Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Can I just say..I'm so glad it's done! It was lovely...but yeah. Hooray for the major part of the Holidays being done, for me anyway. I don't party on New Year's Eve...I'm not much a late niter and well..yeah.
No DDR...but we now have the PS2 hooked up so I can get one at my leisure, lol. Actually, it has to wait awhile, I spent a bit too much this last week on stuff. That's okay tho, cause I have these killer DVDs that do bellydance fusion workouts and she pretty much slays me, so good enough for now! ;)
Besides reading the 7 Habits...I've also begun The Artist's Way. Part of working on my body/mind/dance is also working on creativity. Dance can not be my only creative outlet...I need color and texture. Enter the knitting or I should say re-enter, because I've been an avid knitter, I just put it down to concentrate on dance. Now I'm trying to integrate it more - by at least knitting a little bit daily. Good for the mind, good for the creativity, good for the soul.
My friend/dance mate and I have decided.....we are going to compete! I competed in several bellydance competitions in the late 80's/early 90's..and won my way up to Semi-Pro. Now...I'm 43 ...and I weigh (at last weigh in anyways, a month ago) about 245. My choices, because I teach dance, are limited. I can go into the pro category and compete against 20-something REAL pros who are paid to dance on a weekly basis (and none of whom are overweight in the sligthest, believe me) or I can compete in the "Alternative music Pro" category. This is a category for those who teach or dance professionally to bellydance to anything BUT middle eastern music. Yeah...there will still be 'barbie' dolls in it...but it is MUCH less pressure than the Pro category. I have six months to get my stamina up, work up a routine and figure out costuming.
Songs? Well...LOL. Two that come to mind, Natasha Beddingford's Unwritten (I think that's the name) would be great for a veil piece...and ..I'm showing my age... Def Leppard's Rock of Ages starts out awesome and there is a line at the beginning that says it all..."It's better to burn out, than fade away."
I'm not fading away baby! I'm going to get myself going and go compete and show them I may not be young and thin...but I CAN dance dammit!
Friday, December 21, 2007
So...I met with my friend and talked about goal setting amongst other things. The things she said that were different than what I had already read and knew were these:
1. Make it fun - appealing to you! Use COLOR - highlighters, stickers, whatever it takes...
2. Use your computer calender to your advantage. Have it make pop ups reminding you - have you finished x and y??
3. Re-read the 7 habits book by Stephen Covey...and then re read it yearly. She's right, it's not really a read it once and you are done kinda book. As you grow, it grows with you.
Besides those things, we talked about the basics of goal setting, determining what is important to ME vs society, etc. It was good, and inspiring.
Looking forward a bit more to the holidays...not QUITE as crabby about the whole thing as I have been....this could be good...eh?
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Oooooh and it's PLENTIFUL right now, sigh. Sugar everywhere. On every desk in my office, the break room, the entry...sugar. Argh.
I remind myself it won't be much longer - another week or so and it will disappear as people start their New Year's bid for getting in shape.
I've a friend that I admire greatly. If she wants a big ticket item...she plans, saves and then gets it. If she wants to accomplish something, again she plans, takes the steps and makes it happen. Me? I either make my goals so unrealistic they are practically unattainable or I give up on them within a few days. I've read a lot of stuff...and I do mean a lot...over the years about goal setting, prioritizing, blah blah and I don't feel like I'm doing much better at it. So I asked her to lunch tomorrow to sit and talk with me about how she goal sets. While it may not work the same for me, it is a chance to see how someone who has success with it manages to get it done and follow through.
I have all those good intentions....and here I am...still clinically morbidly obese, not on good financial footing etc. I'm 43 years old, and this is not how I want to live my life. At the same time, I know it takes small, consistent steps to get to where I want to go.
I've continued getting up at 4:30 a.m. 4-5 days a week to do cardio and that is huge for me...Not getting on the scale is helping as well, making doing it more about feeling good and making a habit out of exercise rather than constantly allowing my feelings to be dictated by what the scale says.
Friday, December 14, 2007
This is our busy time at work. People have procedures done before their deductible dies, and we just get busy, it's the way of medical offices.
This morning, I walked into my office to an email from a coworker that has me so totally flabbergasted I can hardly hold my mouth shut. The woman is a thorn in my side anyway...and I've long suspected she is plain stupid.
That has been completely verified this morning and it's all I can do not to rant and rave I am so annoyed. We are slammed, crazy busy ..... and we are saddled with a moron on top of it.
My father has no patience for "idiots". It's not a trait I find endearing. He writes people off at first impressions and that's it, they have no more chances. I've tried really hard throughout my life to be more tolerant of people....but this woman pushes my buttons in a way I can not express. So I'm torn between being frustrated at months of trying to train this woman and she is just not getting it...and feeling like I'm acting like my dad because I don't have any patience for her. It's gone. All used up. When she walks in about an hour from now, I'm going to have to school my features very carefully because all that keeps running through my mind is "oh. my. god. you really ARE an idiot, aren't you???"
I'm sliding the wrong way from my goals as well, too busy at work, too busy at home. I will be glad for January and slower work pace and more time to commit to my goals.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
I am barely hanging on to my goal of staying in the top 20 on the lesbian cafe leader boards...I can usually get into one of the last few spots after I've entered all my food, fitness and done my posting, article reading etc...but it's been a lot harder this month...that must mean the challenge is really motivating everyone, which is pretty cool! Whether I make the actual 20 the whole month or not, I'm pretty happy with my progress in working on consistency...so it's all good.
I dreamed about my mom last night. Between the hives/stress thing, my nerves being pretty well stretched to breaking I guess it's not a surprise...but it's left me blue. That kid in me still wants her mommy. She thinks that "maybe this time it will be different." The adult in me says, "yeah, right. Is your mom still mentally ill? Yep. Has she taken any responsibility for the trainwreck that was your childhood? nope. Then news flash little girl....it's not going to change." Someone else recently posted about mental illness in their family and how hard it is ..... I so relate. It reminds me of meeting a friend durig the holidays a few years ago...and he asked me what I was doing for my parents for christmas..and I sort of stepped around it saying "I'm not close to my mom" and he gave me this little lecture about "now that's not right, she's your MOM!!! We all have little things that hurt, but you have to let go of it and just enjoy her while you still have her, after all you only have one mom!!" and I thought, buddy, you don't have a CLUE.
I can't change my mom. I can't change my experience with her. All I can control is ME...and be the best mom I can be for my kids.
But I still wish I had a mom.
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