Monday, August 18, 2014
Something that has been missing from my life these past few months, if not years, is peace. In fact, in recent weeks, the stress and anxiety have become so debilitating that I'm actually on an extended leave of absence from work. It scares me that I don't know what is going on or how I'm going to make it day to day. I just pray that I do make it and that the stress can begin to wane.
I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder with PTSD as my secondary diagnosis. I was molested as a child and raped in my late teens. It left me with such confusion and left me a mess. It took nearly 38 years to get the help I needed, and now 8 years later, I'm feeling like I'm going backwards rather than forward.
My weight has also taken a hit with this latest episode. I had lost a tremendous 50 lbs last year, only to gain 13 of it back. With the depression and anxiety, I feel and find myself hiding from people, so going to the gym gives me panic attacks. You'd think with the beautiful fall like weather we've had this summer I'd be all over the trails, but I fear running into other people. I feel like they are judging me by my girth, and not by the fact that I'm out taking care of myself.
I need to break out of this cycle. I made an action plan for while I'm on leave, and I've yet to meet the fitness goals I've placed on that plan and it has been 5 days since I started it. I guess I should be happy that the housework that I had made a goal is getting done, but sleeping until 2pm in the afternoon after going to bed at 8:30/9:30 isn't cutting it.
I only have a couple of weeks to shake this feeling before the next 5% challenge begins. I can't let my Teddy Bear compadres down and as the challenge leader, I need to put up good fitness minutes and LTGL points, too. It is my goal to lose that 5% and be back under 200 again. With 12 weeks off, and 2 lbs a week, I want to be down 24 lbs by the time I go back to work. I think I can do it. I just need to get over this anxiety and get my butt in gear.
With that, prayers are much appreciated during this time.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Today is the last day of the 2014 Spring 5% Challenge, and while I had some successes, I am ending it right where I started weight wise. It is amazing that I have even been able to maintain considering the trials that I've been through this time around with Kyle's accident and subsequent passing, and then my cancer diagnosis.
The thing that I think is the greatest aspect of these 5% Challenges is the camaraderie of the teams. Everyone comes together and helps encourage each other throughout each challenge. If you are looking for a kick-start or a boost to your weight loss journey, then I highly recommend joining us for the 2014 Summer 5% Challenge.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
I swear! The scale hates me!!!! I've been within calories...getting steps in and still...the scale goes up! What is up with that? Is it stress? I am leaving for Vegas on Saturday morning, maybe that is it.
On the Vegas front, I'm not and I am looking forward to it. One one hand, it is for work and I will be in conferences all day. On the other, it is Vegas and I'm going to get to do some fun things. And work is paying for it. Breakfast and Lunch are provided most days there, but dinner can be super expensive.
A plus is all of the walking I'll be getting in. I know people joke about taking a taxi from Caesar's Palace to the Belagio (they are next to each other), but those places are HUGE!!!! I still plan on walking it rather than taking a taxi!!!
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
For those of you who don't know, I had surgery on my shoulder last Thursday to remove a pretty substantial chunk of cancerous tissue. With that, I've been put on restrictions from doing much of anything for a month that involves the upper body. With that, I have 2 dogs...let's just say...they shed. So, when the church called and asked if I needed anything (they asked) I said "I need someone to vacuum". Very short. Very blunt. And to the point.
She laughed off my response and advised me that is what my Bible study is for. What? I love these gals, but I'm afraid of asking any of them to do something like that for me. Yet, if they would ask, I would do anything to help them out!
So, after prodding from the church, I asked my Bible study to help me out. Two women came to my home tonight, emptied my dishwasher, vacuumed my home, cleared my gutters and planted some flowers for me. I felt so bad about these requests, but they did them for me anyway. And one gal is going to come by tomorrow to take my trash down to the curb for me. Wow...what a group of women!!!! I feel so blessed.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
I was dumb as they could come today. What in my head thought that it would be okay to walk 2 miles in old running shoes with no socks on? I have blisters the size of quarters now on the backs of my heels. You know, the kind that put you out of commission for a week until they dry up and heal a little more. Yes, they broke and are now open wounds basically. Sigh...why did I do that! Needless to say I got my walk in today. Needless to say it won't be happening again for at least another week. And here I was doing so well.
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