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Unforgiving spirit

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Many moon ago, my then husband said to me after one of his alcoholic binges that I refused to sweep under the rug: "you have an unforgiving spirit." At the time, I said "you think you can say sorry and I should just forget everything that happened. Then you go and do it again and again, and over and over you say "sorry" and you think it's all over.

But from time to time throughout the years, that remark comes back to me and I examine myself again.

What brought it up today was a coworker. Last year, she was called into personnel and written up for some pretty bad behavior. Immediately going on the defensive she said well what about LISA!!! LIsa doesn't do any work "I DO ALL THE WORK!!" and blah blah blah. She tried to divert attention from her bad behavior onto me. The status reports run weekly clearly showed I do a vast MAJORITY of the work and she was full of beans, but.....It made me really angry. So I type and type....she visits with coworkers...makes personal phone calls, etc. and I get irritated all over again with "I do all the work". My supervisor knows the score - those weekly reports generated by the computer system speak loud and clear about who does the majority of work. Yet I find myself being irritated.

Having worked with this person for years, I know what saying something would bring - and believe me, it's not worth it. Most of the time, I try to just worry about myself thank you - and let other people take care of themselves and figure their bad behavior will come back on them sooner or later.

Except right now when I feel angry about it all over again. I can see it's tied to food, cause when I took my break, I ate cookies in the breakroom. When I'm not angry/upset/hurt I can say "I don't even want those cookies". When I feel bad, I suddenly realize I've eaten three cookies. Yep. I've read all those "emotional eater" articles (twice. At least twice). But what I find is that writing really helps I chose to write about it.

I'm not looking for advice on the coworker, believe me - I know the score there. I WOULD like to hear from those of you who struggle with emotional eating. What are some things that help YOU avoid/stop it? Enquiring minds want to know....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DANARRA 12/30/2009 8:11PM

    I honestly haven't found a good distractor, yet. When I'm upset I tend to eat like I'm chewing on whoever upset me. Loud, aggressive and fast.

People have recommended gum and meditation or eating vegetables instead...

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PRYDEQUEEN 12/30/2009 2:22PM

    My emotional eating comes from when I am angry or hurt as well. I try to remember to take a walk first before I grab something to put in my mouth. This usually helps. I don't have it perfected but I am doing it more often than before. the walk helps put things into perspective and to realize it is about the other person. I need to look at what the hurt is. It usually is a little deeper than the surface incident.

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What's reasonable? What's "enough"?

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Again and again, I end up having to face the fact that my expectations for myself are unreasonable. I can easily be kind, forgiving and gentle to the people around me...but downright vicious to myself.

As this time of year always sparks contemplation of what's to come in the new year, I'm again looking at resolutions. Those pesky things I've tried, given up on, tried again, ad nauseum. And I've realized that still, I don't have a good grasp on what is reasonable or enough.

If it's not perfect, it's not enough for me. It's fine for you of course and very reasonable. But for me? Well I have to be 200% better than everyone else or it isn't good enough...and yes, yes I have spoken in therapy about this little issue a number of times.

So in trying to narrow down what I really want and defining what is "good enough" for me I'm looking at vague oulines right now.
1) More natural, whole food - hopefully lessening preservatives etc. This can only be good for my allergies.
2) Water.
3) Movement - reasonable amounts of exercise.

Unreasonable goals - all or nothing thinking....Need to go. I know it will take time and practice recognizing that I'm "doing it again" and finding peace with "enough". It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to get done.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JERICAJJ 12/29/2009 5:12PM

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it reminds me to be as kind, forgiving and gentle to myself as I am to the people I love (I'm a person I love, too!). Mmmm....what would it be like to set that as a goal?

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JULIETEXAS 12/29/2009 3:13PM

    I like your thoughts, I have the same all or nothing attitude as well, baby steps are better than sitting steal (or going backward).

Thanks for sharing.

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An Observation On: Rudeness

Monday, December 28, 2009

Even the media has called attention to the apparent loss of common courtesies seen around the U.S. lately.

I well remember as a teen (in the 70/80's) hearing people say things like "kids are so rude these days!"

The examples I witnessed this past weekend were interesting to me in that each one was committed by an adult - ranging from age 35 to 60s. At the movies, a group of 4 or 5 people - well dressed and all 40-50 nearly ran my daughter over pushing and shoving to get into the movie theater ahead of her. Not an excuse me, sheepish smile or anything - they just practically knocked her down, and I'm not exaggerating.

While in the movies, a man in his at least late 50's sitting next to me kept his cell phone on and answered it when it rang. He then got up, while talking on his phone, and exited the theater. It was obvious from the conversation heard this was not an emergency or even some kind of important expected call. A few minutes later, he came back and then proceeded to tell his wife quite loudly the details of the call.

Today, on my break I decided to use the Jamba Juice gift card I got and get a (small!) Jamba Juice. A car pulled up quite shortly after me, and I got out. A 30+ woman and her teenage daughter got out, then RAN to get to the store ahead of me and nearly knocked me down pushing past me as I was going in the door.

At the grocery store, an elderly man was gingerly pushing his cart into the icy parking lot and a woman at least in her 40's was so zealous to get an open parking spot, she nearly ran him over - again, I'm not exaggerating.

These aren't 13 year old kids with no sense - these are ADULTS. In each case, apparently well-heeled adults at that. I'm obviously so annoyed, I had to write about it! Manners ARE dying in America - but obviously it's not the fault of the youth of today, though just like any group, they have their moments too.

I'm not impressed, but I'm also not a fan of being obnoxious about it either - making loud remarks about how rude other people seems rude to me too, lol! So I'm reaching out and writing here. If everyone who reads this thought about their actions and took a moment and talked to 2 other people about how rude people are becoming, could we make a difference? Obviously, courtesy still needs to be taught in the home to children....but just as obviously, some adults have discarded it. What do YOU think? Enquiring minds want to know...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOOMALATTY 12/28/2009 3:27PM

    Amen! I often correct children in my own family, and in classes where I work, that is easy. Usually with adults, if they don't respond to a simple "Hi" (at the gym), I say it again and louder....or my pet peeve is when you are approaching a door and the person in front of you lets go of it, and it closes in your face. I usually say a really loud "thank you", and if they are embarrassed enough they usually turn around and say "oh! I'm sorry, didn't see you"......I say just call people on it, like you do children, then they'll realize what they did or didn't do, maybe.

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WORKINGSTIFF 12/28/2009 3:21PM

    Please don't get me started! I would have to write my own blog!

Can we chalk some of it up to the time of year? Maybe so.

The movie theater is a pet peeve of mine. I think in this day and age of videos/dvr's people are not used to going to the movies and being quiet. I've been known to ask people to please be quiet. My feeling is that unless they paid for EVERYBODY'S ticket, then they have no right to ruin someone else's good time.

I'll also say "You're Welcome" out loud if I hold a door for someone or allow them to walk ahead of me through a doorway and they don't acknowledge it.

Is it ok to correct other people's children in your home? Do you have to ask? It's my home, my rules. I've told my neighbor's children if you don't like my rules, then you are free to leave.

The other night after Mass we were having a small party next door at the parish house/nun's home. One young woman had her foot up on a chair while she was texting. I looked at her, then at her foot, then at her, then at her foot again. I must have had on "the face" because she then got up and went across the room. Take your foot off the chair! This is not your house!

My manners are not always the best, but maybe if each of us gives a little more effort in 2010, we can make a difference.

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FITKAT2010 12/28/2009 3:14PM

    I make a quiet and pointed remark to the offender-meeting eyes, etc. When I say something in person it is listened to! I am not rude when I do this. They need to have their attention drawn to the fact that their conduct in public DOES affect others.

I do not go to the movies because of just the kind of cell-phone conduct that is done on a regular basis. I also do not like it when people are on cell-phones and speak loud enough to be heard 14 yards away. I often ask them to quiet down and make their call a private one.

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NOREGRET2010 12/28/2009 3:06PM

    Foxygrl82 - I think you hit the nail on the head, people think they are more important than others. The root of the whole problem.

Alaskaamber - I too gently will remind other people's kids at my house to remember their manners, tho honestly, the friends of my 13 and 15 yo are almost always polite. These incidents did cause me to look at myself and my own actions - tho I'd be hard pressed to recall when I was quite THAT rude, LOL. I had please, thank you and excuse me ingrained as soon as I could talk and usually, they are automatic.

The spot I noticed my worst behavior? behind the wheel, I'm embarrased to say. Working on that one, believe me!

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ROCKINFOX 12/28/2009 2:52PM

    I think one of the reasons for the increasing rudeness among adults is due to a fast paced life and laziness. Adults will rush and knock people down on their way in to a restaurant/store because they think their schedule is more important than anyone else's. People wait until the last minute to buy tickets or go to work, so obviously they're in a rush and will be rude to people. People also will race someone else for that parking lot that is 4 feet closer to the store because they're lazy or think that the weather is way too bad to even walk a few extra feet.

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ALASKAAMBER 12/28/2009 2:19PM

  I wholehartedly agree! As the mother of two young children, I do try to teach my children how to be mannerly. It can be difficult, especially to remember that little eyes are always watching ME and take their cues from MY behavior. However, when the kids have friends over, is it ok to correct them, too? Because I do. I will (gently) tell them that in our home we speak respectfully, etc. I think that parents just get used to hearing rudeness from their kids (even start to EXPECT rudeness) and become complacent. I would hope that my children are kind and respectful when they leave my home. And I would hope that another parent would correct them when necessary.

As for the adults that you mentioned...

I refuse to believe that our society is on a downhill slide and there is no hope for us. I will accept your challenge to speak with at least two other people. I have also seen what is happening out there in the world, and it can be discouraging. I hope that I can at least be more aware of my own actions and spread a little goodwill in my corner of the globe.

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Thinking about consistency and the New Year

Sunday, December 27, 2009

This has been a very successful month on SP for me, without doubt the most successful probably since I started back in '06. I've been working on consistency and my spark streaks are pleasing me - not perfect, but reasonable.

i've had to face how much I've avoided exercise in the past. I'm grateful for the Wii - it's fun and motivating (I'm apparently a gold star kinda person, makes me work harder). The points keep me motivated and I like seeing high consistency percentages. I realized I did more exercise minutes in December.....than I tracked all year long. That's sad. I DID exercise, I was just off spark or too lazy - and again, the consistency suffered.

Looking to 2010 - the year of no regret - I'm wondering what a good goal would be for exercise and what other streaks or fast breaks to add in. I need to be wary, because I'm unfortunately one of those people who put too much on their list, can't do it, and stop doing anything!

Also looking at my food - still no decisions there. My allergies have gotten worse and worse this year, in no small part I'm sure to the crap I've stuffed in my body for years. I do think I can start trying to focus on fruits/veggies/water.

We'll see. 2010 and no regrets. Because I really DO hate the pain of regret. The pain of self discipline is much more satisfying!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAPPY49 12/28/2009 6:06AM

    A little step at a time. Before you know it, you'll be at your goal. Trying to change and think of the whole picture can be overwhelming. No regret is an awesome attitude. There is nothing you can do about the past, but can only influence the moment before you, so with all your heart and vigor, capture the moment and make the most of it. Good luck in 2010.
emoticon emoticon

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A_BELLE 12/27/2009 8:28PM

    I plan to start (tomorrow) with eating 5 fruits & veggies per day (if you are eating that many veggies then you are sure to reduce your overall calories and will aim to do 30 min of cardio (Wii) 3x per week minimum. I think those are really good goals that aren't just for "dieting" but a good goal for healthy living. My hope is that if I can manage these things in 2010 the weight should come off a bit easier. Good luck hun!

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BLUE97HARBOR 12/27/2009 7:08PM

    Thanks for your post....

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CHARLIE215 12/27/2009 1:43PM

    I'm with you on the realistic changes. My plan for 2010 is to focus on one thing at a time and forget about chasing weight loss (details on my blog if you're interested). Am starting with consistent exercise.

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TERJEGOLD 12/27/2009 12:54PM

    Love your plan. Slow and steady, measurable and goals that are important to YOU as opposed to family, friends or society. Great start to 2010. It's going to be a good year.

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PRYDEQUEEN 12/27/2009 11:29AM

    Sharing some good thoughts! I startted slowly and made sure what I made a goal was doable. My first goal was to eat breakfast each day. And that helped! I am doing it differently this time with losing weight. And it is working. I want this to be a lifestyle.
Sounds like you are doing it!

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A new name

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I've changed my User name. After 3 years on spark - I wanted a bit of a fresh start. There are other reasons....but the name says it all: No regret 2010.

I want 2010 to be a year of following through. A year of consistency.

I feel good about it - the name change and the coming year.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINIS_THIN 1/6/2010 10:49AM

    Thank you.... I was searching to find a way to change my name to Thin Lin!

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JMARKS40 12/31/2009 10:42AM

  Thanks NOREGRET2010. Have a great YEAR!

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NOREGRET2010 12/31/2009 9:59AM

    Jmarks40: Go to your start page. On the Left it will say Welcome Jmarks40! and under that is account settings - you can change it in there. :)

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JMARKS40 12/31/2009 9:33AM

  How did you change your user name?

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CHANJEN348 12/23/2009 10:17PM

    emoticon that's a positive way to start the new year!

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MARLEY415 12/23/2009 4:20PM

    A fresh start always sounds good. best of luck

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MARKDORENE 12/23/2009 3:52PM

    good luck

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