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Owning my choices

Monday, April 05, 2010

This was the theme of a recent SP email I received, with the following quote:

Our lives are a sum total of the choices we have made.

- Wayne Dyer

Particularly apt as I am looking back to a weekend of choices I made - some good, some not so much. I made the decisions to eat what I ate - good and "bad" - I made the choices to work out - or not workout - and owning those choices and decisions is the only path for me to success in weight loss.

On Easter's past...I would have eaten and binged on candy until I exploded, basically. This year? Nope. In fact, we did't "do" a dinner. We had a regular meal and that was it. Did I have some chocolate? Yep, Yep I did. But it was in moderation and not binging and I am content with my choices.

That being said, I'm faced again right away on Monday with food at work that is not remotely on my plan, anxiety i'm struggling to control, and it would be so easy to not own my choices and say "I'm having a crappy day. I'll eat what I want today and start fresh tomorrow".

The problem with starting fresh with tomorrow is this: It is a lost day. What is a day in a life? Likely not much - but it's more than I want to sacrifice to my health. How many "tomorrows" or "next weeks" have stolen time off my life in obesity and lack of health?

So today, even tho I'd like to hide in bed, eat chocolate and read trashy novels , I choose to remain on my food plan. I choose to drink the water. I choose to sweat. I choose to remain present in my body and in the moment.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEALUNA 4/5/2010 1:33PM

    You can always read trashy novels WHILE you sweat (On a stationary bike, anyway.) or in between the sweating. lol In my opinion, trashy novels are as essential to health as an apple a day! emoticon

Hooray for owning your decisions! I'm finding that this one point is the KEY to everything. The key to getting healthy, mentally and physically. There's something so empowering in making a decision and owning it, for better or for worse.

Here's to owning ourselves! emoticon

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Blue skies, bay-bee...

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Finally, a spring-like day! We usually have 300+ days of sunshine a year....this year? Not so much. Rain, cloud cover and snow have been the hallmarks of the weather. So I'm really glad to see the sky and the sun!

Yesterday I did indeed manage to stay in my guidelines - slightly over in carbs by a few grams, but I'm not going to be legalistic and shoot myself down over it, period. Got the water in to boot! So, today I'm feeling strong and capable and just aiming for more of the same.

Tried to go to Zumba last night...but the instructor "forgot". yay. That was sort of annoying - especially when we dragged ourselves out into the weather to get there - hail and crazy rain/wind. But, we will persevere and go back tonight and see if it works out.

Scale says -1.1 pounds for this week so far. Not bad eh? Gee, keeping in your calorie limits and drinking water and you lose a little weight. who knew..... emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CNICH11 4/1/2010 2:37PM

    emoticon emoticon Do I hear a Woot Woot!! emoticon

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SHEALUNA 4/1/2010 1:45PM

    Go you for staying on track! And an even bigger GO YOU for not being legalistic about a few grams of carbs. And 1.1 pounds? Serious awesomeness!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What is success?

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I stayed within ALL my nutritional goals yesterday for the first time in a really long time. Wasn't too hard all in all and felt pretty darn good this morning when I ran the analyze report etc. Typically for me, something will be off. Too high or too low. Actually, according to what I entered i think I was 33 calories under, but like that $1.23 you can't make balance in your checkbook - I figured not enough to worry about, LOL.

It's also the first day in a really long time I've been honest about every bite that went in my mouth THAT, friends, is the success. Typically, I begin to enter my food enthusiastically, but then either I get freaked out how fast my calories are going (which is perception, really - fear of not having enough) and I either quit tracking all together or conveniently leave off stuff and then I'm afraid, so I don't want to finish tracking for the day.

At least I know what I'm up to, eh? Oh, I know. Believe me, I know. I know myself well. So to know that I tracked every bite and was within all my goals is a big reward.

I don't honestly think I made my water goal however - try as I can, I can't remember drinking more than 6. I'll add some renewed vigor to that effort today along with again tracking every bite.

fear of failure is a crazy thing. I have that one. I also have fear of success- which is a really crazy thing, LOL. if you are afraid of both failure and just can't win or lose, now can you? Working on that. I've worked on it and conquered various forms of it before, but it is insidious - and here I am again. So, celebrating even one day of success is a very good thing.

For me, success (in weight loss and health gaining) is doing many tiny things right, over and over, no matter what the scale says.

What is success (in weight loss and health gaining) to you?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROCKINFOX 3/31/2010 12:19PM

    You definitely nailed my issue there. Sometimes I don't want to track my food because I know that the food tracker will yell at me. Not really, but you know what I mean. emoticon

Congrats for staying on track and being honest about what all you eat!! I think that is an accomplishment in itself.

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SHEALUNA 3/31/2010 11:36AM

    I am so with you on the fear of failure AND the fear of success! It's something I've been working on for awhile now and I'm sure will continue to do so.

HURRAY for you for being honest with yourself about what you put in your body. One day at a time turns into a lifetime of good habits. GO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For me, success in weight loss is all about the pants. A few years ago when I was still living in Portland I had to make a run for the MAX and my jeans literally dropped off my hips and down my bum and would have continued to the ground if I hadn't grabbed them and held on for dear life! That is success in weight loss!

Success in health is much more subtle. It's waking up rested and full of energy. It's not getting a cold or flu every time I turn around. It's feeling good about my choices, just like you feel good right now about yours!

Rock on, my Sparkly friend!!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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PRYDEQUEEN 3/31/2010 9:56AM

    Keep celebrating the small successes! For the water, I drink 4 cups in the morning before I leave for work, 2 cups at lunch and 2 on the way home. By the time I get home in the evening I have reached my goal and simply add more water at dinner! Took me a while but now it is a good habit. Just sharing!

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No witty title

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Not happy with my weigh in. I had some things to eat last week that were certainly not on my plan and they made that known today when I stepped on the scale. A small bump in the road, no more - no less.

My goal today is to get the water down. Why that is so hard for me, I do not know. So, I'm making it today's priority - followed only by staying within my calorie range. If I can manage BOTH on the same day, I'll be a happy camper.

Longing for a little road trip. Portland...and Powell's City of Books. A city block and mmm five? stories of book goodness - new and used all together. I could (and have) spent an entire day there. If you are a book lover, well, it's nirvana to me. Locally, we have a Barnes and Noble, a couple of independants and a few used. I've tried to frequent the independants because I BELIEVE in books - but they are so small and I read so much, they rarely have anything I want. I DO try to order from them tho when I can't find something I'm dying for. I'm spoiled by Powell's tho, and I haven't been for months - and as I recall the last time we were in a hurry. Hurry + bookstore is not my way.

I was reading Shealuna's page (
SHEALUNA) about her writing and discovered we like the same authors and that prompts me to ask - what do YOU read? I pretty much exclusively read Urban Fantasy. I read Mysteries for about 10 years and I'm sorta burned out on those, LOL. I also like self-help/improvement stuff. No romance. UGH. Some biographies, that kinda thing. Favorite author, hands down, Kim Harrison for her Hallows series. Best. Series. EVAH. Quickly followed by Rachel Caine, Kelly Armstrong, CE Murphy...and the list goes on.

What do YOU read? Do tell.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATCHAGIRL 3/31/2010 12:42PM

    Amazingly and unfortunately, I do not read books. (Side note, I can actually read, just never got into it ;) ).

My comment is about you having trouble drinking water. :)

First off, you shouldn't look at drinking it as a "chore", but rather an enjoyment. The best thing for me is a water cooler. If you don't have one at home, you should invest the money, and if you don't have one at work, you should talk your employer into getting one! They are not that expensive and it sure makes drinking water a lot easier!

I use one of those big coffee 16oz mugs that you would get at a gas station or 7-11. After I finish my coffee, I fill her up and just drink on it as if I would a soda or any other drink. I just keep refilling it with the nice cold water from the cooler all day and don't drink anything else during the day. I'm able to manage 8-10 8oz. cups a day with ease.

It's basically taken the place of all other drinks I would normally have during the day. I absolutely LOVE my water, but it wasn't always like that! emoticon

GOOD LUCK with it and staying on track! emoticon

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SHEALUNA 3/30/2010 11:09AM

    Well, you KNOW what I read. emoticon Same as you on the Urban Fantasy front. I've recently discovered several authors in the genre who are new to me so I'm enjoying them. Also luuuurve the mysteries and action/adventure thrillers. (James Rollins... WOOT!)

And I love, love, LOVE Powell's!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss it so much. There is nothing in the whole of London that even comes close! I swear, Powell's is a bibliophile's wet dream!

Happy browsing and even happier reading!

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Rainy, blah Monday

Monday, March 29, 2010

Well, it's Monday in all it's glory. Rainy, windy, cold weather. Ick.

My 16 yo was scoped and biopsied Friday and results are in: Eosinophilic esophagitis causing a severe narrowing of the esophagus and subsequent constant choking episodes. It's a result of allergies - the allergies cause inflammation and scar tissue to form in the esophagus. We're looking at long term meds, allergy testing, possible diet modification etc. Just what an asthmatic teen wants, to be even more "different". But I'm relieved there is a reason behind all of this suffering she's had and things we can do to change that.

Again, it brings me to FOOD. How we are supposed to eat to nourish our bodies - and the various pitfalls we can slide into from not trying, trying weird things, etc. The cabbage soup diet comes to mind, LOL. The whole Eat Less, Move More theory is GREAT - sometimes. It's not always easy on a day-to-day basis, is it? Holidays, special meals, failing to prepare and having healthy go-to items around at all times...the reasons I slip on my eating are too many to mention. Over and over, I have found myself feeling obessessed with food because I'm trying to lose weight.

Obsessed with the numbers...calories, fat, carbs. Obsessively counting, rearranging, etc. Often with very little results to show for a lot of angst and counting. We've all been on "diets" or "food plans" where we attempt to stay below a certain number...number of calories, number of fat grams, number of can sure lead to crazy making sometimes. Even Weight Watchers - I didn't count the usual things, but it was still counting - counting points.

Our ancestors didn't count. they had to run around and catch their food or toil the day long to harvest it...and obesity was rare. today, our food can be instant and almost lethal in it's combination of fat/sugar/chemicals.

When I did WW...and the medically supervised fast...and the Atkin's diet...and all of them really, even just counting what I ate here at Spark - the more I look at the food numbers, the more obsessed I get with the numbers and the less satisfied I am with what i've eaten. I stay hungry - miserable.

I wonder about lapband sometimes. I have a friend who had it and lost 100+ pounds. Great eh? Sure, except if she eats more than 1/2 cup of food at a sitting she vomits - and this has been a recurring thing for 3+ years. I'm not so fond of throwing up. Think after three years of it I'd be a nut case. Lapband is out of my price range, not covered by my insurance and to me, somewhat drastic. Then again, carrying 240ish pounds on a 5 foot frame is pretty drastic too. I know other people who think of it as "cheating" - the "easy" way to lose weight - like it's not valid because they didn't do it the hard way. Frankly, I think throwing up for years is not the easy way, LOL. I think being limited to 1/4 to 1/2 cup food FOR LIFE is not the "easy way". But that's just me...

I'm obviously not srriously considering it because it's not a feasible consideration for me. How about you? Ever thought about it? Have you had it? If you had a free coupon for lapband today, would you do it? Interested in hearing other's thoughts on this.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CNICH11 3/30/2010 10:26AM

    No, i wouldn't do it either and now that i read about the throwing up, for sure not. It's not normal. I go through obsession at times, what I have learned to start doing is using a salad plate so there is less food, that way I can clean my plate and not feel guilty. The mind is a powerful thing and the way we think about food plays on our emotions. Girl, just take it one meal at a time! Have a great day and keep being Fabulous! emoticon

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SHEALUNA 3/29/2010 5:22PM

    Nope I wouldn't. Not a snowball's chance in Hawaii. For the exact reasons... eating 1/4 cup to 1/2 cup in one sitting, puking all the time. And when it goes wrong it goes VERY wrong. I saw a special on one woman who ended up having to puree every thing for the rest of her life. No thank you very much.

But I have a friend who did it and for her it was the right choice. If it saves your life or makes it better quality, then great. You've got to do what's right for you. It just is very wrong for me.

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MCCALI59 3/29/2010 5:17PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/29/2010 5:17:55 PM

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