Wednesday, September 04, 2013
Saturday I was able to do the 5K at Sunriver Marathon for a Cause. I was signed up for the 10K, but after the back spasm it just wasn't to be. I'm glad I made it through the 5K and - after over a week of being out with my back - pleased to say I was only 6 min off my time!
Great race, beautiful walk, totally plan on signing up for the 10K next year!
As of yesterday, back to Zumba and working on 10K steps a day.
That's it, back in the saddle and moving forward....
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Been a week since my back muscle spasm. Back is much better, tho not completely healed.
pretty sure I'm not going to be able to do the 10K Sunday, tho I haven't completely given up. I might be able to make one loop (5k or about 3 miles)...or I may have to step out completely. It's not worth reinjuring my back, that's for sure.
Made it up to around 7000 steps yesterday, which made me feel better after a week of 2000 or so! It's just a long road to recovery.
Been dealing with increased anxiety the last week. No fun. Working on relaxation techniques and "letting go". It's still there....but it's not consuming me so ...must be doing it well enough to stop the full-blown panic attacks.
One foot in front of the other, eh?
Friday, August 23, 2013
Things were going along. My walking was lagging a bit due to some commitments, but this weekend I was going to be back on it. Notice the use of the past tense, was.
Then last night I pulled my back. I had the audacity to try something as risky as.....getting out of the car. Sigh. I got out of the car, stood up and....felt it pull.
It's not the worst spasm I've had, not by a long shot, but it's painful. Sitting is the worst. I can lay down or stand up, but sitting? ouch. It's just too much pressure on it I guess.
Typically, when this happens....I fight. I load up on ibuprofen, take a pillow and my ice pack and foam roller and trudge into work, adamant I can be there.
Which is just stupid. I'll say it for you. But that tends to be my mode of operation.
Today, I broke that chain. I called in sick to work and said I won't be there. I chose to stay at home, not spend hours sitting and making it worse and to take care of myself.
I don't feel guilty, for once, either. How crazy is that? LOL.
I've noticed that often when I pull my back, I'm in a state of stress. I can trace back almost every muscle spasm to being under some pressure. Yesterday, it was hearing my car needs a new clutch and pressure plate...to the tune of $1000. I'm not panicking, but I definitely felt some stress at hearing that and wondering how I was going to come up with that while finishing my daughter's wedding, getting glasses for one child and dental work for another before school starts. I felt overwhelmed...and...boom. There you have it.
It will work out, somehow. But what I realized this morning is this: I have 40 hours of vacation/sick time. I don't HAVE to go in and force myself to do the one thing that hurts the most: Sit for hours. I had a choice, I could stay home and take care of myself.
Today, for the first time perhaps ever, it was easy. I just called in.
Crazy, I know.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Here we are, another week on the way.
The scale is back down to 245. That sticky point.
I work on 10K steps a day, and most days I've exceeded it, and some I haven't. It would be easy to fall into the self critical mode of thinking - that whatever I'm doing it's not enough, not good enough, and I need to try HARDER.
For now, I seem to be able to put that kind of thinking aside.
Maybe it's working on myself in Al-Anon.
For example, one of my daughter's is 19 and a half. She had to do 3rd grade twice, so she didn't graduate until this June. I was very patient her senior year. I did not insist she get a job and start being responsible BECAUSE she was having such a hard time in school and getting her graduated from high school seemed like the priority.
I'm not sure I did the right thing. Now, with summer almost gone...no job. She quit the job she had briefly because she didn't like the way they treated her (Walmart). I said, okay then get another job. That was a month ago. A month of sitting around in her pjs watching tv, reading and painting her nails. Many comments from me have come and gone asking about her "job search" - what is in my opinion non-existent.
Today, I lost my patience. I left her a note on her junk piled up in the living room to the effect that I feel disrespected. That I should not HAVE to ask her to pick up her crap nor should I still be asking about her job search. That it's time to step up to the plate.....or I'll start thinking about turning her room into my craft room and she can sleep on the couch. That I expected by the end of the day she would have made an appointment with Work Source, a local help-you-find-a-job place - which she has been dragging her feet on for over a month.
A year ago...I couldn't have done that. I would have weedled, begged, manipulated...I wouldn't have come out and said I felt disrespected. I wouldn't have set a line in the sand.
And I would have gotten more and more resentful and angry. I would have "eaten" those feelings, and my relationship with her would have gotten worse, not to mention other relationships in my life.
But today, I was able to take an action, I was able to give my child the boundary that she must step up and learn to be responsible and support herself. Yes, I have some follow through work to do ...
But I feel like I CAN do that. That I can follow through on the boundaries I'm learning to create.
And maybe, just maybe, stop stuffing those emotions down my throat with food.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Far too often, I am ruled by the numbers on the scale. Too many times, I've given the numbers the power to choose my mood, my feelings about myself. For months, I did not weigh at ALL...but there also was no success in that for me because without weighing it was easy to "forget" I weighed 250 pounds.
So, for awhile now, I have been following the ritual of getting on the scale every morning, just to remember what I weigh and to start my day with the motivation to remove some of that weight. At first, it was really hard not to freak out about the numbers. Sometimes, frankly, I still do.
Again and again, we read on other's blogs and hear in their comments on our own - the number isn't important, it's how you feel, etc. This is true, but it's also not as concrete as seeing a 20 pound weight loss.
I've added in a lot of activity in the last eight mnths where previously I was very sedentary. I didn't THINK I was sedentary, but the Fitbit showed me just how wrong that thinking was.
I'm training for my first 10K Labor Day weekend. I've done several 5K over the years...but since I walked the Portland Marathon in '96, 5K was my longest event. I've been working on adding in zumba in the mornings and walking at night when it's cooler.
The scale is going the wrong way. Not terribly, 2 or 3 pounds up.
I thought to myself this morning: I do not have the energy to get my 10,000 steps in a day AND obsess about my weight. What's important here Lisa?
I decided what was important was completing that 10K in 120 min or less and not being wiped out when I finished. That's a 20 min mile average. I'm capable of a faster speed, but right now - certainly not for 6.1 miles worth. What my weight is the day of the race is not as important to me as feeling successful, finishing it and not pooping out at the 5K mark, and doing it in a time that is reasonable.
So this morning when I got on the scale and it again showed a 3.5 pound gain from last week, I said out loud "Whatever scale, you don't rule me".
That's where I am today boys and girls....Just another day in paradise...
Get An Email Alert Each Time NOREGRET2010 Posts