Wednesday, November 28, 2007
woo boy. I just tracked the rest of my food for yesterday and it's really not pretty. Close to DOUBLE my calorie range.
I got triggered, I knew it and I just could not stop. The only good thing I can say is, at least it wasn't just handfuls of candy or whatever, it was dinner.
We're sitting at the table and we have a ritual of everyone saying what was the best part of their day and what was the worst. We get to my 11 yo son Mike, who has been having problems with anger management etc. He says the worst part of the day was when his "ex friend Jeremy blah blah blah"
I said, "why ex-friend? You and Jeremy get into an arguement?" I sort of expected it to be something along the lines of arguing about something Star Wars, lol. Mike is a SW NERDand if his friend wants to pretend something happened that didn't in the movies, well...he will get bent out of shape..it's happened before and that's what I expected...but no....
He says, "He said he's not my friend anymore. He figured out you were gay and he doesn't want to be my friend anymore".
Apparently, since Jodie was working nights and sleeping days, the few times Jeremy came over and heard about "Jodie" he assumed it was a man. He came over last week and met Jodie...and figured out Jodie is not a man, that in fact, Mike has two moms.
I began to eat....and I could not stop. I talked with him about how he felt about it, that part of it went okay...but I could not stop eating. Hurt me all you want....don't hurt my kid. :(
On a happier note, I realize I've been the most active on SP this month than I've ever been and that makes me really happy. It's a new day.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Till 2008. I feel very good about yesterday...I tracked every bite I ate, even the 4 Hershey's kisses....usually...well, let's not talk about how I would have dealt with the kisses. By writing it down, I ate exactly what I wrote...rather than "sneaking" one, then 2...then 35. I wrote I would eat 4, I took 4 from the bag, got my book, went to bed..when the 4 were gone, turned out the light and went to sleep. Small victory, but a satisfying one.
I did strength and a good hour plus of cardio...we had dance rehersal and the sweat was running off me...and it felt great...sort of what I imagine runner's high is like...
We worked hard...and it all came together...I felt like jumping up and down I was happy. I started this troupe several years ago. I got a lot of flak about stuff..."that's too hard!!" "make it easier" and gradually...my dreams for it wilted. People have cycled in and out tho...and right now, I have a team of women who WORK for it..who WANT to do the hard stuff...who WANT to travel and compete...and I'm very happy. That translates into wanting to be in better shape and increase my stamina more...and today, I feel pretty good about the journey.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Ow. You know, that resistance band video seems so easy...but boy can I feel it the next day.
Keeping myself accountable, what have I done over the weekend on my quest to make the last few days of 2007 COUNT:
Saturday - Resistance band video, 20+ minutes going over the combos on the new bellydance video again and again and .... again...trying to get them right.
Sunday - 20+ minutes working on a different video, teaching 3 hours of dance class.
Joined the Just Do It team....made just for me I think, lol, to help be accountable every day....especially while waiting for the next LC challenge to come around. I feel like I wasn't as involved in the last one....being sick sort of took the wind outta my sails....
Really working on DOING it rather than just thinking about it...and being content to start where I am...It's so easy to get tangled up in where I THINK I should be...starting right here is good enough. Period.
Friday, November 23, 2007
There are 38 days left of 2007. I COULD beat myself up over all the things I didn't accomplish...or I could make the most of every day left, and that's what I'm going to do!
I can do ANYTHING for 38 days, right???? Right!
Here goes the list...what I get done, I get done, what I don't, there's always next year!
1. Take better care of my skin. I focus so much on my weight, that I often neglet taking basic care of stuff like this...and then I look in the mirror and wonder where that "old looking" lady came from!
2. Establish better routines with my meds...I feel better, I function better. Nuff said.
3. Work on building more cardio into my day, so I can increase my stamina for dancing. So...to be specific...20 minutes of cardio a day for 38 days. That is REASONABLE (am I trying to convince myself or someone else, lol?) and DO ABLE.
4. Get those 8 glasses of h2O in every single stinking day!
5. Do my stretching. I am so bad about this it's not funny. I should probably put it up even higher priority than my cardio in fact...or at least same priority, or my back is going to get me again.
6. Get control of my money!! Lousy time of year to try this, lol, but procrastination is not my friend...so "do it now" needs to be my motto. Start putting my change away again, start putting $ I earn from private students into savings again instead of using it....
7. Get my sleep and USE my CPAP. Period.
There could be a lot more, but these are all relatively simple things and well-rounded goals instead of that all consuming single goal of "lose weight!"
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Today, I think I'm finally working from a better place emotionally. Whew...what a relief to wake up and feel like I can deal with what life throws out instead of waking up and wanting to cry at the blink of an eye!
Wanting to make tomorrow a very laid back, fun day...hoping it turns out that way. Regardless, I have control of how I REACT to it, don't I??
What am I thankful for this year?
My job....and the $1 raise I got yesterday, whoo hoo!
Dance and the amazing women it brings into my life...
Lots to be grateful for!
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