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to answer some really good thoughts and questions.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

My last blog, my dear friend and accountability partner raised some good questions, and GOD raised some good questions and pointed me in a direction toward answers.

I cant take a leave of absence. I have a week of shared leave saved, and about three days of other leave. So the most I could take off to straighten things out is 10 days. I am the primary bread winner, the daycare pays the mortgage but I get everything else, and my job supplies health insurance. Until that changes, I have to work. So I have always thought that I would retire from the state. In 18 years. But really, I don't think I can stomach it; the bureaucracy, the secondary trauma for 18 more years. While I did talk to my boss about her disability comment, and she said it was totally off the cuff, random and not serious, it did get me thinking, as did _Ramona's comments. What if there was something else out there? My goal board, as me furthering my education, and working more towards health social work.

and then I had a doctor's appointment, who offered me a job. It's not right away, but in about 6 months, she would be looking to hire someone to do diabetic coaching, medical social work, life coaching. With a little more training, I could do that. I have an advanced generalist MSW, which means that I know a little bit about everything social workee. I asked her how serious she was, and she said very, it was just a question of billing. So, THEN GOD intervened, and I magically got an email about an online course around health, nutrition and human anatomy. I'm going to write her up a proposal, that basically says a free trial run, if she paid for this course, which I will complete in the next 6 months. I would take patients during the 5-7 nights at the clinic. which is only 4 patients a week, but maybe it's enough for her to see that this is a really good thing. Or I could switch to a 4 ten schedule, and spend one full day at the clinic.

So, I see a light at the end of the tunnel.

And I learned, or reinforced another lesson about living a PALEO life. My challenge this week was pre-planning. I had dinner planned and tracked. Each day, I send a group text to the family, giving the menu and asking how will be home for dinner. Last night the plan was chicken Caesar salad. I needed to know how much chicken to get at the store. Husband and Princess both replied that they did not want chicken, that they wanted to go eat at the Chinee, all you can eat porkfest. I really wanted a family dinner. She is leaving in a week, and it's limit how many family nights with all 5 of us we have left. So I agreed. Husband said, that remember you can eat one meal a week of you "cheat". So I ate. and was up all night with FIBRO pain. I think it was the glutton in the soy sauce, the MSG in the garlic sauce, the bad fat in the crab wontons. Lesson learned. That while I get a "cheat" meal, I still need to follow the health restrictions.

My son is learning a lesson in fitness. He has breakfast at 7 AM. Which is usally a grain filled, sugar filled bowl of NON PALEO cold cereal, or an EGGO smeared with peanut butter ans syrup. ( not my purchases, but somehow they make it in the house, thanks DAD). his lunch is at 1:30. By 11, his sugars have dropped. He landed in the school nurse office, and got sent home. SCHOOL NURSES aren't allowed to do interventions. I am now trying to make him protein filled things that he will eat in the morning, and stuffing his backpack with protein bars. i really wish he would eat fruit and veggies.

And to end on a sad note, my two Blue Healer bad disobedient trash eating have jumped the fence and have gone on the lam.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 9/11/2014 8:51PM

    Oh my! Your boss should have some duct tape handy @ all times for the mouth area! Good heavens. IN no way would I take her comment as a joke.

Oh the other hand, it is soooooo diving intervention the way things have worked w/the job offer then the course to get what you need to fill in the knowledge gaps for what that Drs. office needs. That is just awesome.

So sorry about your 2 Blues. Prayers.

I hope you have a good weekend,.

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_RAMONA 9/11/2014 11:41AM

    Kate, you ROCK 'hard' like nobody else I know! :)

How's your finger?

I now clearly see that creating some real and productive space within which to sort your own medical/health needs would take some very creative planning. How awesome that the Holy Spirit is on side, LOL (what an exciting job that would be... she'd be so lucky to have you)!!! I also think it's pretty funny that as soon as you called your boss on it, the disability comment became a 'joke'. NOT cool... if there was no real empathy/support attached, the comment should have never been made (how can the even the word disability ever be "off the cuff, random and not serious"?). Can you still pursue the idea further without commitment... really explore what your options are in this regard and if, perhaps, the financial remuneration would be sufficient for a truly constructive amount of time?

...and I'm going to be a real pain abut this one: how has the meeting gone with DH and boys?

I can't help but observe that in addition to being the primary bread winner, you are also the primary care person for everyone in the house... and you are living with three other almost adults, and one up and coming adult. I know this is an occupational hazard for MSWs, and maybe it's just me, but I'd really like to hear/see that the people who say they love you treat your struggles with more respect, and shoulder the burdens they can so that you can take better care of yourself without having to constantly move heaven and earth to do it.

Kate, kids (and sometimes husbands... because we don't require more) are by nature self-absorbed... and they stay that way, unless we teach them otherwise. I KNOW how good it feels to do for them... I have to remind myself constantly throughout the day that to be the best Mom/wife I can be is to expect my own nears and dears to be the best they can be... and this includes being fully contributing members of this family. It's not mom's job to take care of everyone, it is everyone's job to take care of each other, and to maintain the home environment together.

I'm so sorry that your desire for family connection came back to bite you back! In my experience, I had to be completely 'on plan' 100% for a significant amount of time before I could even entertain the idea of 'cheating' to any degree... and it is never convenient. Sigh.
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Has your son read 'Paleo for Athletes'?

I am SO sorry to hear about your dogs! Have they done this before? You must be so worried... I hope they get themselves back home ASAP. Do you have bylaws and fines for running at large? Here it would cost me $250.00 per animal if they are caught... more if they are unlicensed.
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P.S. Are you still supplementing resistant starch? Do you mind sharing your experience with me? My foray hasn't gone all that well.
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Comment edited on: 9/11/2014 11:44:02 AM

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The first week of September was hard...

Sunday, September 07, 2014

It was a hard week. Partly because I ran out of both the pain med, and the fibro med, and the insurance wouldn't refill the script till Saturday. Both Thursday and Friday I gave in and skipped the morning walk, which sets me up for the rest of the day. I ate Fast Food. I did not make my de-cluttering goal. My boss mentioned that I could take disability. Which really pissed me off. I am still able to work, but it's hard. I am still a valued employee, who is doing a thankless job, and doing it well. I will NOT let this stupid disease ( ok, diseases since I am complicated) define ME. I am more than fibro, more than diabetic, more than bi-polar. BUT it is taking all I have got to keep them in check. Baby asked me to do a parent thing at school for him, and I told him no, no extra's until I get a handle on health, and house cleaning.

so the goals for the second week are:
1) morning walk with Catlady, emoticon Mon- Friday. 10,000 steps, which will mean some sort of walk after dinner, except on Tuesday when there is a parent meeting at school. Tai Chi every day for a least one or two of the forms we have been taught. emoticon
2)planned meals. Breakfast is easy, shake or eggs, or sauerkraut and sausage. Lunch should be easy, chicken salad of some sorts. But I have to pack it, plan it ahead or I give in and eat fast food. ( to the dismay of the budget and the waist line). Dinner is planned for the week, all paleo. I asked Baby what his favorite Paleo meal was and he said Steak. So we are grilling T-bones this week. my snacks are planned, cerely with hummus, carrots with hummus, almonds, apple and almond butter. should eat within calorie range, and I WILL track it in calorie differential challenge. emoticon
3) de-cluttering. I didn't make much of a dent, but today I will set up my new canisters. I bought a set at GOODWILL, and want to put all my morning potions in them, and label them with my label maker. Today, I WILL finish this project, and clear off the counter where they will go, and maybe the table if I have time. emoticon
4) financial health. still tracking the receipts, the good, the bad and the ugly ( fast food). I can already see items that are extra, and can be eliminated.

Two more weeks till Princess leaves. First full week of school. Football season has started. I went to the Varsity game, thinking we would see BigBOy play, but no. NO Playing time for him. It was an incredibly boring game, filled with penalty back and forth. We won, 20-14. Hopefully, He will get playing time on JV. The baby played in PEP band, and loved it. Came home horse from his yelling. Today should be filled with house cleaning, laundry and week prep but We have a family obligation. I really like it when they show up to my hosting, so it's only fair that I show up to theirs.

Off to more sparking.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_RAMONA 9/8/2014 3:23AM

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Kate, I read your blog this morning, but wanted to ponder a bit before I replied....

Truths:

Y
ou are able to work... so many in your shoes would not be.

You are a valued employee, who is doing a thankless job, and doing it well... many would not.

You do NOT let any one of your conditions define YOU.

You are so much more than fibro.

You are so much more than diabetic.

You are so much more than bi-polar.

You are medically complicated.

The fact that you are medically complicated makes working very hard.

The fact that you are medically complicated, and working, means that other things - things that are possibly even more important to you - have to go on hold 'until'.

It is taking everything you have to keep your medical issues in check.

Other people (myself included) cannot possibly understand or 'get' what it is really like to walk in your shoes... we are often insensitive, at the least, and completely obtuse at our worst.



In light of all of all of the above, I feel compelled to ask some questions:

Should keeping everything 'in check' take everything you have (and away from what you really want), or would it make some sense to find a compromise that you can live with, which allows you to express your 'more than' while having more time to figure out the complications?

Does your life really have to be as hard as it currently is? Would it really be such a bad thing to choose something more manageable?

When things are out of control, and you can never move forward into your dreams and wants, and even adequately meet your needs, aren't your medical conditions actually then defining you to a point anyway?

What could you accomplish if you had a year to simply take care of yourself and your health?

I know your boss's suggestion made you feel discounted and unacknowledged for all that you really are, but does taking disability negate all that you are over and above your complications?

Would a leave of absence (taking disability for a time) really be such a bad thing? Can you dictate your own terms for such a leave? (You mentioned some time ago that you thought it would be helpful to have some time to go off meds and start over to find a better balance and what really works without the stress of keeping all of the plates spinning).

Where are things at with the new counselor?

How did the meeting with DH and the boys go?



Your plans, as usual, sound GREAT! Again, there are no words to tell you just how very much I admire you!

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Comment edited on: 9/9/2014 2:40:37 AM

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FMIAYLA 9/7/2014 4:45PM

    What a busy week - you do have a lot on your plate.

Why are bosses so frustrating. Boss knows you have health issues BUT lacks sensitivity as to where you are at with it. A couple of months ago my sister died. My boss knew it had happened but within an hour after she found out she chose to criticized me for following a protocol that she had outlined for me to follow. Such insensitivity is stressful. You deserve a emoticon

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KNEEMAKER 9/7/2014 12:58PM

  Yep and Keep on Keeping on! emoticon

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KNEEMAKER 9/7/2014 12:54PM

  Yep and Keep on Keeping on! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 9/7/2014 12:35PM

    Hope it gets a little easier for you. HUG

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Today is a slow day....

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

I've had trouble sleeping, rambling thoughts that I just cant corral. Yesterday, I came home early because I ached. Like a tooth ache in my whole body. I made dinner, took pain meds and went to bed. Tossed and turned, sleep in spurts. I had great plans, I was going to wake up at 5, get some house chores done, walk etc. When the alarm went off, I got up to walk. After our 45 minute walk, I called in sick and went back to bed. The thoughts of what I have to do is so overwhelming, in the face of that, I just curl back into fibro pain. I have been thinking about having a family meeting, with the boys and the husband. I cant be the only one who cleans, and clearly, the state of the house shows that I havent been keeping up. I ask, assign chores and they ignore me. Its a sign of disrespect. and I have let them evolve into this. It's time to get serious.

  
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1CRAZYDOG 9/3/2014 8:47PM

    OH my. I would say that it is definitely time for a meeting w/your DH and the boys. That is NOT acceptable for you to be working full time and have all the responsibilities in the house. That just doesn't work well.

I hope that you get some rest tonight. I can't imagine how hard it is to deal with the fibro pain and have difficulty sleeping and fibro pain. You need a break for sure!!!



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_RAMONA 9/3/2014 8:40PM

    LIKE... very much: "I have been thinking about having a family meeting, with the boys and the husband. I can't be the only one who cleans. I ask, assign chores and they ignore me. Its a sign of disrespect. and I have let them evolve into this. It's time to get serious."

AMEN.

As for the rest, I continue to pray for solutions for you.

Have you been able to try out the SierraSil (mineral supplement)?


How about the book: 'The Fatigue and Fibromyalgia Solution: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia, Made Easy!' (though we both know it will not be easy enough)? There's a Kindle option.


Would you consider something hokey for sleep and slowing down your thoughts? I tried this and it completely does the trick... while it may not work as well for you, it seems like a 'nothing to lose' option:

http://blog.sethroberts.net
/2013/11/05/honey-at-bedtime-im
proves-sleep/


I feel so badly for you and this battle you must fight on a daily basis. I admire you deeply, and if there was anything I could do to turn things around for you, I would do it! I wish I lived closer so I could bring you a meal or two... go for coffee... clean your bathrooms... do some laundry... remind you that despite the struggles, YOU are ENOUGH just as you are.

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How was August, and what to expect in September?

Friday, August 29, 2014

Starting weight 312.
Monthly minutes: 745.( below goal) emoticon
goal of 150 minutes a week; 5 out of 6 weeks. emoticon
goal of daily intentional exercise: 16 days out of 31 ( planning on making the next two days).
Eating below my BMR: 21 days out of 31 ( not counting the next two days).
Streaks: not so much. I lost my log in streak on one really bad day. I lost my weekly streak on one really bad week. I haven't made a week of paleo sober.
Ending weight: 308, but it read 298 this morning, but I don't trust it. I'll weigh 9/1 for a real weight. emoticon

Looking back, it was a semi hard month. Not so much Mania, better sleep, not so much fibro pain. Lessons learned: planning is key. prep work can not be undervalued. I am going into September with some lessons learned under my belt.

What to expect in September?

Goal One. Daily exercise. Combination of Catlady walks, Tai Chi and bike to work. It should equal to 90 minutes a day, which is 630 minutes a week, over 2, 800 a month. I am aiming for 540 a week, and 2,000 a month. emoticon
Goal two. Daily within Calorie range, under BMR. How to accomplish that? Follow paleo sober food plan, no night time eating. No fast food, plan each lunch, dinner and snack. Check blood sugar nightly. emoticon
Goal three: documentation. calorie differential challenge daily, streaks daily, goals and measurements daily.
Goal four: De-cluttering. Spend at least 10 minutes a day doing something besides laundry, dishes, trash ( which are daily anyway).
Goal Five: Financial health. track spending. Save receipts. Pay bills on time. Save for spa,

Ultimate goal is to lose weight and lower my A1C, manage my chronic issues better.

Obstacles that might come up. (Out of town trips ) conquered by preplanning and packing food, meds, walking shoes. Plan for day of rest following a 12 hour day. I know that that the 8 will be a long day out of town. Schedule my day to start so I can walk, tai chi and bike in the morning. Two days off already scheduled; taking Princess to campus on 9/19, and going to the specialist on 9/24. I have a scattered amount of doctor's appointments in town, and will make those before work. This month, I am going to start saving for the SPA trip in May.

The last days of August are planned. tomorrow will be the dry run for biking to work, working to finish up my reports. Sunday will be a family day away from the house. Planning is key.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

USMAWIFE 8/30/2014 7:40PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 8/30/2014 12:14PM

    Good luck! You have a good plan.

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_RAMONA 8/30/2014 11:36AM

    Go, Kate, GO!
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Go, Kate, GO!
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Go, Kate, GO!
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(I LOVE wearing this little skirt!)
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KNEEMAKER 8/29/2014 11:51PM

  Fantastic Friday, Keep on keeping on! emoticon

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Sometimes, I should think through my decisions.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Week wise, it was ok. Tuesday I thought my planning went really well. Thursday, I had an unexpected trip out of town, and didn't really get a chance to plan for it. Since the current boss is rigid about overtime, I have a 3 hour lunch break in the middle of my 12 hour day. I spent the time at home, until my computer died. Then I went to the pharmacy, and talked to them about drug interaction, thinking that the itchy twitchy semi catatonic state tuesday night was a drug interaction. She ran all my drugs, and supplements into the computer program, and while they are all suppose to cause low blood sugar, no twitchy can up. She thinks it because of a a particular med, the anti manic med that might have two high of a dosage. The primary doc thinks that it's the drug that the psych scribed. the psych thinks there anxiety attacks, and prescribed something that turns me into a zombie. I wont take it. Then I went to the health food store, and stocked up on things that I think make it better. I went back to work. I worked late, because of the appointment out of town. I got home at bedtime, ate dinner ( still Paleo sober) and tried to unwind. I had much fibro pain. Catlady thinks that the bad nights, fibro pain, can't sleep come from days out of town. I didn't sleep well, waking up with fibro pain. BAD DECISION TIME, to stubborn to take the zombie pain killer med. I just tossed and turned. Catlady came, I declined to walk, BAD DECISION TIME, I made it to work, lasted two hours. MIGRAINE, ate fast food ( bad decision), need to sleep. I looked at my reports that are due, decided that I could turn them in on Saturday, and went home for a nap. BAD DECISION TIME. so now I am committed to working tomorrow, and I have this wiggly thought that I don't have everything I need to complete them, and because it's Saturday, the schools and doctor's office will be closed. To rescue the bad decision, I have decided to make tomorrow my test run for the bike. I have everything I need. Bike helmet, bike lock, bike, basket for lunch box and purse, rescue kit at the office. Tomorrow, I will wake up at 6am, Walk to Tai Chi from 7-8, Tai Chi from 8-9, walk home, bike to the office, and try and rescue my reports. It's a good day for a dry run, the boys will be working for grandma and performing a dump run, the princess will be recuperating from her first college social outing, which occurred today at the local theme park, husband will be helping with the dump run, and watching zombie movies ( his way of decompressing from his week.) Because Sunday is booked for a family outing away from the house, and Monday is booked with thrift store shopping away from the house, Tonight, I get to do laundry, prep for next week in the kitchen, and try and plan for next week.

There just isn't enough time in the week.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_RAMONA 8/30/2014 11:35AM

    I am so frustrated FOR you... I can't even imagine how you must feel.

I don't see bad decisions, as much as I see a person swimming as fast as she can in really DEEP waters. I see progress despite how it feels.

I admire you more than I will ever find the words to tell you!

Go, Kate, GO!
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Go, Kate, GO!
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Go, Kate, GO!
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1CRAZYDOG 8/29/2014 9:55PM

    All I can say is it's tough.

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