Wednesday, December 23, 2009
I've changed my User name. After 3 years on spark - I wanted a bit of a fresh start. There are other reasons....but the name says it all: No regret 2010.
I want 2010 to be a year of following through. A year of consistency.
I feel good about it - the name change and the coming year.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
My dance life is a huge chunk of my time, my creativity, not to mention sweat and blood and tears! To toot my own horn, I direct an award-winning bellydance troupe out of podunk Bend, Oregon, that holds the current Belly Dancer USA troupe award for 2009. It's pretty freaking amazing considering I am morbidly obese. Bellydance, like most dance art forms, has it's internal critics - many of whom say overweight women should not dance in public. Don't get me wrong, there are a LOT of compassionate, supportive women...but there are also those who do not approve of what I do at my weight.
Most of the time, I can let that roll off me. If I waited till I lost weight, I wouldn't have a two-time BD USA troupe, I wouldn't have won numerous solo competitions, I wouldn't be teaching classes weekly to some of the most amazing and talented women, I wouldn't have made friends up and down the West coast, I wouldn't have sweated blood gettting certified level I in the Suhaila Salimpour format.
i would have missed out on more than you can imagine, if I had sat back and said, well, I'm fat and so I shouldn't dance/teach in public. Screw that attitude! Of course, do I LIKE the way I look in a costume right now? UH NO I DO NOT. The massive belly is all I can see.
But today, I got a Facebook friend request from someone I don't know who is local. Usually I don't friend people I don't at least recognize on the street, LOL. But this lady wrote me that she is also "voluptuous" and she had seen one of our videos on YouTube and wanted to just tell me that I inspired her.
THAT'S what it's all about folks. Pushing my own internal crap aside and having relationship with other women - inspiring them and believe me, being inspired by them.
So - While I'm working on my health, of which weight is a huge issue, I'm also taking time to remember that LIFE DOES NOT STOP WHILE I'M FAT. Hoo rah!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Work is very, very slow. Painfully slow. So I've been perusing quilting blogs.
It made me very envious - Envious of women with TIME. Yes, yes I know...some of those women work three jobs and tend the feilds and cook everything from scratch and STILL have time to knit, sew and quilt. Granted. But there are a few who don't work...who have no children...and they have the luxury of time that I don't have.
Yes, I could change my life around. But work is a necessity, the part-time dance teaching is necessity (for creativity and survival), and school is the only way to the future. So there isn't a whole lot of time left over. I could certainly manage what little time I have better, but it still wouldn't amount to the kind of time some of these women have.
Truly, I'm okay with it....mostly. But I had such a moment of overwhelming envy, and frustration...that I decided it would be better to write about it than to tuck my feelings away with some of the fudge decorating the office. So there's a success in the face of my frustration!
Good grief, I have a hard time finding time to EXERCISE, much less to do artsy craftsy sh!t. No wonder so many of those ladies down at the quilt shops are older, LOL, that's when you have TIME!
Monday, December 21, 2009
This is a short week for me, for once I took the day before Christmas off, so I have a 4 day weekend. I NEVER do that...so it's something pretty special! Besides, with the work stress lately, wow it will be good to have 4 days off in a row!
I plan on sewing, reading, and generally enjoying time at HOME, mixed in with some dance stuff and working out on the Wii.
I ran reports on SparkPeople again today, and was much more pleasantly surprised than when I did so a couple of weeks ago. Now I can see consistency starting to happen. Notice I didn't say perfection, but consistency. 2 weeks of 4 workouts, 1 week of 3 workouts. Not perfect, but way better than the nothing I was doing before! I also noted I'm consistently about 200 cal under what I'm aiming at burning so I'm going to work on increasing my workouts by a few minutes a day and really striving for that 4 x a week or popping in an extra when possible. I'm pleased that rather than feeling "I'm such a failure" - my usual response - I'm able to see what I'm doing well and feel good about working harder to make it even more consistent.
As for the holidays, I'm trying to enjoy what I can and let the rest go. Some moments are easier than others. Here's to the most healthy Christmas week in most of my adult life, if nothing else!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I'm recognizing my stress load is increasing to a danger zone again. Work, financial issues, holidays, and dealing with this being the first Christmas since my dad died are adding to my usual stressers and I'm feeling the tension riding me.
Things I can do:
1) Continue to eat healthy - binging will not make the stress go away.
2) Get some exercise every day to release some of the stress.
3) Reach out to others.
4) Do something I enjoy every day.
5) Make sure I get alone time - I get really crabby if I don't have a little time to myself.
Other suggestions to stay sane? I'm all ears...
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