Tuesday, August 12, 2014
I think this picture is a perfect example of what my weight loss journey has been like (& many others that I know of as well)... an unending roller coaster filled w/ ups & downs, twists & turns, loops that toss your world upside down & inside out, and just when you think you might hit a plateau, here comes the next "bump in the road"!
I say "unending" because I have literally been fighting this "battle of the bulge" my entire adult life (and even a couple of my teen years as well)! I know that I'm not alone... and for this I am thankful, because it makes me feel like less of a loser (in the bad sense) because I haven't figured out how to be a successful "loser" (in the good sense). But then again, I wouldn't wish this type of struggle on even my worst enemies... okay, maybe that is a little white lie... remember that skinny little thing from high school who thought she was all that, made the "fat" girl's life a living hell, and could eat anything she wanted while still looking like a pixie stick in her clothes? It might give me a little private joy to see her struggle just once w/ the ongoing battle I've had for 25+ years. (I apologize if that offended anyone... just me bein "real")
I know that I have no one to blame for the weight that I carry but myself. My issues began while I was still in high school, and I believe were partially brought on because I turned to food as a comfort when my home life was not the best. But I don't blame my parents... because they weren't the ones buying the fast food and/or snacks from the convenience store & stuffing it in my face. That was all me! Sure I'm glad that I turned to food rather than other bad vices (i.e. alcohol, drugs, etc)... but I was still the one who made that choice.
I crossed the 200 lb. mark at my initial doctor's appointment for my first pregnancy. Can't blame being pregnant for the weigh gain... after all, 65 lbs. is not a "normal" amount of weight to gain during a pregnancy. I was the one who decided from day 1, that after several years of being on a perpetual diet, I finally had an excuse to eat whatever I wanted... after all, I was eating for two now, right? And I don't think I can get by w/ saying that I haven't lost the "baby weight" yet... my son will turn 25 this year, so I'm pretty sure I lost that excuse many years ago.
I've been thru multiple surgeries over the course of my lifetime (literally 19 surgeries since 1989) and each one came w/ their own recovery period, and new effects on my body, which in turn affected my ability to lose weight and/or caused me to gain weight. But I'm not the only one to have health issues in their life, and not everyone who does allows themselves to balloon up to almost 300 lbs. because of it.
And unlike many of my friends, who turn to stress eating when life throws "bumps" into their road, I seem to be the opposite... when I get stressed (like during my 2 divorces), I actually lost weight! However, on the flipside, when I am happy, I tend to gain weight... and gosh darn it, wouldn't you know that 3rd time would be a charm for me, and I have found a man who has made me extremely happy over the past 10+ years! Yep... EXTREMELY happy... back over 275 lbs. worth of happiness... that much happiness can't be good for anyone!
Don't get me wrong... I have been successful at various points in my weight loss journey... even making it into the much-desired "ONEderland" briefly back in 2010 after I joined Sparkpeople back in 2008. However, in true roller coaster fashion, I let a major surgery be the next "reason" that my weight piled back on, continuing to do so until I regained almost everything that I lost over those 2 yrs. I honestly think that I have probably lost & regained the same 50-some pounds at least 5 if not 10 times over the course of my weight loss journey. Just imagine what I would look like, feel like, be capable of, if I could've eliminated the "regain" part, and just done the "losing" part. (I'd probably be one of those skinny things I complained about in the beginning of this blog... LoL)
So... I've wrote all this down, and shared it with all of you... now what is the reason for all of this???
To make a statement: that as much as I love "thrill rides" in the amusement parks, I am tired of this particular roller coaster ride... so it is time to get off of it once and for all! As I said, I have been successful before, so obviously I know what works for my body... now I just need to do it. No more procrastinating... no more road blocks... no more excuses! And I wanted to share this blog to put it out there for all of you to read & hold me accountable. One of the major contributors to my weight loss success in the past has been the motivation I get from all of my Sparkfriends, as well as their support & encouragement.
For those of you who took the time to read my long-winded blog, I THANK YOU! I felt that in order to be successful this time, I needed to share this if for no other reason than to make myself accountable to the "excuses" that I have used in the past. If my "story" helps anyone else that happens to read it, then that's an added bonus!
It is now time to exit the ride...