Monday, January 28, 2013
Yesterday, my partner and I were in Best Buy. I stopped to look at the heart rate moniters. By the time we left, we had a two-pack of Fitbit(s). I'd seen them here on spark and looked them up, but thought, cool, but $100? That's too rich for my sad pocket, LOL. Then we had a little windfall last week. Paid some bills, etc and had a little left over. Hence the trip to Best Buy. We found the 2 pack of the Zip style Fitbit for $100 (reg 59.95, it's the new "One" style that was $100), so that was a savings of $9.95 each.
Now normally, I would balk at paying $60 for a gadget. I stood in the aisle awhile, warring with myself over it. "Is this a glorified pedometer? You have pedometers at home, and for whatever reason they either track too many steps, not enough steps, fall off, reset every time you look at them....do you NEED at $60 gadget that might not be any better?" So, I was pretty much on the fence about it. I might have left with a $39.99 heart rate watch had I been on my own. But then I saw Jodie looking too, and she was interested.
Jodie has been working really hard the last two-three weeks, walking, trying to make better choices etc. If you've been with me awhile, you know I have been upset as all H*LL that she won't take care of her diabetes, at all. Well, in the last three weeks, Jodie has taken her blood sugar daily and is taking her insulin.
I can NOT express what a big deal this is. We've been together almost 8 years, and that is more than all the other time combined that she has faced her diabetes head on. She wants a job with campus security for the local college, and has joined their volunteer cadet program and realized she had to get ahold of her health, period, if she wants a job with them.
And she's doing it. I can't express what that means to me - that she is finally, finally taking care of her diabetes.
So, we walked out of Best Buy with Fitbits. I set them up last night online and today will be the test. For me, it will be an interesting baseline - because I have no dance today. I also am taking a day off of Zumba after doing it 3 days in a row. So, today should be a "no-exercise" day. It will be very interesting to track today against a "regular" day with dance for me, then with Zumba as well.
Had a dance show last night, and my costume was a little loose. :) Haven't weighed this week yet, but I'm looking for a little change~!
Saturday, January 26, 2013
So...I'm one of those people who are always way too busy. Full-time job, part-time "job" of dance commitments, kids, and partner all add up to: I have Tuesday evenings off (if I don't schedule someone for dance) and a little time on the weekends for "extra" activities. I dance 4 nights a week on average.
Fitting in MORE activity? A big chore. I already get up at 4:45 a.m. to have a cup of coffee, work out, do personal dance practice and get ready for work. After work, I have about an hour to get home, have dinner and do whatever chores (or sometimes take a nap!) before dance folks begin arriving to dance in my dining room.
I knew I need to take my exercise up a notch, but was at a loss how to do it. I walk when I can - if it's still light, not snowing, and I'm not committed elsewhere. I don't have time for a gym, and trying to fit to a schedule of classes somewhere? Really freakin' hard. I do Wii fit in the a.m., sometimes, but have a hard time really working up a sweat with it....So, I read some reviews and decided to purchase Zumba 2 for Wii.
Oh. My. Gawd. Friday I had time for about 20 minutes. Soaked in sweat by the end of it. This a.m., I did a 60 min "full class" routine and....wow. Again, drenched in sweat and I was TIRED when that 60 min finally wound down. A good tired, but tired nonetheless. I chose a "low intensity" class...I'd tried a medium intensity on Friday...and I could not keep up. Not remotely. And this is with 4 nights of dance a week!
Enjoying the change of pace, enjoying getting a great workout - at my convenience in my living room - and interested to see what this does, if anything, for the weight loss.
Still hanging in at 244 as of late this week.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
I've been struggling with anxiety the last few days. Why? Well, I dunno.
Do you need a reason?
Sigh. I've never needed a reason to feel anxiety or depression. They just come along uninvited.
The impact on my food/exercise program? Usually, I will overeat. Eat out of anxiety, not hunger. Wanting somethng to soothe me, and my drug of choice for soothing myself is SUGAR.
In hindsight, I can look back at Tuesday's nosedive into the candy jar at work and think "ooooooh. Oh. That's what that was about!" Because again in hindsight, I can see I was struggling with anxiety.
Yesterday I had a rare midweek day off. I still felt anxious, in fact, I felt pretty darn anxious. But I managed to refrain from overeating, or binging on sugar. I worked out and I focused on a project. I also worked on filling up my sleep deficit with a nice nap and some quiet time reading a book.
Yes, I feel it on the fringes of my awareness today, that anxiety. But I know what the monster in the corner is this time, and I know it's just feelings....and feelings don't need to be fed with food.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Yesterday was not the best-ever day, but probably the hardest since I started eating primal last week of December.
It was a day well I fell headlong into my sugar addiction and ended with me wanting to eat everything in the house.
See, we have this cookie jar in the breakroom. Every once in awhile, human resources will fill it with candy from costco - fun size candy bars. Since Christmas, the jar has been empty and pushed back. Yesterday when i went to my break....the jar had been moved front and center and I knew it meant there was candy in it.
I said to myself, one piece of candy isn't going to wreck things and I had one.
That, dear friends, was the mistake. As soon as the sugar melted in my mouth, I wanted MORE. I mean....like a crack addict who only got a taste wants more. In the 15 minute break, I'm horrified to tell you....I couldn't stop. Literally I could not stop.
Afterward, I felt sick (literally!) and the rest of the day felt jittery, anxious, and uncomfortable in my skin. I ate a primal dinner....but could not stop wanting to eat more. It wasn't hunger...my mouth wanted to eat even tho my stomach was full.
All in all, a very sad day for my program. The realization that I joke about my sugar addiction, but BOY, it's no laughing matter. That I'm back to square one because I can already tell this a.m. that I'm craving it.
But the relief in all of it is, I CAN start again. I can make today sugar-free - as long as I avoid those cravings.
There was a moment of horror, there in the break room, when I reached for a second piece of candy...and then a third...I couldn't stop. I couldn't walk away. The sleeping dragon of my addiction to sugar woke up and it wanted MORE. I didn't like the feeling of being out of control.
In the past, a binge like that would have sent me spiraling down into the food with self talk like "well you blew it yesterday, you obviously can't do this" or "you were just meant to be fat, stop fighting it".
But that's not today. I'm not going to allow those demons to whisper in my ear. I slipped and I fell, right into the mud. But today, I've showered off that mud and I'm moving forward.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
I used to make mention to my son's teachers of how much he needed routine. Without a schedule, or knowing what was going to happen and when, he didn't do so great.
I believe I have an idea where that came from.....his mother.
During the week, when there is routine, I am good. I follow my eating plan pretty well, I exercise, I go to bed at a reasonable time.
The weekend? off track in my food, exercise and sleeping.
I remind myself that it's what you do MOST of the time, not some of the time. But still.....
Good things to come out of the weekend? While cold, it was nice enough to take the dog out both days for a good 20 min walk. Good for the dog, and good for the dog's people!
A learning experience out of the weekend? I am not prepared to walk away from the chocolate. A half bag of dark chocolate pieces ended up coming home with me Saturday from an event. I could not leave them alone. They are all gone now. They shouldn't be, but they are.
Note to self, step away from the chocolate.
In other more positive news, I've pulled out the Wii Fit and have been adding that in a good 5-6 days a week. I like the scale on it, LOL. It says I weigh 236 as opposed to the mean ol' bathroom scales that say I weigh 245. But I'm not naive enough to believe the Wii scale...its' on the carpet, LOL.
Still working on Primal Blue print. I'm getting the food down a little better, but I haven't added in any of the HIIT exercise the PB wants. Right now, I feel pretty lucky to be getting some walks in and play on the wii for 20 min or so a day. I figure I'm injured (knee degeneration, chronic low back, ankle issues, and a knot where the IT band connects on one thigh). Better to walk/exericse a while to get up to a place where I CAN do interval training.
It will all come, right? Right!
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