Wednesday, January 02, 2013
The first day of the New Year and really focusing on primal was difficult.
My spouse/children are not interested or "on board" for eating primal. Food is a hot button issue for my spouse - She is in denial about her diabetes, her health, and perhaps the root - she grew up desperately poor. They literally would buy the unlabeled cans of food for cheap and whatever was opened was what there was to eat. So, tell her what she can or can't have (from a doctor, dietician etc) and she just loses it.
So yesterday, we went to the grocery store. I said on the way, "I just want to tell you, I do NOT have any expectation that you are going to eat the way I am going to eat Jodie. I am doing this for myself, for my health. No criticism on your diet or insistance you eat "my way"." Apparently, I should have kept my trap shut and just purchased what I wanted for myself without trying to explain. She was like a jumpy cat the entire time we were in the store and it was a less-than stellar shopping experience. She doesn't want to hear about what I'm doing (i suspect it brings up fear of her own health and that triggers the "you won't tell me what to eat!!" and we're off and running), so instead she says "should you be eating that?"
I finally said, "yep, I can eat this. If you're curious about what I am aiming to avoid, the Primal Blueprint is on my nightstand". For the moment, that quieted her, LOL.
Please note, she's not a terrible person or trying to conciously "sabotage" me. She is someone with huge issues around food and her partner changing their food up is enough to trigger that.
I suspect I've also got what's termed by the primal folk as "low-carb flu" - headaches, mental fog, fatigue and a general feeling of blech.
Reminding myself today...it's not a sprint to a quick finish. It's a lifelong walk - removing the grains/garbage that I've eaten for 48 years will take time, dedication, patience and practice. My family will get used to how I eat and they will either join me, or not.
Weight 1/1/13: 248
Waist: 47.5 inches.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Today would have been my mother's 80th birthday. She died this summer. We had not spoken in over a decade.
(*Note: My mother was severely mentally ill and untreated by her choice her entire adult life.)
As I ponder 2013, and what I want to achieve - I want to take a moment to realize what I have already achieved that my mother never accomplished, due to her illness and refusal (and the refusal of her family) to get help because mental illness was taboo resulting in her illness eventually taking her over completely:
I attended college.
I have held a job, including leadership responsibilities, for well over a decade.
I have raised my children with the understanding it's important to say you're sorry - that you make mistakes - even when you are an adult, if not more importantly when you are an adult.
I never abandoned my children, regardless of how hard it was (or is).
I sought help for my depression.
I put others before myself (tho this is a double edged sword and I need to work on BALANCE in this area).
I made certain that people were more important to me than money, status, or what the neighbor's think.
I have protected my children to the best of my ability.
I have broken the cycle. The cycle of abuse, of abandonment, of mental illness breaking a family.
Happy Birthday Mom. I don't have many good memories of this date in my life...but today, I can see clearly what I have accomplished and I can move on.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
I'm not a big resolutions fan, mostly because I haven't had incredible success with them.
Goals, however, are more concrete for me and for some reason easier.
In thinking about this, about goal setting for the coming year - these are some of my thoughts:
What are my top priorities this year? Health, financial stability, and learning to love myself.
That last one....boy howdy, that's a doozy. I feel more overwhelmed considering that alone than all three put together!
I'm pretty aware of where it comes from- this lack of love, lack of caring for myself. I can say logically that I'm fully aware that we must care for ourselves before we can care for others - just like on a plane, you put your oxygen on first, then help others put theirs on. I get it. I believe it. Yet, I have a hard time practicing that.
I suspect it impacts my health, and likely the financial stability, in a significant way.
I have the better part of the next week off. I'm going to use it to really think about these things....about my goals, what I really want and prioritizing the things that take my time and attention to reflect that.
How do YOU do at loving yourself? Do you think this has impacted your health/weight? Inquiring minds want to know...
Thursday, December 27, 2012
I've been reading Mark Sisson's The Primal Blueprint. Very interesting. One of his catchy phrases is "conventional wisdom" i.e. that nutrition advice we've been raised with, especially "whole grains are the most important thing you can eat!!"
After reading "Wheat Belly", I became firmly convinced that for myself - I won't speak for the rest of you - wheat had to GO. It's been a long road getting it gone, but overall, I'm happy I've done it.
Now other authors, including Sisson, are leading me into a way of eating that goes against all that "conventional wisdom". This lead me to think today about where has conventional wisdom gotten me?
It's gotten me to 258 pounds at my highest weight, insulin resistant, skin problems, depression, and arthritis, that's where it's gotten me.
After ending my love affair with wheat mid November, I can FEEL the difference in my body, in my mood, and in my energy levels.
I keep seeing advertising on "healthy whole grains" and I think about how I felt when I ate them....exhausted, HUNGRY all the time, itchy itchy itchy skin and a poor mood.
I'm still learning, still researching, still seeing what works for me. It's not easy. No one else at home is on board with this idea of eating. I work with medical professionals who, if I shared this with them, would come undone with me about it! So I keep my mouth shut and move on toward what I need to do for myself.
One day at a time, one meal at a time.
Friday, December 21, 2012
72 days til competition.
No progress toward choreography/costuming due to an intense load at work wearing me out and holiday stuff taking what little/time energy I have left.
CPAP Streak; Back to 1 day.
Wheat Free: 2 days.
I'm noticing the changes in my body from not eating wheat, and when I do indulge, I sure notice that too. I've been doing a lot of reading, and while some of my own health history is still raising questions, I feel like I'm doing something positive by avoiding grains - something that makes a difference. I have more energy, less skin issues (tho they are still there), and I'm noticing less anxiety as well. So, we'll continue on and see.
So far, 4 pounds lost. It's taken over a month to do it, but it's still gone. More than that, I again see the change in my belly. It's going down. I've lost almost 2 inches off my waistline from "wheat bloat".
Veggies still seem to be an issue - as in getting more of them. I'll just keep plugging away at that.
Frankly, I'll be glad for the holidays to get done with!
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