Tuesday, December 15, 2009
That's my best adjective for myself today. But it isn't all bad. These feelings make me change things around, reprioritize etc. It's not comfortable...but it's not a bad thing either.
Thinking about social injustice. We live in the greatest country on earth - and we still have social injustice. Perhaps, where there are people together, you simply have problems. Poverty, discrimination, etc. Can one person make a difference? I have to say yes and keep trying, or I am no better than those who irritate me.
Very rainy here and my arthritis HURTS. I'm not old, dammit! I never think of myself as old. I'm only 45! of course, to my 15yo, that IS old, LOL. But I have many many hopefully productive fun years ahead of me, and I must gain control of my health in order to be the wild and crazy old lady I wanna be when I really am old.
So today is another day to work on getting it right.
Monday, December 14, 2009
I just took Jodie home from the hospital - they are doing cultures but suspect a nasty case of salmonella played havoc with her diabetes. Whatever it was, she was a sick puppy and is home pretty weak and exhausted.
I surprised myself by reaching a small goal I had set, 3 pound loss in 2 weeks. I wanted to see what I could do with the Wii and sort of surprised myself with it. I know for a person who is in better shape it wouldn't be the same workout it is for me, but 4 x a week for two weeks at only 15-20 minutes a time along with changing to a low fat high fiber breakfast is pretty much the only consistent changes I made...so I was pleasantly surprised to see this a.m. that I had med the goal. Sometimes I set myself up that it has to be really hard, and REALLY a sacrifice etc...so this was a good example of small changes making a difference and it was the boost in motivation I really needed right now.
So now I want to know: what small change has lead to a good result for you?
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Went totally awry this weekend. My partner, who is diabetic, got severely ill and is hospitalized - hopefully come home tomorrow. Possible salmonella. whatever it was, her blood sugars were almost 500 and she took 6 bags of fluid and still was dehydrated.
it was an opportunity to talk about health, in a not so funny way. She plays ostrich in the sand with her diabetes/health and usually talking about it just does not happen. so this was an opportunity.
Wow, I'm tired. not the weekend I'd planned! i did manage a couple of healthy choices and managed to NOT binge, so I feel pretty darn successful food wise.
here's to a better coming week!
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
I have not had a lot of training or practice at standing up for myself. It is a learning experience every time. If you don't have issues with being a tiny bit assertive, it may seem strange to you. "why don't you just ***?" Well, I came from a home with an extremely mentally ill, untreated parent. I didn't get the tools I could have used early on, and I'm still learning some of them.
Like standing up for myself.
My financial situation is pretty dire. Unemployment here is one of the top in the nation. My partner has been unemployed for quite some time and there are no jobs. My ex husband had a stroke in september and needless to say, isn't working but is in rehab trying to learn to walk and talk again, so no child support. So I am it for the support of our family of 4. It's been tight, and now my front heater in the car has gone out and I have no savings to dip into, and no one to ask for help. So I asked for a draw at work. We are allowed by our handbook to ask for a draw quarterly. I have not taken one this quarter, or last quarter for that matter.
I submitted the request via email Monday (paper trail). No response. The person whom I have to ask has a 6-figure yearly income and thinks I am well paid and shouldn't have financial problems (yes, she has told me this). Never mind she makes many times what I do and is single and I support three other people. Still, no reply to my request whatsoever.
Yes, I know she could be busy, she could have forgotten, etc. I accept that. But I also know I have a history with this person and I'm pretty darn sure she feels I just don't "need" it. In the past, I would have just held it all in and let it go and tried to survive without it. Today, I sent a politely worded email that I haven't heard back from her, this is not a frivolous request - it is 10 below here and I have no front heater! my car is icing up on the inside in less than 5 minutes on the road. I need a draw to get my car fixed, please. If I am being refused the draw, please just let me know.
I did it. I feel sort of nauseaous inside, but I did it.
Edited to add: I recieved a sharply worded email that I was rushing her - she'd been "very busy", but had now granted my draw request. It's baloney. It would have taken 5 seconds to hit reply and say she had received it etc. So...she can be pissy if she likes, but I stood up for myself and I didn't do anything wrong, period. Someday, when I'm out of school and I work my way up to making that kind of money and have that status - holding the fate of the "little people" in my hands - I will not be unkind simply because I can. Grrr.
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