Thursday, December 06, 2012
CPAP Streak - Back to zero, out of ambien, tossed and turned all night and ripped mask off.
Wheat Free: Back to start
When I tracked my food from yesterday everything was waaaay over. Funny how a few different choices raise numbers, and an impulse eating of two very small pieces of pepperoni pizza REALLY made everything soar. When I tallied it up this morning I had that moment of 'sticker shock' - HOW many calories????
But (Pollyanna says) today is a new day.
On the positive side (LOL!!), my fiber intake is increasing every day and that's a must with the diverticular disease.
I'm going to try a "restorative yoga" class on Saturday - with an eye toward loosening, limbering and relaxing. My muscles are so chronically tight in some areas that it's causing some issues - so, I'll give it a whirl. The last yoga class I tried (not knowing anything) was a much more active form of yoga with pretty quick changes from pose to pose and I couldn't remotely keep up. This class is apparently full of much older folks - the friend who took it said "believe me you'll be the youngest person there!" - and is supposedly a much more gentle class.
So, today is 87 days till my competition. Going to start a streak-ish list there too:
Costume construction: So far....approximately 26 hours of work. Much, much more than that left....get cracking!
Dance Streak: Starting today. Let's see if I can get a streak of dancing at least one song a day (easy on two-hour troupe nights, LOL, not so easy on non-troupe days).
I also measured for the first time in AGES this week, and we'll see what this 87 days brings in measurement change.....
Another day to try and get it right...
Wednesday, December 05, 2012
In 88 days, I will again compete at a bellydance competition in Tacoma, Washington.
I'm sad to say, that despite a lot of work in the last 9 months...I'm pretty much at the same weight as then.
That realization really took the wind out of my sails this a.m. There's a part of me that says "oh good grief, just quit - quit worrying about the weight, quit trying so hard and just be as you are." Along with some negative self talk about how obviously I "can't" do it for whatever reason - health issues, don't "try hard enough" and don't deserve to lose weight because I'm not thinking about it and working it 24/7.
I've done a lot of work on it the last 9 months. Why hasn't it changed? (this is a rhetorical question, please do me a favor and don't answer it, LOL!).
Well there are a lot of potential answers to that:
1. I didn't try hard enough.
2. My menopausal/hormone whacked/insulin resistant body isn't going to let go of it till it wants to.
3. I was meant to be obese.
Hmm. Let's look at those separately:
1. "I didn't try hard enough" - I'm thinking of all the walks I took this summer, all the veggies I've added to my diet, all the sweets I've turned away, all the nights spent wrestling with the CPAP, all the dance classes I've taught and sweated through this fall, and all the wheat products I've refused over the last few months. Have I been perfect? Nope. Have I tried? Darn right I've tried - so this one is a no go for me. I'm not buying it.
2. "My menopausal/hormone whacked/insulin resistant body isn't going to let go of it till it wants to" - While partly this leads me to feeling defeated (it doesn't matter how hard I try, my body is against me kinda feelings) - I suspect there's a large bit of responsibility for no change to be laid here. I have not forgotten the doctor literally putting her hand over mine and saying "Lisa, you're menopausal, your hormones are hugely out of balance and you are insulin resistant, it is going to be very hard for you to lose weight".
3. "I was meant to be obese." Yep, runs in the family - got it on both sides. My genetics may be biased toward heaviness. Well, heart disease, diabetes, arthritis also are prevalent in my family (as well, or because of?) and I don't believe I have to just lay down and die from it.
So, where does this lead me? I KNOW I'm trying. That much is certainly true. (I'll interject here that at one time a former Spark Friend said "well, if you were trying you'd be losing weight - if you aren't losing weight, you aren't trying hard enough - work harder!" Note the former in front of Spark Friend - I gave her the boot!). Yes, I do have some things that I can't control making it difficult.
But I refuse to give up. I guess, along with heart disease, I inherited a Pollyanna attitude somewhere that makes me keep on trying, keep believing it's possible, keep believing I CAN do this....
How? If what I'm doing isn't working....how? Well, I'm reminding myself to be PATIENT. I've been eating the doc's way for about a week now. It's going to take TIME and consistency. Consistency to keep increasing my fiber and veggies, Consistency to keep refusing wheat products, Consistency to keep putting that blasted CPAP on night after night.
88 days. What kind of a change can I make come about in 88 days?
Let's see, shall we?
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
CPAP Streak: 2 days.
Wheat free: 5 days (well, maybe not "free" - 95%?)
Lost: 1 pound.
Sunday, December 02, 2012
Wheat Free (99% anyway): 3 days
CPAP: Epic fail, restart tonight
Yesterday was definitely a lazy day...read, did some beading, took a looong nap, went to a friend's birthday dinner, then went to a local queer function. The last was also an epic fail....we've had pretty much no success making friends with other queer folk - we seem to live in an extremely cliquish queer community and breaking the barrier and making friends has been pretty unsuccessful. Doesn't bother me that much, but it really bothers Jodie. So a good day ended on a disappointing note. Me, I figure a friend is a friend and I'm not going to quibble about whether they're queer or not, but Jodie needs queer friends and it just hasn't happened...in seven years. Yeah, disappointing. (or the friends she has made have turned out to be...not such great friends after all).
The wheat free thing...so much easier when not at home. The friend's BD dinner was all Paleo based, so that was no problem to hang in with it while eating out. At home? much harder. I feel better (less arthritic symptoms, etc) tho so.....yep, going to keep working on it.
Working the SuperBetter thing...but it takes TIME, one of my less abundant commodities. But, doing it nonetheless.
The CPAP thing: note to self: Just take the d*mn Ambien. I was so tired last night, I thought I don't need no stinkin' Ambien....then I tossed and turned all night long and couldn't stand having the CPAP on at all. Take the Ambien.
Today: Chores and Christmas decorating! Trying to be upbeat about the holiday, tho it's looking like each kid will get $50 cash and a movie ticket and that's it this year....no child support in five months, a huge cut in the yearly christmas bonus from work and well....I'm feeling lucky to do THAT much. They're okay with it, but I hate it....We don't have lavish Christmases by ANY means, but this will be the smallest ever and that's a bit sucky. But...when I feel overwhelmed by it, I do a list of gratitudes and feel better. Much, much better than nothing.
So, upward and onward!
Friday, November 30, 2012
Loong week, glad to wave goodbye to it!
Some successes this week:
CPAP 4x out of 5 nights.
Increasing my low GI veggies is actually happening and not just the plan!
Yesterday, no wheat products at all - and I didn't even think about it till the end of the night when I realized...hey, I really did it, I avoided wheat all day!
By tonight I will have had 5 hours cardio this week - which is my goal!
So woo hoo!
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