Monday, October 09, 2006
BuffedStuff has this quote under her signature (or something to it's effect anyway)
Which do you prefer? The pain of discipline or the pain of regret?
Right now I am drowning in the pain of regret.
I have gained every single effing pound back.
I procrastinated, I binged, I stopped exercising. I was lazy. I was selfish.
I'm feeling the pain of regret in a big way...but I can't change what I didn't do. I can only control this moment. So far, I have eaten my high-fiber low fat breakfast, tracked what went into my mouth and did my strength training. It's another day, a day to start learning some discipline.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
I felt crappy all week and didn't exercise much.
So today, I weighed in....and I gained 2.5 pounds, and gained 3/4 inch back around my waist.
Reminding myself it's just one weigh/measure in- it's not the destination.
Excerise is essential to this journey. Lesson Learned.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
I'm considering what my motivation for losing weight is, and where is it coming from - inside or outside?
1. Health. I do not want to end up like my parents. Both with adult-onset diabetes, both falling apart physically by late 60's. My family tends to live long lives...and I don't care for the last 20-30 years of it to be hell because I didn't take care of myself.
2. I want to look good in costume. This may sound really shallow. As a performer, instructor, promoter....I often feel I don't get taken seriously because of my weight. Bellydance is my passion....and my weight is hindering my marketability. Not that I have to be a Barbie, not by any means. But I am obese - frankly said, but true. By losing the weight, I will have more energy and stamina and my performances will "pop" again, and I won't see the glaze come over people's eyes of "oh, the fat chick is gonna dance."
At the moment, those are my two motivations to do this - to stick with it even when the honeymoon is over...which it is. Time to go back and read "buffedstuffed's" page...she is excellent at saying it like i need to hear it, lol.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
I need an attitude adjustment in a pretty big way. Woke up in a bad mood and I'm having a hard time changine my frame of mind.
Haven't been eating well the last 24 hours..too many calories and too much junk. Trying to get myself back in mode - water, healthy food, better attitude.
The weather is gray and damp...just like my mood. In the past, I went to bed and hid or ate myself into a stupor. Neither of those are choices today. I'm left with "feeling the feelings" which sucks to be frank. I've self-medicated with food all my life...drugs or alchol weren't choices, but sugar sure was! So here I am, facing my first hard day on the spark program, and wondering how I can get through it without eating. Suggestions?
Monday, September 18, 2006
This weekend was pretty good overall, tho I didn't track. Just didn't find the time.
Back to teaching tho, and that meant 3 hours of dance class this weekend, so I definitely got my cardio in, lol.
Trying to enjoy the process and stop obsessing about the journey....I am enjoying the changes I'm seeing on the scales, in how my clothes fit and in the mirror, but I get obsessed by the scale. I want to weigh all the time, and then if I haven't lost since the last time, I get defeated. So I only weigh once a week and that is good.
But I still wanna wake up magically fit and at goal weight. Isn't that like the American mindset? I want it NOW! Instantly! I know better, but the feeling - eh the feeling hangs on!
That's why the Spark people set small goals thing works so well for me..I've always set a HUGE unattainable goal, then been unhappy when I didn't instantly meet it.
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