Monday, July 07, 2008
Today is Jodie's mammogram. She found a lump in her breast a few weeks ago. In the typical slow pace of the medical world - she was able to get an appointment a week later. After determining that yes, it should be looked at further, a mammogram was scheduled almost two weeks later. Depending on the results of the mammogram, a biopsy will or will not be scheduled - probably in a couple of weeks.
Hurry up and wait while our anxiety over it climbs to the moon.
I will not eat over this. I will not drown my stress and worry in sugar. I will let it serve as a reminder that life is very short and the bodies we have, fragile.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
I finally crawled back onto the elliptical last night - 10 minutes. But during that 10 minutes, I RAN.
I have never been a runner - hated it as a kid, certainly couldn't do it as an obese adult - too painful, too humiliating.
It is a start. That all important start. I can do 10 minutes. I feel better this a.m., including feeling like I stepped up to the plate. It's pretty exhausting to constantly avoid the stuff you know you need to be doing it. Again, "just do it" rings in my ears. Why do I put it off sooooooo much?
I got the BL sculpting DVD from Netflix and I watched the inspirational stories part last night...and one woman was talking about her kids only know her as an obese woman. That hit me pretty hard. Mike is 12, and in the last 10 years, I've put on 100 pounds. He only knows me as obese.
That's pretty painful when I think about it. So I crawled up on that machine last night. I'm slammed today with work, a private student, then a troupe rehersal...but tomorrow, I am off. It is the 4th of July - and what better day to plot my independance from this obese body than the 4th of July? I plan on taking myself out of the house where I can be alone with my journal and write it out - my plan, my goals, all that. Just me and the paper, where I can't allow myself to be conveiniently distracted and not finish it.
Here's to my Independance.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
makes you crabby as h*ll. Er...something like that.
This last month or so....one thing after another, and they haven't been small things either. Yesterday, I was sooooo done.
I went home and I did...nothing. Well, I cooked dinner, but that was it. I didn't work on dance stuff, I cancelled the student I had scheduled, I didn't even exercise or feel guilty about not exercising and after dinner I said to the kids I love you, and I need some time alone and I went to my room. I read and I went to sleep early.
And today, I feel a little better. A little more together. A little more resilient. While I know exercise is really helpful to my stress level, I also just knew I needed a night off from everything.
It was a good start. I am also keeping a log for the next week on how I spend my time and I'm going to look at it and see where my time really does go. That should be pretty interresting in itself.
Friday, June 27, 2008
I'm having a hard time getting back on the fitness/healthy eating horse and while I haven't weighed, my clothes are telling me I'm going the wrong way.
I'm tired. I have after-vacation letdown. My partner was put on Effexor about 4 weeks ago and apparently it did the opposite - instead of giving her better coping ability she's been in a downward spiral to almost suicidal and that has been incredibly, incredibly stressful. (At 2 weeks the doc said, oh give it some time! at 4 weeks and basically despondant the doc says, gee maybe this isn't a good antidepressant for you.... ya think?). Work has been crazy stressful.
All that has combined to leave me eating a lot of garbage and not exercising. Ways I'm going to work on fixing that:
1. Made a date to take a long (but not too hard!) hike Saturday a.m.
2. Make sure I'm getting my antidepressant/vitamins in dialy - can't cope with other stuff if I'm depressed.
3. Go shopping, there is no healthful food in the house!
4. Even if I do end up eating junk, I can make sure I get my fruits and veggies and WATER in.
5. Something is better than nothing. I can do 10 minutes of some kind of exercise - likely it would make me feel better and I'd want to do more once I started.
6. Immerse myself in SP - read articles, browse blogs for inspriation.
7. Journal my feelings rather than internalizing/eating my feelings.
8. Laugh. Read/watch something funny.
9. Do something that I find fun and relaxing - art, garden, read.
10. Get some sleep. I think that because late night has been the only time I've had to myself at all - I've been staying up later just to have some alone time. I'd do better to schedule that in and get some sleep at night!
Okay. Not quite a battle plan there...but good ways to start.
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