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Me? Codependant?

Monday, December 10, 2007

You know...I used to go to CoDA (codependants anonymous). I'm thinking it might be a good idea to find a meeting or at the very least, drag out some reading material again.

A therapist once said to me (in a very upper crust British accent) "Tell me Lisa, who died and made you responsible for the world?" He made me sooooo mad with that...but my he was right on. Dammit.

I'm so stressed out over things I have no control of, that I'm suffering HIVES for God's sake.

Getting through the holidays is going to be a lot harder if I don't chill out and let stuff go, aye? So in that theme:

1. I will take my antidepressant every single solitary day, no matter what.
2. I will make sure I am getting proper nutrition and not filling my body with sugar.
3. I will get adequate sleep.
4. Corny as it may sound, I will say the serenity prayer in my head before I say a single word in situations where I am not responsible for others actions or behavior.

Oy. It's gonna be a long week.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NORTHWEST_TAM 12/11/2007 12:43PM

    Go Lisa! My mother always makes me recite "I can help no one if I can't help myself first." Even if we WANT to save the world and fix every situation, we can't unless we are stable and healthy first. I'm there with you!

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ROYALETBONE 12/10/2007 3:23PM

    Oh, yes-

At least you are not one of what my brother calls- 'co-pathetic'. I have read there are 2 main kinds of mental illness. Personality disorder (those of us who carry the world) and neurotic- (those who blame the world). Personality disorder types are easier to cure, cause they at least look to themselves for the fix!
Yeah, the PD's!
mare

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NOREGRET2010 12/10/2007 11:47AM

    Hi Hank!

You made me laugh there..... :)

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HUSKY_HANK 12/10/2007 11:42AM

    Hi my name is Hank and I am co-dependant.



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Being thrown under the bus...

Thursday, December 06, 2007

So, earlier in the week, I stood up for something...and yesterday was not so hot - repurcussions. I stood my ground...but ended up having my feelings hurt when I discovered someone I've worked with and been friends with for 10+ years sort of pushed me under the bus over the whole thing to cover her own a**. It really upset me....then..on the very heels of that discovery (she is our HR person)...she said something sort of ugly about my having written a formal request for domestic partnership bennies when Oregon goes legal with it Jan 2. something along the lines of she didn't see why someone had "defended" me on my request....

Excuse me? I need to be DEFENDED for asking for equal rights? For writing a very respectful letter to the owning parters that I would really appreciate their consideration of the matter...that requires DEFENSE??

I got pretty upset and overate at the end of the day when my nerves just couldn't take anymore. It wasn't awful or a binge, but it was comforting and I just keep eating...

On a happier note...2 days into my "get up early and do 30 min workout" mini-streak is on it's way, whoo hoo!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LJOHN44 12/6/2007 4:05PM

    You are ENTITLED to equal rights! You shouldn't have to ask for them. People who think otherwise should check out the Constitution! If they don't like it, they should move to another country. Keep your chin up! You are fighting the good fight! Now: Go get your life, liberty and persue your happiness! Hang in there-
: )

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Look, there's a chicken!!!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

On a T shirt I saw once..."They say I have ADD, but they just don't understand...oh look! a chicken!"

I think, as much as I might like to deny it, that's me. That's me at work. That's me at weight loss efforts. That's me at knitting...dancing...I start stuff I never finish. I am sooo easily distractable it's pathetic. You know how you go into a room and forget what you are looking for? That's me on a minute by minute basis.

I CAN focus sometimes...good book? Can't put it down...no ....I mean I CAN'T put it down...like i get obsessed. I seem to be 90% ADD and 10% OCD - heavy on the obsessive.

I'm working on applying the good parts of this (intense focus, willingness to start over..and over....and over...) toward my weight loss journey to better health. But you know, it's hard....cause there are so many "chickens" to distract me.

Step one was to make the committment to get up 30 minutes early and do specific cardio/strength training. JUST DO IT AND GET 'ER DONE. That means....getting up at 4:30 a.m. Now..I'm an early riser...but I've fought that pretty hard. Today, I just DID it...and as can be expected it started my day off very well and I feel better physically and mentally having done it. Now to just keep ON doing it...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPRINGBOUND 12/5/2007 3:05PM

    Oh, that's how I am, too. Except I'm that way with books as well. *sighs*

Good for you for getting up early to exercise! I did that for a while, but I couldn't sustain it. I was just too wiped out by the end of the week for it to be a permanent thing for me.

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HUSKY_HANK 12/5/2007 1:19PM

    I always tell my friends there are too many shiny objects around. I find myself going to my computer to burn a cd and next thing I know I am surfing of playing a game. I know what you are going thru

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HOWEDELITEFUL 12/5/2007 12:44PM

    LOL! Sahara I am very familiar with that T-shirt. It's a favorite joke between my gf and I - she's ADD. Me - I just procrastinate - thus many projects started and several not finished. Good for you for getting yourself up early to get moving. I've been thinking about it because my days are always over full - I think I'll challenge myself to follow your lead. Thanks!

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READYCANADIAN 12/5/2007 11:58AM

    SAHARA, we're kindred spirits. I'm famous for starting things & not finishing. But not this time! Great job at getting up at 4:30...WOW!

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I need to get over myself

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

All of a sudden after lunch I just got...discouraged. Feeling like I'm not going anywhere. Thinking about binging - i.e. comfort.

It's that internal demon..."this is too hard. it won't work anyway...what does it matter? You are never going to lose all this weight, so why keep trying?"

I didn't eat (yet, tho I know that is by grace and not my own will)...I'm trying to dive into SP and not give in to the "just eat, you'll feel better" mode.

i've medicated myself with food to 250 pounds. I CAN NOT KEEP DOING IT AND LIVE. It's going to kill me.

What to do:
1. Express my feelings (doing that here).
2. Get up, walk around during my break and MOVE.
3. Keep putting one foot in front of the other - this is but one afternoon in a lifetime of afternoons where the demon may poke at me internally. I can give in today like I have so many, many, many days before and be miserable. Or I can stick it out one more hour, one more minute at a time.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ASHANGELXOX 12/5/2007 12:01AM

    I have been feeling the same exact way! It's the internal demons that are the hardest to fight...

*sending support your way*

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HUSKY_HANK 12/4/2007 4:48PM

    Just take it one day at a time and set small daily goals. These small daily goals will help you reach your larger goals. Hang in there.

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It's only Tuesday??

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Wow. Staying in the top 20 for points on the LC is a much harder proposition than it was this time last month. Perhaps there weren't any challenges going on or something....but I've had to conciously WORK at making sure I get as many points a day as possible to stay there. Of course, you get the most points for cardio, lol, so that's what I'm working on! I may even be counting them a little low now that I think about it...we have 2 hour rehearsals and I usually just give myself 60 minutes for them as we do have some talking time, get water etc...Hmm. I should try and pay more attention next troupe night, maybe I'm shortchanging myself!

Ever have to stand up to a boss about something you KNOW is not right? That's what I did today. I work with seven bosses, LOL, doctors. One of them left me a note to do something that...doesn't sit right with me. It makes her look better...it's not a really big deal in terms of patient care...but it's not "right" you know? So....I documented why I was saying no and I said...no. Of course, that doc isn't IN today...so I have until tomorrow to worry about her reaction. I believe 110% that I am in the right...but that doesn't make it easy.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOWEDELITEFUL 12/4/2007 4:37PM

    Good for you! It's important to stand up for what we feel is right and not just go along.

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HUSKY_HANK 12/4/2007 2:50PM

    Way to stick up for your beliefs.

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