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Renewing My Commitment - 2014 Fall 5% Challenge

Thursday, September 11, 2014

With the 2014 Fall 5% Challenge looming in just a little over a week, I'm finding that I have a renewed spirit in regards to getting healthy once again. In the Summer of 2013, I reached ONEderland, but since then, I've gained back nearly 18 lbs. Yuck!

So, with this new challenge in my sites, I need to renew my commitment to a healthier me. Which means I need to answer a few questions:

What do I want to change?
I want to change how I feel. What does that mean? It means I don't want to feel out of breath anymore. No more racing heart beat after 1 flight of stairs, or just a mile walk (if that). I don't want that bunching feeling when my skirts or pants want to slip below my belly. (No one wants to see that) I no longer want to feel my flabby arms chaffe against my sides.

How do I want to look?
I'm not asking for super model status here. Not even a Hollywood look. No, I just want to look and feel healthy. You know those plus sized models that look healthier and more fit than the super models...yeah, that's what I want to look like. Healthy, fit, and a size 10 or 12.

How do I want to feel?
I just want to feel "healthy". My emotions are tied to my overall wellbeing. I want to break the cycle of anxiety and depression that is spurred on by my being uncomfortable in my own skin, per se.

What things will I be able to do in the future with a slimmer healthier body?
Walk a 5K without feeling winded. Walk 5 flights of stairs with barely having to catch my breath. Play with my nephews without having to stop every few minutes to catch my breath. Wear smaller clothes. To look "Hot"! To embrace the curves God gave me!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SVELTEWARRIOR 9/13/2014 12:03AM

    Seems quite reasonable to me! I know you can do it!!! I will be cheering you on.

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MAINEALI 9/11/2014 1:06PM

    Great post! I second everything you said. Good luck to you in the Fall 5% Challenge. I love the 5% challenges!


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Seeking Peace

Monday, August 18, 2014

Something that has been missing from my life these past few months, if not years, is peace. In fact, in recent weeks, the stress and anxiety have become so debilitating that I'm actually on an extended leave of absence from work. It scares me that I don't know what is going on or how I'm going to make it day to day. I just pray that I do make it and that the stress can begin to wane.

I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder with PTSD as my secondary diagnosis. I was molested as a child and raped in my late teens. It left me with such confusion and left me a mess. It took nearly 38 years to get the help I needed, and now 8 years later, I'm feeling like I'm going backwards rather than forward.

My weight has also taken a hit with this latest episode. I had lost a tremendous 50 lbs last year, only to gain 13 of it back. With the depression and anxiety, I feel and find myself hiding from people, so going to the gym gives me panic attacks. You'd think with the beautiful fall like weather we've had this summer I'd be all over the trails, but I fear running into other people. I feel like they are judging me by my girth, and not by the fact that I'm out taking care of myself.

I need to break out of this cycle. I made an action plan for while I'm on leave, and I've yet to meet the fitness goals I've placed on that plan and it has been 5 days since I started it. I guess I should be happy that the housework that I had made a goal is getting done, but sleeping until 2pm in the afternoon after going to bed at 8:30/9:30 isn't cutting it.

I only have a couple of weeks to shake this feeling before the next 5% challenge begins. I can't let my Teddy Bear compadres down and as the challenge leader, I need to put up good fitness minutes and LTGL points, too. It is my goal to lose that 5% and be back under 200 again. With 12 weeks off, and 2 lbs a week, I want to be down 24 lbs by the time I go back to work. I think I can do it. I just need to get over this anxiety and get my butt in gear.

With that, prayers are much appreciated during this time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEOMALLEY 8/28/2014 7:24PM

    Oh, my friend. I am not sure I really "like" this blog, but I love that you are able to let it all out to us. You know we are here for you and each other. You are getting professional help - which is good.

I have always like e.e.cummings poetry - touches my heart and soul - and for some reason thinking of you fighting the good fight to be the best you can be for yourself reminded me of a phrase from one of his poems.

for life's not a paragraph.
And death i think is no parenthesis.

You have much to anticipate and look forward to and grow toward. This is just another phase, another step along the path. Keep the faith, my friend. If you feel you need support - here we are! At your service.

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Comment edited on: 9/10/2014 6:21:00 PM

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JAZZEJR 8/27/2014 3:56AM

    Brenda, You've been through a LOT this year, and you're coping beautifully. You'll accomplish all your goals, but be gentle on yourself regarding the exact time schedule. Sounds as if you may be getting professional help--let them know how you're feeling. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FLORIDASUN 8/26/2014 10:15PM

    Brenda...I want you to know that I'm praying for your relief and your happiness. You have been through a terrible horrific ordeal and it will take you a good long time to work through that. I hope that you have some help in the form of therapy nearby and offered by your employer. You don't even have a CLUE how much your Teddy Bears ALL love you and admire you!

Please know that your activity can be your must get that blood pumping to get those happy endorphins percolating in your brain.

I'm sure the sadness of the situation with Kyle has stirred up old wounds and I want you to know that you need the time to work through this.

Be sure and have someone you can talk to...talking things out with someone is a form of self healing...sometimes when I feel that I really have no one that can possibly understand my ramblings I find that I can blog through stuff that is bothering me and one of my sparkies will ALWAYS's a form of therapy for me...and a heck of a lot cheaper than a session on the couch...I know this from the grief I experienced in losing our beloved Josh. Sometimes you just need to hear yourself saying things out loud or see the written word that unlocks the mumbo jumbo from rattling around in your brain.

I also found it helpful to write out on a notebook paper about all of the things that upset me or caused me sadness and then to burn the papers and let the sad events lose their power by dissipating in the wind.

I'm ALWAYS here for you my sweet friend...know that you are very loved and VERY cared for. I'm sending you love and light my dear friend! emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/26/2014 10:21:34 PM

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CATHYGETSFIT 8/20/2014 5:32PM

    I'm so sorry for the pain you've been through Brenda! You need to take care of yourself but don't put too much pressure on yourself right now. Know that we all care for you and hope you can find some peace. emoticon emoticon

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JUSTME29 8/19/2014 8:54AM

    I don't have anything to offer except my hope and prayers for you. I hope you find your peace.

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SVELTEWARRIOR 8/19/2014 12:04AM

    (((((( BRENDA )))))))) Please don't put any pressure on yourself right now. The most important thing is to take care of yourself. Please know that you are cared for

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CATIATM 8/18/2014 2:52PM

    That is a lot of pain to carry with you. I hope you are able to make peace with those awful events and find a way to put them in a place in your emotions where they don't hurt you any further. I haven't had these experiences and don't want to offer anything trite, but I hope you know that your spark friends are here for you. emoticon

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The Last Day - 2014 Spring 5% Challenge

Friday, May 30, 2014

Today is the last day of the 2014 Spring 5% Challenge, and while I had some successes, I am ending it right where I started weight wise. It is amazing that I have even been able to maintain considering the trials that I've been through this time around with Kyle's accident and subsequent passing, and then my cancer diagnosis.

The thing that I think is the greatest aspect of these 5% Challenges is the camaraderie of the teams. Everyone comes together and helps encourage each other throughout each challenge. If you are looking for a kick-start or a boost to your weight loss journey, then I highly recommend joining us for the 2014 Summer 5% Challenge.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATIATM 6/2/2014 6:07AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SNOWFLAKELILYM9 5/30/2014 11:00PM

    Brenda, you have been through a lot this spring. Be kind to yourself and hang in there. You have all the Teddy Bears cheering you on and I know I appreciate all you do for the team.

You are strong and wise and you will get through all you have faced and come out stronger.

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SVELTEWARRIOR 5/30/2014 10:43PM

    My friend you have had a very rough spring!!!! I am amazed that you held up so well!!! Heal quickly and know that we care

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IMIN2GENES 5/30/2014 8:46PM

    I'm right there with you my friend!
Summer's coming... you've had a rough Spring. You definitely deserve some r&r. Heal well!
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The Scale Hates Me

Thursday, May 29, 2014

I swear! The scale hates me!!!! I've been within calories...getting steps in and still...the scale goes up! What is up with that? Is it stress? I am leaving for Vegas on Saturday morning, maybe that is it.

On the Vegas front, I'm not and I am looking forward to it. One one hand, it is for work and I will be in conferences all day. On the other, it is Vegas and I'm going to get to do some fun things. And work is paying for it. Breakfast and Lunch are provided most days there, but dinner can be super expensive.

A plus is all of the walking I'll be getting in. I know people joke about taking a taxi from Caesar's Palace to the Belagio (they are next to each other), but those places are HUGE!!!! I still plan on walking it rather than taking a taxi!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTME29 6/2/2014 11:41AM

    I hope you find time for fun in Vegas. You may be in conferences during the day, but there are a lot of evening hours to enjoy too.

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BBONET 5/30/2014 8:42AM

    The scale must hate a lot a people emoticon emoticon I feel the same way but emoticon m emoticon we will never give up!

Enjoy your time in Vegas and it might be the stress--so just continue to track and do the right things!! This to shall pass!! emoticon

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CATHYGETSFIT 5/30/2014 3:33AM

    You've been through a lot lately with your cousin's son dying and this trip to Vegas is probably causing you some stress as well. So, when you think about it I'm sure that is the reason for your scale going in the wrong direction. It will come off soon once things in your life calm down a little. emoticon emoticon

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CATIATM 5/30/2014 12:50AM

    Scales are mean b******. Your perseverance will be rewarded!

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LYNCHD05 5/29/2014 10:25PM

    You are doing all the right things so persevere!!! I know it is to say and hard to do!!!,

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NEWBIRTH2014 5/29/2014 9:14PM

    Your scale must be related to my scale! Try adding something new to your exercise routine like playing your favorite upbeat music and dance around the house.

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JAMBABY0 5/29/2014 8:39PM

    The scale lies, try measuring

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I hate to ask...but...

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

For those of you who don't know, I had surgery on my shoulder last Thursday to remove a pretty substantial chunk of cancerous tissue. With that, I've been put on restrictions from doing much of anything for a month that involves the upper body. With that, I have 2 dogs...let's just say...they shed. So, when the church called and asked if I needed anything (they asked) I said "I need someone to vacuum". Very short. Very blunt. And to the point.

She laughed off my response and advised me that is what my Bible study is for. What? I love these gals, but I'm afraid of asking any of them to do something like that for me. Yet, if they would ask, I would do anything to help them out!

So, after prodding from the church, I asked my Bible study to help me out. Two women came to my home tonight, emptied my dishwasher, vacuumed my home, cleared my gutters and planted some flowers for me. I felt so bad about these requests, but they did them for me anyway. And one gal is going to come by tomorrow to take my trash down to the curb for me. Wow...what a group of women!!!! I feel so blessed.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTME29 6/2/2014 11:22AM

    Like you said - you would do anything for one of them, why would they be any different? I agree though that it's much easier to be the one helping than to be the one having to ask for help.

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GAILSMAILS 5/31/2014 8:27AM

    That's what God wants us to do! You would (and do!) help others without thinking about it. Honestly, you are helping them by allowing them to help you!

I hope your healing goes well!

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    the awesomeness of helping others is that you can't do anything to help another without also helping yourself .. it makes people feel good to be able to help others, so never be afraid or ashamed to ask for and accept help .. you would do the same .. prayers for a speedy and complete recovery .. and complete and total remission from any and everything going on .. hugs !!

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GRACEOMALLEY 5/29/2014 12:12PM

    Thank goodness you let go enough to ask./ It is NEVER WRONG to ask for help when you really need it. You'd gladly do the same sort of stuff for others who needed help if you were able - RIGHT? Those folks who are helping you feel good they are able to do for another. I have no doubt you'll be helping somebody else as soon as you are able.

You know that sayng: What goes around comes around? Kindness always comes back to you! Take good care and continue to heal.


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HEALTHYGRAMMY49 5/29/2014 1:33AM

    Brenda, I didn't know! Thanks for sharing...prayers going up for your speedy recovery. That blessing you are receiving goes both ways! The ladies in your Bible Study are receiving the blessing of help to you. Their blessing will come back tenfold. I am happy for you refraining from pridefulness and for their eagerness to serve! It's a win-win situation. I DO believe it is more blessed to giver and difficult to be the receiver. Good for you for being honest with making them aware of your needs. Remember how much you love to serve others and if they refuse to accept your help they would be keeping you from a precious blessing. You've got to allow them to have their blessing too. lol
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P.S. Sure wish I was close enough to help with that vacuuming! I want in on that blessing! Let's just say I'm vacuuming in spirit! lol

Comment edited on: 5/29/2014 1:40:00 AM

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SVELTEWARRIOR 5/28/2014 11:05PM

    That is great!!!! I am glad you asked for help.

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KARENE10 5/28/2014 9:19PM

    I like when people give me specific request- (like empty the dishwasher etc.), it makes me feel good to be able to help out and in a way that they need me to. emoticon

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BABYSOX 5/28/2014 8:47PM

    You are giving them a gift too. It feels good to do things for others and to feel appreciated.

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SMG1963 5/28/2014 8:41PM

    Great going on speaking up. You are blessed. I hope you are recovering nicely from your surgery. Happy sparking this summer.

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ROBBIEY 5/28/2014 8:40PM

  That is awesome, sometimes we have to let go of our pride and ask for the things we need and they will come. emoticon

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