Tuesday, March 02, 2010
I have four children. Four bright, beautiful amazing children, 24- 14.
The oldest has always been headstrong. Thinks she knows it all, pretty much. Our relationship has been rocky since the day she turned 12. Tonight, she hurt me so deeply i don't know how it can be fixed.
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
you know, overall, my experience has been that the internet does not necessarily bring out the best in people. The ability to be snarky and mean and have little consequence is just often not a good thing.
I've been on a number of message boards - everything from knitters to lesbians to bellydancers and most recent, a cosmetics fan kind of message board. Until Sparkpeople...I was usually flat annoyed right off them by rudenss, generally unnecessary unkindness and ugliness.
I like makeup! I have since I was 13. It's art to me, it's fun, etc. I don't take it terribly serious, but I enjoy it so I thought the cosmetics thing would be a great fit.
not so. Can you remember those snarky, mean girls from junior high? they apparently all subscribe to makeup alley now, LOL. Wow the general meaness, cliquish attitudes and rudeness are incredible.
I thought You know this just isn't worth it. These things never work for me.
Except for spark people. Yes, I've had a few snarky remarks made, but overall, this site has been a shining beacon of kind, funny, smart, caring people reaching out and being there when you need them.
Thank you. Every single one of you. Thank you. So, so what if the makeup girls are mean to me, LOL. I don't need them. I got you. And you're better. So there.
Monday, March 01, 2010
March is my birthday. I'll be 46. I thought, what can I do to celebrate my birthday month in a way geared toward health? I decided it would be working on consistency - my biggest (well, one of) struggle in health.
I reviewed my exercise logs/reports and while I've added a huge amount of exercise since january compared to the months before, consistency isn't always seen there. I've done better in caring for my skin...but consistency would be an improvement there too....along with taking my vitamins and meds...eating 5 fruits/veggies etc.
Just came up with this plan this a.m, so it's not fully formed yet, but I'll be blogging about consistency (ahem, and making consistent blogging a priority too, LOL) this month.
What are YOU working on this month, eh??
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I blog on sparkpeople mostly as a journaling tool. Writing helps me work through my junk - however, I know from 40 years experience, I'm not good at doing it on paper. This really works for me and that's a big part of why I do it.
I also have freedom here - I've specifically not "friended" anyone I know in the real world on SP so that I have the freedom to write what I need to write for me, without worrying I might hurt someone's feelings in the real world.
There are many reasons to blog on spark people just as there are many different kinds of people on sparkpeople. Some people use it as a vent - a place to stomp their feet and vent their emotions. Some use it as a model - they blog how they want it to be, and that is a tool they use to help "make it so". Some blog as a way to be heard. Some blog because they need attention. Some blog their weaknesses, some their strengths. Some blog their day to day life in detail, some simply blog what they ate or what they did.
We are drawn to people by what they blog and sometimes we are put off by people by what they blog! Some comment...some don't.
The point of all this is, I write for me. That I've met some really great people on SP by blogging is like the cherry on top! I've met people who inspire me and I've subscribed to their blogs and their thinking has given me "food" for thought. I've had thoughtful comments, sympathetic comments and rude/mean comments.
Still...I do this to work through my junk. Why do YOU blog? Enquiring minds must know....
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
The Universe has been shaking my tree about accountability to myself. I'm over responsible in other areas of my life - work, relationship etc...but when it comes to myself, I don't have the accountability thing goin' on.
What's that about? Probably, my therapist would say something along the lines of I value other people and other committments, but I don't value myself the same way. Likely true. Lob in some fear of success in there....and I make myself indispensable to others...and leave myself in the dust.
I'm exercising like crazy, but unwilling/unable/uninterested in dealing with my food. I KNOW intellectually it is a two-faceted deal .... but I'm not doing it.
Why am I unwilling to be accountable to myself for my health? How can i change that? My mind is swirling with it this a.m.
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