Wednesday, November 20, 2013
I was going to title this "A New Beginning (AGAIN)," but decided not to because that implies failure. It speaks to the fact that I have not been successful in reaching my long-term goals, and that's pretty depressing. So instead, it's just "A New Beginning." Period. It doesn't matter how many times you start over, as long as you keep trying. There's some kind of Chinese proverb that goes something like "Fall 7 times, get up 8." I just gotta keep going until something sticks.
My latest adventure was starting Weight Watchers again almost a year ago. My husband joined with me, but only had about 15 pounds to lose. That came off pretty quickly for him, and then his eating habits changed, and so did mine, unfortunately. I had lost 30 pounds, but have gained it all back. I'm essentially right back where I started. I like to blame my husband's habits for my own, but deep down, I know I can't. He's not forcing me to put the food in my mouth. We didn't really change what we were eating, just that we stopped paying so much attention to it. It's really all just an excuse. And I keep trying to remind myself to "Be Stronger than your Strongest Excuse." Because I probably have a million excuses.
I've been trying to get myself to go back to WW, but now that my husband has stopped going, and also because the fall is a very busy time of year for me, I've found it hard to go back to the meetings. I'm still paying for it, though, which will hopefully change soon if I can re-commit to SP. I've always liked the SP site, especially how easy it is to connect with other SP'ers. In WW, you go to the meetings, sit there, but don't really make friends. And then there's no daily contact. Anyway - I'm rambling.
In a nutshell, here's what I'm going to do...
There are three major goals that I am starting with:
1. Write down everything I eat every day, no matter what.
2. Drink at least 8 glasses of water daily.
3. Exercise for at least 10 minutes daily.
I know from experience that these three things are the keys for me. I am going to reward myself with $1 for every item I do per day. So I could get up to $3/day. Then at the end of the month, I'd have about $90 to spend on myself. Considering I already spend that much on fast food every month, I can swing it. The idea is to replace bad habits with good and get myself back on track. I am also going to try and blog every day, because I think doing that helps me keep my thoughts going in a more positive direction.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Last night I had a dream that I was attending my friend's upcoming wedding. I don't remember having any specific emotion during the dream, but when I woke up I felt incredibly motivated to fit into a LBD (little black dress) that I haven't worn for years. I have no idea where this motivation came from, but I'm going to run with it!
My goal is to fit into the LBD by her wedding, which is January 12. It's a size 16 and I'm currently about a size 24. That's 8 sizes in two months, which is realize is pretty unrealistic. However, the dress is pretty forgiving, and I could probably still wear it at a size 20. We'll see. But, I figure shoot for the stars and see what happens. There is another wedding in April, so if not January, my goal will just get pushed back a little bit.
Here's what I'm going to do:
*Track my food on SP every day and stay within my calorie range
*Drink 10 glasses of water every day
*Exercise for 10-30 minutes every day, shooting for double that amount on days I don't work
*Reward myself for being consistent (haircut, massage, books, shoes, etc)
Seems pretty simple and I'm gonna rock it!
Prepare to die!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Today I ran my first 5K without stopping!!! It's technically my third 5K, so 3rd time must have been the charm! I finished in 56 minutes. I signed up for the walk, thinking that I probably wouldn't be able to jog the whole thing. But I started jogging at the start and just kept on going! I cried tears of joy at the end, I was so proud of myself! :) :) :)
In other news, the visit with the acupuncturist on Friday was very eye opening. She 'prescribed' some essential oils for me to take and recommended a new way of eating based on my blood type. I haven't started following the foods portion yet because I am still reading through all the information. But the oils she gave me seem to be helping. I really like the holistic approach to tackle all my issues because they're all related. I'm feeling really positive about making some good changes in my life. It's a welcome change to the insane week I've had.
Also, my colorguard girls came in first place at their competition yesterday! Overall, the band got 2nd place. The colorguard score is incorporated into the total score that also encompasses a percussion score, visual score, and music score (for those of you who aren't familiar). So that was very inspiring for them and for me. I just hope they will continue to push themselves and get even better because we still have a lot of work to do. It's only three weeks until the season is over!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
I'm SO tired right now, but I decided blogging was more important.
Went to an impromptu meeting with Coach K tonight. She really wants me to focus on my water, so that's what I will commit to for the next week. 10 glasses of water or more per day. I'm doin' it.
This week has been insane for me and my weight loss has taken a backseat to the mayhem. (Ha, makes me think of the Mayhem commercials!) I found out that I will be losing my job as a nanny. The mom I work for is losing her job because the company she's at is closing their doors, so therefore, I'm losing my job. But it's not so cut and dried like that. She's going to look for another job, but who knows how long that will take. And I love my job so much that I'm willing to wait for a little while until they need me again. I know they want me to come back, but they don't want to string me along either. Thankfully, my husband makes the majority of our income, so we can scrimp by on his salary for a while, but not forever. The whole thing is kind of sitting in this in-between place - not really working, but not really fully unemployed either. It's just weird and unnerving. Have to talk to the hubby about all of my options.
I'm also trying to start a new winter colorguard this year, which is a LOT of work. I've never done all the administrative stuff before, so I've been doing a bunch of research and figuring things out. Thankfully, I have some good connections with people who have done it themselves, so I'm getting lots of good advice.
And then the fall marching band I teach is having their first competition this weekend, so we're trying to get a bunch of stuff crammed in before then. We're doing an Alice in Wonderland theme, which also means that we have three extra characters (Alice, Hatter, and the Red Queen), and they were delegated to me in addition to my usual duties with the colorguard. So I've been putting in extra time this year and splitting my attentions between the guard and the characters. I just wish I was getting paid for the extra time, especially now that my job is going bye-bye.
I'm also trying to get ready for my first craft show in early November. I guess if I don't have a job, it will give me time to get things done. I'm really excited and I hope I make a decent amount of money because I really need it. I have a bunch of items I need to finish, so I hope I can get them all done.
I'm also going to an acupuncturist tomorrow about my fertility issues. We were going to do another IUI, but our last one resulted in a miscarriage, so rather than trying it again and potentially getting the same results, we're going to try something a little different. A friend of mine gave me a good recommendation of someone to go to who specializes in fertility. I'm hoping that I will get some good advice and treatments that will help me conceive quickly. I'm starting to get bitter about the whole situation and that kind of scares me because I want to stay positive. It's just so hard when we've been trying for the last 3.5 years with nothing to show for it.
Needless to say, with all this craziness going on, losing weight is quickly dropping to the bottom of my priority list. Maybe I will exercise more when I don't have a job. But probably not. I'd better not sit on the couch all day because I gained a lot of weight the last time I was unemployed and did that. Go figure.
Anyway - I should go to bed, I have an insanely busy day ahead of me tomorrow. G'nite!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Alright, now that I've calmed down from the season finale of 'So You Think You Can Dance,' I can blog. :) I'm so happy for the dancers that won - they deserved it, and the girl was my favorite from the moment I saw her audition. SYTYCD is my favorite TV show. Period!
Anyway... Coach Krystie has been encouraging me to blog, and it really helped me the last time, so here goes. :)
I started the Body by Vi challenge on August 31st, so I've been doing it for about 2.5 weeks now. I've only lost about 3 pounds. I guess I shouldn't complain, but it's discouraging when I watched the videos about BBV and they all had these crazy stories like "I lost 45 pounds in 3 months!" And I guess there's my answer. They are crazy stories. Everyone will lose weight differently, so I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else's journey. I have to keep reminding myself that it's ok to be taking my time. It's not going to come off in a flash. I have to do the work if I want the results. AND hey, I've lost 15 pounds and kept it off, so that's a victory in itself. It's so easy to lose sight of the big picture when you're so focused on the next meal or the next workout or the next glass of water.
I feel myself slowly making progress regarding emotional eating, too. Sometimes it still mystifies me, like today, when I wolfed down 4 jumbo chocolate muffins after going to the grocery store. I told myself before I went in that I was just going to get the things I needed, and nothing extra. I was a little hungry, but not so much that I couldn't have just waited for dinner. But somehow, my mood before I went into the store, and my mood when I stepped into the store, were completely different. I didn't even realize I was feeling emotional until I was in the checkout lane. I recognized that I felt guilty for buying "red light foods" and guilty for planning to binge on them when I got home. But I did it anyway. And even then I didn't discover the root cause for my binge until my husband got home and we started talking about my day.
My job as a nanny, which I LOVE, may be changing drastically, due to the family's own employment issues. Nothing has even been decided yet, it's just a 'something is going to happen soon' kind of situation. When they were talking to me about it, I didn't feel very much and was more logical about it. So this emotion just blindsided me once I started talking to my husband.
I don't really understand what happened. Was it the fact that I was already feeling bad about eating that made me more emotional? Or was I subconsciously emotional and eating helped the emotion come out? It seems so counter-intuitive. You would think that 'emotional eating' means, "I'm feeling ...blank... so I'm going to eat to stuff my emotions down." And maybe that I was doing, but it was totally on a subconscious level. So weird. Does anyone else experience this?
But my point about all of this is that I NOTICED it. That's what I mean when I say that I feel like I'm making progress on dealing with emotional eating. And like when my husband quotes G.I. Joe: "Knowing is half the battle." :) In all likelihood, I will probably struggle with this all my life, as it's become a very ingrained habit since I was younger. I didn't know I was doing it then, but I definitely know I'm doing it now. Everything comes in baby steps and I'm so sick of starting over that I'm just going to stick it out and be patient.
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