Friday, August 01, 2014
Yesterday, I zoomed awake, and spent the day at the water park on my vacation day. I should have been tired by nightfall. My brain was tired. My skin was tired. However, my legs were restless and the body, oh so manic. I took the required meds. I took the optional use when in pain meds. I ate. I drank alcohol. Which my daughter said was really creepy, to come home at midnight to find me in my bathrobe, guzzling a hard cider and singing nirvana songs. Sleep for a total of three hours. Awake at 3 am to think that I have to put this manic pattern down on paper for the three doctors for my August appointment. Did that, really analyzing my blogs. I am manic 3-4 days a week since I started the new fibro med. Wide awake when dawn came. Wide awake through the morning, to town with Catlady, to shopping. Now it's three, and I am feeling that special kind of frazzled when your tank is on empty bu the gear shaft doesn't know it. I am now going to commune with the dogs. throwing a ball never gets old to a dog whose owner is manic. ( on the advice of a sparker, I checked my sugars. they are high. ) Weight is up. Can it get any more fubar? Broke the paleo sober streak, but maintained my intentional exercise streak.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
It's day three of Paleo Sober and intentional exercise. I've hit a bit of a wall. You see yesterday, the mania that was building hit a all time time, and I had to be driven home from work. Weird sign of mania, I couldn't focus on the computer. No way could I drive myself home, so I asked one of my co-workers, one of the few who know I'm bi-polar, to drive me home. Once home, I stared at the ceiling, and zoned. My mind moving so fast, I couldn't catch it. I pride myself on being a very functional bi-polar. No way do I let this stupid disease run my life. But this is turning into a weekly occurrence, where the mania is so out of control I cant function. I didn't eat, and I finally feel asleep, to have my friend call. Apparently, I was slurring my words. Don't remember that call, but I do remember my daughter calling, and being unable to write down what she wanted me to take notes on. I woke up, made dinner, took meds ( because even though I had had this really scary episode, the doc said not to change anything, to wait and see.) I went to water aerobics, where he worked us to the point of wobbling legs. I came home and sleep, no dreams, no mania, till 7 AM.
Once woken to today, day 3 of paleo sober, and intentional exercise, Catlady and I walked for an hour. Starbucks, trenta ice tea is the best non calories reward. Zoom, off to work, to do all the stupid computer documentation that I have kept till the end of the month.. That's right Kiddos, it's the end of the month. I am celebrating July by taking tomorrow off and spending it at the pool. 102 degree heat.
But that's tomorrow. My problem, is how do I get through the night without eating something bad? I have a half of a pizza, that my youngest bought for lunch-I bribed him by asking him to clean the kitchen, that I know is in the microwave oven. I have eaten dinner, and snacks. and I am not really hungry. But it's only 8pm. I have many hours to go before sleep.
I could ruminate on how unfair it is that I have to struggle with diabetes, IBS, FIbro, AND bi-polar. I could ruminate on how unfair it is that I spend more on BIG PHARMA and supplements that I do on anything else except food, and the mortgage. It even tops the student loans. I just don't know what good ruminating on the unchangeable. For all my effort for being healthy, I still have four chronic diseases, and I still need medication. My son asked me, after having sticker shock for picking up my meds at the Pharmacy, what would happen if I went off my meds? I would be bat$hit crazy, as I had a heart attach, and ran to the bathroom in pain. Not a pretty picture. But I do wish I could go off meds.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
I am on Day 2 of Paleo sober. It really helped to have snacks ready, lunch packed, dinner in slow cooker. No excuses. I took my 6 m sleepy meds at 6, separate from the dinner meds, and then took the dinner meds after water aerobics class with dinner. Pain was a bit elevated today, and I took 4 pain meds before I could "turn it off." lasted from 10-2, when I popped back up awake. Drifted 2-5, and then got up to Spark, do the dishes etc. Mind is alert, senses are on full alert, thoughts are racing.. all signs of mania, but my body is tired. It's this weird state of discombobulated.
I am on day 2 of intentional exercise. Yesterday, Cat lady and I walked an hour to Safeway and back for a lemonade. IF we walk that route this morning, I need to drink plan tea. We had water aerobics after work.. so glad! It's really nice to just be in the water. Tonight I am going for the full hour class. timne to get ready for work.. paperwork and deadlines await.
Monday, July 28, 2014
I dream big. I have a vision. I now what I want to accomplish. I was up, manic, in the middle of the night, when Spark people ran this quote.
I need to work on the foundation, the consistency of daily steps. I made week one of 90 minute exercise, and day 1 of paleo Sober.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
My accountability partner inspired me to a fun way to document the streak-bright colored sticky notes. I bought a very large bright blue background, and some bright pushpins. I bought lots of brightly colored sticky post its, to track each day of the streak, and a bigger ( 5x7) green post it to track the week. Starting today, I will write a streak post it. Each Saturday, I will wrap up the week.
So today is day one... I should have started last week, but really struggled with paleo sober eating, and missed my 10 minute activity 5 days a week by one day. it's the dreaded end of the week that gets me. But today is paleo sober. After dinner and it cools down outside, I will go for a walk. At least 10 minutes.
Today, I have planned 4 crock pot meals, two grill meals so night time cooking will be a breeze. Planning paleo is getting easier. I have two new cookbooks, the Everyday Paleo series. I have prepped my snacks, packing 1 oz of almonds in these tiny cute containers I found at Safeway, slicing my celery into sticks. Breakfast this week will be a mango spinach smoothie, lunch will be chicken, salad, PM snacks will be celery with hummus, or hard boiled egg, some fruit. My evening PM snack, which I have to have with my shot is a chicken leg. I've pre-cooked the chicken, the hard boiled eggs, the hummus. I am all good to go.
Husband has been monopolizing the TV for two days straight. After a bit of a hysterical melt down, he is folding laundry while he watches his show. I need to have three or four bathing suits, clean and prepped for Mermaid class, plus yoga pants and t-shirts for morning walking, AND clothes for work. Lots of laundry. And I confess, I haven't folded laundry since before the family camping trip last month. Each week the pile grows higher, and I see less couch. Piles are dug through each time a family member needs something. Today, he is folding it all, plus the 6 or 7 loads of laundry.
I went shopping, 3, 000 steps, 4 stores and a ton of money. But I have meals planned till the next payday, and the pantry is stuffed.
I think I am getting ready for the work week. I have mermaid class to look forward too, and I am taking two days of vacation so I can go to the pool day one, and recuperate from the inevitable sun burn. It will be a good week.
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