Sunday, September 21, 2014
Now that I've went through yesterday I can now speak and share more openly about this journey knowing that there are far more of you who have walked this journey and can relate to me.
While we cannot tell you the exact day or even the month, sometime in 2012 we began to notice a degree of changes in mom. Simple and routine tasks were becoming frustrating and burdensome. The symptoms persisted and soon the memory issue raised its head. At first it was sporadic, however it began to progress. Eventually it has become a chronic situation that has now visibly affected her personally.
About a year and a half later the repetitiveness began to emerge, first it was slight, but it has also progressed and eventually it too has became the norm.
Initially her doctor was of the opinion that it was stress related We on the other hand were thinking the possibility of dementia, an affliction that I knew a lot about since working with it for a good 25 years was beginning to be more and more the probability.
On several occasions there was private and quiet conversations wherein we would ask; “Dad what are we going to do?” The only answer we had was our commitment to take care of mom as best we could for the rest of her life. After almost 2 years the symptoms have not abated but rather they arre now in a rapidly progressing mode. We discussed the issues and decided to get her tested. This was not an easy decision for her or our father to accept.
This has began a whole new life for us. It has been a frenzied period. She was examined, tested, re-evaluated by her doctors. She underwent every possible test, re-test, diagnostic procedures We were in a series of doctor’s offices, clinic and testing labs. Finally after what seemed like an incessant barrage of tests, doctors and evaluations her doctors broke the news. While a definitive diagnosis was impossible, the suspected culprit was mixed Aggressive Alzheimer’s.
Immediately those closest have had to and to transition their lifestyle, taking over the cooking, grocery shopping, appointments on a full time basis. It had been gradually heading that way but it became an instantaneous full transition to a transfer of those responsibilities. Being from such a distance the remaining daughters are in full support in mind body and spirit. We are all on board with this.
The first week in Sept I myself flew home and spent a tireless week of care-giving and relief. And now as I sit back and think about the impact of the visit, our mother’s sorrow and our new reality let alone our likely evolution at the hands of this insidious disease, an intuitive reaction triggered within me. We were not going to take this lying down and we are going to fight whoever, whatever, wherever to find a way to overcome this challenge.
And so it is we have now begun notifying family, friends and neighbors and raising awareness. The reactions have varied from outright denial to condolences to offers of help and assistance.
For this, the latter we are so truly & gratefully thankful
However, there remains one request. A most deepest of a mother's desire and that is to return home one last time to her childhood Kenora. In this her five daughters are stepping up and doing everything in our combined powers to make this a reality. There is no doubt in any of our minds that this will in fact be her last request before her memory is completely affected by the Alzheimer.
And thank you from the deepest bottom of my heart!
Saturday, September 20, 2014
It's A Long Goodbye
She's leaving me, little by little, I wish she wouldn't go.
I will be there as long as she needs me. How do I let her know?
I'd like to hold on to the memories, I'd also like to share.
But she's further away, getting further away. And yet, she's always there.
It's a long good-bye, and yet I believe that she can sense us.
So much time between now and then, when it's time against us.
There are times she almost seems like herself.
Sometimes it's just a phase. A part of the person I once knew,
and sometimes just a trace.
It's a long good-bye and still I don't know just what to say.
There's so much time between now and then,
because she goes away, a long good-bye.
Tell me how do all the others do it?
There's so much time between now and then.
How do we get through it? It's a long good-bye.
Long story short I've had a meltdown!
I see it everyday, our seniors lonely, sad, confused and surrounded by a world that has become so calloused to their needs. These dear souls have given so much and when they come to the time in their life when they need... the barrel of #compassion is empty. I was a caregiver for 25 years and I loved my job! When I held their hand I could feel the weariness of their years of toil and labour. When I kissed their weathered cheek I could feel the road maps of their life's journey. When I lend an ear to their little tales of past I look into the window of their soul and see one of God's master pieces. Seniors are beautiful delicate orchards in our Master bouquet ~ let us not forget to care for them with love and compassion, so their beauty can be shared by all. God bless our seniors.
I know not many of you are aware, but my mother was recently diagnosed with mixed Aggressive Alzheimer. So that's where I've been. Home in Ontario working with and assessing and supporting family.
Even with 25 years experience it's the hardest most difficult thing to accept and deal with when your own mother falls victim to this debilitating disease.
There have already been changes and there will continue to be changes until our beloved mother is completely lost to her family and herself. That is why time is of the utmost essence that we fulfill what could very well be her last wish while her mind is still with us to the degree that it is.
Because there is no way even with five daughters could we all pull together to come up with that kind of cash We've also created the gofundme/ pg "One Last Trip Down Memory Lane" to fulfill that last heart's desire. It's been over 30 yrs since she has been home. And now she is not asking she is pleading with us to help her make that journey.
So far we've gotten 545.00 but it's been quiet for three days now.
That is why since this thing started with mom I haven't been here.
And until today I thought I was handling it alright. And then I lost contact with home because my Macbook Pro "died" won't complete it's boot up. It starts and goes about a third of the way and then shuts down, So no Ichat with dad!
My cell phone completely died It said the sim card was unregistered. I called them to find out what the heck was going on and they tried telling me that the sim card I was running in the phone I had it in wasn't compatible. After using it for almost a year?! So I went to Wal-mart bought a specific Koodo phone Couldn't use it because I didn't have a prepaid account Mine was monthly So I ordered the same phone online and got it free. Returned the 124$ one to Wal mart. So now I had a phone, Still without my laptop though so now I'm using this beat up ole PC that its slower than snail pace and frustrating to say the least.
So it's just one thing after another, especially being disconnected from my world!
But dealing with that and everything else just got to be far too overwhelming for me today and I broke.
I'm back to being me again. I won't be here though Not for awhile. I need to be totally focused on mom and work right now.
Missing you all!
If you want to follow me follow my facebook pg. https://www.facebook.com/MG.Jaraway or https://twitter.com/gayle_peters
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Each morning when we awake, we have an opportunity to create our day with what inspires us the most.
That moment during the day when we very first open our eyes and come into consciousness is a precious opportunity. It sets the tone for all that comes after it. At that moment, our ability to create the day is at its most powerful, and we can offer ourselves fully to the creative process by filling this moment with whatever inspires us most.
It may be that we want to be more generous, or it may be that we want to be more open to beauty in our daily lives. Whatever the case, if we bring this vision into our minds at this very fertile moment, we empower it to be the guiding principle of our day.
Sometimes though, we wake up with a mood already seemingly in place, and is important to give that feeling its due because it can in fact inform us and deepen our awareness to what’s going on inside us, as well as around us. As long as we are conscious, we can honor this feeling and also introduce our new affirmation or vision, our conscious offering to the day. We may also want to decide before we go to sleep what we want to bring to the next day of our lives. It could be that we simply want to be more open to whatever comes our way. Or we may want to summon a particular quality such as confidence. Then again, we may simply call up a feeling that perfectly captures the texture we want our day to have.
We can reaffirm our vision or affirmation as we shower and eat breakfast, as well as recalling it at various times throughout the day. We can write it down and carry it with us on a little slip of paper if this helps. Simply by being aware of those first moments, we set the stage for a more conscious, enlivened experience, and we become active participants in the creation of our lives.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
This morning Walt is out on a service call and while he is out I've managed to get the entire house cleaned and a first of two loads of laundry done. I need to slip over town for a few things but it'll have to wait until he gets back because my wallet is in his glove box. LOL Second thought I just might walk down The Forester is at the shop I should be able to get into it and retrieve my wallet.
In the meantime I've burned the calories now to the point of actually feeling hungry so I'm going to go have my yogurt and fruit!
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