Wednesday, December 09, 2009
I have not had a lot of training or practice at standing up for myself. It is a learning experience every time. If you don't have issues with being a tiny bit assertive, it may seem strange to you. "why don't you just ***?" Well, I came from a home with an extremely mentally ill, untreated parent. I didn't get the tools I could have used early on, and I'm still learning some of them.
Like standing up for myself.
My financial situation is pretty dire. Unemployment here is one of the top in the nation. My partner has been unemployed for quite some time and there are no jobs. My ex husband had a stroke in september and needless to say, isn't working but is in rehab trying to learn to walk and talk again, so no child support. So I am it for the support of our family of 4. It's been tight, and now my front heater in the car has gone out and I have no savings to dip into, and no one to ask for help. So I asked for a draw at work. We are allowed by our handbook to ask for a draw quarterly. I have not taken one this quarter, or last quarter for that matter.
I submitted the request via email Monday (paper trail). No response. The person whom I have to ask has a 6-figure yearly income and thinks I am well paid and shouldn't have financial problems (yes, she has told me this). Never mind she makes many times what I do and is single and I support three other people. Still, no reply to my request whatsoever.
Yes, I know she could be busy, she could have forgotten, etc. I accept that. But I also know I have a history with this person and I'm pretty darn sure she feels I just don't "need" it. In the past, I would have just held it all in and let it go and tried to survive without it. Today, I sent a politely worded email that I haven't heard back from her, this is not a frivolous request - it is 10 below here and I have no front heater! my car is icing up on the inside in less than 5 minutes on the road. I need a draw to get my car fixed, please. If I am being refused the draw, please just let me know.
I did it. I feel sort of nauseaous inside, but I did it.
Edited to add: I recieved a sharply worded email that I was rushing her - she'd been "very busy", but had now granted my draw request. It's baloney. It would have taken 5 seconds to hit reply and say she had received it etc. So...she can be pissy if she likes, but I stood up for myself and I didn't do anything wrong, period. Someday, when I'm out of school and I work my way up to making that kind of money and have that status - holding the fate of the "little people" in my hands - I will not be unkind simply because I can. Grrr.