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Very short blog today

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Had a relatively uneventful day today - peaceful and quiet. I did however get some distressing news and am probably going to cry before long. My quiet, peaceful, and mischievious student is moving out of state and I am going to REALLY miss him. He is always smiling, gentle, kind, and loving toward everyone and not a behavior problem ever. He is human enough that he gets stubborn once in a while but never mean or aggressive and he makes my day brighter just by running off of the bus each day. I am going to call his mom and talk to her, but I know that since she sent a note that May 2nd will be his last day, I will miss him before school is done this year and even more next year. I hope the reason they are moving is a positive one and that his future will be bright. He deserves the best as do all my students but this one captured my heart very quickly.

Be blessed and allow those who move into and out of your life touch it and change it for the better as you touch and change their lives for the better too.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GODS_TEMPLE 4/23/2014 10:55PM

    As you say...hopefully the move will be a good one, and he will find another great teacher...like you.

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SYDLETZIII 4/23/2014 9:12PM

    emoticon

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KAYLSLYNN 4/23/2014 6:07PM

    SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. BUT IT WAS GREAT YOU GOT TO HAVE HIM AS LONG AS YOU DID. ANOTHER WILL TAKE HIS PLACE. emoticon

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GINILEE4 4/23/2014 4:27PM

    Dear Nancy. So sorry you are losing a dear little one. I always try to think, to myself, when something like this happens, that God has made room for someone who needs me more than that person did. I know the type of work you do is incredibly rewarding but holy cow, you work for those rewards. LOL I believe there is a higher reason for everything and when and if we are meant to know, it will be so.
Bless you and your DS. My DS finally just got a job today!!! He has been taking a baking course and instead of doing a co op, the company wants to hire him right away. This is such a blessing for him and us.


Be healthy and happy,

Gini emoticon

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PICKIE98 4/23/2014 4:14PM

    You must have done a great job with him: He is moving on.. growth is what we strive for, but then when they fly away, we have bittersweet feelings. Know that he will continue to learn now....

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IOWAGRAMMA 4/23/2014 4:02PM

    It must be hard to see them come and go, Nancy. I bet he will be missing you just as much and surely hope that the move isn't stressful for him.

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RITAVALENTA 4/23/2014 3:49PM

    Teachers are amazing. I am sure he will miss you as well. All of us have been touched by a teacher. Even at 55 I can remeber the special teschers in my life.

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A new week spread out before me today

Monday, April 21, 2014

I am starting a new week with a fresh clean slate. There are really no leftover duties from last week in front of me. It is time to start anew and move forward with joy and determination. I have continued to struggle with eating, sleeping, pain, my son's pain, and a lot of other things that have been shaking my world "tree" that grounds me. I worry that these hurricane force winds that are shaking me may rip my up by my roots. I KNOW this sounds dramatic and I don't like to let negativity sap my strength, but I am struggling. I feel pushed and pulled and don't feel like participating in a lot of the things around me.

I had a tough conversation yesterday with my step-nephew. It was hard on both my son Ed and on me. I love the young man dearly. My son and I consider him to be a VERY special part of our family. Unfortunately, he is severely depressed, lazy, and wanted to move in with us and "find a job". Part of me wanted to allow him to do so, but sadly, he has not held a job in several years, and really hasn't looked for one either. When I pointed out that we live at least half an hour from ANY possible jobs and an hour from a reasonably decent selection of them, he said, "I thought I could just have Ed drive me around looking." It costs me about $50-75 each week just to put gas in my car to do the MINIMUM activities - not counting Ed's doctor appointments or extra activities. In fact, I skip going to the pool on many weekends because I cannot afford the extra trips. I don't make the extra trips for Bible study or even extra church services, because I can't afford the gas. He has NO MONEY and based on his past behavior, he is unlikely to make any effort now to get some - especially not if we provide a place to sleep and food and Internet access = I love him, but I can't really see that I would be HELPING rather than enabling him to continue to sink further into his depression. He is 30 years old and was living with Helen until her death - his family kept telling him that he needed to get a job, to find some way to support himself, but to no avail. Helen begged him to look for work. He did put in ONE application - and then claims he worked ONE day but never went back even for his paycheck - after all, it wasn't really worth the effort. I know he is desperate but Ed and I talked about this and we would let him stay with us IF he was working and had held the job for at least a month, had transportation, and was at least making an effort. Ed and I both agreed but with tears running down our faces that we could not let him move in under the circumstances. I feel like I am a horrible person BUT KNOW in my head that we did the right thing. Helen supported him for the past 5 years and kept telling him he needed to get a job, gave him a car and paid for his insurance, and he still did NOTHING. His uncles have tried to talk to him, we all love him but he is just unwilling or unable to make any effort to take care of himself. It was even too much trouble for him to feed the animals when he lived with Helen - at 90 she had to go outside and feed the dogs and cats regardless of the weather or how she felt. Clinically depressed is what I see, but also a long heritage of laziness in his entire family. I don't know how to help him and feel completely helpless. He denies any depression, anger, or anything else being wrong with him. In the past ten years, he has lost both his parents, his brother, and all of his grandparents - father committed suicide, mother died from severe complications of her own depression - his brother had a one-car fatal crash - his sister had 5 children all of whom were taken away from her and put up for adoption - his girlfriend had 2 children that were also taken away. How could he NOT be depressed. It depresses me to even think of all he has been through - but if he denies needing help, it is unlikely he will get help. Sometimes, tough love is TOUGHER on those of us who must dole it out than on those who require it.

Sorry I am rambling and venting. There really isn't anyone I can talk to about this. I genuinely believe I did the right thing but inside I feel like a horrible terrible, very bad person.

I hope everyone is blessed with love and kindness, generosity of spirit and the ability to make even the TOUGH choices and decisions for themselves and those they love - even when those choices and decisions hurt. I did give him the kindness of listening and talking with him, but I know that he wanted more than I am able to give - Ed and I struggle to make ends meet as it is and most of the time we are behind in our own bills. We don't live frivolously and while I couldn't provide extra financial support, I did try to give some love and kindness - DARN, there I go trying to justify myself and I was just trying to end on a positive note.

Forgive me today it is hard to be positive.

Be blessed and a blessing to others.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NOWYOUDIDIT 4/23/2014 5:49AM

    Life is hard- we all learn that the hard way. Sadly your nephew needs to learn it too, or rather needed to learn it sooner. I'm praying for him!
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CHERIJ16 4/22/2014 2:25PM

    I agree with everyone else who has said you did the right thing. My husband and I enabled our son for years after his divorce. He worked but not at high paying jobs even though we put him through college. We did a lot of it for him and for our young grandsons. I don't regret it. We supported him and tried to save his house from foreclosure to the tune of $60,000 or so. Instead of trying to help himself our son just kept spending his money like water because" mom and dad would cover him". We did this out of love but finally realized that we had created a "monster". We had a talk with him after 5-6 years of this and told him we couldn't enable him anymore.

The grandsons are grown now. Our son has remarried. He has a very good job with much better wages and benefits. He did lose his house and he still spends money like water but it's not my money anymore! He finally stepped up when he knew the well was dry. We are retired now and wish we had more in our budget but that is water over the dam. He is 42 years old and knows he finally has to stand on his own.

Relax and know you made the right decision. emoticon

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JILL313 4/21/2014 11:56PM

    I certainly understand WHY you & Ed made the difficult decision not to take your step-nephew in. You have to live frugally and financially if for no other reason you can't afford to support him. You already have too much on your plate and responsibilities to take on another one to support and look out for. . .Like you, knowing me, I'd also find this hard choice difficult to do but like everyone said here you would only be enabling him to continue to live off and with others while not pulling his weight in any way. . .And, it does sound like he's depressed and probably has a genetic predisposition to it based on his parents medical history. None of us can force someone to take responsibility for themselves nor seek the medical treatment they need. I know this very well as my youngest son is well educated and has depression which he totally denies and hasn't looked for a job in years. . .He graduated from college with honors and since then he hasn't found a job. I've tried to motivate him but nothing so far has worked. . .he has to want to do it himself. He's now 33 years old and very unhappy but totally is in denial about what's best for him, etc. I love him dearly but do worry about what's going to happen to him when I die and he's still here and I pray he won't end up a homeless hungry man. So, I have regrets as I know I spoiled him as he was always my most demanding son and it was hard for me to say no as often as I should have and even now others tell me I should kick him out but I can't bear to do that. He does help me a lot around the house, etc. But, for his own sake and Happiness I sure wish he'd soon get his act together. I'll add your step-Nephew to my continual prayers as for my sons. . .Nancy, you've done nothing wrong and the sooner you accept you made the right choice the more peaceful your "Heart" will be with your good decision.

Hugs & Love,

Jill

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GODS_TEMPLE 4/21/2014 11:02PM

    I had to do something similar with my nephew. I don't know what is wrong with some of these healthy young people. Do they teach them in school to live off of people? I also had to tell my nephew that the next time he went to jail, I would NOT bail him out, so not to bother to call.

We have to take care of ourselves and our families...but we need to draw the line someplace...and I think your line is in the RIGHT spot!
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SYDLETZIII 4/21/2014 9:36PM

    We become stronger when we are at are lowest and we chose to make the right choices. It is now up to your step-nephew to chose which path in life he needs to take. Your choice while hard was at least in my opinion correct. Now focus on what you need to move forward on the path you have chose.

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GINIEMIE 4/21/2014 9:14PM

    No my dear SF, you did the right thing for you and Ed. You are trying so hard to keep your own health on track and doing what you can for and with Ed. Your nephew is probably depressed, and if his mother was it may be genetic, but he needs to get a job and do something for others. I believe you are right, if he couldn't even feed the animals at Helen's he will not be pulling his weight.
I actually had to tell my Goddaughter the same thing when she wanted to come live with me after my sister/her mom died. Jules hadn't worked, has a major attitude problem, stole from my sister and her dad. She had an accident and had a concussion which because of Erik's accident she milked for all she could. I cannot afford financially or physically to take care of her and my Erik.
My heart bleeds for you and your pain, but you and Ed did right.
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COLLEENROSTE 4/21/2014 4:21PM

    Continuing the free ride is not love at all. You made the hard choice, but it was the right choice and is the truest way you can love your nephew. Even Paul faced a similar dilemma with freeloaders in the early church and his conclusion was if a man wants to eat he must also work. Stay strong. I pray that peace will fill your heart. Your example of steadfastness in tough times is one your nephew can learn from if he opens his eyes. emoticon

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NHES220 4/21/2014 4:20PM

    Nancy,
You absolutely did the right thing. Taking him in would just be enabling his behavior, which is what Helen has done over the years. Unfortunately, this young man is in denial and he will need to hit bottom fefore he accepts that he needs help. You are doing the right thing for him and for you and Ed. Take care of yourself and be strong.
Noreen


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KAYLSLYNN 4/21/2014 3:50PM

    DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP YOU DONE THE RIGHT THING. I KNOW IT WAS A HARD THING TO DO BUT IT WAS THE BEST. YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND ED. I WITLL PRAY FOR YOU IN THIS MATTER. GOD CAN HELP THIS YOUNG MAN IF HE WILL LET HIM. CHIN UP YOU DID RIGHT. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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He is RISEN today - He is Risen Indeed

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Today is EASTER Sunday. It is an important day for those of us who are Christians and it brings such a wonderful message of HOPE, LOVE, and GRACE. It was a nearly perfect day for the first time in years. The temperatures were mild - mid-sixties. The sun was shining. There was a baptism for our newest member who was born February 3rd. The church was full. Most Sundays, our procession is the pastor and me - I serve as acolyte and chalice bearer. Once in a while there is a third person but very rarely. Today, we had a procession with two little ones carrying a butterfly and a phoenix, two crosses, and the Bible, PLUS the pastor an me. I was amazing. We had more than double our typical Sunday attendance and about 20-30 more people than even at Christmas and Easter normally. We had CHILDREN - enough to hold an Easter Egg Hunt and it was with so much joy we had the chance to have so many kids and even young teens and young adults with us today.

Brunch followed the service and Easter Egg Hunt and it was lovely. We also had a number of people who were long-time members of the church but who have since moved away who came back to share the day with us. My heart spilled over with joy. My son Ed even went with me. He doesn't often attend church - I leave house at 8 a.m. and don't normally get home until around 2 p.m. - it is always a special time for me - he gets antsy and bored long before I am ready to leave, but he will occasionally go with me. It is nice when he does. There was such a feeling of LIFE, LOVE, and JOY in our church today - WOW - it was TRULY a celebration of the resurrection. We ate our main meal with the congregation and then took home just enough for a single serving of supper for us to eat this evening. No leftovers are a blessing - no nibbling or mindless munching.

I wish all of you special and fantastic people a BLESSED and fabulous week ahead. I wish you love, joy, hope, and the faith that helps you to retain that joy, hope, and love. Be blessed and bless others by sharing your joy, your hope, and your love. Find time to give a little extra attention, to provide a listening ear, to reach out in love, to hold out your hands and your heart to those who need you. Give your loved ones a smile, a gentle word, and the wings to fly on their own. HAPPY EASTER and have a wonderful week.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAYLSLYNN 4/21/2014 3:54PM

    emoticon emoticon M emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NOWYOUDIDIT 4/21/2014 10:22AM

    Such a blessing this time of year! He is Risen Indeed! emoticon

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IOWAGRAMMA 4/21/2014 9:42AM

    Your day sounds awesome. So happy for you and everyone on such an important and beautiful day! It was pretty great here, too! Hugs, Jeannie

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GODS_TEMPLE 4/20/2014 10:54PM

    Our seems were a little stretched this morning, also. At least some people get to hear God's Word on the MOST IMPORTANT day in all of Christendom! Just wish they would come to Church a little more often...

Blessed Resurrection Day!

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SYDLETZIII 4/20/2014 9:53PM

    Glad to hear you had a great Easter Sunday, as did I. Have a great week

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Being nice was REALLY HARD today

Thursday, April 10, 2014

My day started with a positive note. My son Ed decided to get his blood work done for his doctor's appt. next week and was told the results of his culture came back and he had a staph infection but NOT NOT NOT MRSA. Then we went to his pain clinic appt. - turns out they only did an evaluation and he has to go back on Tuesday for yet another evaluation by another doctor - I was REALLY annoyed but not overly surprised about it.

We then went shopping and I found TWO beautiful bathing suits in my size and for ONLY $12.99 each. One is a deep pink that is almost red and the other identical design in black. They are a bit shapeless but have a really modest neckline (I do a LOT of moving in the water and the GIRLS don't always want to stay where they belong if the suit is not cut right), and the trim is a series of brass eyelets and a cord running through across the top. I couldn't afford them but I also have not seen anything in that price range in the past couple of years - lowest cost tends to be closer to $35 and the ones I like tend to be in the $85-100 price range.

Then we went for Chinese food and then to my PT appointment.

THIS is where my day got REALLY HARD to be nice. I walked into the office and the receptionist said, "why are you here, you don't have an appointment." I corrected her and showed her the card that said I DID TOO have an appointment. She then told me that the PT had dismissed me on Monday. I looked at her like she had two heads and I said, that it was strange because the last words my PT and I said to each other on Monday were - PT - "Keep doing the exercises at home." ME - "I do them regularly and I will see you on Thursday, whoops, actually it will probably be your assistant then." PT - "okay see you later." Receptionist said, well you did your exit interview, didn't you - NO, well he gave you the t-shirt that says you completed your PT, didn't you - NO, well, he gave the discount certificate for 20% off the fitness center membership for the next 2 months - NO. The receptionist was very nice and she gave me the t-shirt and the certificate and 2 guest passes for the fitness center and apologized profusely. I said I didn't blame her, but I thought it extremely strange that I was not only given any of those things before AND WAS NEVER TOLD I WAS DISMISSED - AND that I wanted to speak to the PT myself. He came out to talk to me and he kept implying that somehow it was MY misunderstanding. It was NOT, it was HIS entirely and his apologies sounded more like blaming ME. I got even angrier and I asked him about the PROTOCOLS that are in place that would have prevented this type of "misunderstanding". He said he tried to follow protocols = I countered with asking which protocols he had followed. First of all, he should have told me at least a week in advance that he thought that I had improved as much as I am likely to be helped with PT and that it may take a long time to heal completely but that PT was no longer indicated. Secondly, he should have told me on Monday that it was my last session. Thirdly, he should have had me complete the "exit interview". Fourth, he should have given me the certificate of completion with the 20% discount on my fitness center membership. Finally, he should have given me my t-shirt. I pointed out that IF he had followed ANY ONE of those protocols, the situation would not have happened and that frankly, I found it offensive that he kept saying "I thought we were both on the same page" and implying that somehow I misunderstood something. It was NOT my error. It was NOT MY misunderstanding. It was entirely 100% his lack of professionalism and failure to follow procedures correctly. He offered to continue therapy but didn't see that it would help much more. I am okay with that IF he had explained it. Frankly, I don't want to keep going to appointments that I do not need and that will not help. I was and still am angry about the situation and haven't decided if I am going to file a complaint or not.

After that, I went to the pool and worked off some steam. I am tired and feel like I have been through the wringer and yet it could have been a really nice day. It must have been the day for disappointing doctors - my friend came to the pool and HER doctor's appointment was canceled without any notice and so was the appointment of one of my students for a procedure that has been scheduled and rescheduled about 10 times in the past several months.

Anyhow, be blessed, being kind and considerate does NOT mean you cannot stand up for yourself or what is right when you have been treated badly. It did mean, I had to remain civil and not swear or scream at him, despite really losing my cool and being IRATE. Be blessed and bless others with kindness and understanding even when they have really messed up. Bless them with your time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, and then share your joy and love and peace with them.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSIETIG 4/19/2014 2:55PM

    It's so sad... Our world now a days.
I know it's frustrating, but I find more people have gotten bad attitudes, no time, act like your putting them out or I am too dumb to know what Iam talking about& when all is said& done ... I am correct& they don't admit or apologize for their mistakes. Most of these are professionals I just dealt with in the past 2 weeks! Don't get me started on people w/ a cell-phone stuck in their ear while doing business transactions, etc.

I politely stick up for myself& I always ask whoever is giving me a hard time" who their supervisor is". I learned from having a very strong mother" everyone has a boss".
I am sorry you had to go threw that. Makes my blood boil just reading! Sorry.

You handled it well. It is ashame what you had to go threw to get it right.
I just think some people can be lazy& no manners lately!
Good for you sticking up for yourself!
Have a Blessed& peaceful Easter^ j^ emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/19/2014 3:03:03 PM

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NHES220 4/11/2014 12:53PM

    Wow, how frustrating. You would expect better from a professional. I hope you put all that steam into a great workout! But great buy on the new swimsuits!

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FINNLANA 4/11/2014 2:29AM

    Wow, you really did have alot to be upset about. Good for you to keep your cool and stand your ground! I also think you should let the supervisor know how you were treated. I had to deal with a difficult person in my workplace this morning and I had to really try to remain professional and not let their rudeness affect me. I did vent about it to my hubby later though! emoticon

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GODS_TEMPLE 4/11/2014 2:24AM

    Hoping for a much better day tomorrow...all around...and a FANTASTIC weekend!

PS I guess I should have said TODAY since it's already Friday!

Comment edited on: 4/11/2014 2:25:27 AM

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NOWYOUDIDIT 4/11/2014 2:08AM

    WOW! I would have been frustrated too! emoticon

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COLLEENROSTE 4/10/2014 10:34PM

    Sorry your day was fraught with frustration. I would phone the PT center supervisor, explain that you were not given the opportunity to complete the "exit " form and ask if they could email one out to you. Complete at your leisure - soon, but not while you are angry - then return it to the attention of the facility supervisor. These days, people who are working hard in rehab are pretty clear about the goals and expectations of treatment. You wouldn't have "misunderstood" a phrase like see you on Thursday. You are right to put responsibility where it belongs. Overworked. Over tired. Overlooked protocol. Just excuses for dropping t h e ball.

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PATRICIAAK 4/10/2014 10:20PM

    I would communicate this to his supervisor with an explanation that you don't want this to happen to others AND that the behavior of an employee reflects on the entire business.

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SEATTLE58 4/10/2014 10:05PM

    I agree with you wholeheartedly. Where's the ole' rule where the customer is always right? His actions were completely out of line. And it's so true that we want to be kind and all, but there is a time to stand up for our rights. You gave him something to think about anyway. I bet that it's not all lost! emoticon

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LADYIRISH317 4/10/2014 9:40PM

    I'm angry just reading this! Your PT's behavior was insensitive and totally unprofessional. You're probably better off without his so-called "services." I would ask your doctor to recommend a new one ASAP.

Sending you a big cool-down (((((hug))))).

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Midweek ramblings

Wednesday, April 09, 2014

I woke up this morning and had a little extra time. I decided to get on and respond to messages, meditate, eat a wonderfully healthy breakfast and start my day with joy and peace. I wish everyone had such luxury. I don't have many luxuries but the ability to take a few minutes to start my day without being rushed or harried.

My sister called last night and we had a nice chat. I got to the pool and had a good workout. I also had the luxury of reading a while before heading to bed last night. School went well. I am also on the downward side of my college classes and hopefully will finish them by the middle of next week.

I read in the paper a pretty horrific tale that could directly impact MY life but DID definitely impact the life of a former student of mine. I continue to be appalled by what I read. It talked about the lawsuit filed in the student's name - the allegations are so horrifying I can't even believe them. If they are true, there is a good chance the facility might never reopen and I might be facing a MAJOR job change at a time in my life when I don't really want to face that. Prayers for MR - a student who was helpless and seriously challenged and who was apparently abused by people who were suppose to care for him. I am still reeling.

Prayers and blessings on each and every one of you - be blessed and bless those around you with gentleness, kindness, and love.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NOWYOUDIDIT 4/10/2014 5:51AM

    Oh how sad. Praying emoticon

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GODS_TEMPLE 4/10/2014 4:22AM

    emoticon for M R, and all who will be affected.

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PATRICIAAK 4/9/2014 9:38PM

    praying

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NHES220 4/9/2014 12:19PM

    What a shame, my thoughts and prayers are with the student and with you for your job situation. So glad you had a little time to yourself this morning - a nice luxury!
Noreen


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JESS0107 4/9/2014 10:00AM

    My thoughts and prayers are for that student and with you as well!!

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1HAPPYSPIRIT 4/9/2014 10:00AM

    Sounds like you made it a productive day!

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SWEETNEEY 4/9/2014 6:54AM

    Nice to have pockets of quiet time and to use them like you want to.

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