Thursday, January 10, 2008
I am so annoyed at myself I cannot stand it.
Becoming a fan of Biggest Loser, I checked out their website. Of course, you can't see anything unless you join...I read it carefully, and decided, what the hell? For $19.95 for one month I can check it out and see what it's about. I could blow $20 at the yarn store or wherever in a heart beat so, why not?
Firstly, I SWEAR I checked the ONE month subscription...but when the receipt came up, it was for THREE months, a $59 total. I SWEAR I read and understood one month, not three.
SEcondly, it's certainly no better than SP....so I see I've plunked down $60 dollars (that's a lot of yarn dammit) for something I get BETTER for free. I've written their help department to ask if I can get it down to what I THOUGHT I was asking for...but who knows.
THat's what I get for thinking the grass might be greener on the other side. I love spark...but I was tempted and now I'm really MAD at myself. grrrrr.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Last night's Biggest Loser was great! The part where they had to watch themselves describe what they regularly eat, and then are shown how much fat/calories they are racking up each year was very powerful.
I would not want to hear how much sugar I've been eating in a year. Uh uh.
Following the BL theme, what did I do yesterday to make ME feel proud and know I am on program?
1. I worked out - Did the 20 minute cardio 1 part of the BL cardio video I have. Let me be honest. It's sorta hard. It's 20 minutes. I really didn't wanna do it. "I thought, Hmmmmmm....I'll try the cardio 2, it's only 10 minutes!!" (is this "diseased thinking" or what??). Ahem, yeah, I got about 45 seconds into it and humbly turned back to the 20 minute cardio 1 and did every minute of it.
2. I ate no fast food. I can't express how remarkable this is. I DID eat at Subway for lunch, but made very good choices, so I'm not counting that as fast food - tho some might argue the point. It's not fast food to ME, so there you have it.
I'd like to say I ate within my calorie range, but I was over by about 400 calories. Too many snacks (healthy tho they were) and what really killed me was that I had a second slice of garlic bread at dinner. I should have looked that one up BEFORE I ate it!
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
No, not the movie (or anything remotely like it, LOL)...but my next BIG goal:
In 9.5 weeks, the weekend of March 15, my dance troupe will drive 8 or so hours to the biggest bellydance festival on the West coast, Rakkasah. I took the leap and got us a dance spot...so will will be sharing the stage with literally bellydancers from all over the WORLD...Germany, Japan, not to mention many US dancers.
I'm asking myself, what can I change in the next 9 1/2 weeks to be the best I can possibly be when we step onto that stage? I've a mini streak going now of moderate food consumption and working out. I want to continue that and:
1. Make sure I am getting strength training in a minimum of 2 x a week.
2. Really look at the NUTRITION in the food I eat, not just the taste or comfort factors.
3. Get enough sleep - I don't want to run myself ragged and be exhausted when we get there!
More than anything, I would REALLY like to have a better profile than in the pic above...that BELLY....OMG. If some of that belly could go down....well...I'd be a happy camper.
Monday, December 31, 2007
I went ahead and weighed/measured this a.m., in an effort to start tomorrow on a really positive note and I'm glad I did. I logged everything in...and looked at the reports.
I have lost the same five pounds about 10 times in the last six months. Wow. What would that have felt like if I'd lost a different 5 pounds each time? 50 pounds lighter? I'd be in One-derland.
You can't go back. You can't change yesterday or last week. All we have control of is today...and for me, right this second is about all I'm in control of.
Hmmm. Control. That is a rather uncomfortable word for me right now. I joke that I'm a control freak...and I try really hard NOT to be. More as I get older, I see the passive/aggressive control freak in me. That ol' co-dependant thing...wanting to control people or situations. I know I can't...so I keep my mouth shut...except, you know...to shove food into it to silence myself. Nope, I can't control my coworker...but I can sure eat this whole chocolate cake!
I don't like it.
This year, I want to make a real difference in myself...not just physically by losing weight and getting healthy, but by being more emotionally healthy as well. By sticking to things...finishing things...setting goals and accomplishing them. And learning how to be proud of myself when I do succeed, rather than beating myself up for how it could have been done better by anyone but me.
I'm a little nervous. It's a long road ahead. I'm afraid. I've tried and failed to lose weight...get organized...more times than I want to remember.
This morning....I really didn't wanna get up. I didn't want to drag my sorry butt out of bed and just DO it. I hit snooze three times. I didn't do the cardio workout I'd planned...I couldn't muster the energy or the enthusiasm. I did do the buns workout tho and I did it all, every minute. I'll likely not work all day and I have in my head I can walk or do something for cardio later in the day.
Geez I'm afraid of failing. So usually...I don't try. That has to stop. Today. Right Now.
I'm committing to myself, to Lisa, to do this. Not to my partner or my kids or my students or people on the street or in the audience when I dance. ME. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
I WILL DO THIS.
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