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Day One

Friday, November 23, 2012

Back to day one.

Let's not discuss how many times I've been here, only celebrate that I chose to do it again.

:)

CPAP Streak: Day 2 - I'd gotten up to about a month and then...yeah. So, back on again.

Food: Back to what the doctor that used to be here said: eat every 2-3 hours, protein with every meal/snack, keep it around 200-300 cal a meal. Cut the grains, rice and potatoes.

First this morning was breakfast. I have a hard time getting breakfast in, I just don't feel hungry...but that was one of her big deals for me, so I did it. Two scrambled eggs with a cup of broccoli and a lil cheese and salsa. Funny how when you aren't hungry, that looks like a LOT of food, LOL. But, I did it.

Yes, I know - for all of you who posted about Medifast. Yes, I do know. That's why I haven't done it. I did prepackaged meals before...I did a supervised fast before. What I lost? A lot of money. Said I'd never do it again. So my post wasn't really that I was tempted to do it or that I felt sorry for myself I couldn't afford to do it....it was about being frustrated as hell. Reminding myself this a.m. of WHY it's going to be a long, slow road:

1) Hormone issues. My hormones are all out of whack, as proved by lots of money thrown at testing. WAY too much of somethings and nothing of others. Rebalancing that is a long slow road, especially at perimenopause.
2) Perimenopause.
3) Sleep apnea/sleep issues for the last oh, 30 years. It's proven that this keeps fat people fat and also has effect on hormones.
4) Breaking years of eating "cheap" - filling up on carbs because they were cheap it it was all I could afford. The problem, they're still cheap and what I can afford on one income and 4 people to feed. But, I'm going to do the best I can do.


That's all it comes down to, the best I can do day in and day out.

Yep, the Pollyanna hat is firmly squashed back onto my head. This is a good thing, because I didn't like the alternative.....

There are 39 days til New Years. I want to see how I can do going back to building the diet habits from the doc. So....let's do this thing! :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DABLUECAT 11/26/2012 2:03PM

    Be the strong and stubbornly stick to it. emoticon emoticon

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SUSIEQ911 11/24/2012 8:10AM

    Just keep trying my friend and keep appreciating each day for what it is. There is something good in every day.

You can do this, but only one day at a time. Or one meal and one workout at a time.

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JSTETSER 11/23/2012 6:44PM

    Good plan!

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LEXIE63 11/23/2012 4:16PM

    I have to say that breakfast sounds delicious, and I plan to try it myself. :-)

Reading your blog put that lovely song Just Like Starting Over by John Lennon in my head. :-)

I love that you are starting over again. There's no shame in that. Like stopping smoking, eventually the effort sticks. I should know! :-)

Hugs,
Lex xxx

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GOPINTOS 11/23/2012 2:51PM

    I know what you mean about budget. I just recently added potatoes and rice back in and I really am doing much better - and they are so affordable. You might discuss this with your doctor. http://perfecthealthdiet.com/2011/0
2/perfect-health-diet-weight-lo
ss-version/

Thanks for sharing!

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Smile and Enjoy the Rest of Your Day!
Melinda (gopintos)
Perfect Health Diet Team
Country Living Team
Dr Oz Show Fans Team
Wheat Belly Team

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FITSMALLCLOTHES 11/23/2012 12:35PM

    Cool. Good for you. Yea

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SPIRALDOWN 11/23/2012 9:06AM

    You sound like a strong lady.... 39 days til New Years...You got me thinking what can i do in that tome to put me on a healthy track for 2013. Thank you and i am sure you can do it. I am going to set a goal for 39 days.

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And I cried

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Last night while scrolling through Facebook, a friend posted pictures of her before last thanksgiving, and her now. She's lost about 30 pounds. Her partner has lost 40 pounds. I 'liked' the picture and wrote "wow, you look GREAT!" because, she does! Then I went to the link she'd provided and it was......

Medifast.

And suddenly, my eyes were full of tears. Tears of frustration, self pity, sadness, and anger.

Give or take 5 pounds, I weigh the same as last year. I also felt, during those tears, a moment of envy, of jealousy that my friend had lost weight.

And then I cried further for having such terrible thoughts. I've said many times, I wouldn't wish this obesity on my worst enemy...and yet, my friend has success and I'm jealous?

Many thoughts went through my head in the following hours. "not good enough" "didn't try hard enough" "hopeless". I went to bed and felt ...well, hopeless.

I got up this a.m. and I'm not sure how I feel. Not hopeless, I apparently have too much pollyanna in me for that, LOL. No longer jealous of my friend, I really AM happy for her.

I looked at Medifast again (though I've vowed no more prepackaged food plans, I looked anyway). It's hideously expensive (around $300 a month for a woman) at a time when only one of us is employed (yes, we found out Jodie didn't get the job last night as well). I can't justify that in my life, even if I wanted to try it again.

So what can I do? Continue my journey with Sparkpeople. Eat as the doctor advised me. Give myself time, and compassion. Stay off the scales for awhile.

That breakdown of tears over my weight was the first in a long time. Did it leave me with fresh enthusiasm and drive? um, no. But it did perhaps refocus me.

So today, the day of food in the states, Thanksgiving, I'm going to work on moderation and do a lot of thinking about what I want, what I'm capable of, etc.

And, as my dad would say, I'm thankful to be on the "right side of the grass" to be able to work on my body and keep on keepin' on.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATCHAGIRL 11/24/2012 12:58PM

    I'm sorry, girl... :( Like some others have said, don't beat yourself up. Just keep on tryin'. HANG IN THERE! emoticon

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POWER2XCEL 11/24/2012 9:06AM

  Don't beat yourself up. If you do it the right way, slow and healthy, the weight won't come back. Those diets such as Medifast are expensive temporary quick fixes.

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LISBETHSALANDER 11/23/2012 8:35AM

    This is tough going. There is no doubt about it. Treat yourself with kindness and look back only for a healthy review of what is working and what is not. Do not chastise yourself . . . eating well is a practice and that means it needs work everyday and with every meal. It's like dancing . . . if you continually repeat the steps you will get better at it. I'm glad you can feel happy for your friend. I think the path you are on is far more sound than a purchased plan. Forward!

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HDHAWK 11/23/2012 8:22AM

    I've done Medifast and another similar plan. It works for a while, but if you start eating normally you have to be very carefully or it comes back on quickly. You can lose the weight eating smaller portions of foods you enjoy and it won't cost you a fortune. emoticon

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DAWN14163 11/23/2012 8:20AM

    I don't know what medifast is, but I echo some of the comments here - far better to find a healthy eating plan that you can stick with than lose weight "unnaturally".
You CAN do this. You sound determined and focussed and I wish you every success!
emoticon emoticon

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DABLUECAT 11/23/2012 8:19AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GOPINTOS 11/23/2012 8:14AM

    I know it's so cliche, the slow and steady wins the race and all that jazz. I also know it's true, but I also know that doesnt help us when we are so ready to be there NOW emoticon

I feel your pain. I visit alot of blogs and I always look at when they started and where they are at now, and yes it is discouraging to see those of similar weight that started later and are further. Or started the same time and are further, etc. And I admit, sometimes it makes me mad at myself, but I try to quickly redirect my thoughts. Those bad feelings do not help me to change what is.

So I think of how far I have come, as you should too. You are sleeping better, and really that helped me to start my weight loss journey. It wasnt immediate but it helped to get me on the road to healthy.

We have grown so much since this time last year. I really wasnt serious yet last Thanksgiving, but thinking about getting serious :)

Anyways, you are doing great. We learn something every day. We just have to do the best we can daily, and all the little things will add up to big things in the overall picture of good health :)

Keep on keeping on!
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Smile and Enjoy the Rest of Your Day!
Melinda (gopintos)
Perfect Health Diet Team
Country Living Team
Dr Oz Show Fans Team
Wheat Belly Team

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HOUNDLOVER1 11/23/2012 12:47AM

    It is possible to lose weight on almost any diet. But only on a lifestyle diet that never leaves you hungry and gives you plenty of energy can you expect to keep the weight off. For me the only diet that qualifies is low-carb. I have never had any trouble maintaining since I started. Thanksgiving was a feast in spite of no grains, no sugar and even no dairy and no eggs since my family members have some allergies.
You can do it. Never give up. emoticon

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GARDENCHRIS 11/22/2012 10:36AM

    we each have our own journey...... maybe those tears were really for you that it is time to really look at what your doing and to LOVE yourself enough to take care of yourself....you ARE WORTH IT!!!! Be gentle with yourself, spend some time with you and take a look and love yourself enough. Hang in there, all part of the journey. emoticon



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LEXIE63 11/22/2012 10:25AM

    To be honest, Sweetie, even if you could afford the medi-thing plan, I'd personally avoid it like the plague! It is a proven fact that this type of diet, no matter how healthy they claim it to be, doesn't work.

Yes, if you are a totally disciplined person who sticks rigidly to the plan, you will lose weight. But at best it will be temporary, becasue as soon as you stop using it and start to eat real food again the pounds will come back. And not only that, there was nothing written anywhere about exercise as far as I could see. PLUS, it sounds like you still have to buy the one real meal a day on top of the $300 you already forked out for shakes and chewy bars.

That's why it is far better to do what Sparkpeople advocate, which is make changes to your diet that you know you can live with. So (as an example of something I did) find a tasty low fat alternative to that fizzy pop - give your tastebuds a chance to adjust to fizzy water instead, for instance. Change things a bit at a time and make them changes you can live with. :-)

But for today, enjoy Thanksgiving. And maybe find some time today to sit and mull over what it is you want to change about youir food, and why.
Hugs,
Lex xxx

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3G1RLS4ME 11/22/2012 10:18AM

    Oh I'm so sorry you felt hurt like that you'll get there even if it takes a little bit longer, think of it that way you can do it without messing up your body and park a little farther from the store and u'll get in 10 more minutes of walking then b4;)
Keep sparking don't give up

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OJ_2_OK 11/22/2012 10:18AM

    Its great that your friend lost a bunch of weight, but medifast is not something that she will be able to maintain for the rest of her life. Her chances of gaining all that weight back is pretty high. Never be down on yourself for a loss, whether its100 lbs or 5 lbs, a loss is a loss. This is a journey. DIdn't take you overnight to gain the weight, won't take you overnight to lose it. The most important part is that you've made up your mind to get rid of it. I'm proud of you. YOU CAN DO IT.

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Here it is Saturday again...

Saturday, November 10, 2012

CPAP Streak: 16 days, most nights it stays on all night, some nites it still ends up ripped off and on the floor. But, it's been put on every night.

Been a stressful week....budget cuts at work resulted in someone being let go. Scary stuff.

Jodie has not heard back on her interview Monday with her dream job. Not taking it too well.

Realized my son was being really crabby and looked at his meds...and no, he hasn't been taking them.

Yep, that kinda week.

This weekend will be spent cleaning, annual prop management inspection coming up this week.

Oh, the joy.

But...I also plan to do some beading. Watch the Avengers. And, we pulled out a fun 1000 pc puzzle to start.

See? Nothing's all bad. There's always some good, there's always something to enjoy and look forward to....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEXIE63 11/12/2012 4:55AM

    Sorry the job process is dragging on. It certainly has been a week for you and yours. For me too. Struggling with a diverticulitis flare-up and a costo attack at the same time. Not feeling at all well.
Hope your weekend was relaxing.
Hugs,
Lex xxx

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SUSIEQ911 11/11/2012 10:12AM

    Hoping your partner hears something soon and that it's good news!

Have a good one!

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GOPINTOS 11/10/2012 1:47PM

    emoticon

Thanks for sharing!

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Smile and Enjoy the Rest of Your Day!
Melinda (gopintos)
Perfect Health Diet Team
Country Living Team
Dr Oz Show Fans Team
Wheat Belly Team

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SUGARSMOM2 11/10/2012 12:47PM

  when we worry it shows . waiting is not a very pleasant task . Medicine is a thing i have trouble with many times . forget to take it or just think i will get it later but it never does get done . have you ever put a pot on the stove and forget you did it as smoke fills the house ? good luck . puzzles my grandson loves to work them .

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IAMFRANSGIRL 11/10/2012 10:46AM

    Congrats on your streak! Sorry Jodie hasn't heard about her job. Waiting sucks!

We just started a new puzzle too! Hope you enjoy your beading and movie.

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Time Flies....

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

Time has flown this last few weeks....

Dancing is up, walking is down. There is only so much time in the day and right now I'm getting paid for teaching dance, so that's where my priority lay. But, at least it's still movement and I'm breaking a good sweat.

Food is okay. Still struggling to get those fruits and veggies in on a daily basis - but for now (crossing fingers) no more gut pain from diverticulitis.

CPAP Streak: 13 days. Over the weekend I experimented with not using the Ambien....and discovered, it really is what makes the difference between keeping the mask on and ripping it off at 2 or 3 in the morning. So, Ambien it is.

Jodie had her job interview yesterday...and we are on pins and needles. Two positions, 9 people interviewed. It would mean a huge change for us - not scrabbling week to week on one paycheck, always one car problem or broken appliance away from disaster. She did the best she could, now it's out of our hands. Hoping and praying.

The upcoming holidays....I used to LOVE the holidays, I decorated, baked, made gifts...but working full time, less money to shift around....I've sort of stopped loving the holidays. I'm hoping to rekindle the love this year...regardless of our financial situation. Decorating, enjoying time with family, etc. Little seasonal depressing creeping around the edges...on top of the stress of life...well, I know it could swing either way. I could become blue and down and not interested in the holidays or view them as a burden. But for now, I choose to try to look forward to them, feel happy about them, and do the things I can do that I enjoy.

Our society is so material driven...we are bombarded constantly by advertising of things we should want. No wonder it's hard to find contentment. It takes work. It takes focus on what you really need vs focus on all the things they want you to buy to "make" you happy.

Well, that's another long blog post of its own and it's time to get in the shower. :) Have a fabulous day folks!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOPINTOS 11/6/2012 6:04PM

    Thanks for sharing!

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Smile and Enjoy the Rest of Your Day!
Melinda (gopintos)
Perfect Health Diet Team
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Dr Oz Show Fans Team
Wheat Belly Team

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LEXIE63 11/6/2012 1:50PM

    With you on the whole Christmas thing. Really bugs me. :-) I try and make it all about nice food and good company, with pressies a very low priority. Little treats rather than big gifts.
Still keeping everything crosed for your partner's job prospects, and YAY! on the lack of diverticular pain.
Hugs,
Lex xxx

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Saturday Check In

Saturday, November 03, 2012

Very grateful today is Saturday! Grateful the house is silent right now and I'm the only one up. Work was stressful and crazy this week, and my patience with people is stretched a bit thin. Hoping to stay home most of the weekend to recharge.

CPAP Streak: 11 days. Went for my follow up to my sleep study, found I'd still been having some snoring and hypoapneas (shallow breathing) on the previous pressure (8) and that was why they upped the pressure to 11. Respiratory therapist asked why I hadn't replaced my mask (6 years old), and I told him I haven't met my deductible, I'm the only one working, etc and I just haven't been able to scrape up extra money, especially with new medical bills from the diverticulitis attack and now another sleep study. He said, your mask is old, it's leaking and not providing the level of treatment you need, I'm going to send you home with a mask today, and it will be considered a "loaner". What a blessing! So I went home with a brand new mask, headgear and tubing. New mask is smaller and more lightweight than the old one and gets a much better seal, so no air leaks. I can't say I'm at the point of waking up refreshed in the morning, but I'm being compliant and that's 90% of the battle.

Weight seems stuck again. I'm dancing a lot, eating more fruits and veggies, and more worried about my health than specifically my weight, so I'm not down about it.

My partner has an interview Monday at the local Community College for a security position. This would solve so many, many problems for us. There are 2 positions and they are interviewing 10 people. She has experience as a corrections officer at a prison in Louisiana, among other excellent credentials, and it seems like she'd be a great fit for this job, but as we know too well, it's not in the bag. She has gotten to the top 2 candidates in job after job, and wasn't the one chosen, or worse yet, no interview at all. The job market here is sooooo stiff. So, we've got all our good thoughts pinned on Monday's interview.....

That's it for me. :) Have a terrific Saturday!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEXIE63 11/4/2012 7:14AM

    I'm so pleased the doc gave you a 'loaner'. That was so kind! :-)
Wishing your partner all the best for getting that job! :-)
Hope you are getting that relaxing weekend.
Hugs,
Lex xxx

Comment edited on: 11/4/2012 7:15:04 AM

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GOPINTOS 11/3/2012 8:08PM

    Thanks for sharing!

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Smile and Enjoy the Rest of Your Day!
Melinda (gopintos)
Country Living Team
Perfect Health Diet Team
Dr Oz Show Fans Team
Wheat Belly Team


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SUSIEQ911 11/3/2012 10:34AM

    Yay for the loaner!

I hope you and your partner get good news on the job!


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