NOREGRET2010   49,206
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Friday, finally

Friday, October 17, 2008

What a long week. What a long couple of weeks it's been really.

Trying to do some time management, I have a lot to do and not a whole lot of time to do it in. I need to have choreography ready asap for troupe stuff, class stuff prepared etc on top of my already too busy life.

Work really cuts into my time, lol!

partner made cobbler with ice cream last night. Um, slight sabotage there eh?? Sigh.

Here's to a busy and hopefully ACTIVE weekend!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JIBBIE49 10/20/2008 9:46PM

    Hey, Girl, I was checking back to see how you are doing and WOW, I'm thrilled you are doing fine. I subscribed to your blog. I know you can release those pounds. emoticon

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LAMEXICANFEMALE 10/18/2008 11:00AM

    Homemade cobbler! How are you supposed to resist that! I hate that it sounds so good. It was a really long week for me too! Thanks for all your support and have a good weekend.

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How old are you again?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

When I saw the ortho doc yesterday, after looking at my films he says "How old are you again?" and I said 44. he shook his head and said, this knee looks more like a 64 year old knee than a 44 year old knee. You have pretty bad arthritis and you are almost bone-on-bone - not much cartilage left, and on top of that, yes, you have torn your meniscus. The other knee is headed in the same direction.

Then he said that while yes, ostearthritis does run in families and both my parents have it...he said - "you have to lose weight. You weight is ruining your knees. You are looking at having a knee replacement 10-15 years earlier than the average person, and I will guaruntee it is due to your weight."

Well. What do you say to that? I said...I've been trying...for a long time. And he said, you need to lose at least 20 pounds and do it NOW for that joint.

I'm scheduled for arthroscopy in a month to repair the torn meniscus. I've been overwhelmed by my weight for years...and unable to do much but lose and gain the same 5 pounds for a year. I HAVE to do this. I HAVE to do this. I can't be any more clear....I know I HAVE to do this.

Self discipline. Building good habits. Loving myself enough to care for my body.

Wow. Totally overwhelming to me.

So this morning, I got up and made myself oatmeal. I've been eating a high-fat drive through breakfast - again even tho I know better. My one resolve right this minute is to go back to oatmeal. That's all i can face right this minute. The other resolve is to keep reading about osteoarthritis and keep reading everything I can on Spark - articles, blogs, team discussions...because that keeps my mind in the "be healthy zone".

I MUST refocus on my goal to lose 42 pounds by June 2009. Logging, logging and logging what I eat and do. One tiny thing at a time.

Ramble ramble ramble.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HUSKY__HANK 10/16/2008 3:53PM

  You can do it.

Take care of yourself

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KELLY@50 10/16/2008 1:11PM

    You're going about it in a rational way! Just focus on making one, small change in your life at a time. Too much too soon and it's overwhelming.

Focus on the oatmeal & healthy breakfast. Once that is comfortable for you, move onto another healthy habit.

I'm sorry to hear about your knee! Take care of yourself

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KURDTZ 10/16/2008 10:48AM

    Sometimes we carry this weight around on our bodies, not realizing the damage it is doing to us. Most of the time we hear heart disease, or diabetes, but there is more. Wear and tear on the joints, back and other places we don't even think about. I have trouble with my feet, I can barely walk in the mornings, Like I'm 80 years old or something. The weight has to go!!!! I wish you much success in your weight loss journey. Just look to the left now and again you'll see me right long beside you pushing along never give up!!!!!!!

Comment edited on: 10/16/2008 10:47:53 AM

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    I feel the same way. I've been stuck at my weight for years now. I am looking forward to being a different size, feeling healthier, and having more energy. I wish you luck on this weight loss ordeal. You can do it!

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I am more than you think I am....

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

There is nothing like feeling under appreciated, even disliked, at work.

There are many chiefs where I work - and a few indians. The chiefs all like to do it "their" way. The indians are paid well.....but rarely, if at all, told hey good job! or we appreciate what you do. Most of the time....I'm okay with it. I like my job overall, I feel like I'm helping people and I'm good at it.

The last week has been a challenge tho. The "chief" recently put over my department doesn't particularly like me, questions or criticizes everything I do, and generally thinks I'm no so great.

I know in my heart I do my best. I work hard, I'm honest and I'm good at my job. But circumstances in my personal life have left me edgy and worried all the time over money, and to feel that the person in charge of you is rather out to get really unsettling.

I want to jump up and down and say I've been here twice as long as you! I've worked hard to get where I am, and I work hard every day to be an ethical, honest employee - for which I have never received a word of thanks or praise. Yes, you pay me well...but a "thanks" or a "good job" once in awhile after 10 years would go a long way too.

The Universe takes care of me every single day. Even if I lost this job today, the Universe would provide for me. I have skills and I have excellent references. I really need to let go of this feeling of insecurity...but I'm not real sure how.

On a more mundane note - I do indeed have a torn medial meniscus, chondromalacia and degenerative joint disease. I see a knee specialist tomorrow and we go from there. I'm exercising, but not losing weight, probably because of overeating due to stress. But I'm here, I'm on spark and I'm trying to get it right, one more day at a time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_GRIZZ 10/14/2008 12:06PM

    That makes it hard - feeling under appreciated. Perhaps the chief, because they are new, isn't being critical but is questioning so they can learn? Maybe they are questioning because you do a really good job and they know that you can be counted on for the correct answers? I've worked at the same place for 27 years and have had a lot of new chiefs; I've gone through the same roller coaster of feelings. Have you talked to that person about your situation? - it is a delicate subject so tread lightly. They may even feel threatened, so you have to make them aware that you are there to support them in the team effort and they should not feel threatened. (not in those words mind you). The important thing to remember is that, as long as you can go home every day and feel good about the job you did that day, you are doing great. Hope things look up for ya.

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JADEDINVASION 10/14/2008 12:01PM

    I'm sorry work is so unappericative. That totally sucks! I hope you find the paitence to deal with your supervisor. emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/14/2008 11:59:04 AM

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Cause this is Thrilller......

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Yep...I'm learning to dance Michael Jackson's Thriller. My dance troupe thought it would be fun to do it for a close-to-Halloween dance showcase we're attending. There is actually a website that teaches you the dance step by step. The website is designed for breaking the world record of numbers of people dancing Thriller at the same time all over the world! Pretty amazing stuff.

Fun, too!

No more Butte walking till I find out if I have the medial meniscus tear the doc suspects. :( I am just limiting as much lower body/weight bearing exercise (ahem, except dance) till I have the MRI and have a definitive answer. But I'm still going to the Park and rec swim center every single weekday.

I do upper body weights 2 x a week and 3 x a week I'm aqua jogging. I still get sort of hung up on the fact that the most I have is 30 minutes to work out, I have to be at work at 6 a.m. and the center doesn't open till 5:15 a.m. I know myself well, and if it doesn't happen in the am, it's not going to happen. After work I typically have students, a troupe rehersal and oh yeah, my own kids to deal with.....I am reminding myself I don't have to work out for hours every day and that 25-30 minutes is way more than what I was doing a month ago, which was nothing! This is also ensuring I'm getting my strength training in, because at home? I'm really lazy about that.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROYALETBONE 10/1/2008 8:05PM

    Yup, 30 min "ONLY"- tee hee, we've come a long way!

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SPARKLE2011 9/23/2008 12:35PM

    That sounds so cool. You'll have to let us know how it goes.

Glad to hear you are taking it easy until you find out exactly what is going on. Don't want to add insult to injury. Hope you get good news.


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TERJEGOLD 9/20/2008 4:02PM

    I love your attitude! Something is definitely better than nothing. I wish I could watch you dance to Thriller. Fun stuff!

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The Butte

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Pilot Butte is a central fixture in my town. "Walking the Butte" has been a pretty big deal the last 10 years - from older folks to teens with dogs to athletes - probably several hundred people "walk the butte" on any given day.

I've done it....oh about five years ago I did it a handful of times over a summer.

Last night - I tried it again. I think I may have made it one-third of the way up - and when I say up, I mean UP. I have no idea what the incline is, but it is climbing from the moment you set foot on the trail. It took me 15 minutes to get as far as I did, and probably half that to get back down - cause going down is waaaaay easier! I went with my 20 yo daughter who, while I was sweating bullets and huffing and puffing, remained sweat free and never had to catch her breath. She was, however, very sweet to me and said, it's okay, we'll just keep doing it and you'll get farther everytime.

I feel good about it! Today was my first morning at the gym, I only have 30 minutes - but it is sure 30 minutes I was not devoting to my health before, so 30 minutes is plenty! I did 15 cardio and the other 15 weight machines. I need some guidance on some of the machines, they are new to me, but overall felt comfortable there all things considered. There were about 20 people there at opening - and all of them were very fit with the exception of one older gent and myself. There have been times that might have put me off, but I worked on making it inspiring instead, lol. If they can do it, so can I!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAMMIEGA 9/16/2008 3:16PM

    I'd love to hear if you've gone back and tried again in the last week or so? How is the gym going? It is so wonderful that you used the "fit" people as an inspiration instead of being intimidated by them. I've been there before and let my brain get the better of my health. You're doing great, keep it up!

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