Tuesday, January 08, 2013
Ever since I began my weight loss journey, there were two things that were pretty much impossible for me to give up. I had a baaaaad attitude about giving them up, and I would try to find any way to work around it - convincing myself I could have my cake and ....lose weight too.
Those items were wheat products and sugar/french vanilla creamer in my coffee.
I stopped putting sugar in my coffee several months ago. I increased the creamer a little to compensate, but let's be frank here....I was still consuming about 140 cal/10 carb for one cup of coffee....and I typically had two cups a day and sometimes more (because they also have it on hand at my work, as well)
When I cut sugar...I kept the full-sugar version of the creamer. I couldn't let go. Wouldn't let go. Until after examining the last 10 days so carefully, and seeing that some days I would have 30 carbs/420 calories going to....coffee.
I felt guilty. But I didn't wanna give it up.
Maybe I'll just go to one cup a day, I reasoned with myself. But I know the truth. I will cave on it and have 2 or more cups more times than not. This week, it began to gnaw at me. What if that was the ONE THING that was preventing me from losing weight, would it STILL be worth it? Really? If the answer is yes....well, that's because there's addiction talking there. I didn't like that answer at all.
So, last night I went and got the sugar-free version and tried it in my coffee this a.m.
Blech. Totally nasty. I warred with myself. "Can't I have ONE vice left?" and I went through the "maybes" again. Maybe I could just have one really good cup of coffee a day....
Feeling sorry for myself I came to work and when it came time to pour my second cup of the day, instead of reaching for the full-sugar version, I reached for the plain half-and-half and added a packet of Splenda.
Not too bad. Seriously much more do-able than the SF creamer. Perhaps I've found my replacement.
Because you know what? It's NOT worth it. Feeding that addiction is not worth it. It's not worth the calorie/carb effect, it's not worth the hit to my self esteem when I think " I'm willing to stay unhealthy, unhappy, and morbidly obese because I refuse to give up my addiction, even if it was the only thing standing between me and losing weight".
Good-bye, Nestle French Vanilla Creamer. I truly loved you. In fact, I think I loved you so much, I was addicted to you. You aren't worth it to me any more.
Monday, January 07, 2013
I've been off the last week. At home with the family. No routine.
While it's been a lovely break....it's very hard for me in some respects with eating. There's been some stress - mix two teenagers off school for two weeks, a partner who was terribly ill for most of that time and is getting better, but crabby, and I found myself struggling with ......dum dum dum.....
I had a couple wins there - like when the stress got high and folks at home were driving me off my rocker, once I took a hot bath and read instead of eating and another time when I wanted to treat myself and food was the first thing that came to mind, instead of indulging in food I took myself off for a much-needed brow wax. So, yeah there were successes in the emotional eating department and then there was also an incident with a box of Junior Mints.
During this week off, my carbs averaged 151 gm a day. I have to remind myself that before the last week of December they were averaging 268 gm a day. I have tracked every bite that went into my mouth, including those Junior Mints, so I could know this. So that when confronted with more stress (because I return to work today and that's a different kind of stress!), I will not say to myself -"Well, you know last week I ate those junior mints and basically ruined my entire month anyway. What will XYZ hurt when I've so obviously blown everything already and I'm going to be fat forever anyways, so ...."
Because yes, in times of stress I DO sometimes think that way. Now, at the least, I'll know exactly where I am and I know what eating that box of candy did to my carbs/calories/self esteem that day. Because if I'd chosen NOT to eat that box of candy, my carbs would have been an average of 131 a day, not 151.
Next week, I'd like my carbs to be lower than an average of 151 a day. That's my goal.
Now, what went right this week? Well, I ate a variety of veggies. Instead of corn and potatoes (LOL, yes, that was my "veggie" list previously), I ate broccoli, brussel sprouts, green beans and one sweet potato- all fresh. I cooked dinner (or Jodie did) 5 out of 7 nights instead of eating take out (or crap) most nights and cooking 1 or 2 nights. I don't recall that I ate any wheat - outside of perhaps an incidental ingestion (as in, "that has wheat in it? no way!") rather than "oh look, BREAD!!". I ate a variety of meat, rather than just hamburger, including chicken, steak, and shrimp one night. I also cut back on the dairy. I didn't cut it out...but I noticed when I did eat it that I was having some "gastrointestinal" issues. So I cut back.
It was a week. There was good, there was not so good. This is a new week. I need to make sure I pack the foods I can eat for work. That is a BIG issue. Sometimes I procrastinate - a sure-fire way to fail at getting food packed then I'm scrambling to find things I can eat and it's all no good.
So, that's that. A good enough week off, now it's time to go back to the day-to-day work thing. Happy Monday!
Sunday, January 06, 2013
Oh....the joys of all or nothing thinking.
Yesterday had some good points, for example some yummy salmon and broccoli for brunch....that diverged from the no-grain path at a late lunch/early dinner of chicken fajitas that included some corn tortillas....that ended in a Dairy Queen Blizzard.
l am reminding myself of Sisson's 80/20 rule, working on not getting all guiltified over the blizzard, and moving forward today.
But, I found myself last night and this a.m. going through the all or nothings. "Wow, those 3 corn tortillas and the blizzard - yeah right, Lisa. Way to go. Now you REALLY won't lose any weight. You're going to be obese forever..."
Whew. Let's smack that thinking DOWN! What did I say the other day? This isn't a marathon to finish in 8 hours (if you're me, LOL) and go back to the old way of eating tomorrow. This is life. Life does occassionally include corn tortillas and a blizzard.
Just not every day. Or even, every week.
I've made huge changes. I will continue to make changes. The scale WILL move in the downward direction. I've cut my carbs in HALF over the last week. That's HUGE!!
Breathe in, breathe out. Go scramble some eggs and eat some broccoli. This too shall pass.
Friday, January 04, 2013
I'm holding steady. Same weight, waist measurement.
What has changed? I've lost a lot of fluid buildup. I can get rings off both hands that usually are not able to be removed without oil or soap and a lot of tugging! I'm sleeping better. I feel pretty good. Taught my first dance class of the year last night and tho my waist measurement hasn't changed, I can see other differences in my body. (will be doing full measure with my daughter tomorrow, so we'll see if other places have lost any - the waist is just my big goal for both health and appearance issues). I also had more energy than I would have thought after being off dance almost 3 weeks.
Waiting for actual *hunger* before I eat is a different experience - typically I eat because it's time to, LOL.
Continued spousal wars over food, sigh. I shouldn't say "war"....more like little skirmishes, LOL. "Should you be eating that?" one too many times yesterday lead me to say "look, how about you just trust me to eat what's appropriate for me?" She is still firmly entrenched in not only "conventional wisdom", but some pretty wild concepts about blood sugar/insulin resistance as well...because she has refused any nutritional counseling - ever - over her diabetes. So, in her mind, avoiding "sugar" is the key...but white bread? Heck ya, you can eat that!!!
no concept, and furthermore, she doesn't want a clue, thank you very much. I worry about her, but I can't do it for her. I mentioned the other day that I'm worried. Worried her uncontrolled diabetes is going to cost her sight, limbs etc. I work in a pathology office. Do you know how many feet, toes, below-the-knee amputations come in due to uncontrolled diabetes? So, I know a little bit about what happens when you don't take care of it.
Yet, right now...she'd much rather make comments about MY eating.
Can you tell it's been a long week "off" for me? Sigh. Next week, she's back in school full time and will have things to distract her from her partner's eating habits (and thusly making her feel bad about her own - tho that's her garbage, not mine).
The joys of relationship! :) Good thing we love each other, eh? LOL.
Thursday, January 03, 2013
Back in the late 80's early 90's I tried Atkins. Well, I tried to follow something similar to his diet, but I didn't read his book so who knows what I was really doing, I certainly didn't. I have a vague memory of trying to keep my carbs under 30 gm a day. *shudder* It was soooooo hard for me. The carb cravings of the first couple of weeks did me in. I couldn't get past it and that's about how long that diet lasted. I was obsessed with thoughts of sugar and soft white bread...I had a "diet mentality" as in "I can do this to lose 40 pounds then I can eat what I want!!!" (i.e. sugar and soft white bread). Is there any wonder I didn't last long on it?
Now, following Sisson's Primal Blueprint and removing refined carbs from my diet, I am again experiencing some cravings. Not terrible, but noticeable. I've been tracking my food intake for the sole purpose of seeing where my carbs are situated. It's hard to leave the "conventional wisdom" of 26 years of "dieting" (which got me nowhere) when I see the calorie and/or fat totals for the day. I feel sort of panicked.
What if...what if this is all wrong and I'm going to wake up tomorrow 50 pounds heavier????????
But, that's just fear talking. Conditioning that we need those "healthy whole grains".
So I remind myself that conventional wisdom got me where I am, that the info I'm reading about insulin resistance so fully supports this kind of a diet change, and remind myself that when I followed this eating format laid down by the doc - I felt great.
Part of me said, why track then? Why track if you get freaked out by the calories/fat? Well, so I can see the carbs. I went back the last few months and looked at my carbs.
Holy cow. Yep, I averaged 268 carbs a day, sometimes well over 300. With insulin resistance? Sort of a miracle I don't weigh 300+ right now. Since I've started following PB? 153 a day on the nose, every day, which is funny but true.
Sisson says the "sweet spot" for losing weight effortlessly is 50-100 carbs a day. I'm obviously not there. But I'm interested in what will happen as I continue to keep my carbs basically half of what I was eating for awhile.
That's the benefit of tracking, for me. That I can look back and say wow, was I eating a lot of carbs or what? Just like when you start tracking what you eat for calories and you realize you're blasting through 3500 calories a day. It's a wake up call.
So what's going RIGHT on PB? I'm eating more veggies than I ever have, period. I also feel like I'm enjoying my food more, somehow. I don't feel hungry. If I'm hungry, I eat something - meat or veggies or (if I haven't already had fruit) a piece of fruit and almond butter. Before, if I was hungry, I'd have to think...can I afford to eat something? How many calories do I have left today? Oh geez. No I can't eat anything....and that set feelings of deprivation going which are NOT my friend.
So, I see continued tracking as a benefit to primal eating, for me anyway.
Waist: 47.5 (1/2/2013).
Get An Email Alert Each Time NOREGRET2010 Posts