! Extra calories can be hiding in these items. I need to track all the little sips and tastes. A notebook that I keep with me, or a note in my phone will help to track them. GOAL: write down everything. Weigh and measure things. Itís a basic weight loss strategy that I have gotten away from.
The 6th Tip is something I already do, I edited it to fit my paleo plan. ACTION TIP: Fill half your plate with disease-fighting vegetables, a quarter with lean protein, a quarter of fruit or dairy. This method automatically piles your plate full of filling, low-calorie veggies that also provide fiber, vitamins and minerals to fight disease. It also helps control portions of starches and protein, which can sometimes become larger than necessary. Keep in mind that using a smaller dish still helps, even when using the proper plate method.
The 7th tip is one I am working on, edited for paleo purposes. . ACTION TIP: Stick to lean sources of protein, hummus, egg s, lean meats, and low-fat dairy products (yogurt, cheese) can all give you muscle-building proteins without added fat.
The 8th Tip is not applicable for me. It involves eating out, and I have solved that dilemma by not eating out. Ití s better for the budget, which needs to go on a diet, too.
The 9th tip is something that I do every day, eat breakfast.

I am wondering what skills the new therapist will teach me, but that is my focus, skills to curb mindless eating, nighttime eating. I can incorporate some into my behavior now. I am going to adjust my 25 steps to incorporate these behavior tips.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 9/18/2014 1:47PM

    Good plans, good luck! Hope you find the work w/the therapist to be helpful.

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to answer some really good thoughts and questions.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

My last blog, my dear friend and accountability partner raised some good questions, and GOD raised some good questions and pointed me in a direction toward answers.

I cant take a leave of absence. I have a week of shared leave saved, and about three days of other leave. So the most I could take off to straighten things out is 10 days. I am the primary bread winner, the daycare pays the mortgage but I get everything else, and my job supplies health insurance. Until that changes, I have to work. So I have always thought that I would retire from the state. In 18 years. But really, I don't think I can stomach it; the bureaucracy, the secondary trauma for 18 more years. While I did talk to my boss about her disability comment, and she said it was totally off the cuff, random and not serious, it did get me thinking, as did _Ramona's comments. What if there was something else out there? My goal board, as me furthering my education, and working more towards health social work.

and then I had a doctor's appointment, who offered me a job. It's not right away, but in about 6 months, she would be looking to hire someone to do diabetic coaching, medical social work, life coaching. With a little more training, I could do that. I have an advanced generalist MSW, which means that I know a little bit about everything social workee. I asked her how serious she was, and she said very, it was just a question of billing. So, THEN GOD intervened, and I magically got an email about an online course around health, nutrition and human anatomy. I'm going to write her up a proposal, that basically says a free trial run, if she paid for this course, which I will complete in the next 6 months. I would take patients during the 5-7 nights at the clinic. which is only 4 patients a week, but maybe it's enough for her to see that this is a really good thing. Or I could switch to a 4 ten schedule, and spend one full day at the clinic.

So, I see a light at the end of the tunnel.

And I learned, or reinforced another lesson about living a PALEO life. My challenge this week was pre-planning. I had dinner planned and tracked. Each day, I send a group text to the family, giving the menu and asking how will be home for dinner. Last night the plan was chicken Caesar salad. I needed to know how much chicken to get at the store. Husband and Princess both replied that they did not want chicken, that they wanted to go eat at the Chinee, all you can eat porkfest. I really wanted a family dinner. She is leaving in a week, and it's limit how many family nights with all 5 of us we have left. So I agreed. Husband said, that remember you can eat one meal a week of you "cheat". So I ate. and was up all night with FIBRO pain. I think it was the glutton in the soy sauce, the MSG in the garlic sauce, the bad fat in the crab wontons. Lesson learned. That while I get a "cheat" meal, I still need to follow the health restrictions.

My son is learning a lesson in fitness. He has breakfast at 7 AM. Which is usally a grain filled, sugar filled bowl of NON PALEO cold cereal, or an EGGO smeared with peanut butter ans syrup. ( not my purchases, but somehow they make it in the house, thanks DAD). his lunch is at 1:30. By 11, his sugars have dropped. He landed in the school nurse office, and got sent home. SCHOOL NURSES aren't allowed to do interventions. I am now trying to make him protein filled things that he will eat in the morning, and stuffing his backpack with protein bars. i really wish he would eat fruit and veggies.

And to end on a sad note, my two Blue Healer bad disobedient trash eating have jumped the fence and have gone on the lam.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 9/11/2014 8:51PM

    Oh my! Your boss should have some duct tape handy @ all times for the mouth area! Good heavens. IN no way would I take her comment as a joke.

Oh the other hand, it is soooooo diving intervention the way things have worked w/the job offer then the course to get what you need to fill in the knowledge gaps for what that Drs. office needs. That is just awesome.

So sorry about your 2 Blues. Prayers.

I hope you have a good weekend,.

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_RAMONA 9/11/2014 11:41AM

    Kate, you ROCK 'hard' like nobody else I know! :)

How's your finger?

I now clearly see that creating some real and productive space within which to sort your own medical/health needs would take some very creative planning. How awesome that the Holy Spirit is on side, LOL (what an exciting job that would be... she'd be so lucky to have you)!!! I also think it's pretty funny that as soon as you called your boss on it, the disability comment became a 'joke'. NOT cool... if there was no real empathy/support attached, the comment should have never been made (how can the even the word disability ever be "off the cuff, random and not serious"?). Can you still pursue the idea further without commitment... really explore what your options are in this regard and if, perhaps, the financial remuneration would be sufficient for a truly constructive amount of time?

...and I'm going to be a real pain abut this one: how has the meeting gone with DH and boys?

I can't help but observe that in addition to being the primary bread winner, you are also the primary care person for everyone in the house... and you are living with three other almost adults, and one up and coming adult. I know this is an occupational hazard for MSWs, and maybe it's just me, but I'd really like to hear/see that the people who say they love you treat your struggles with more respect, and shoulder the burdens they can so that you can take better care of yourself without having to constantly move heaven and earth to do it.

Kate, kids (and sometimes husbands... because we don't require more) are by nature self-absorbed... and they stay that way, unless we teach them otherwise. I KNOW how good it feels to do for them... I have to remind myself constantly throughout the day that to be the best Mom/wife I can be is to expect my own nears and dears to be the best they can be... and this includes being fully contributing members of this family. It's not mom's job to take care of everyone, it is everyone's job to take care of each other, and to maintain the home environment together.

I'm so sorry that your desire for family connection came back to bite you back! In my experience, I had to be completely 'on plan' 100% for a significant amount of time before I could even entertain the idea of 'cheating' to any degree... and it is never convenient. Sigh.
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Has your son read 'Paleo for Athletes'?

I am SO sorry to hear about your dogs! Have they done this before? You must be so worried... I hope they get themselves back home ASAP. Do you have bylaws and fines for running at large? Here it would cost me $250.00 per animal if they are caught... more if they are unlicensed.
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P.S. Are you still supplementing resistant starch? Do you mind sharing your experience with me? My foray hasn't gone all that well.
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Comment edited on: 9/11/2014 11:44:02 AM

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