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That's what I get!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I am so annoyed at myself I cannot stand it.

Becoming a fan of Biggest Loser, I checked out their website. Of course, you can't see anything unless you join...I read it carefully, and decided, what the hell? For $19.95 for one month I can check it out and see what it's about. I could blow $20 at the yarn store or wherever in a heart beat so, why not?

Firstly, I SWEAR I checked the ONE month subscription...but when the receipt came up, it was for THREE months, a $59 total. I SWEAR I read and understood one month, not three.

SEcondly, it's certainly no better than I see I've plunked down $60 dollars (that's a lot of yarn dammit) for something I get BETTER for free. I've written their help department to ask if I can get it down to what I THOUGHT I was asking for...but who knows.

THat's what I get for thinking the grass might be greener on the other side. I love spark...but I was tempted and now I'm really MAD at myself. grrrrr.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANDINI/PATTI 1/10/2008 7:42PM

    Oooh - hey - I just read one of the responses further down. You can be our spy! LOL (Just trying to make a bad situation feel better.) Been there and done it. Want to know what I think about

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A_PRESENCE 1/10/2008 3:34PM

    Let us know if they reimburse you!

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PWROFNOW 1/10/2008 11:40AM

    Hey Sahara, $60 is a lot and I'd be angry too. On the other hand, you never what you might pick up over there at Biggest Loser. Sometimes truth sneaks up on us in the guise of accidents. Though I have done similar things and it is infuriating to KNOW you were thinking straight! Until the help dept/customer service works it out for you, why not plunge into that web content and see if there's anything in it for you that might help compensate for your expense? I hope you post what you learn if you do find a gem in there, I bet it turns to be something "just for you!"

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"What have you done today to make you feel proud"

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Last night's Biggest Loser was great! The part where they had to watch themselves describe what they regularly eat, and then are shown how much fat/calories they are racking up each year was very powerful.

I would not want to hear how much sugar I've been eating in a year. Uh uh.

Following the BL theme, what did I do yesterday to make ME feel proud and know I am on program?

1. I worked out - Did the 20 minute cardio 1 part of the BL cardio video I have. Let me be honest. It's sorta hard. It's 20 minutes. I really didn't wanna do it. "I thought, Hmmmmmm....I'll try the cardio 2, it's only 10 minutes!!" (is this "diseased thinking" or what??). Ahem, yeah, I got about 45 seconds into it and humbly turned back to the 20 minute cardio 1 and did every minute of it.

2. I ate no fast food. I can't express how remarkable this is. I DID eat at Subway for lunch, but made very good choices, so I'm not counting that as fast food - tho some might argue the point. It's not fast food to ME, so there you have it.

I'd like to say I ate within my calorie range, but I was over by about 400 calories. Too many snacks (healthy tho they were) and what really killed me was that I had a second slice of garlic bread at dinner. I should have looked that one up BEFORE I ate it!

Lesson learned.


My version of 9 1/2 weeks....

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

No, not the movie (or anything remotely like it, LOL)...but my next BIG goal:

In 9.5 weeks, the weekend of March 15, my dance troupe will drive 8 or so hours to the biggest bellydance festival on the West coast, Rakkasah. I took the leap and got us a dance will will be sharing the stage with literally bellydancers from all over the WORLD...Germany, Japan, not to mention many US dancers.

I'm asking myself, what can I change in the next 9 1/2 weeks to be the best I can possibly be when we step onto that stage? I've a mini streak going now of moderate food consumption and working out. I want to continue that and:

1. Make sure I am getting strength training in a minimum of 2 x a week.
2. Really look at the NUTRITION in the food I eat, not just the taste or comfort factors.
3. Get enough sleep - I don't want to run myself ragged and be exhausted when we get there!

More than anything, I would REALLY like to have a better profile than in the pic above...that BELLY....OMG. If some of that belly could go down....well...I'd be a happy camper.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMANDANCES 1/10/2008 11:30AM

    Oh I'm SO jealous!! I Want to go to Rakassah!!!!! You'll be great and GORGEOUS!!! That is so cool. :)

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    What belly? :o) You can & will do this!

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ARROW37 1/8/2008 8:00PM

    All I can say is "You go Girl!" :) Your goals sound right in line of what you want. You can do! Please keep us updated on how things go. Here's to 9.5 weeks for you!

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NANDINI/PATTI 1/8/2008 4:25PM

    Oooh - I've wanted to do Rakkasah! Lucky you! Keep us posted on the progress and let the dancers here know if you need any encouragement or anything else at all. Okay????

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Not the start I wanted....

Friday, January 04, 2008

I developed a cold New Year's Eve and I've been sick since. Missed time from work (that I can't afford) and all my excitement about the new year has evaporated. I think I have that I've-been-sick-and-now-I'm-depressed thing going on...I have no energy whatsoever and yet I need to be at work or financially I'm in trouble. I took Wed off, tried to come back yesterday but only was here a couple hours before I had to go home and go to bed. I feel better than that today, but not much. I've been too sick to exercise and ..... I'm feeling sorry for myself in the extreme.

I'm working on the "be gentle with myself" idea my coach gave me...but my, that is so much easier to say than DO right now. I feel overwhelmed and exhausted, and it's 7:15 a.m.

I've tracked my food. I read articles this a.m. specifically dealing with being sick and self care.

My dance classes start their next 6 week session Sunday, and I've been too ill to prepare. The children are still home for the holiday and are at each other's throats......Did I mention I feel exhausted and overwhelmed?

"God...grant the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can..and the wisdom to know the difference."

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ARROW37 1/5/2008 10:58AM

    Sending another *hug* your way. I too agree with your coach - Be ever so gentle with yourself. You ARE worth it! :) One hint for you about the "doing" aspect of this is to just imagine that you are being gentle with yourself, try to apply the "be gentle to yourself" thoughts. If you find yourself getting frustrated with that, try again...eventually it will become second nature. You can do it! I have a feeling that after some rest and a good night's sleep last night, you are feeling better already. Talk to your children, can they help with your planning? Do they have things that they can focus on before going back to school? I'm sure they would be willing to help if you ask. Good luck and take care of yourself. :)

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READYCANADIAN 1/4/2008 11:16AM

    Sending you a *hug*. I agree with your coach - be gentle with yourself. In one short week's time everything will feel better (your cold will be better, the kids will be back to school, dancing will be underway) - this is just a short-term blip.

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The Last Six Months of 2007

Monday, December 31, 2007

I went ahead and weighed/measured this a.m., in an effort to start tomorrow on a really positive note and I'm glad I did. I logged everything in...and looked at the reports.

I have lost the same five pounds about 10 times in the last six months. Wow. What would that have felt like if I'd lost a different 5 pounds each time? 50 pounds lighter? I'd be in One-derland.

You can't go back. You can't change yesterday or last week. All we have control of is today...and for me, right this second is about all I'm in control of.

Hmmm. Control. That is a rather uncomfortable word for me right now. I joke that I'm a control freak...and I try really hard NOT to be. More as I get older, I see the passive/aggressive control freak in me. That ol' co-dependant thing...wanting to control people or situations. I know I can' I keep my mouth shut...except, you shove food into it to silence myself. Nope, I can't control my coworker...but I can sure eat this whole chocolate cake!

I don't like it.

This year, I want to make a real difference in myself...not just physically by losing weight and getting healthy, but by being more emotionally healthy as well. By sticking to things...finishing things...setting goals and accomplishing them. And learning how to be proud of myself when I do succeed, rather than beating myself up for how it could have been done better by anyone but me.

I'm a little nervous. It's a long road ahead. I'm afraid. I've tried and failed to lose weight...get organized...more times than I want to remember.

This morning....I really didn't wanna get up. I didn't want to drag my sorry butt out of bed and just DO it. I hit snooze three times. I didn't do the cardio workout I'd planned...I couldn't muster the energy or the enthusiasm. I did do the buns workout tho and I did it all, every minute. I'll likely not work all day and I have in my head I can walk or do something for cardio later in the day.

Geez I'm afraid of failing. So usually...I don't try. That has to stop. Today. Right Now.

I'm committing to myself, to Lisa, to do this. Not to my partner or my kids or my students or people on the street or in the audience when I dance. ME. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCARLETTZADE 1/3/2008 7:51AM

    I love your belly dancing picture!! I've always wanted to learn to belly dance but it's something I've told myself I will do when I am thin. You have me thinking I should try it anyway!!

A lot of what you've said sounds a lot like me. Which, I believe is what you said on my page.

This especially:

' it could have been done better by anyone except for me.'

That's pretty insightful.

I hope you're having a wonderful day.

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ARROW37 1/2/2008 11:53AM

    Sahara - you can do it! Keep your goal in focus and it will happen. One step at a time, one second at a time if needed. I posted in the soul-tial for today that I use the serenity prayer often to help me choose what I can and can't control. I always think about the fact that I cannot control other people, but I CAN control what goes into my body. As I make good choices today, I remember all the bad choices of the past and I overcome them. If you would like to chat with a fellow recovering co-dependent send me a SPmail. Your concerns in your blog are echoed in my concerns. Think only of success! You can do it!

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HOWEDELITEFUL 12/31/2007 3:34PM

    Not only can you, but you WILL!! Why? Because I can see how much you do want this. Jump back on and kick it in gear. You can do it!!

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NANDINI/PATTI 12/31/2007 11:30AM

    Ya know, I usually read through the team blogs looking to sprinkle in a little encouragement or add a pat on the back, whatever is needed to bolster the team members on this journey. But, I absolutely love it when I find an entry that really makes me think and to apply it to wherever I am on this road right now. So, along with the "I know you can do it" encouragement, I want to say "Thank you." Your post fits in with today's reflection e-mail along the line of how frequently the only thing standing in the way of our success is our own minds.

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NESSIECAT 12/31/2007 9:54AM

    WOW! As I read on the words are so sim.. to the ones that role through my head like credits to a movie. I understand you totally! I agree 2008 is going to be GR8 so we have to change our thinking.

You can do it! It is done

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