Friday, April 09, 2010
The office has been awash with food all week, and today seems to be the culmination. Candy goodies etc. I've done pretty well just walking right by it all. It's an odd conundrum - the dieting group and the group bringing in food left and right.
Yesterday, there was a big discussion about how "everyone" was on a diet. I just kept working and frankly tried to stay out of the discussion. I am pretty much one of the biggest women here. "What diet are YOU on Lisa?" one gal asked when everyone was listing their diet of choice. I just smiled and said, "you know I'm working on just making healthy food choices and moving my body - you know, balance basically" because I've mentioned Sparkpeople to every single one of these ladies at one point or another and as soon as they found out it was couting calories and working out, they were not interested, LOL. They all looked at me and I felt.....well, it felt like...
It felt like judgement - but that could well be my own garbage. Judgement that I'm not dieting with them or talking about it or something, I dunno.
After years (literally) of dieting, after trying so many things - I am hesitant to talk about my weight loss efforts. I know - they say tell people what you are doing to stay accountable. Do you know how many times I did that....and failed miserably? I'm much happier just doing it, walking the walk of food in vs food out and not yapping about it. If I lose, I tell my partner or a close friend, if I struggle I talk to them, etc. I don't have a need for the entire building to know I'm doing something.
Feels like a TON of pressure. Right now it seems that everyone is watching what everyone else is doing, eating, etc. Like being under a microscope.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Oh man. Spring has sprung (in our hearts if not the weather) - and my workplace is full of dieting women....complete with "my way is the best way" attitudes and comparison/competition in full swing.
A large contingence is doing Atkins. Not of fan of Atkins, personally. Watching them tons of cheese, hardboiled eggs and bacon has been interesting to say the least. I don't give my opinions - if anyone asks I'll tell them I think it's just a much too high fat diet (the way they are doing it anyway) for me, thanks.
then there's the South Beach gals. I feel so deprived on SB it's not funny and I end up binging. Is that my failure or the diet's failure? Doesn't matter to me, because I am not successful with it.
I'm behind these women making healthy choices and I've mentioned spark people then let it go. If Atkins/SB works for them, I'm really pleased for them. I just know it's not for me. SP has given me the tools I need and when I use the tools I lose weight. Good enough.
Monday, April 05, 2010
This was the theme of a recent SP email I received, with the following quote:
Our lives are a sum total of the choices we have made.
- Wayne Dyer
Particularly apt as I am looking back to a weekend of choices I made - some good, some not so much. I made the decisions to eat what I ate - good and "bad" - I made the choices to work out - or not workout - and owning those choices and decisions is the only path for me to success in weight loss.
On Easter's past...I would have eaten and binged on candy until I exploded, basically. This year? Nope. In fact, we did't "do" a dinner. We had a regular meal and that was it. Did I have some chocolate? Yep, Yep I did. But it was in moderation and not binging and I am content with my choices.
That being said, I'm faced again right away on Monday with food at work that is not remotely on my plan, anxiety i'm struggling to control, and it would be so easy to not own my choices and say "I'm having a crappy day. I'll eat what I want today and start fresh tomorrow".
The problem with starting fresh with tomorrow is this: It is a lost day. What is a day in a life? Likely not much - but it's more than I want to sacrifice to my health. How many "tomorrows" or "next weeks" have stolen time off my life in obesity and lack of health?
So today, even tho I'd like to hide in bed, eat chocolate and read trashy novels , I choose to remain on my food plan. I choose to drink the water. I choose to sweat. I choose to remain present in my body and in the moment.
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Finally, a spring-like day! We usually have 300+ days of sunshine a year....this year? Not so much. Rain, cloud cover and snow have been the hallmarks of the weather. So I'm really glad to see the sky and the sun!
Yesterday I did indeed manage to stay in my guidelines - slightly over in carbs by a few grams, but I'm not going to be legalistic and shoot myself down over it, period. Got the water in to boot! So, today I'm feeling strong and capable and just aiming for more of the same.
Tried to go to Zumba last night...but the instructor "forgot". yay. That was sort of annoying - especially when we dragged ourselves out into the weather to get there - hail and crazy rain/wind. But, we will persevere and go back tonight and see if it works out.
Scale says -1.1 pounds for this week so far. Not bad eh? Gee, keeping in your calorie limits and drinking water and you lose a little weight. who knew.....
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I stayed within ALL my nutritional goals yesterday for the first time in a really long time. Wasn't too hard all in all and felt pretty darn good this morning when I ran the analyze report etc. Typically for me, something will be off. Too high or too low. Actually, according to what I entered i think I was 33 calories under, but like that $1.23 you can't make balance in your checkbook - I figured not enough to worry about, LOL.
It's also the first day in a really long time I've been honest about every bite that went in my mouth THAT, friends, is the success. Typically, I begin to enter my food enthusiastically, but then either I get freaked out how fast my calories are going (which is perception, really - fear of not having enough) and I either quit tracking all together or conveniently leave off stuff and then I'm afraid, so I don't want to finish tracking for the day.
At least I know what I'm up to, eh? Oh, I know. Believe me, I know. I know myself well. So to know that I tracked every bite and was within all my goals is a big reward.
I don't honestly think I made my water goal however - try as I can, I can't remember drinking more than 6. I'll add some renewed vigor to that effort today along with again tracking every bite.
fear of failure is a crazy thing. I have that one. I also have fear of success- which is a really crazy thing, LOL. if you are afraid of both failure and success...you just can't win or lose, now can you? Working on that. I've worked on it and conquered various forms of it before, but it is insidious - and here I am again. So, celebrating even one day of success is a very good thing.
For me, success (in weight loss and health gaining) is doing many tiny things right, over and over, no matter what the scale says.
What is success (in weight loss and health gaining) to you?
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