Sunday, December 02, 2012
Wheat Free (99% anyway): 3 days
CPAP: Epic fail, restart tonight
Yesterday was definitely a lazy day...read, did some beading, took a looong nap, went to a friend's birthday dinner, then went to a local queer function. The last was also an epic fail....we've had pretty much no success making friends with other queer folk - we seem to live in an extremely cliquish queer community and breaking the barrier and making friends has been pretty unsuccessful. Doesn't bother me that much, but it really bothers Jodie. So a good day ended on a disappointing note. Me, I figure a friend is a friend and I'm not going to quibble about whether they're queer or not, but Jodie needs queer friends and it just hasn't happened...in seven years. Yeah, disappointing. (or the friends she has made have turned out to be...not such great friends after all).
The wheat free thing...so much easier when not at home. The friend's BD dinner was all Paleo based, so that was no problem to hang in with it while eating out. At home? much harder. I feel better (less arthritic symptoms, etc) tho so.....yep, going to keep working on it.
Working the SuperBetter thing...but it takes TIME, one of my less abundant commodities. But, doing it nonetheless.
The CPAP thing: note to self: Just take the d*mn Ambien. I was so tired last night, I thought I don't need no stinkin' Ambien....then I tossed and turned all night long and couldn't stand having the CPAP on at all. Take the Ambien.
Today: Chores and Christmas decorating! Trying to be upbeat about the holiday, tho it's looking like each kid will get $50 cash and a movie ticket and that's it this year....no child support in five months, a huge cut in the yearly christmas bonus from work and well....I'm feeling lucky to do THAT much. They're okay with it, but I hate it....We don't have lavish Christmases by ANY means, but this will be the smallest ever and that's a bit sucky. But...when I feel overwhelmed by it, I do a list of gratitudes and feel better. Much, much better than nothing.
So, upward and onward!
Friday, November 30, 2012
Loong week, glad to wave goodbye to it!
Some successes this week:
CPAP 4x out of 5 nights.
Increasing my low GI veggies is actually happening and not just the plan!
Yesterday, no wheat products at all - and I didn't even think about it till the end of the night when I realized...hey, I really did it, I avoided wheat all day!
By tonight I will have had 5 hours cardio this week - which is my goal!
So woo hoo!
Thursday, November 29, 2012
I've found a fun site. It's not SparkPeople, certainly not a replacement in my opinion, but it's FUN, it's different and I'm enjoying it. It's sort of ...a game. A healthy living game. Dunno, check it out yerselves, LOL. This is my activity from there for today and I thought I'd post it here.
YOUR QUEST: Take a dose of honesty and write a paragraph about how it is to be above your ideal weight. No one else will ever read this unless you show it to them—this is just for you.
Okay. Here's my paragraph.
How is it to be above my ideal weight? Well...it's hard. I never know from day to day what is going to fit when I go into the closet. I feel self concious about my body in different aspects. I love to dance, but when I see the body I'm using, it's distracting to the dance. The small, muscular moves I've worked so hard to learn to do well don't show up as well, because the body is covered in layers of fat. Shopping is a big pain in the butt, becuase at 5", clothes that are my size are all sized for giants...apparently, if you are a size 2x, you MUST be 6.5 feet tall...I'm tired a lot, my knees hurt and sometimes I have a hard time getting in and out of booths at restaurants, or bending to tie my shoes....and those moments are embarrassing and hard.
Now make a list of what you imagine losing weight might help you achieve or do. Put this list somewhere you can see it every day for motivation and refocusing.
Well, that list might look like:
I could buy an "off the rack" dance costume and it would...fit. I could easily go to the floor for yoga or stretching and back up again. I could bend over to tie my shoes. I'd probably have a LOT more ennergy. I'd be more self confident. Perhaps shopping would be fun, to be able to try things on that would fit....I might feel more attractive. I'd probably have less daily pain, because my arthritis would have less issues carrying me at a healthy weight vs 250 pounds.
Okay, that's that. Sooooo busy. 2 sets of dance students tonight (after a full day of work).
CPAP Streak: 2 days. argh. I'm shooting for 30 days. I can DO THIS for 30 days, right? right!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Yesterday was a good day. I realized...I haven't taken the day after Thanksgiving off in years...like 6? 7? more? What a treat to be home for 4 days! Usually, if I'm off work 4 days, I'm traveling to a dance event somewhere. So, staying home has been a pretty wonderful thing!
Yesterday I worked on going back to the doctor's plan for me for food. I dug out the papers she'd given me and reminded myself of the plan. I share it here, not because I think everyone should drop what they're doing and do this - but because I'm always curious about what others are doing and I figure, you are too, LOL. Remember, this was set for me by my physician for a variety of health reasons and shouldn't be considered The Plan for all, LOL. There. That disclaimer out of the way:
1. Eat every 2-3 hours
2. Each meal - 15 gm protein, 20 gm low GI carb (i.e. veggies), 6 gm of high quality oil/fat (almonds, coconut oil, etc).
3. Drink half my weight in water - in ounces, of course! i.e., I weigh about 245 that would equal 123 ounces of water (and she recommended starting with 2 glasses a day and adding a glass a day, rather than trying to drown myself the first day, LOL).
4. Supplements - most of which I ran out of long ago and will have to repurchase (slowly because I'm broke), but I still do keep a good-quality multivitamin and fish oil around, so I'll start with that. Because yes, I keep them around, I don't "take" them, LOL.
I'm working on the sleep thing with the CPAP (CPAP streak: 3 days). That's a loong slow road I think, recalibrating your brain and hormones when you haven't had good sleep for years. It's not perfect....the "loaner" mask is not of high quality and while it fits well around my face, the connector to the hose will pop off the mask with very little provocation (i.e. moving a little) then I rip the mask off and shut off the machine - pretty much in my sleep. That typically happens around 3 a.m. However, I've been working on if I'm slightly aware (i.e. awake) saying to myself, you have to fix that don't just take it off and sometimes, I'm able to follow through. So, I'll keep working it. Next sleep doc appointment is in about 3 weeks.
I really appreciate the folks who have kept checking on me and supporting me (and you new folks too!). The support of Spark People is what brings me back again and again...we're lucky to have such a great site!
Enjoy your weekend folks!
Friday, November 23, 2012
Back to day one.
Let's not discuss how many times I've been here, only celebrate that I chose to do it again.
CPAP Streak: Day 2 - I'd gotten up to about a month and then...yeah. So, back on again.
Food: Back to what the doctor that used to be here said: eat every 2-3 hours, protein with every meal/snack, keep it around 200-300 cal a meal. Cut the grains, rice and potatoes.
First this morning was breakfast. I have a hard time getting breakfast in, I just don't feel hungry...but that was one of her big deals for me, so I did it. Two scrambled eggs with a cup of broccoli and a lil cheese and salsa. Funny how when you aren't hungry, that looks like a LOT of food, LOL. But, I did it.
Yes, I know - for all of you who posted about Medifast. Yes, I do know. That's why I haven't done it. I did prepackaged meals before...I did a supervised fast before. What I lost? A lot of money. Said I'd never do it again. So my post wasn't really that I was tempted to do it or that I felt sorry for myself I couldn't afford to do it....it was about being frustrated as hell. Reminding myself this a.m. of WHY it's going to be a long, slow road:
1) Hormone issues. My hormones are all out of whack, as proved by lots of money thrown at testing. WAY too much of somethings and nothing of others. Rebalancing that is a long slow road, especially at perimenopause.
3) Sleep apnea/sleep issues for the last oh, 30 years. It's proven that this keeps fat people fat and also has effect on hormones.
4) Breaking years of eating "cheap" - filling up on carbs because they were cheap it it was all I could afford. The problem, they're still cheap and what I can afford on one income and 4 people to feed. But, I'm going to do the best I can do.
That's all it comes down to, the best I can do day in and day out.
Yep, the Pollyanna hat is firmly squashed back onto my head. This is a good thing, because I didn't like the alternative.....
There are 39 days til New Years. I want to see how I can do going back to building the diet habits from the doc. So....let's do this thing! :)
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