Thursday, April 10, 2014
My day started with a positive note. My son Ed decided to get his blood work done for his doctor's appt. next week and was told the results of his culture came back and he had a staph infection but NOT NOT NOT MRSA. Then we went to his pain clinic appt. - turns out they only did an evaluation and he has to go back on Tuesday for yet another evaluation by another doctor - I was REALLY annoyed but not overly surprised about it.
We then went shopping and I found TWO beautiful bathing suits in my size and for ONLY $12.99 each. One is a deep pink that is almost red and the other identical design in black. They are a bit shapeless but have a really modest neckline (I do a LOT of moving in the water and the GIRLS don't always want to stay where they belong if the suit is not cut right), and the trim is a series of brass eyelets and a cord running through across the top. I couldn't afford them but I also have not seen anything in that price range in the past couple of years - lowest cost tends to be closer to $35 and the ones I like tend to be in the $85-100 price range.
Then we went for Chinese food and then to my PT appointment.
THIS is where my day got REALLY HARD to be nice. I walked into the office and the receptionist said, "why are you here, you don't have an appointment." I corrected her and showed her the card that said I DID TOO have an appointment. She then told me that the PT had dismissed me on Monday. I looked at her like she had two heads and I said, that it was strange because the last words my PT and I said to each other on Monday were - PT - "Keep doing the exercises at home." ME - "I do them regularly and I will see you on Thursday, whoops, actually it will probably be your assistant then." PT - "okay see you later." Receptionist said, well you did your exit interview, didn't you - NO, well he gave you the t-shirt that says you completed your PT, didn't you - NO, well, he gave the discount certificate for 20% off the fitness center membership for the next 2 months - NO. The receptionist was very nice and she gave me the t-shirt and the certificate and 2 guest passes for the fitness center and apologized profusely. I said I didn't blame her, but I thought it extremely strange that I was not only given any of those things before AND WAS NEVER TOLD I WAS DISMISSED - AND that I wanted to speak to the PT myself. He came out to talk to me and he kept implying that somehow it was MY misunderstanding. It was NOT, it was HIS entirely and his apologies sounded more like blaming ME. I got even angrier and I asked him about the PROTOCOLS that are in place that would have prevented this type of "misunderstanding". He said he tried to follow protocols = I countered with asking which protocols he had followed. First of all, he should have told me at least a week in advance that he thought that I had improved as much as I am likely to be helped with PT and that it may take a long time to heal completely but that PT was no longer indicated. Secondly, he should have told me on Monday that it was my last session. Thirdly, he should have had me complete the "exit interview". Fourth, he should have given me the certificate of completion with the 20% discount on my fitness center membership. Finally, he should have given me my t-shirt. I pointed out that IF he had followed ANY ONE of those protocols, the situation would not have happened and that frankly, I found it offensive that he kept saying "I thought we were both on the same page" and implying that somehow I misunderstood something. It was NOT my error. It was NOT MY misunderstanding. It was entirely 100% his lack of professionalism and failure to follow procedures correctly. He offered to continue therapy but didn't see that it would help much more. I am okay with that IF he had explained it. Frankly, I don't want to keep going to appointments that I do not need and that will not help. I was and still am angry about the situation and haven't decided if I am going to file a complaint or not.
After that, I went to the pool and worked off some steam. I am tired and feel like I have been through the wringer and yet it could have been a really nice day. It must have been the day for disappointing doctors - my friend came to the pool and HER doctor's appointment was canceled without any notice and so was the appointment of one of my students for a procedure that has been scheduled and rescheduled about 10 times in the past several months.
Anyhow, be blessed, being kind and considerate does NOT mean you cannot stand up for yourself or what is right when you have been treated badly. It did mean, I had to remain civil and not swear or scream at him, despite really losing my cool and being IRATE. Be blessed and bless others with kindness and understanding even when they have really messed up. Bless them with your time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, and then share your joy and love and peace with them.
Sunday, April 06, 2014
I woke up this morning and didn't want to get up. I didn't want to go to church, or to the pool, or even to get out of bed. I didn't want to write this blog, I just wanted to curl up under the covers and hide, crying into my pillow. I KNOW, I KNOW, it has been 7.5 years since my son Michael left this Earth and went to his heavenly home. I KNOW that is a long time ago. I KNOW that he is in a better place, BUT . . . This year it just hit me particularly hard. Maybe it has to do with Helen's death and the continued mourning from that. Maybe it has to do with the changes that are occurring in my life right now, I don't know WHY but I definitely know WHAT has hit me so hard.
My son Ed has an appointment this week with a pain specialist and I will go with him. I didn't plan to but he told me that they recommend a driver going along in case the medications cause drowsiness or a reaction or whatever. That too has had me just a bit on edge. I know HE has been on edge too, both because of his pain and worry about his own health and the mourning over Helen's death (they were VERY close and he was the last person she spoke to before she died), but we have both discovered that even when we don't consciously think about it, Michael's birthday and the anniversary of his death cause our bodies to respond in certain ways - increasing pain, unexplained aches, a feeling of sadness, and then we look at the calendar are realize that our bodies have memories and feel pain without our minds even being engaged.
To answer my own question, I am going to treat myself extra kindly. I am going to rest, read, and connect with some loved ones and then go to bed early and awaken to a new day tomorrow and move on. If the sadness lingers or depression seems to set in, I will see a doctor but if not, I will gently and kindly treat myself with kid gloves and surround myself with love and kindness.
Everyone be blessed. Be the kind of blessing that others need - you don't have to throw money at their problems, just smile, listen a bit, and maybe take the time to let them know that someone cares. You are all such special and wonderful people, you probably do this without even thinking about it. Today THINK about it and recognize how special it is when you do this. YOU make a difference in my life and in the lives of so many others on a daily basis. No, you may not be perfect, you may not always do the right thing, but you are always trying to do better and to make this world a better place for us all. THANK YOU
Tuesday, April 01, 2014
Sometimes we all make fools of ourselves - ironically, those who think they don't are the very ones who are most likely to be doing so on a regular basis. Sometimes my foolishness is to ignore the things I know and allow my mind and body to slink into a corner to curl up and pretend to die. Dying doesn't come that easy, I mean as an escape from troubles, challenges, difficult decisions, or even just plain weariness. Death just isn't a REAL answer to any of those challenges or hassles. Curling up and pretending we are going to escape that easily is a sure way to guarantee that we will soon be facing even BIGGER challenges, decisions, and troubles. I am not really talking about a LITERAL death or a suicidal threat or wish, just that foolish thought that if we could just somehow find a way to escape from ourselves, our challenges, and our troubles. I have found myself getting caught in the trap of just wishing away time because I don't want to HAVE to make a choice, or to face a challenge. What a completely foolish and wasteful use of my time and energy. Typically this attitude can last a short time or can sometimes drag on and one as my successes and health gains start slowly at first and then faster and faster to snowball out of control and in the wrong direction. I am not being morbid but rather am reminding myself that I DO have control over my attitude, even if not over the challenges, troubles, and hassles in my life. I have a choice about how I respond. I have a choice about whether I look at my glass as half full or half empty. I have a lot of choices and one of the biggest choices I have is whether I will make like harder on myself or easier.
EVERYONE KNOWS that D I E T I N G and weight loss are HARD, but do they HAVE to be? I don't think they do. Some of my greatest successes with weight loss have happened almost by accident. I mean they were EASY, because instead of being deprived, being critical, being dissatisfied with my NOW, I simply made a few healthy choices and soon found myself not even wanting so many "trusty old favorites". The junk food simply lost its appeal. The exercise that I never liked, suddenly became PLAY and fun and social and joyful. Food became an adventure and I traveled to new places. I persuaded my precious son Ed to explore healthy foods WITH me. We started trying new things, changing how we cooked, thought about foods and learned new ways to soothe ourselves without food sedation.
There are so many ways of being foolish about our choices and so maybe for April Fools Day, I will commit to not being an April (or any other month) Fool. I will calm myself, meditate instead of medicate and allow myself to live in the present so that the future when it comes will be less scary for me. I will be healthy, fit, more attractive, and filled with love and joy instead of foolishness.
Be blessed by the generous gifts of love that have been given to you. Bless others by sharing in their joy, weeping with them in their sorrow, and dancing in delight as we welcome SPRING to bring her showers, flowers, and hours of sunshine and daylight.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Spring is here according to the calendar and the weather is warmer although it is a gray day with rain and clouds. Springtime is also about a feeling that the sap is running through my veins and through my muscles. I can feel a sense of hope starting to spring up like a well within me.
Today, I have already completed my college classwork for the day and am starting to get moving slowly.
I have been listening to a really interesting message on weight loss and health. I am finding the words affirming and have learned some things, been reminded of other things, and most importantly discarded some things that I thought I knew. I am working to process it all. It has been really eye-opening.
Everyone be blessed and have a wonderful and truly awesome day today and the rest of the weekend. Bless others by the gift of your time, your forgiveness, or your affirmation of their value. Give yourself the same blessing as you move through your life over the weekend. Be blessed and bless others and know that the gift of listening is an incredibly precious gift to give. Listen to yourself, listen to those you love, and even listen to those who you don't know YET but may come to know.
May your day be filled with hope, joy, love and kindness gifted to you by others and yourself.
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