Wednesday, July 07, 2010
I say it often, "people are odd"...and I'm pretty aware I'm probably odd too.
We have varied levels of social skills. We all know at least one person that is "difficult". We say things like they "mean well", "don't mean any harm", or they "can't help the way they are." Often they are family members and we are pretty stuck with them...so we make the best of it.
My family of origin is great at pretending the elephant in the room isn't there...You know, there's a problem. Everyone can see the problem, everyone knows there's a problem and it's not good...but no one talks about it. It took me 40 years to realize I was shoving food in my mouth in an effort to keep the family rule about not talking about those elephants in the room. Definitely an emotional eater, that's me.
so, why i'm talking about this.....
Some one hurt my feelings and REALLY hurt my partners feelings...but they are acting like nothing happened. My partner, who values the friendship immensely...wants to also pretend everything is okay even tho she is still pretty hurt.
I feel like I'm right back there in my childhood, dancing around the elephant. My partner wants me to "just let it go"..and I'm trying...but I'm also noticing how I want to shove food in my mouth...to keep from saying just how not cool this all is with me....and that is not a good feeling.
Rather than shoving donuts in my face, I bought some fruit and when it's gone, that will be that. I won't overeat. I vented to a trusted friend. I wrote here. I will not overeat from emotions. Period.
Saturday, July 03, 2010
I haven't been on a bicycle in literally 28 years.
When i was a kid, i LIVED on my bike... I had a 70's purple Schwinn with that cool metal flake paint ...white banana seat....with a bitchin' sissy bar man.....My bike was my ROCKET to the moon!
Then as a teen, I rode a bike 2 miles to the bus stop and back every day (we lived in the boonies) and for fun on the weekends.
After high school, I began driving, had kids, and that was the end of biking.
I'm investigating getting a bike for exercise now. With my arthritis and knee problems I thought it might be a good way to change up my workouts and get outside more too. So yesterday, I climbed on my daughter's cruiser...no gears - just a straight bike, and rode a few blocks.
and realized exactly how out of shape I am.
A few very gentle slopes and I was huffing and puffing like an 80 year old three pack a day smoker. An actual little hill....and I had to get off the bike and walk it up. Then I didn't have enough speed getting up the little slope of the drive into the garage...and fell on my carcASS.
I'm getting a bike. This is going to ramp up my stamina in a BIG way, and FAST. It's 4.3 miles to my work...and I realize that it will take me a few weeks of riding to even get to the point I can ride to work. 15 minutes last night and i was WIPED.
Laying on the ground under that bike - winded and po'd - was the best incentive i've had in a long time.
Bike 1, me 0. that's about to change....
Thursday, July 01, 2010
If you don't have something nice to say...don't say anything at all.
This was DRILLED into me from birth. I think it was both helpful...and not so helpful. Helpful in that I learned to listen to others and let them just talk and have their opinions without the NEED to tell them mine, or try to convert them to my opinion. I think this is a pretty good skill and it has served me very, very well. Harmful in that along with this little ditty, I was taught to not speak my mind, which sometimes needs to be spoken...in relationship especially. So, is this a mantra to live by? yes...within reason.
I bring this up because yesterday, for the first time since joining SP in 2006, I unfriended a person. I found this person to be unceasingly critical - never a "go you!" or a cheer for losing a pound, NEVER ONCE...but always something critical to say, regularly "educating" me on the "right way" (aka HER way). I worked on letting it go until ...... I snapped. I "removed" her as a sparkfriend and sent her an email that said, I think we're doing being sparkfriends, thanks for your time and energy, good luck.
I post this...because that was a big deal to me - if you had a clue about me, about who i am, you would have realized your "help" was falling on deaf (and increasingly annoyed) ears, and moved on. I didn't learn to 'stand up for myself" until i was in my 30's and it's still a struggle. But I did it...and I felt immense relief.
So, here's the deal...if you follow my blog, most likely I love you to death! i also read YOUR blogs, tho I may not comment because of time issues. I may offer suggestions and I hope you do the same. But here at chez Sahara....
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Period.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I've had four children. I've heard the phrase "that is so not fair!!" at least akazillion times - usually in reference to whose turn it was to do the dishes or pooper scoop.
I woke up thinking it today.
Last week was my vacation. I went into it with a little pain on the back of my heel. We went to Pride and we walked a lot. Then i came home from Pride and joined the 10 minute exercise challenge and started walking the dog, usually 2 times a day. The pain went from a little when I had "stiffened" up to yesterday being pretty much excruciating with every flipping step.
So in 10 days, I ramped my pedometer steps up from 1,000 or less a day (remember I sit for a living, LOL) to 5K a day....and now I have achilles tendopathy. Which is for all intents and purposes tenditis. I need to rest it, elevate it, and ice it.
GRRRR i am so frustrated!!
To add insult to injury, the doc said "really, it's very common for runners/walkers and especially middle aged folks like you with arthritis".
excuse me? Middle aged? Am I middle aged? Middle aged is....um...you know...out there. You know in your 50's...right? right?
I came out more unhappy about being called middle aged at first, LOL. Finally I copped to it, okay, I'm 46. I guess I could be considered middle aged. *insert mild profanity here*.
But this a.m. I'm crying "so not fair" to another physical setback. Definitely a 3 steps fwd and two steps back kinda deal.
but...I will do as told. i will rest, ice, elevate and take an NSAID. i will not further injury it. And then when I restart I'll make sure I'm wearing good footwear to walk (likely the root of this whole thing) and I'll go back to the 10 minute challenge...with a vengance!
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