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I am more than you think I am....

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

There is nothing like feeling under appreciated, even disliked, at work.

There are many chiefs where I work - and a few indians. The chiefs all like to do it "their" way. The indians are paid well.....but rarely, if at all, told hey good job! or we appreciate what you do. Most of the time....I'm okay with it. I like my job overall, I feel like I'm helping people and I'm good at it.

The last week has been a challenge tho. The "chief" recently put over my department doesn't particularly like me, questions or criticizes everything I do, and generally thinks I'm no so great.

I know in my heart I do my best. I work hard, I'm honest and I'm good at my job. But circumstances in my personal life have left me edgy and worried all the time over money, and to feel that the person in charge of you is rather out to get you....is really unsettling.

I want to jump up and down and say I've been here twice as long as you! I've worked hard to get where I am, and I work hard every day to be an ethical, honest employee - for which I have never received a word of thanks or praise. Yes, you pay me well...but a "thanks" or a "good job" once in awhile after 10 years would go a long way too.

The Universe takes care of me every single day. Even if I lost this job today, the Universe would provide for me. I have skills and I have excellent references. I really need to let go of this feeling of insecurity...but I'm not real sure how.

On a more mundane note - I do indeed have a torn medial meniscus, chondromalacia and degenerative joint disease. I see a knee specialist tomorrow and we go from there. I'm exercising, but not losing weight, probably because of overeating due to stress. But I'm here, I'm on spark and I'm trying to get it right, one more day at a time.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_GRIZZ 10/14/2008 12:06PM

    That makes it hard - feeling under appreciated. Perhaps the chief, because they are new, isn't being critical but is questioning so they can learn? Maybe they are questioning because you do a really good job and they know that you can be counted on for the correct answers? I've worked at the same place for 27 years and have had a lot of new chiefs; I've gone through the same roller coaster of feelings. Have you talked to that person about your situation? - it is a delicate subject so tread lightly. They may even feel threatened, so you have to make them aware that you are there to support them in the team effort and they should not feel threatened. (not in those words mind you). The important thing to remember is that, as long as you can go home every day and feel good about the job you did that day, you are doing great. Hope things look up for ya.

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JADEDINVASION 10/14/2008 12:01PM

    I'm sorry work is so unappericative. That totally sucks! I hope you find the paitence to deal with your supervisor. emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/14/2008 11:59:04 AM

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Cause this is Thrilller......

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Yep...I'm learning to dance Michael Jackson's Thriller. My dance troupe thought it would be fun to do it for a close-to-Halloween dance showcase we're attending. There is actually a website www.thrilltheworld.com that teaches you the dance step by step. The website is designed for breaking the world record of numbers of people dancing Thriller at the same time all over the world! Pretty amazing stuff.

Fun, too!

No more Butte walking till I find out if I have the medial meniscus tear the doc suspects. :( I am just limiting as much lower body/weight bearing exercise (ahem, except dance) till I have the MRI and have a definitive answer. But I'm still going to the Park and rec swim center every single weekday.

I do upper body weights 2 x a week and 3 x a week I'm aqua jogging. I still get sort of hung up on the fact that the most I have is 30 minutes to work out, I have to be at work at 6 a.m. and the center doesn't open till 5:15 a.m. I know myself well, and if it doesn't happen in the am, it's not going to happen. After work I typically have students, a troupe rehersal and oh yeah, my own kids to deal with.....I am reminding myself I don't have to work out for hours every day and that 25-30 minutes is way more than what I was doing a month ago, which was nothing! This is also ensuring I'm getting my strength training in, because at home? I'm really lazy about that.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROYALETBONE 10/1/2008 8:05PM

    Yup, 30 min "ONLY"- tee hee, we've come a long way!

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SPARKLE2011 9/23/2008 12:35PM

    That sounds so cool. You'll have to let us know how it goes.

Glad to hear you are taking it easy until you find out exactly what is going on. Don't want to add insult to injury. Hope you get good news.

:)

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TERJEGOLD 9/20/2008 4:02PM

    I love your attitude! Something is definitely better than nothing. I wish I could watch you dance to Thriller. Fun stuff!

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The Butte

Wednesday, September 03, 2008


Pilot Butte is a central fixture in my town. "Walking the Butte" has been a pretty big deal the last 10 years - from older folks to teens with dogs to athletes - probably several hundred people "walk the butte" on any given day.

I've done it....oh about five years ago I did it a handful of times over a summer.

Last night - I tried it again. I think I may have made it one-third of the way up - and when I say up, I mean UP. I have no idea what the incline is, but it is climbing from the moment you set foot on the trail. It took me 15 minutes to get as far as I did, and probably half that to get back down - cause going down is waaaaay easier! I went with my 20 yo daughter who, while I was sweating bullets and huffing and puffing, remained sweat free and never had to catch her breath. She was, however, very sweet to me and said, it's okay, we'll just keep doing it and you'll get farther everytime.

I feel good about it! Today was my first morning at the gym, I only have 30 minutes - but it is sure 30 minutes I was not devoting to my health before, so 30 minutes is plenty! I did 15 cardio and the other 15 weight machines. I need some guidance on some of the machines, they are new to me, but overall felt comfortable there all things considered. There were about 20 people there at opening - and all of them were very fit with the exception of one older gent and myself. There have been times that might have put me off, but I worked on making it inspiring instead, lol. If they can do it, so can I!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAMMIEGA 9/16/2008 3:16PM

    I'd love to hear if you've gone back and tried again in the last week or so? How is the gym going? It is so wonderful that you used the "fit" people as an inspiration instead of being intimidated by them. I've been there before and let my brain get the better of my health. You're doing great, keep it up!

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What do I have control of?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Feeling a little anxious - Child support is two weeks late. I live on a pretty tight budget and so this is a pretty serious thing. I'm not really on speaking terms with the kids dad (by his choice) so I can't just call and say, "what's going on?" Instead, day after day I've been checking the website to see if it's been received....and today when it was again not there I felt the anxiety rising.

I hate the feeling of having no control - yep, I guess that makes me a control freak! So, to calm my anxiety, I'm asking myself what CAN you have control of?
1. I can control what I put in my mouth! Stuffing my face will certainly not make child support come or alleviate the problems that arise when I don't have the $$ I need to pay the bills.
2. I can think positively.
3. I can make sure I work all my hours - this is sometimes hard when my depression is bad - but right now I'm doing okay and that means I CAN work all my hours.
4. I can be happy that eating healthfully is somewhat less expensive - tho the prices at the grocery store pretty much floor me every time i see them! But I get more food for the buck and that is a good thing!
5. I can trust in the Universe that I and my family will be cared for. God never lets me down.

There. I do feel better. This is day 2 of my recommittment and it's going great! I won't let a little thing like finances get in my way!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLE2011 8/29/2008 2:03PM

    Keep going with that positive attitude. I love it! When I read this, it made me think of the Serenity prayer...

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Take care.

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HAPPYPAX 8/27/2008 8:29PM

    Keep focusing on the positive....you are making good decisions. Be proud of yourself for that.



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IDOMANIP 8/26/2008 5:37PM

    Keep focus on the positives and more will come to you. Thought become action! emoticon

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MCKIMBER 8/26/2008 12:33PM

    Bravo!!!! This is a great way to cope with a difficult situation. I'm proud of you and hope you are proud of yourself as well!

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Day One ----- again.

Monday, August 25, 2008

It's better to recommit and re-start than never start at all. That's what I'm telling myself today.

Today, as part of that recommittment, I stepped on the scales. I haven't weighed since June. I couldn't really keep track of the 41 pounds I want to lose as my current "major goal" without knowing where I stood on the scales...so I weighed.

I've gained back every single pound. I'm back at my highest weight - again. This isn't a huge shock - my clothes were getting tight, I didn't like the way I was looking, I've suddenly got pains in my knees - yeah it wasn't a huge shock but it was a little one. I didn't really think I'd gained it ALL back.

It definitely helped me keep my two biggest goals for the day: Eat oatmeal for breakfast and NO CALORIES FROM BEVERAGES! I've gotten into some really bad habits over the summer - like eating a big ol' fatty muffin and having a granita (frozen coffee drink) for breakfast.

So, this is Day One of my big goal to lose 41 pounds. I can't look at the other 60 or so that need to be lost. Not today. I'm sticking to my one pound a week for 41 weeks goal. If I lose more than that, hurray, if I just lose that, hurray. There are no other options. I must lose that 41 pounds for my health and for my sanity.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAPPYPAX 8/25/2008 10:56AM

    You and I are in the same place...I just re started yesterday!

I have 45 pounds to lose..that is my goal

Today is day 2 for me....this time I am going to do it!!!!

Check out my blog from yesterday...you will see my goals etc. Maybe we can encourage each other!



Comment edited on: 8/25/2008 10:55:39 AM

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