NOREGRET2010   49,499
40,000-49,999 SparkPoints
NOREGRET2010's Recent Blog Entries

Whirlwind of thoughts...

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

1) Motivation and consistency in weight loss - I'm feeling this getting shoved to the background of my attention due to "busy-ness" - extra work hours, kid activities that need my attention/presence, prepping for dance stuff.

2) Labels. I was challenged in how I think about myself and others this week, and it's not sitting well with me. As a "late bloomer" lesbian, I've gone through stages of trying not to be gay, accepting my queerness, being (for me) radical about it, becoming blase and jaded about it, LOL, and wanting a label I could identify with....and saying Don't you be labeling me buster!! All in the space of 12 years. This week, my tree was shaken again and my thoughts are swirling on my identity, why I need labels, hate labels, refuse to be labeled, label, yeah.

3) One word: Menopause. I can't lie to myself anymore, I'm perimenopausal and have the freaking hot flashes to prove it. My skin is dry and itchy, I'm emotional all the effing time, and while I certainly (after 4 children) do not mourn the loss of fertility or anything like that....have to admit I am aging. I believe Old is what you make it..and I have the genetics to live to 100 healthfully - if I get control of my weight. But the whole M thing? This sucks. Don't like it.

Those are all the thoughts that are whirling in my head like a high-speed blender - all the time. Not sleeping well...did I mention hot flashes? grrr.

That's me, in a nutshell. C'mon Friday. I'm ready.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JULIEIRENE 5/19/2010 10:22AM

    Happy Hump Day! You'll make it through! I am hearing you - motivation and consistency have had downward momentum for me the past 2 weeks; I'm trying to get it turned back around the other direction! And as for labels, I've always liked the saying, "Labels are for jars!" :) They have their use and purpose but do little to capture the full and layered complexity of a human individual. Good luck on your continued journey of self-exploration and claiming!

Report Inappropriate Comment

You can lead a horse to water....

Monday, May 17, 2010

but you can't make him use his potential.

My "horse" is my 14 year old son. Mike is freaking over the world smart. But he won't do his homework. Period. He a rug. "there wasn't any today (or the last five months...). "I did it in class". When asked how a particular class is going, he can tell you the subject matter in depth. He gets it. but he will not put pen to paper to save his life, literally. I have been fighting this battle for 5 years. This is not my first kid....he's my fourth. I'm not an inexperienced parent...I've done everything traditionally done in ths situation, I've been creative in finding solutions too....some things have not made a tiny dent. Other things worked for a brief time, but then he reverted back to his comfort zone of doing no homework. He has C's...because he can ace the tests, but the no homework pulls his grade down. I've heard it all from his teachers, from what a great kid he is, how smart to some teachers really loathing him.

I've felt like a failure, I've felt helpless - the whole spectrum. I've had so much well-meaning advice....right up to "Well, MY kid would just do it because i wouldn't accept anything less!" People thinking I'm "too soft" or what have you. Walk a mile in these shoes buddy...that's all I have to say to that.

today, I sat down with him and looked him in the eye and said "I'm here for you. I'll do whatever you need to help you be successful, but you are the only one who can do this mike". I set some parameters - he's lost some privelideges and I have contacted his teachers to find out exacty what the homework is so that I don't have to hear "there wasn't any!" But overall, the ball is in his court. Pick it up and play....or find yourself repeating the 8th grade.

I was struck this a.m., when I spoke to him about potential...about just doing it - that it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to get I do the same thing with my health. I don't wanna do my health "homework" either. So as I spoke to him, my own words sunk in a little to myself as well.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEALUNA 5/19/2010 7:27AM

    Man, he reminds me of a friend I had "back in the day" (We won't talk about just how far back.) She literally had a genius IQ, could pretty much ace any test put in front of her, yet barely managed to graduate high school. Why? She was bored. She couldn't be asked to do her homework because it bored her to tears.

Frankly I blame schools who like to shove everyone in neat little boxes. We are not all the same.

Talk about a moment of enlightenment, though, eh? lol (Trust me, I am SO with you on the whole health homework thing!) Hopefully you BOTH learned something good from this little life lesson. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRYDEQUEEN 5/17/2010 9:43AM

    Funny how we find our words are sometimes meant for our ears too.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Weekend! and thoughts on college at 46

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Ah....the weekend. Sitting in my pjs drinking coffee and fooling around on the web.

Register for fall classes at 9:30 a.m. After a year of part time college, I'm thinking about chaning directions. I started out wanting to get a psych degree....and now..I'm not so sure. I was encouraged to think about what I could do if there were no barriers......and that was easy. I'd teach adults - preferably in a higher ed setting. I love working with women in a dance teacher I seem to end up being coach....therapist...all rolled up into one. I'd like to explore that more in a setting that I can continue in my over 50 years.

while I plan on continuing to dance until i die .... I'm realistic enough to know with my arthritis, I may not want to teach for 20 more years. The choice may be taken from me by the arthritis issues.

I have some old tapes that play about why am I going to college at 46 anyway? Education, specifically education for women, was not encouraged in my family. "Good" women got married, popped out kidEs, and did church activities. "Too much" education was to be avoided, because well...then you might have questions about that plan! Needless to say, individual thought (again, especially for women) was not encouraged.

I can hear my dad saying it's a waste of money. I can hear my grandma, mom and aunts clucking about how some cousin or other who went to collge and got non-family sanctioned ideas was "too smart for her own good".

So in moments of fatigue...or when my brain hurts from homework....I wonder, what the H#!! do I think I'm doing? Especially now that my goals are evolving and I'm moving away from counseling to teaching higher ed, which would require at the very least a know, MORE school!

Other than registering today...chores, walking Bijou the wonder dachshund, hitting a movie with friends....and some dedicated self care time...did I mention chores?, LOL. the sun is shining ...and that is a glorious thing.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

UZIMAA 5/19/2010 3:13PM

    I applaud you! You have as much time as you want to give yourself to find your life's work. That's what's important. YOUR life's work. Not your mom's, your auntie's, your friend's, mine or anybody else's. YOUR life's work!

As for me, I've had 3 do-overs so far, and am now embarking on number 4. ::sigh::

You go for it! Keep us posted, okay?

Report Inappropriate Comment

    Good for you! It is NEVER too late. If you have a pulse, there's time. In one year, you'll only be a year older - with or without a degree. Which would you rather? is always my question.

It is tough. Some women our age were discouraged from education. Others were encouraged but only IF they lived up to other people's ideas (i.e., study what we want you to). It's time for us ladies to follow our hearts.

Go for it, and don't worry about your goals changing. That is GREAT because the market changes. In my case? 4 graduate degrees, 30 years of humanitarian work (read: psych) = no money to keep a roof over my head and insulin in my cat. I don't regret all the patients I healed, though I could have skipped the broken bones and uglier injuries. Soooo, at age 49, I will be starting an A.S. in Nursing! Yay, med/surg and anesthesia!

We'll keep motivating each other! We can do it! Teaching is a fabulous idea!

emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
FSTORM 5/19/2010 8:21AM

    I sympathize with you, I'm getting ready to go back to school again myself. I did my AA on a part time basis and it took 3.5 years--now I'm going back for the BA. Sometimes the thought is overwhelming. But, you need to do what's right for you and more education can only help! Keep on keepin' on!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHEALUNA 5/19/2010 7:30AM

    I think it's AWESOME you are going back to school and doing what you want to do. My cousin recently got her Masters at 42. It's NEVER too late.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRO-BAR 5/17/2010 9:59AM

    I agree with PRYDEQ...your voice is the only one that matters! I didn't finish my undergrad until I was 32!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRESONNA_SUE 5/15/2010 12:06PM

    Our family members and loved ones simply reflect our own decisions.

Do what gives you purpose and live your passion.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRYDEQUEEN 5/15/2010 11:27AM

    Go for it! What about school counseling for higher ed? And tell those voices to step aside! That kind of thinking just does not work for anyone!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PAYDAY10 5/15/2010 11:02AM


Report Inappropriate Comment


Friday, May 14, 2010

You know when it's been one of THOSE weeks....hellacious busy at work and you are SO ready to be anywhere BUT your place of employement?

Picture that feeling. I know you can.

Now picture that one coworker that sorta makes you nuts. Come on, we all have one....

My example of that scenario is right in my face this a.m. She has a NEED to control. I have a need NOT to be controlled by her, LOL. Those two needs are clashing.

It's been a very long week, and I fear my patience is thinned. I'm trying to ask myself, "Is this important? Is it important enough for me to take a stand on it? Why is it annoying me so much? Can't I just let it go and smile and nod and walk on?"

Actually, I already know the answer. This woman reminds me so much of my mother (my schizophrenic, passive-aggressive, sugary-sweet-to-your-face-baracuda-behind-
your-back mother) and it triggers the h#%# out of me.

So I'm trying to discern - is this an issue where I really NEED to stand up to her, or is it simply annoying me because of her resemblance to my mother and that makes me want to put her in her place?

Right now, I decided that I would A) Write about it, because that tends to help me order my thoughts, B) Breathe breathe breathe, C) Remind myself that I dislike it when I act no better than her simply because I've been triggered into it, and D) Remind myself I only have 7 hours and 15 minutes left of this week.

OY. How do YOU deal with your "trigger" person? Do tell. Before I melt down.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEALUNA 5/19/2010 7:34AM

    HAHA! Well, obviously this comes too late to help you on that particular day (Oh, for a time machine!).

I had a similar person at my place of employment-which-is-no-more. Add to the above that he considered me inferior because a) I am a woman and b) I am white (more specifically non-Indian), despite the fact that I actually held a technically higher position then he did (though in a different dept.). Actually, come to think of it, that's probably what p*ssed him off most! lol

To be honest, I never did learn how to deal very well. He would push and push and push until I finally snapped. And then he'd keep pushing. Eventually I realized the ONLY thing to do was walk away (fortunately my desk was in another room). If he kept following, I'd just head for the ladies room. Not sure you have that option, unfortunately.

Report Inappropriate Comment

No margarita for me...

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

I am for all intents and purposes, a very light drinker. I may have 6 drinks a year. This is likely the result of being married to a ragin' alcoholic for 14+ years, and a lot of early training on the evils of alcohol, LOL.

I do however, enjoy an occassional margarita...and being Cinco de Mayo...well, that makes me think of chips and salsa and margaritas! But...I'm going to resist. I've noted when I drink...I seem to snack so it's not just the alcohol that's adding's anything else within reach that I can cram into my mouth. So...I think I'll skip the celebrations and go home.

Been a hard week, and yes, I do know it's only Wednesday! Lots of stress = mindless food shoveling so I've been working daily on being really aware of when I'm eating, and why I'm eating. Am I really hungry? Or is there just food there so I unthinkingly shove it in my face?

Mindless eating has undoubtly been responsible for some of the weight I'm packing around. You take two cookies. You're doing several things...and suddenly you realize, hey, the cookies are gone! I didn't remember eating them, and I don't feel satisfied, so I'll have two more! and it goes on and on.

So paying attention? That needs to be a daily focus. Not eating and watching tv, or reading or doing other stuff that so absorbs me, I'm not aware of putting food in my mouth, chewing and swallowing.

Do you eat mindlessly? Any tips or tricks? Do tell!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEALUNA 5/19/2010 7:41AM

    Oooohhh... the evils of alcohol! I am SO familiar with that! lol

Mindless eating... GUILTY!

I used to bring snacks in front of the telly... say a package of cookies or a pint of ice cream. It would be gone long before the end of the show and it was like... where'd that go?

So now, if I need a snack (as in being actually hungry) I go prepare something... usually fresh fruit or some yogurt. And while I do still eat it in front of the telly, it's a) being eaten because I'm hungry NOT bored and b) is being served in a single portion NOT the whole bag/box. And I don't go back for more. Didn't realize I ate it? Tough cookies. That's all I'm getting.

Also, when I'm working and need a snack/meal, I STOP and go get something to eat and eat it BEFORE returning to work. That way I know I've eaten and I'm aware of what I've eaten. I've also taken a very necessary break.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CES414 5/6/2010 4:29PM

    Sounds like me with the chips. Where did the bag go? emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRESONNA_SUE 5/5/2010 8:48PM

    May I ask if you go off program with food often? Are you worth the effort it would take to not do that?

Silly questions I know, and maybe not.


Report Inappropriate Comment
MARGO1966 5/5/2010 6:04PM

    I had to laugh at the comment about the cookies -
I didn't remember eating them, and I don't feel satisfied, so I'll have two more!
That is SO me! LOL I thought I was the only one who did that!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALLISONVM 5/5/2010 4:46PM

    I do all of the things that you mentioned above as well - increased snacking while drinking, and mindless eating. Lately I have also been trying to question myself whenever I reach for something to eat. Am I really hungry, or am I reaching for food to satisfy some other need or emotion? It's not easy to always be aware so good for you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MNNICE 5/5/2010 4:36PM

    Yes, I do that too, but what's even worse is when you KNOW you have eaten half a box of cookies and decide "what the heck - might as well finish it off now!" I enjoy a margarita now and then too, but if I had my druthers, I'll take a Dairy Queen blizzard, chocolate, etc. over alcohol any day! Hang in there -- being conscious of the mindless eating is the first step in overcoming it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRINA777 5/5/2010 4:30PM

    P.S. I do the same when I drink, I guess no margarita for me either. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRINA777 5/5/2010 4:29PM

    I do, I do. I think your thoughts are in line with a lot of our thoughts too. Its so easy to eat just because its there, or because its something to do. Thats my problem, I tend to eat when I'm bored. Which you would think would be easy enough to remedy...just stay busy, right? I feel trapped a lot, and lack the ambition and organization to get a hobby that I can do with my 3 year old running around.
So, my tips (these have worked for me so far), would be to drink lots of water, chew gum, or snack on light popcorn (or veggies, etc.)
Good luck to you! Thanks for sharing!

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 Last Page