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What is success?

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I stayed within ALL my nutritional goals yesterday for the first time in a really long time. Wasn't too hard all in all and felt pretty darn good this morning when I ran the analyze report etc. Typically for me, something will be off. Too high or too low. Actually, according to what I entered i think I was 33 calories under, but like that $1.23 you can't make balance in your checkbook - I figured not enough to worry about, LOL.

It's also the first day in a really long time I've been honest about every bite that went in my mouth THAT, friends, is the success. Typically, I begin to enter my food enthusiastically, but then either I get freaked out how fast my calories are going (which is perception, really - fear of not having enough) and I either quit tracking all together or conveniently leave off stuff and then I'm afraid, so I don't want to finish tracking for the day.

At least I know what I'm up to, eh? Oh, I know. Believe me, I know. I know myself well. So to know that I tracked every bite and was within all my goals is a big reward.

I don't honestly think I made my water goal however - try as I can, I can't remember drinking more than 6. I'll add some renewed vigor to that effort today along with again tracking every bite.

fear of failure is a crazy thing. I have that one. I also have fear of success- which is a really crazy thing, LOL. if you are afraid of both failure and just can't win or lose, now can you? Working on that. I've worked on it and conquered various forms of it before, but it is insidious - and here I am again. So, celebrating even one day of success is a very good thing.

For me, success (in weight loss and health gaining) is doing many tiny things right, over and over, no matter what the scale says.

What is success (in weight loss and health gaining) to you?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROCKINFOX 3/31/2010 12:19PM

    You definitely nailed my issue there. Sometimes I don't want to track my food because I know that the food tracker will yell at me. Not really, but you know what I mean. emoticon

Congrats for staying on track and being honest about what all you eat!! I think that is an accomplishment in itself.

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SHEALUNA 3/31/2010 11:36AM

    I am so with you on the fear of failure AND the fear of success! It's something I've been working on for awhile now and I'm sure will continue to do so.

HURRAY for you for being honest with yourself about what you put in your body. One day at a time turns into a lifetime of good habits. GO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For me, success in weight loss is all about the pants. A few years ago when I was still living in Portland I had to make a run for the MAX and my jeans literally dropped off my hips and down my bum and would have continued to the ground if I hadn't grabbed them and held on for dear life! That is success in weight loss!

Success in health is much more subtle. It's waking up rested and full of energy. It's not getting a cold or flu every time I turn around. It's feeling good about my choices, just like you feel good right now about yours!

Rock on, my Sparkly friend!!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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PRYDEQUEEN 3/31/2010 9:56AM

    Keep celebrating the small successes! For the water, I drink 4 cups in the morning before I leave for work, 2 cups at lunch and 2 on the way home. By the time I get home in the evening I have reached my goal and simply add more water at dinner! Took me a while but now it is a good habit. Just sharing!

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No witty title

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Not happy with my weigh in. I had some things to eat last week that were certainly not on my plan and they made that known today when I stepped on the scale. A small bump in the road, no more - no less.

My goal today is to get the water down. Why that is so hard for me, I do not know. So, I'm making it today's priority - followed only by staying within my calorie range. If I can manage BOTH on the same day, I'll be a happy camper.

Longing for a little road trip. Portland...and Powell's City of Books. A city block and mmm five? stories of book goodness - new and used all together. I could (and have) spent an entire day there. If you are a book lover, well, it's nirvana to me. Locally, we have a Barnes and Noble, a couple of independants and a few used. I've tried to frequent the independants because I BELIEVE in books - but they are so small and I read so much, they rarely have anything I want. I DO try to order from them tho when I can't find something I'm dying for. I'm spoiled by Powell's tho, and I haven't been for months - and as I recall the last time we were in a hurry. Hurry + bookstore is not my way.

I was reading Shealuna's page (
SHEALUNA) about her writing and discovered we like the same authors and that prompts me to ask - what do YOU read? I pretty much exclusively read Urban Fantasy. I read Mysteries for about 10 years and I'm sorta burned out on those, LOL. I also like self-help/improvement stuff. No romance. UGH. Some biographies, that kinda thing. Favorite author, hands down, Kim Harrison for her Hallows series. Best. Series. EVAH. Quickly followed by Rachel Caine, Kelly Armstrong, CE Murphy...and the list goes on.

What do YOU read? Do tell.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATCHAGIRL 3/31/2010 12:42PM

    Amazingly and unfortunately, I do not read books. (Side note, I can actually read, just never got into it ;) ).

My comment is about you having trouble drinking water. :)

First off, you shouldn't look at drinking it as a "chore", but rather an enjoyment. The best thing for me is a water cooler. If you don't have one at home, you should invest the money, and if you don't have one at work, you should talk your employer into getting one! They are not that expensive and it sure makes drinking water a lot easier!

I use one of those big coffee 16oz mugs that you would get at a gas station or 7-11. After I finish my coffee, I fill her up and just drink on it as if I would a soda or any other drink. I just keep refilling it with the nice cold water from the cooler all day and don't drink anything else during the day. I'm able to manage 8-10 8oz. cups a day with ease.

It's basically taken the place of all other drinks I would normally have during the day. I absolutely LOVE my water, but it wasn't always like that! emoticon

GOOD LUCK with it and staying on track! emoticon

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SHEALUNA 3/30/2010 11:09AM

    Well, you KNOW what I read. emoticon Same as you on the Urban Fantasy front. I've recently discovered several authors in the genre who are new to me so I'm enjoying them. Also luuuurve the mysteries and action/adventure thrillers. (James Rollins... WOOT!)

And I love, love, LOVE Powell's!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss it so much. There is nothing in the whole of London that even comes close! I swear, Powell's is a bibliophile's wet dream!

Happy browsing and even happier reading!

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Rainy, blah Monday

Monday, March 29, 2010

Well, it's Monday in all it's glory. Rainy, windy, cold weather. Ick.

My 16 yo was scoped and biopsied Friday and results are in: Eosinophilic esophagitis causing a severe narrowing of the esophagus and subsequent constant choking episodes. It's a result of allergies - the allergies cause inflammation and scar tissue to form in the esophagus. We're looking at long term meds, allergy testing, possible diet modification etc. Just what an asthmatic teen wants, to be even more "different". But I'm relieved there is a reason behind all of this suffering she's had and things we can do to change that.

Again, it brings me to FOOD. How we are supposed to eat to nourish our bodies - and the various pitfalls we can slide into from not trying, trying weird things, etc. The cabbage soup diet comes to mind, LOL. The whole Eat Less, Move More theory is GREAT - sometimes. It's not always easy on a day-to-day basis, is it? Holidays, special meals, failing to prepare and having healthy go-to items around at all times...the reasons I slip on my eating are too many to mention. Over and over, I have found myself feeling obessessed with food because I'm trying to lose weight.

Obsessed with the numbers...calories, fat, carbs. Obsessively counting, rearranging, etc. Often with very little results to show for a lot of angst and counting. We've all been on "diets" or "food plans" where we attempt to stay below a certain number...number of calories, number of fat grams, number of can sure lead to crazy making sometimes. Even Weight Watchers - I didn't count the usual things, but it was still counting - counting points.

Our ancestors didn't count. they had to run around and catch their food or toil the day long to harvest it...and obesity was rare. today, our food can be instant and almost lethal in it's combination of fat/sugar/chemicals.

When I did WW...and the medically supervised fast...and the Atkin's diet...and all of them really, even just counting what I ate here at Spark - the more I look at the food numbers, the more obsessed I get with the numbers and the less satisfied I am with what i've eaten. I stay hungry - miserable.

I wonder about lapband sometimes. I have a friend who had it and lost 100+ pounds. Great eh? Sure, except if she eats more than 1/2 cup of food at a sitting she vomits - and this has been a recurring thing for 3+ years. I'm not so fond of throwing up. Think after three years of it I'd be a nut case. Lapband is out of my price range, not covered by my insurance and to me, somewhat drastic. Then again, carrying 240ish pounds on a 5 foot frame is pretty drastic too. I know other people who think of it as "cheating" - the "easy" way to lose weight - like it's not valid because they didn't do it the hard way. Frankly, I think throwing up for years is not the easy way, LOL. I think being limited to 1/4 to 1/2 cup food FOR LIFE is not the "easy way". But that's just me...

I'm obviously not srriously considering it because it's not a feasible consideration for me. How about you? Ever thought about it? Have you had it? If you had a free coupon for lapband today, would you do it? Interested in hearing other's thoughts on this.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CNICH11 3/30/2010 10:26AM

    No, i wouldn't do it either and now that i read about the throwing up, for sure not. It's not normal. I go through obsession at times, what I have learned to start doing is using a salad plate so there is less food, that way I can clean my plate and not feel guilty. The mind is a powerful thing and the way we think about food plays on our emotions. Girl, just take it one meal at a time! Have a great day and keep being Fabulous! emoticon

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SHEALUNA 3/29/2010 5:22PM

    Nope I wouldn't. Not a snowball's chance in Hawaii. For the exact reasons... eating 1/4 cup to 1/2 cup in one sitting, puking all the time. And when it goes wrong it goes VERY wrong. I saw a special on one woman who ended up having to puree every thing for the rest of her life. No thank you very much.

But I have a friend who did it and for her it was the right choice. If it saves your life or makes it better quality, then great. You've got to do what's right for you. It just is very wrong for me.

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MCCALI59 3/29/2010 5:17PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/29/2010 5:17:55 PM

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The path of least resistance

Thursday, March 25, 2010

This is a recurring theme for me. Certainly not in all aspects of my life - but the personal parts of my life, for sure.

At work - well, I work in healthcare. My job impacts people who are being diagnosed and treated for a variety of disesases including the 'big C' - Cancer. I take it extremely personally - cancer has taken people I loved. I'm no big shaker and mover in healthcare by any means, just a small cog in a very big wheel, but I take it incredibly seriously. So I work REALLY hard at giving my job my best attention and care. I give my job 110% every day that I can.

I also give the relationships in my life as close to 100% as I can. Now, this doesn't mean being a door mat (been there, done that, have the T shirt) - it means I actively work on relationship with my partner, my children and a few people who are important to me. I've lost all my family to death or being disowned for coming out of the closet. So the people I have left in my life? They are very precious to me.

But my health? My dance? My art? Those things - in reality the things that nourish my spirit and body - those things get the short end of the stick much, much too often.

I'm tired from working too much - not by choice but by staffing problems at work. I'm worn down from doing too much for too long (school work dance family). When I'm in this mode, the lifelong battle with depression is not just at my door, but sitting on my couch eating all my food and watching my cable, LOL. It's entrenched. And when you are depressed - more than that day-to-day low level depression I live with - it's hard to step into the stream and move against the current.

If I don't wade against the current however, I'll just float down to the ocean again - the ocean of the easy way. Fast food, sitting and not moving, "veging" and not creating or doing.

I know there are a lot of people just like me. They mean well, they have good intentions....that they don't follow through on. Today's blog is to remind me that wading against the current means I am working toward my own "well spring" from which the water flows - My "source" - of life, of creativity, of health and happiness.

So how do YOU make yourself get off your personal floatie and start wading against the current to YOUR source? Please share - enquiring minds wanna know, and I don't mean The Enquirer. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITKAT2010 3/25/2010 12:01PM

    Sorry hon, but in Truth you give others the same as yourself. You can't do anything but.

Giving through sacrifice is giving to get out side ourselves. Giving to others from a depleted state of self is sacrifice and also distracts ourselves from doing the hard job:taking care of us.

Double message is given when we give from depletion and sacrafice.


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SHEALUNA 3/25/2010 12:01PM

    I tell myself I'm worth it. And I tell myself and tell myself and tell myself. Until myself actually starts to believe it. emoticon

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CNICH11 3/25/2010 11:31AM

    I'm with ya, sista! I have been a funk all week, and it has literally taken even ounce of my being not to lay on the couch and eat my son's bag of cheese puffs! Thank the Lord for my Louie, he is my 4 yr old yorkie who absolutely refuses to get out of the habit of his evening 2 mile stroll. he has been my saving grace this week. In the words of Dori(finding Nemo)...Just keep swimming...
Have a great day!

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Itchy, itchy, ya ya ga ga.....

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

It's spring! The trees are finally budding! Sunshine!

And my old nemesis, Allergy Season beginith. Itchy eyes, itchy skin. Double doses of Claritin. Whoo hoo for Claritin, or I'd have no skin left around my itchy eyes.

Keeping up the fitness minutes sans water aerobics is a challenge. To help meet my daily fitness minute goal of 60 minutes of activity a day, I've added back in my two 10 minute walks during my break - especially now that it's not so frigid outside. Trying to add in dance - consistent dance not stop and go stop and go every 3 minutes. Trying to fit in some Wii fit and dog walking to make up the difference.

I really know I need 60 minutes of cardio a day most days of the week to keep on track and losing - but fitting that in (without the requirement of meeting a college credit) is a challenge in itself for me. I've been going nonstop for months, and now I really wanna just hang out and do nothing! But that will not meet my goals - so I'm working that 60 minutes a day, like it or lump it. Once it's daylight here earlier, I can slam out a 30 minute walk in the mornings and I'm looking forward to that. I'm not a walk-in-the-dark fan....not so much safety wise in my neighborhood, but I'm clumsy LOL and will trip if I can't see the bumps in the sidewalk.

So, today's tag: What is YOUR fitness minute goal for most days of the week AND how do you use up those minutes? Enquiring minds must know....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JULIEIRENE 3/23/2010 3:48PM

    I love the clever title of this blog! Ha!

Most days my goal is to get 30-45 minutes a day. Lately I run on MWF, do Spin on Tues, and Thurs is my choice (usually elliptical). I do a little weight-lifting or strength training each day as well.

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SHEALUNA 3/23/2010 10:55AM

    Ohhhh... I feel your itch! Since I moved to London I've had MASSIVE hay fever in the spring/summer. I have to take the strongest dose of Telfast (Allegra) they have just to function. Pathetic, but what can you do? emoticon

As for my fitness minutes, my goal thingy on SP is currently set at 90 minutes per week. Obviously things have gone amuck lately, but they're getting back on track. I do my walking for about 40 minutes five days a week (which normally I don't count, though I am at the moment until I'm back to full fitness and health), but I also do 15 to 30 minutes walking during lunch break at work, and often another 40 minutes or so on Saturdays/Sundays, plus little bits here and there in between. There's belly dancing on Mondays (60 minutes). And now I'm back to nearly full health, practicing my belly dance moves during the week (shimmying burns SO many calories) for, say, 15 minutes a day. We'll see how that goes! lol

That's what I'm doing currently. I'm planning to add in BL Yoga (basically power yoga) at least once a week (40 minutes). I'm HOPING to do a Zumba class on Saturdays (60 minutes), but waiting to hear back from the instructor. Fingers crossed!

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