Sunday, August 24, 2014
I just went back and re read my blogs when I first joined Spark.. they where so full of hope and inspiration and motivation by my self.. and the responses from members some still here some not.. where so inspiring .. I was on top of my game or at least I thought I was.. maybe I was.. So your asking am I on top of my game now?
NO... I don't feel it..I feel kind of like I am going through the motions.. and not really working it.. OK I am in sales.. I sold houses for 5 years and I was very very good at it very competitive and very on top of my game.. I had to be or I did not make money.. I was always doing my "homework" to become an expert on the market.. I read books, I listened to other agents I watched other agents.. I enlisted in a couple of coaches to help with my sales.. and followed their advice to a Teee. and that is what worked for me.. I felt I had to be One step beyond everyone.. and I was.. or at least I think I was.. was there someone better then I ? yes. was there other agents who sold more then I ? oh yea.. but I wanted to be like them, I watched them and I followed what they did. and it worked..
The Day I joined spark and set up everything and read a lot of stuff I decided to apply the same attitude to my program.. and it worked.. it really worked tried to be one step ahead of me.. and my emotional eating.. I did what ever it took, I read... and re read arterials.. blogs. posts, recipes everything that spark had to offer.. I joined teams got into challenges.. started a team. too.. lead some teams.. really dove into it..
besides spark.. I ate clean everyday. planned out my meals, packed healthy lunch for work.. went to the gym, walked, rode my bike.. and got 8 hours sleep.. I was happy and the weight it came off..
Now I think the honey moon is over.. I don't have the same vigor and drive like I did I don't sell real estate any more I got out when the market went south and I need to get a job.. I now work in sales again and I love it keeps me going it keeps me on my game.. and I do enjoy this job a lot..
as for my program.. I am struggling.. well not struggling I am like I said going through the motions.. and feeling like I should be doing more or something different.. the weight has stopped coming off. I gain more then I lose.. one week up 1 next week down 1 one week up 2 one week no loss it goes on and on and on..
One thing for sure is I still use the tools, the tracking, the reading, the blogs and members.. thank God for members who support me and encourage me.. because I am not sure where I would be if I did not have that..
So is it still exciting ? but of course.. I may not feel excited at times.. but I know that this is life and life has its ups and downs.. but that is what makes it exciting
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
In the quest to keep up with my journaling and writing things down to get them off my chest I also need to write down when things go well, which was and is today..
went to the gym with my daughter today really worked out hard and then we went to a sauna session together which was so relaxing.. all and all day was great..
Thank you all for your support and encouragement it is a working ..
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
No you will never see me on the voice.. can't carry a tune that is for sure, but their is some voice that I was hearing all day and that was my chastising negativity voice.. letting me know that I did not lose the 30lbs that I planned on losing this Summer check not losing it I gained weight.. and I keep looking back what the heck did I do all Summer? I thought I worked hard.. yes I did I worked out 5x a week rode my bike as much as I could.. went two weeks, carb free then low carb ok yes I did have a few slips but they where nothing like what I use to do years ago where I would eat and eat all day long.. the slips where a little indulgements here and there but I really don't feel that they warranted such a set back of no weight loss and with all the working out I did or do..
People who I talk to other then spark members that I know tell me that they drink beer have pizza have that occasional ice cream cone, they run 4x a week they bike they work out and yet they still lose weight or maintain it..
Ok, ok.. I am sounding jealous and envious.. but serious I am .. I mean I am being super honest about my food and what I have ate. I don't eat fast food.. except pizza, I don't eat packaged of processed foods. heck I juice 3x a week. but I have not in about 2 weeks but still why has no weight gone off but it goes on..
I have had my thyroid checked, I have complained to my doctor so much that she put me on a diet pill I was so despite that I took it but I have stopped taking them because I don't think I have a appetite control problem. I wake up have a great breakfast, I plan out my lunch and dinner.. when I am sitting here like I am not 7pm at night after dinner is done and I am relaxing.. I am not picking, or munching no soda is sitting next me to water is.. I think I have a good healthy habits.. yet no weight loss..
Now this is all what the voice in my head keeps going over and over its like a bad tape.. and I am trying to get answers out of something that is not answerable..
Thank you for putting up with me.. I am blogging and writing this down apposed to maybe eating over it or letting it build up..
Monday, August 18, 2014
I wrote that in my status today, because today when I got up with a weekend food hangover.. I decided that no more.. no more fooling around.. no more playing with fire and no more wishing that the rest of my weight would come off.. I don't know what hit me this weekend if it was stress or anxiety or maybe even both and the killer was this weekend was a planned weekend we had left on Friday to pick up my daughter from hockey camp in Lake Placid and the shoot over to Boston where she had a tournament to play in so lots of driving, lots of eating on the run. but what I found my self doing picking and eating JUNK.. my allergies where killing me.. it was like having a hangover my head was killing me I could not think just sat and ate and I hated that. other then that the weekend was good. she played very well and she as scouted out by a woman's junior hockey league, I mean that girl is on top of the world and I am so happy for her. She or course knows we cannot act on that because of the fact that don't live there even though she wants us to sell the house tomorrow and move.... hahah.. but seriously I told her that there will be others just keep playing the way you do.. and there will be more offers..
Yesterday feeling just a little better and vowed that I was not going to overeat or make bad choices, which got me through most of the ride home.. but what really got me through is this book I had downloaded and was reading on my kindle, it was a romance story of a girl who lost a ton of weight and went back to her home town to rekindle a high school love.. cute and kept my mind off of things that is for sure.. but what really hit home is when she was talking about the reason why she gained so much weight after collage even though she was a successful business owner.. and that was fear.. wow that hit me.. that four letter word.. fear.. I knew just what she meant .. it brought me right back to when I was 25 and I had lost a like 80 lbs.. ad I was so happy.. so thin I had dates, and friends and clothes.. but it all came back on do to my binging and eating in stead of saying thank you to someone who said I looked good I would run home and eat.. and I could never figure it out.. I thought I out grew that.. when I got older.. but I guess I didn't and that is fear.. why.. should I have fear now I ask my self. I am married I got a man who loves me I have a great family, healthy and happy, a good job.. I mean I am no CEO or business owner I am happy with what I do.. my oldest is 21 and working and is trying to make a life.. my husband talks about retirement which he can because he has worked for the state for 30 years.. so what am I afraid of???
So today I woke up and decided I was going to find out.. and work on me again.. I will admit I have been so consumed with working out, and planning my meals that is has taking over my life. I also have been so concerned with the fact that no matter what I do the scale is not moving. I know some of you have heard me whine and cry about that and to this day I don't know why well.. if I keep eating like I did this weekend that is the answer but its the days and weeks that I don't eat like that is what baffles me.. but that changes.. today I am going to start to work on what I am afraid of and what do I want to do from here on out.. how can I change and what do I need to do to change it... because this is the day that everything changes..
I do still plan on staying with spark. what I need to do is start using the tools again, such as blogging and writing things down.. the girl in the story talked about that.. that she always wrote down everything her feelings her food her emotions and she kept a note pad with her.. she worked through her feelings that way instead of eating.. and she stopped pretending that she was strong to handle it.. wow that hit me too because I do that all the time.. pretend that "I am strong" I got this.. when I don't have this.. but someday I will..
Thank you for listening to me, everyone on spark has been such a great supporter of me. and it is this site that I can come to for help and guidance.. and I am so happy to have that.. and from now on I am going to use that tool and reach out and ask for help..
Hugs to everyone..
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