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Yet another Monday post...

Monday, April 26, 2010

I had a great weekend! Shopping, time with friends, bellydance....Good times all around.

I feel inspired for dance again, which is a very good thing...

Also had a very good moment when I put on my costume.....and had to nab washcloths from the hotel bathroom to fill out the bra and my overskirt...lliterally fell right off me - right to the floor. I've not worn my costume for about 2 this was a very good feeling. Through the magic of saftey pin technology, LOL the skirt stayed on during the performance. That the costume is "suddenly" too big is a great affirmation that things are changing body wise.

Which has also left me more motivated for health/weight loss and that is a very good thing....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAPPY_HANK 4/26/2010 4:32PM


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JULIEIRENE 4/26/2010 10:44AM

    Yay for a great weekend and for loose clothes! That is amazing, lady! It sounds like you are doing really well! I am especially happy to hear you say you are inspired to dance again. Beautiful!

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KRO-BAR 4/26/2010 10:38AM

    emoticon Congrats!!

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PRYDEQUEEN 4/26/2010 9:49AM

    You are doing it! emoticon

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SHEALUNA 4/26/2010 9:37AM

Rock on! Don't you just love safety pin technology!

Glad you had a great weekend and are feeling the inspiration!

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Happy Monday...

Monday, April 19, 2010

Had a great weekend....dinner and a movie out with new friends, got to spend time with my sweetie, had a pretty relaxing day Sunday...all in all, a great weekend! Got my hair touched up and nails done - helps me to feel more positive when I look in the mirror when I know I look my best.

Today, had a 2 pound weight loss from last week and that felt really good - loss the last 2 weigh ins means I'm being consistent and that's often my pitfall. So all in all, pretty good stuff.

This is a short work week for me and I'm very excited about that, lol! After months of working 6 days a week, having a bit of time off is very exciting, LOL. We will take off for Portland Friday through Saturday. My dance troupe will perform at a dance festival on Saturday and we'll be packing the weekend with some great fun - watching a ton of bellydance at the festival, hitting Pasha's restaurant in downtown Portland for some professional bellydance goodness, a trip to Powell's City of Books, and general shopping in fun stores we do not have in my little rural town. Can't quite express my pleasure - we've not been out of town really in months and when you live in a rural area, it's pretty exciting to go to the big city, LOL.

Still working on 10k steps a day. My it's a slow progression - and of course that annoys me, I want it to be perfect 10 K now, right now! But I'm having steady improvement and that's got to be good enough.

Time to get off the computer and get ready for the day. here's hoping for some sunshine today, for me and for you, wherever you may be.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRYDEQUEEN 4/19/2010 11:32AM

    Way to go! So glad you are had a wonderful weekend and are gearing up for some fun! You so deserve all of this!

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SHEALUNA 4/19/2010 10:56AM

    You are full of AWESOME and WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Way to go on your weight loss. Consistency is key for me, too. I've definitely struggled with that, but I think I'm getting there. emoticon

I am sooooo jealous about your upcoming trip to Powells. So, so, so jealous! lol

I hope you have a FABULOUS time! Hurray for short work weeks!

BTW, because I am a nosy git, which town are you from? My mom is from Culver, can you believe? lol And my uncle was Chief of Police of Prineville for umpteen jillion years before he retired. Small world, eh?

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JULIEIRENE 4/19/2010 10:28AM

    Hey Lady! I am so glad to hear you had such a good weekend and are feeling good about yourself! What a gift! :) Sorry I've not been as good about checking in lately, but I appreciate your comments and support so much. Keep up the great work!

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CNICH11 4/19/2010 10:20AM

    2 lbs? You definetly need some emoticon and a great BIG your emoticon! Have a wonderful day!

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A mental health day

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I took today off from work.

I never take days off work. Granted, I planned it, LOL. I didn't call in sick or anything - I'm just taking a vacation day.

specifically chose today - partner at school almost all day, kids in school all day.

That means, my introvert can be fed by what it craves most - silence. Just me and the dog. No TV, no radio on in the background. If I practice the routine for our upcoming performance, the music will be on but it will be intentional, you know?

I need silence, alone time, on a regular basis or I get overdone....anxious...depressed. I love people, I love my family, but I finally learned in my 30's - I really need alone time or i get worn thin and I turn into a complete witch. With the nature of life lately, I've had no alone time. I've also been forced to be more outgoing than usual due to training someone at work and that has taken a toll on me.

See, I can fake it really well. I teach dance classes and I perform and I train people at work and blah blah blah...and people assume I'm an outgoing kinda gal. Nope. Not. It takes a tremendous amount of energy for me to be social for long stretches when I'm not getting that alone time to recharge.

So today is my day to recharge. A day of silence, doing a few chores, reading, walking the dog, dance practice...and probably a very nice nap, LOL.

I didn't make it to zumba last night and was really disappointed. Even more disappointed when I saw I was no where near 10K steps at the end of the day. It's a new goal to restart and I'm going to work on adding 10% a day to get it up there. Because of course my first thought was I'll walk 3 x a day and THAT will get me to 10k. That is totally unreasonable considering my life. 10% increase, now that is reasonable.

Enjoy your day - or evening - if you're across the pond. Hugs.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEALUNA 4/15/2010 11:09AM

    I know exactly where you're coming from. Most people, even ones who know me well, believe me to be an extrovert. I'm not. I'm very much an introvert. While I am a total city girl and love the energy and excitement all the people buzzing about create (Guess why I love living in one of the most densely populated cities on the planet!), without a great deal of what my cousin calls my "puttering time", I would go stark raving nuts!

Huzzah for mental health days! Enjoy yours! emoticon

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NEWYEARME 4/15/2010 10:52AM

    I too need an occasional ME day... No one else in the house but me. I think I'm about due for one of those REALLY soon!!!!

Walking three times a day is probably not reasonable (I know it wouldn't be for me). Just do your best... That's all we can do.


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PRYDEQUEEN 4/15/2010 10:48AM

    I totally understand this! I MUST retreat to my "cave" as my partner calls it on a regular basis! I so crave my quiet! Enjoy your time!

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Reflection on a year

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

April 13, 2009 I walked into Jenny Craig and said "Help". I needed a jumpstart to my weight loss...I needed accountability.. I needed help figuring out what real portions were.

I was 45 years old and I weighed my all-time high, 255.5 pounds. At just under 5' 1", my BMI was 48.2.

I tend to want miracles and want them RIGHT NOW, thank you very much! Don't we all in weight loss?

This was a year of up and down - emotionally and on the scale. I did Jenny Craig for 3 months. I learned a lot through it and I don't regret it.

Today, I weigh 240.5 and dropped from a size 24 to a size 20 pants.

This is not miraculous by any means. The perfectionist part of me is disgusted and says "that's hardly anything!"

I'm telling my inner perfectionist to shut up and simply be pleased I lost 15 pounds this year. No, it's not a dramatic "Biggest Loser" kinda loss....but it's a loss.

I'm back on working toward 10K steps a day, I've added a weekly Zumba class into the mix. I now eat an average of 5 fruits and veggies a day and I no longer get drive through coffees. My portions are smaller and my pants are smaller.

I'd like to lose a lot more weight. But I'm not willing or able to make myself crazy over it. Slow is better than not at all.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Stay focused. Keep going. And you will get there!

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SHEALUNA 4/14/2010 2:24PM

    Slow IS better. It's been proven that weight loss done slowly over time is more likely to stay, um, LOST!
Huzzah for 15 pounds gone!
Huzzah for smaller pants!
Huzzah for better nutritional decisions.
Huzzah for Zumba! emoticon
You shake it, girl. Like a Polaroid picture! emoticon

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Defining Depression

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

People are interesting. If three people witness a car wreck...a robbery...even a party or event, there will be subtle (or not so subtle!) differences in their recollection of events. "He was wearing a red shirt with blue stripes" "No, the stripes were white!" etc. Three people can watch an evening of television and one will say "OMG, Modern Family is the funniest show on TV!" The second may say it was boring and the third may pronounce it "total crap! Worst show I ever saw!"

We have varying tastes. We have varying perceptions of what is "reality". We see and hear things - the same thing everyone in the room heard - but we process it differently, assign it different importance or credence. It's part of our individuality - why there is more than one kind of music, one kind of fiction, one kind of religion or political party - we like different things, we perceive things differently, we have different belief systems.

If you asked those three people what depression was - you'd likely get three different answers - not to mention three different opinions on how to deal with it. "Take it easy. Take extra good care of yourself right now." "Have you thought about medication?" "BUCK UP SOLDIER!! You think your life is tough? Well I don't know what you think you have to be depressed about!"

Those of us who live with depression - chronic, sometimes low-level underlying depression....sometimes I-can't-stop-crying-all-I-can-do-is-sleep depression....hear so many variants on the above themes about this ever-present thing in our lives. Consider depression like a disease - Crohn's or asthma or what have you. You may not be having a flare today, but that doesn't mean it's gone, does it? You still have the asthma or the Crohn's....but today perhaps you aren't affected by it - today, life is "normal". Tomorrow could be a totally different story and your every waking hour you could be incredibly aware of your condition.

That is how I find life with depression to be. Life with post-traumatic stress disorder. One day could be fine, the next day could be painful in the extreme - racing thoughts, anxiety attack...tears that won't stop. Or...days of low-level just pushing through to make it through the day - not crying, not obviously depressed....but it's there. I see it in my thought processes, my lack of motivation or absence of what my grandma liked to call her "get up and go". She'd say when she was tired "I don't have any get up and go!"

So where am I going with all this? Heck if I know. I write here to put my thoughts in order - tho sometimes there may seem to be little order to the finished product. I'm working on defining my depression....defining what helps it....defining what exacerbates it. Realizing that some people will never, ever get it. They see depression as "self pity". Do I have self pity? Well, yeah! I'm human...I think we all do at times. But that's not how I define my depression. Self pity is a very different feeling from depression. My depression tends to be associated with over-stress, anniversary dates of childhood abuse (which yep, you guessed of those is here on my mental doorstep)...and holidays.

Self pity is associated with not getting what I want, LOL. To me, not the same thing. To you, perhaps it's the same thing.

"I tell you, the shirt had blue stripes!!" "Maybe you need glasses, buddy, cause the stripes were WHITE!"

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUZHOPE 4/13/2010 11:06AM

  Having lived with depression and PTSD for many years (many, many of them undiagnosed), I get EXACTLY where you're coming from. Most days are good days, others, well, not so much. 99% of the time I live a very "normal" life and even the not-so-good days are ok. But, every so often, the PTSD flares up and wowzer, not so much fun. The thing is, I really wish I could learn to recognize the flare-ups before and during, instead of after. It would make my life (and the lives of my boyfriend and son) so much easier. But, it is what it is. I've taken meds, they're helpful in getting me over the "bumps" but mostly, I choose not to be and to try to manage it without. Mostly, I'm successful. And you are absolutely right, self-pity it is not. Even situational depression is different than chronic depression. And unless you live with it, it's really hard to understand and explain to others what it's like. You're not alone in this, though, and if you need a hand up, let me know :)

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SHEALUNA 4/13/2010 10:52AM

    "Dude! You need to get your glasses fixed. Those were RED stripes!"

You are so dead-on with this post. I am so blessed not to suffer from chronic depression, but I have friends who do. I very much come from a "Buck up and suck it up" background where depression is a "symptom" of "not believing enough". Instead of realizing that depression is a imbalance of chemicals in the brain and therefore an illness, it was seen as a result of that person "not having enough faith" and "giving in" to depression was a weakness.

Pity parties, now those I have indulged in once or twice. emoticon lol

My wish for you is that you find whatever works best to help you. That as you grow physically healthier, this effects your depression in a positive way. And that when those who don't understand tell you to "buck up", you ignore them and realize they don't know jack. Or maybe, just flip them off! emoticon

And remember, when your get up and go, gets up and leaves, your Sparkly Peeps have always got your back. This one does, anyway!

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