NOREGRET2010   49,981
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Happy Birthday to me!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Today is my 44th birthday. My birthday is not my favorite thing - not because I'm aging so much as old tapes that run in my head pretty rampant this time of year.

Last week, I had such a rollercoaster with the scale I decided to stay off for a week, until today, before looking again.

It hasn't changed. But you know what? I'm really okay with it. I looked up to the calender I keep in my bathroom and I put a shiny star or sticker on every day I work out....and there are already a lot of stickers on there this month. I looked in the mirror and I can SEE changes happening. Before daylight savings time started kicking my arse, I was feeling a lot better and had more energy. Those things are all great signs that I'm improving my health. So I repeat from last week, the scale can bite me! I'm going to keep on keeping on with exercise and healthier eating and stay off the scale as much as possible for awhile.

That said, I had to ask myself, why didn't I lose any more weight when I have been working out/eating better. Not as a "I'm such a loser" thing, but as in - what could I have done differently? I immediately knew the answer:

Since the weekend, my water intake was like nothing. I'm a lot better about routine at work...and when I don't have routine, the water went out the window. Second, sleep. I am so exhausted from not sleeping well and daylight savings that I thought I might fall asleep on the way to work this a.m....which then leads to drinking coffee which is sort of a vicious cycle.

So, here's to another year of life...another year, month, week or day to work on being more healthy and living life FULLY regardless of my weight. My weight does not define me. Period.

Lastly, I'll tell you about a little surprise that was really cool for my birthday. Between the two classes I teach Sunday, my students brought in cake (oy! I did have a piece!), sang happy birthday to me....and gave me a $180 gift certificate to L. Rose Designs....the place I want to get my costume for the competition I'm doing in June. I cried. :) They made me feel really good.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMANDAHE 3/11/2008 4:04PM

  Happy Birthday!

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HOWEDELITEFUL 3/11/2008 12:43PM

    Happy Birthday! What a wonderful surprise from your students! Here's to your next happy and healthy year!

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KATIE781 3/11/2008 12:22PM

  Happy Birthday! I'm going to start putting stickers on my calandar too so I can see how much I'm working out. I'm in a slump right now and I haven't worked out in a week. I'm feeling very down. Maybe the stickers will help motivate me to see that I need that sticker to keep me moving!! Thank you!!

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HERESHECOMES 3/11/2008 10:45AM

    Happy birthday!

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STARRTWINKLES 3/11/2008 9:53AM

    Happy Birthday and many many more. Your students are wonderful you are so lucky. Have a happy day Starr

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UP4MORE 3/11/2008 9:51AM

    Happy Birthday to you! 4o's are fabulous!

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Friday, March 07, 2008

Wow am I glad it's Friday!

Last night, my oldest daughter came over and worked out with me. It was pretty cool. I worry, because she is starting to look just like I did when the weight began creeping up on me. She is probably 40 pounds overweight and I really worry for her. So, it was very cool we could work out together!

Before she got there, I stuck in the new Leslie Sansome Walk Away the Pounds DVD I'd picked up and did the first workout on the DVD, an 18 minute 1 mile "walk" - more like low impact aerobics, which is fine by me. I really liked it...and by the end of the 18 minutes I was sweating my butt off. When Mary came over, we did the level 1 Biggest Loser workout - so I had about 45 minutes of exercise last night and I feel really good about it!

This morning when I stood in front of the mirror, I could really SEE some of the changes my body is making - despite what the stupid scale says- and I was inspired to drag out my measuring tape. I only measured my waist - because I do get really sucked into the whole numbers thing...and I've lost 0.5 off my waist in the last week. Most importantly, I can SEE the difference, and that is really cool.

A great Spark Buddy sent me a hug this a.m. (you know who you are...) as a little help on making it through the coming weekend....How did you know weekends are hard, lol? It's my daughter's 14th birthday, so I know there will be cake involved...but I'm determined there will also be a lot of exercise involved! Since she works weeknights, it's the only time I really have with my partner and food comes into play in a big way on the weekends.

Here's to making it through the weekend, good Spark Buddies, and a life long journey to health....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I'm glad you liked the DVD and you got to also enjoy a workout with your daughter. :) Also grats on starting to see those changes!

I hope the hug gets you through!

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Off the scale for a week....

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Yesterday, the scale said 239.5. It's not digital, but it was juuuuust below the 240 line, but not quite on the 239 line. So, I said to myself, just let it get to 239...then you can celebrate. I jumped on the scale this a.m., excited .... and it said....


I know, I know. It's not fat. I KNOW it's not. My calories, my exercise have been good. It's water weight or what ever you wanna call it.

If there is one thing I've gained from watching the biggest loser this season, it's the realization that some people just don't lose weight easily and that the scale is a fickle, fickle friend indeed. I look at the women on that show who work out for HOURS a day, and sometimes they only get 1 or 2 pounds. I don't work out for hours a day and my food is good, tho not always perfect.

I am doing a day-to-day for the rest of my life journey. Period. I feel better, I look better, my clothes are getting looser. The scale can .... bite me. I'm in this for the long run.

Short rant: My partner has diabetes. Pretty uncontrolled diabetes, but she is a big girl and I decided a long time ago I am not her keeper. She knows what she needs to do and she knows how I feel about it. Last night, she came home from work in excruciating pain in one of her feet....which has all the signs of diabetic neuropathy. When I asked...she hasn't been taking her meds.

I wanted to scream I was so mad. This morning, I looked her in the eye and said, "if I had a heart problem, and I stopped taking my heart meds cause they made me sick to my stomach (her excuse), what would you have to say about that? You are playing with your life...with our lives. I love you, I'm committed to you, we're married. Don't make me spend our later years taking care of someone who didn't take care of herself."

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEVENSBEAR 3/7/2008 6:31AM

    I just had to stop and say hi and comment on your post...the scale is evil, lol!! At one point in my roller coaster dieting days I would get on that thing, oh.... many times per day. We are so obsessed with numbers, aren't we? Now... I limit it to once a week, if that. Go by how your clothes fit, pick a pair of pants that are snug or maybe a size too small and make that a goal! Much more motivating!
I can totally relate to your partner's diabetes. My mother in law has the exact same thing right down to the pain in her feet. Does she take her meds? Sometimes. Does she watch her nutrition? No. Her sugar intake is out of control. It is heart breaking. I am taking a class right now working towards my ACE Certification (to get my Personal Trainer Cert) and we are talking a lot about diabetes and weight management for women. I think it was written about my mother in law, LOL! Stick with your partner, encourage her :-)
Best wishes,

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    It's good to see that you're going to try to ignore the scale. That stupid thing can ruin an otherwise good week. You can be so proud of yourself for getting it all right, and then that machine rolls up a number, that means very little in the scheme of things, and it can make you feel awful if you let it. It's a tough habit for me to break too, and I get in trouble for weighing in too much... but in my defense, I used to weigh in daily.. and sometimes more than once a day. Eek!

As for your partner, it's such a tough situation. If her meds are making her sick, she needs to look into something different, maybe? My doctor has been really good about working with me to get the right combination of meds to compliment my eating and exercise. Maybe she will see you getting so healthy and want to join in with you!

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DEEDLEBUG64 3/5/2008 12:26PM

    Way to understand that the scale is not the way to go. I weigh in once a week when I see my trainer and it isn't always what I want to see but my clothes are feeling looser and I know that I can breathe so much better. Keep up the good work. I hope that your partner listened to you and starts taking her meds. Diabetes is nothing to mess with my mother had it for a very long time and it lead to so many other ailments. She passed away in Oct from pancreatic cancer and I still say that her diabetes did not help her. So please make sure you support your partner in taking her meds. I hope you guys have a great week. Keep up the good work on your weight loss.


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Monday, March 03, 2008

This a.m., the dial on the scale flickered to under 240 ever so briefly then settled just BARELY on the line of 240. I'm close, I'm really close to getting under it...and that is the main focus I'm working on right now, getting UNDER 240. I'd be the lowest I have been in probably a year or more and would have lost 8 pounds. Most importantly it is just what I need to really boost my confidence and motivation...this CAN be done!

I continue to look at my dance with self discipline.....and I'm working on telling myself "just DO it" whenever I have the desire to procrastinate. I wouldn't say I'm 100% successful yet, but I'm working on it. When I pay attention, it AMAZES me how much I am programmed to put stuff off. "I'll do it later". Then later, it never really gets here.

My goal is 40 minutes cardio 5 x this week. I'll be reporting here to keep myself accountable. I'm also trying really hard to track EVERY stinking bite that goes into my mouth, tho weekends? That just doesn't happen. But weekdays, I'm TRACKING. Period.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    You'll get there!

By the way, are you drinking your water??? ;)

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IGGADIGGA 3/3/2008 11:39AM

    Congrats on the a.m. weigh in! You'll be under 240 in no time!!

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Things you didn't know about yourself....

Friday, February 29, 2008

Moments of self reflection are good for us...but sometimes realizing how much you slacked off on somethings can be pretty painful.

The realization that I am just flat lazy - I sort of knew that...but I don't think I realized just how lazy I am. That was not pleasant.

This lead into a reality check about my marriage. I was married 14 years to an alcoholic and I've been pretty content to lay all our problems at the foot of his alcholism, but in the glaring light of self-reflection....I have to admit - I was lazy there too. I was a crappy wife as far as homemaking skills went and I had a bad attitude about it on top of things. Yes, his drinking was a huge problem...and the little fact I was queer and didn't know it wasn't helping things either. But for the first time, I really had to sit and take responsibility for MY failures in that marriage and I cried a lot. I also prayed and apologized to him in my heart, tho apologizing to him in any other way is out of the question. He is so far gone in his bottle now there is no communication between us at all and I think it needs to stay that way.

I faced my responsibility in the other relationships in my life, tho not on the same scale.

Then I really looked at myself and my weight. I'm lazy. I don't want to work out. I don't want to watch what I eat. I want to do what I want when I want it...and I'm carrying easily 75-100 pounds of fat on my body by allowing myself to use no self discipline.

This is not about beating myself's about taking responsibility for where I am and how I got here. About moving forward with this realization and just doing it.

Feeling subdued. Sad. Afraid. Can I change this??? God, I hope so.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEWIEGELE 2/29/2008 12:44PM

    Ladies! Oh my god I too have the say I too am where you are. At least I hav been. I weighted almost 300 pounds. Thats so discusting and that was me! I was disgusted with myself. How could I expect my husband and family to love and respect me if I didnt love and respect myself? Well no way I was loving almost 300 pounds. That was 4 months and 68 pounds ago.

I set lots of mini goals and rewarding myself each time I make it to one of them. Last time I hit my under 210 mini goal I hit the clearance wall at Hobby Lobby and bought stickers for my scrapbooking.

you have lots of support here! Lean on us if you need.

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AGODDESS_INSIDE 2/29/2008 12:30PM

    Yes, you can.

Because we were apparently separated at birth, I know this, I've gone through the same thing. It's not enough to just decide to be determined, it's a decision you make every day.

Don't you feel super proud of yourself when you eat right, and when you work out? And then you say to yourself, "Now why am I so reluctant to do that? Success makes me feel amazing!"

Don't look too far up the road, sweetie, keep your eyes on today and what you can do today to make yourself healthier and happier. Tomorrow, you can deal with tomorrow.

It's awesome that you're taking responsibility for your part in your life, but give yourself more credit for your successes instead of dwelling on setbacks. Be proud of yourself that you can do that. A lot of people can't and don't.

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