Wednesday, July 02, 2014
Today on one of my favorite teams page.. the leader posted a thread about, ... it is was not working change your approach.. well this got me thinking.. it is not working.. matter of fact this was my response:
when I started my journey in 2010, eating 3 meals a day 2 small snakes working out.. tracking my food and fitness on spark.. reading blogs, being part of a community.teams and always reading and researching healthy lifestyles and ideas it did work for me. the weight came off. and I was feeling good, and motivated.. my approach was to" shut up and listen" and get out of my own way.. I told my self that.. and it worked.
As you know things are not working but I just do not know how to change up any of what I listed above.. I still feel that I need to do all of that.. which I do but there is one thing that is going on and I NOW can see that.. I am in the way of my self.. everyday I am a road block and I know it.....
Yes eating less calories and burning more is going to equal weight loss.. but it is not working for me right now and I am fighting it.. so I need to look into changing my calories in and out.. and I am working on that..
Tracking??? I will never give that up.. I feel if I don't track.. I will lose control.. same with coming here..to teams and forums.. but as I said I am In my own way.. I have not shut up.. I have not sought out help via articles and blogs.. wheather it be Spark or other stuff.
but I think something just landed on my door step to make me shut up and listen..
some how I was sent this book called "bike your butt off" (also a bill came with it) I think it was because I was on this cycling site couple of weeks ago. so I started to read the intro and I think this is going to be what I need. it is a 6 week plan to become a much better cyclist and to drop weight.. I don't know if any one knows this but you can burn up to 800 calories an hour by cycling at a speed of 13mph.. that is more then runners.. and cycling is easier on your joints.. yes there is more to cycling then just peddling.. I have always known that.. but it dose not have to be Hard work..
well any ways I think this is the approach I need and it just landed on my door step..
Now after I wrote that I had a follow up visit at the Doc's but before that I went swimming and did some strength training Strength work, which I always feel so good after doing..
So of course I had to get on the scale.. now the last time I was there and they weighed me I was devastated by the number.. I mean I was working so hard and that was two weeks ago and I still have been working hard.. eating 1300 calories working out no picking no snacking .. I did have popcorn (no butter) yesterday about 2 cups.. well any ways the scale was only down 1 lbs.. Ok.. I am not even going to rant.. they put me in the room blood pressure is good.. wow I was shocked, Doc comes in and we talk about why I was there.. real quick I had this lump on my leg its a fatty tumor under the layer of skin it don't hurt but its weird they wanted to have it checked make sure it was nothing serious.. there is a name but gosh I could not spell it that is for sure.. any how doc and I where talking about things.. and this Doc I have never seen her before I have always seen the NP.. so then she says to me "gosh Anita" a lot of this problems will go away if you lose some weight" Really??? you think.... but instead of flying off the handle I said "let me tell you my history" so told her and then I told her how I am struggling every day.. and that I have done everything the same since I started this.. nothing has changed..
So, of course she suggested a couple of things.. surgery was one and that is out.. I don't want surgery plus.. I cant have it due to my hernia, I told her that..
she agreed. then she said You got to drop under 1200 calories.. what? is she right? what is she saying.. she told me that they have a weight loss program and the program starts you off very low.. gets your body moving weight off.. once that happens they bring you back up.. but you have to be in the program and checked monthly.. Ok here it is.. this what I am not sure of about the program.. she wants me to take this "weight loss pill" come on it's speed we know that... I said no.. because it wont work.. she showed me some previous and present patients success with being on and being closely watched on the program.. you still have to eat right, work out not just take this pill and think you will lose weight.. once the weight starts to move off they go off of it and then learn to eat healthy I said I know how to eat healthy.. I do eat healthy..
So as I said in my response.. I am my own road block.. I get in the way of my self..
I also read this:
It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” — Charles Darwin
So I am trying a new approach.. what do I have to lose???
Thank you for reading thank you for all your support and all your comments on my rant blogs.. I truly cannot do this with out the help and support of Spark I will never give that up.. this program I am entering into is a new approach.. who knows it might work it might not.. but like I say I need to shut up and listen..
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Matter of fact I have been crying all day long. today was the day I am scheduled to shake up my fitness and nutrition plan.. I put in my calendar a schedule of what I am going to be doing all week, Starting today was to go to the Y and swim, I have not gone swimming in about 6 or 7 months I mean real hard core lap swim tomorrows this weeks schedule has me doing that 3 times along with bike riding and walking and strength training I was excited to write this goal down and start working at it ..
About the nutrition part of it I plan on eating 3 meals a day which I always do and 2 lite snacks, keep the protein high and the carbs low.. so went shopping got lots of veggies and tuna and fish..and chicken.
So day started with me going to the Y at 8am.. I get my suit on and I am all ready to go out to the pool, "oh what's that a new scale in the woman's locker room"? ok I will bite.. I need to know where I am I know I was up since I went to Vegas two weeks ago.. but I have been doing really well, 1400 cals range each day last week along with working out. and 2 bike rides under me.. Friday was a cheat day due to husbands Birthday which we spent in Boston. had good meals all day.. only induldgement was half of his lobster claw pastry which is all cream... but we also did a ton and I mean a ton of walking.. so I get on the scale. I am up 3 more pounds... I now am 20 lbs more then where I was last year this time..
It's a joke right? really up 3lbs total weight 260 no more 240 really? that's it.. I am done I am finished I have had it what is wrong with me? there is something med-o-bolic-ly wrong with me.. something in my genic make up, something with my ... who knows. MY body will NOT lose weight.. it will not it will gain but it WILL not lose..
where can I find the answer??
Funny thing when I was at 330lbs.. I use to binge all the time.. I mean eat and eat and eat chips, ice cream.. large meals, soda McDonalds all the time.. I just ate all the time I always had a bowel of chips near me.. I did not go to the gym at all and I did weight my self from time to time and I hate to admit this but I maintained that 330 lbs for two years.. and now I just cannot get the weight off.. for one week of eating good and no cheat stuff working out drinking so much water.. not even a pound off nope 3 up..
I should be kicked off spark... I don't want to go back to binging.. but I am really headed there see I am an emotional eater this is going to seriously mess with me.. this is going to really put me over the edge which it has.. I have been crying all day, I am not beating my self up.. I am so confused and so hurt and so betrayed. betrayed by my own system..
I have no more words...
Friday, June 20, 2014
It's is funny how God puts people in front of your face when you need it and you don't even know why..
I think most of you know that I have been struggling, not so much with eating and not being on track because I have been on track eating the same amount of calories as I always have.. what I have been struggling with is the fact that the weight has stopped coming off.... no matter what I do, what I eat, how much I work out nada.. the scale does not move it may move down 2 up 1,down 2 down 1 up 2, since Christmas I gained 10 lbs and that 10 will no come off.. just so up set.. I work out but not as like I use to do due to my knee.. so there is no more cross fit or kickboxing, just walking, cycling spinning and strength work. which I do a ton of.. my cycling really is the hard core that I do walking I walk at a fast clip and only 3 miles.. I walk every day.. if not the 3 then 1 or 2.. but there is a walk..
Right before we left for vacation last week, I was down not where I was before Christmas but I was down, my clothes where feeling good, and I was feeling good, mainly because I was so excited to be going to Vegas.
So why I was in Vegas I did get fitness in you do a ton of walking there plus I did go to the hotels gym.. it was pretty cool.. I worked out for about an hour..
food yes there is food in Vegas but I made sure that anything I put on my plate was healthy.. there was one dinner that ok.. it was not your dieters dream plate but I did not eat it all, matter of fact we did not eat 3 meals a day out there.. but breakfast was a must and it was a healthy one..
Ok, yes I drank not every day.. I think it was one night of letting go, sitting there on the strip at the out side bar people watching talking with people who I just met, I can strike up a conversation with any one and if they have a British accent like this one couple I can listen to them for hours.. anyhow I would not of traded last week for anything..
Yesterday I had a dreaded doctors appt.... and of course the first think they do is weigh you, I thought ok I have been home since Saturday that is 6 days.. I detoxed with my green juice Monday and Tuesday, I drink a ton of water all week, I ate very well, I rode my bike 8 miles.. the night before.. so I should be the same.. right? no.. not Anita.. she was up 10 lbs.. ,,,.....
That's it.. I am done.. I quit, I have had it there is no help for me there is no explanation I do NOT want your diet pills Ms. Doctor.. I don't have a appetite problem that needs to be suppressed. I don't want my heart racing so thank you very much I quit..
Then I get home, I open my lap top and I go to Spark.. with out even thinking I mean I was quitting why would I turn to spark? just habit I always get on spark when I open my lap top it is the only reason I do.. besides facebook. and there it was.
I had a New mail notification which Ok I don't get spark mail all the time. so I said ok open it up what team is having a challenge.. and it was a letter from an angel.. and it read
Subject line: Inspiration
I just read your story and want to CONGRATULATE you and tell you that you inspire me. I am just beginning and look for motivation every day via SPARKPEOPLE and other sources to keep me going, I am 289 and was over 300.
I have always put others and things before my needs and am beginning to make the changes that I need to put myself 1st. It's hard because I come from the south where I was taught by example to put others 1st, but I am learning that I have to take care of myself 1st to help others.
Your story shows that this weight loss journey can be accomplished and maintained via hard work and sources like SPARKPEOPLE. Thanks for posting and encouraging others! YOU ROCK....
Really? where did this person come from and she thinks I was an inspiration, heck I did not feel like an inspiration at that moment, I felt like a complete failure, I was quitting didn't she know.... Then I though what are you going to say to her? are you going to tell her that your a failure? and that you just cannot lose any more weight, and that you want to quit.. .. and then it clicked.. No don't tell her that.. tell her your story... tell her how much this letter made you appreciate what you have done and how you did it.. and that you don't want to be 330lbs again.. and if it takes 10 years to get 10 lbs off your going to fight and fight .. so I did , I let her know that this journey is a life time commitment the road may get bumpy and wild but there are people there to help you and if there is one thing I have learned is to enjoy the ride..
Today I do not feel like quitting, today I feel like fighting.. I am going to keep moving forward.. I have made a few adjustments now that the knee is feeling better I am going to up my cycling and add in swimming I am going to have a plan of action each and every day..
Thank you angel.. you where sent to me when I needed it the most..
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