Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I stayed within ALL my nutritional goals yesterday for the first time in a really long time. Wasn't too hard all in all and felt pretty darn good this morning when I ran the analyze report etc. Typically for me, something will be off. Too high or too low. Actually, according to what I entered i think I was 33 calories under, but like that $1.23 you can't make balance in your checkbook - I figured not enough to worry about, LOL.
It's also the first day in a really long time I've been honest about every bite that went in my mouth THAT, friends, is the success. Typically, I begin to enter my food enthusiastically, but then either I get freaked out how fast my calories are going (which is perception, really - fear of not having enough) and I either quit tracking all together or conveniently leave off stuff and then I'm afraid, so I don't want to finish tracking for the day.
At least I know what I'm up to, eh? Oh, I know. Believe me, I know. I know myself well. So to know that I tracked every bite and was within all my goals is a big reward.
I don't honestly think I made my water goal however - try as I can, I can't remember drinking more than 6. I'll add some renewed vigor to that effort today along with again tracking every bite.
fear of failure is a crazy thing. I have that one. I also have fear of success- which is a really crazy thing, LOL. if you are afraid of both failure and success...you just can't win or lose, now can you? Working on that. I've worked on it and conquered various forms of it before, but it is insidious - and here I am again. So, celebrating even one day of success is a very good thing.
For me, success (in weight loss and health gaining) is doing many tiny things right, over and over, no matter what the scale says.
What is success (in weight loss and health gaining) to you?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Not happy with my weigh in. I had some things to eat last week that were certainly not on my plan and they made that known today when I stepped on the scale. A small bump in the road, no more - no less.
My goal today is to get the water down. Why that is so hard for me, I do not know. So, I'm making it today's priority - followed only by staying within my calorie range. If I can manage BOTH on the same day, I'll be a happy camper.
Longing for a little road trip. Portland...and Powell's City of Books. A city block and mmm five? stories of book goodness - new and used all together. I could (and have) spent an entire day there. If you are a book lover, well, it's nirvana to me. Locally, we have a Barnes and Noble, a couple of independants and a few used. I've tried to frequent the independants because I BELIEVE in books - but they are so small and I read so much, they rarely have anything I want. I DO try to order from them tho when I can't find something I'm dying for. I'm spoiled by Powell's tho, and I haven't been for months - and as I recall the last time we were in a hurry. Hurry + bookstore is not my way.
I was reading Shealuna's page (http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=
SHEALUNA) about her writing and discovered we like the same authors and that prompts me to ask - what do YOU read? I pretty much exclusively read Urban Fantasy. I read Mysteries for about 10 years and I'm sorta burned out on those, LOL. I also like self-help/improvement stuff. No romance. UGH. Some biographies, that kinda thing. Favorite author, hands down, Kim Harrison for her Hallows series. Best. Series. EVAH. Quickly followed by Rachel Caine, Kelly Armstrong, CE Murphy...and the list goes on.
What do YOU read? Do tell.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Well, it's Monday in all it's glory. Rainy, windy, cold weather. Ick.
My 16 yo was scoped and biopsied Friday and results are in: Eosinophilic esophagitis causing a severe narrowing of the esophagus and subsequent constant choking episodes. It's a result of allergies - the allergies cause inflammation and scar tissue to form in the esophagus. We're looking at long term meds, allergy testing, possible diet modification etc. Just what an asthmatic teen wants, to be even more "different". But I'm relieved there is a reason behind all of this suffering she's had and things we can do to change that.
Again, it brings me to FOOD. How we are supposed to eat to nourish our bodies - and the various pitfalls we can slide into from not trying, trying weird things, etc. The cabbage soup diet comes to mind, LOL. The whole Eat Less, Move More theory is GREAT - sometimes. It's not always easy on a day-to-day basis, is it? Holidays, special meals, failing to prepare and having healthy go-to items around at all times...the reasons I slip on my eating are too many to mention. Over and over, I have found myself feeling obessessed with food because I'm trying to lose weight.
Obsessed with the numbers...calories, fat, carbs. Obsessively counting, rearranging, etc. Often with very little results to show for a lot of angst and counting. We've all been on "diets" or "food plans" where we attempt to stay below a certain number...number of calories, number of fat grams, number of carbs...it can sure lead to crazy making sometimes. Even Weight Watchers - I didn't count the usual things, but it was still counting - counting points.
Our ancestors didn't count. they had to run around and catch their food or toil the day long to harvest it...and obesity was rare. today, our food can be instant and almost lethal in it's combination of fat/sugar/chemicals.
When I did WW...and the medically supervised fast...and the Atkin's diet...and all of them really, even just counting what I ate here at Spark - the more I look at the food numbers, the more obsessed I get with the numbers and the less satisfied I am with what i've eaten. I stay hungry - miserable.
I wonder about lapband sometimes. I have a friend who had it and lost 100+ pounds. Great eh? Sure, except if she eats more than 1/2 cup of food at a sitting she vomits - and this has been a recurring thing for 3+ years. I'm not so fond of throwing up. Think after three years of it I'd be a nut case. Lapband is out of my price range, not covered by my insurance and to me, somewhat drastic. Then again, carrying 240ish pounds on a 5 foot frame is pretty drastic too. I know other people who think of it as "cheating" - the "easy" way to lose weight - like it's not valid because they didn't do it the hard way. Frankly, I think throwing up for years is not the easy way, LOL. I think being limited to 1/4 to 1/2 cup food FOR LIFE is not the "easy way". But that's just me...
I'm obviously not srriously considering it because it's not a feasible consideration for me. How about you? Ever thought about it? Have you had it? If you had a free coupon for lapband today, would you do it? Interested in hearing other's thoughts on this.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
This is a recurring theme for me. Certainly not in all aspects of my life - but the personal parts of my life, for sure.
At work - well, I work in healthcare. My job impacts people who are being diagnosed and treated for a variety of disesases including the 'big C' - Cancer. I take it extremely personally - cancer has taken people I loved. I'm no big shaker and mover in healthcare by any means, just a small cog in a very big wheel, but I take it incredibly seriously. So I work REALLY hard at giving my job my best attention and care. I give my job 110% every day that I can.
I also give the relationships in my life as close to 100% as I can. Now, this doesn't mean being a door mat (been there, done that, have the T shirt) - it means I actively work on relationship with my partner, my children and a few people who are important to me. I've lost all my family to death or being disowned for coming out of the closet. So the people I have left in my life? They are very precious to me.
But my health? My dance? My art? Those things - in reality the things that nourish my spirit and body - those things get the short end of the stick much, much too often.
I'm tired from working too much - not by choice but by staffing problems at work. I'm worn down from doing too much for too long (school work dance family). When I'm in this mode, the lifelong battle with depression is not just at my door, but sitting on my couch eating all my food and watching my cable, LOL. It's entrenched. And when you are depressed - more than that day-to-day low level depression I live with - it's hard to step into the stream and move against the current.
If I don't wade against the current however, I'll just float down to the ocean again - the ocean of the easy way. Fast food, sitting and not moving, "veging" and not creating or doing.
I know there are a lot of people just like me. They mean well, they have good intentions....that they don't follow through on. Today's blog is to remind me that wading against the current means I am working toward my own "well spring" from which the water flows - My "source" - of life, of creativity, of health and happiness.
So how do YOU make yourself get off your personal floatie and start wading against the current to YOUR source? Please share - enquiring minds wanna know, and I don't mean The Enquirer.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
It's spring! The trees are finally budding! Sunshine!
And my old nemesis, Allergy Season beginith. Itchy eyes, itchy skin. Double doses of Claritin. Whoo hoo for Claritin, or I'd have no skin left around my itchy eyes.
Keeping up the fitness minutes sans water aerobics is a challenge. To help meet my daily fitness minute goal of 60 minutes of activity a day, I've added back in my two 10 minute walks during my break - especially now that it's not so frigid outside. Trying to add in dance - consistent dance not stop and go stop and go every 3 minutes. Trying to fit in some Wii fit and dog walking to make up the difference.
I really know I need 60 minutes of cardio a day most days of the week to keep on track and losing - but fitting that in (without the requirement of meeting a college credit) is a challenge in itself for me. I've been going nonstop for months, and now I really wanna just hang out and do nothing! But that will not meet my goals - so I'm working that 60 minutes a day, like it or lump it. Once it's daylight here earlier, I can slam out a 30 minute walk in the mornings and I'm looking forward to that. I'm not a walk-in-the-dark fan....not so much safety wise in my neighborhood, but I'm clumsy LOL and will trip if I can't see the bumps in the sidewalk.
So, today's tag: What is YOUR fitness minute goal for most days of the week AND how do you use up those minutes? Enquiring minds must know....
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