Tuesday, December 04, 2007
All of a sudden after lunch I just got...discouraged. Feeling like I'm not going anywhere. Thinking about binging - i.e. comfort.
It's that internal demon..."this is too hard. it won't work anyway...what does it matter? You are never going to lose all this weight, so why keep trying?"
I didn't eat (yet, tho I know that is by grace and not my own will)...I'm trying to dive into SP and not give in to the "just eat, you'll feel better" mode.
i've medicated myself with food to 250 pounds. I CAN NOT KEEP DOING IT AND LIVE. It's going to kill me.
What to do:
1. Express my feelings (doing that here).
2. Get up, walk around during my break and MOVE.
3. Keep putting one foot in front of the other - this is but one afternoon in a lifetime of afternoons where the demon may poke at me internally. I can give in today like I have so many, many, many days before and be miserable. Or I can stick it out one more hour, one more minute at a time.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Wow. Staying in the top 20 for points on the LC is a much harder proposition than it was this time last month. Perhaps there weren't any challenges going on or something....but I've had to conciously WORK at making sure I get as many points a day as possible to stay there. Of course, you get the most points for cardio, lol, so that's what I'm working on! I may even be counting them a little low now that I think about it...we have 2 hour rehearsals and I usually just give myself 60 minutes for them as we do have some talking time, get water etc...Hmm. I should try and pay more attention next troupe night, maybe I'm shortchanging myself!
Ever have to stand up to a boss about something you KNOW is not right? That's what I did today. I work with seven bosses, LOL, doctors. One of them left me a note to do something that...doesn't sit right with me. It makes her look better...it's not a really big deal in terms of patient care...but it's not "right" you know? So....I documented why I was saying no and I said...no. Of course, that doc isn't IN today...so I have until tomorrow to worry about her reaction. I believe 110% that I am in the right...but that doesn't make it easy.
Monday, December 03, 2007
1. Stay in top 20 on the LC team
2. Continue modifying my food choices and intake.
3. Continue building my cardio stamina by doing cardio as much as possible, preferrably 5 x a week.
4. Not step on the scale till Jan 1 - no matter how much I want to peek!
5. Continue daily reflection by blogging here on my journey to health.
6. Continue to build the habit of drinking water.
7. Work all my hours...no going home early.
8. Do something FUN every day.
9. Make time to plan for what I want to happen dance-wise in 2008.
10. Continue to work on taking care of myself, physically and emotionally.
Mainly, continue to work on getting healthy REALISTICALLY. It won't be over tomorrow...it won't ever be over. So I can make the journey enjoyable or I can make it hard. I choose the former.
Friday, November 30, 2007
I will be busy putting up the tree and doing family stuff tomorrow, so I'm recapping my month today.
My proudest achievement? I stayed in the top 20 points-wise on the LC until like the 15th, got sick and fell out of the top 20 but yesterday, I was back on again! This signifys CONSISTENCY - something I lack in a big way. I run around like an ADD kid from one thing to the next and never stay on anything. This month, I stayed on spark consistently and that is a big deal to me.
I had some ups and downs - part of life. I made it through them, and I did not let them derail me for long. I made better connections with more sparkers and that can only lead to being more involved and accountable.
I don't think I have weight loss to show for it...I've banished my scales. I do know I am down at least half an inch on my hips and around an inch on my waist, that I have a LOT more stamina and I've been teased at least once that the seat of my pants are all baggy all of a sudden. I FEEL better, that is the biggest plus there is.
After feeling like I really made it through November, I can face December - the Month Of Candy - a little more confidently.
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