Friday, July 09, 2010
Pride weekend, we went to Joe's Crab Shack...tons of fun. A gal came around and took our pic and told us it'd be on the website. I'd forgotten all about it till yesterday I got an ad/email from them so i went to their website to look it up.
Holy cow Batman...
I almost *almost* uploaded it here because no one could really believe what a bad pic it is by words alone...but I couldn't do it. For one...we'd been eating spinich dip...and apparently I had a big ol' piece of spinach that made it look like I'm missing a tooth! Niiiice. Very sexy, let me tell you...
the worst? I look like I weigh at LEAST double ... I'm not kidding. i was wearing a short-sleeved T and the little cap sleeve had rode up...and from the angle she took it...my upper arm looked like a THIGH...if you think "oh it probably wasn't that bad..." when I showed my partner the pic after she said that she said "OH...wow..um, no, no that's not a good pic...no let's not put that one on facebook..." LOL.
Where upon I turned to her and said "do I often look like that jodie? Or is this just a really bad picture?" and she began to squirm....and I knew what the answer was. Finally, she said, "well it depends on what you're wearing...that shirt um, does sort of highlight you're weight on your arms..."
Ouch. Big ouch.
Then, this a.m. on FB, I see my friend who is doing Atkins has lost 26 pounds. Mind you, I do not believe it is a healthy way to do it and I'm not going to do it, or any other weight loss thing except count calories and work out, period, but it lead me to a moment of ...will I ever lose this freaking weight? What's wrong with me? Why don't I do what I KNOW I should be doing?
Well, I nipped that right in the bud. Reminded myself I've been exercising some almost every day...that big dramatic plans only go by the wayside for me in a few days and I'm better off doing it slow and easy. I can allow that picture to pull me down, or motivate me to DO WHAT I KNOW I SHOULD BE DOING. I choose the latter.
so now I'm going to get off the computer and go walk the dog before work. One step at a time, one glass of water at a time, one good choice at a time, i will become healthier and reach my goals.
thanks Joe's Crab Shack for the boost in resolve.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
I'm not a terribly competitive person. I enjoy playing board games or whatever...and I don't HAVE to win. I know someone like that tho...if they aren't winning...they aren't having a good time ~ and no one else is going to either! Sorta spoils it for me, you know?
Therefore, I'm not keen on those weight loss challenges people do between themselves or bets..you know the kinda thing.
I did, however, find something last year that motivated me and I decided to give it a go again. I'm seeing how long I can be in the top 50 leaderboard for sparkpoints on the Lesbian Cafe team. These women are some movers and shakers in terms of fitness minutes and to be in the top 50 is no small challenge for me.
It means I have to log in daily, I have to read all those emails and articles and make sure I'm getting in some exercise, or I will fall like a stone to the bottom of the boards. I'm well aware it's a lofty goal and I'm realistic enough to know it would be a pretty intense run for the money to keep me there ALL month...but it's fun for me to see how far into the month I can do it!
I've also been streaking....no, no need to cover your eyes in horror...Spark streaking. Setting small reasonable goals and watching them daily to see how long I can do them...how many days in a row, etc. The spark people app for this is pretty motivational for me...cause, i'm a gold star kinda girl. I like seeing the points rack up...I like seeing consistency earned.
Let's see where this month takes me...We're one week in...today I'm ranked 34th on the LC leader board. Not too bad...My streaks sorta hit the wall last week so I'm rebuiling them...and that's okay. My best percentage is logging in daily and that's 78%. Several of those goals have 0% tho, so i'm working on fixing those.
how do you motivate yourself..challenge yourself...do tell.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
I say it often, "people are odd"...and I'm pretty aware I'm probably odd too.
We have varied levels of social skills. We all know at least one person that is "difficult". We say things like they "mean well", "don't mean any harm", or they "can't help the way they are." Often they are family members and we are pretty stuck with them...so we make the best of it.
My family of origin is great at pretending the elephant in the room isn't there...You know, there's a problem. Everyone can see the problem, everyone knows there's a problem and it's not good...but no one talks about it. It took me 40 years to realize I was shoving food in my mouth in an effort to keep the family rule about not talking about those elephants in the room. Definitely an emotional eater, that's me.
so, why i'm talking about this.....
Some one hurt my feelings and REALLY hurt my partners feelings...but they are acting like nothing happened. My partner, who values the friendship immensely...wants to also pretend everything is okay even tho she is still pretty hurt.
I feel like I'm right back there in my childhood, dancing around the elephant. My partner wants me to "just let it go"..and I'm trying...but I'm also noticing how I want to shove food in my mouth...to keep from saying just how not cool this all is with me....and that is not a good feeling.
Rather than shoving donuts in my face, I bought some fruit and when it's gone, that will be that. I won't overeat. I vented to a trusted friend. I wrote here. I will not overeat from emotions. Period.
Saturday, July 03, 2010
I haven't been on a bicycle in literally 28 years.
When i was a kid, i LIVED on my bike... I had a 70's purple Schwinn with that cool metal flake paint ...white banana seat....with a bitchin' sissy bar man.....My bike was my ROCKET to the moon!
Then as a teen, I rode a bike 2 miles to the bus stop and back every day (we lived in the boonies) and for fun on the weekends.
After high school, I began driving, had kids, and that was the end of biking.
I'm investigating getting a bike for exercise now. With my arthritis and knee problems I thought it might be a good way to change up my workouts and get outside more too. So yesterday, I climbed on my daughter's cruiser...no gears - just a straight bike, and rode a few blocks.
and realized exactly how out of shape I am.
A few very gentle slopes and I was huffing and puffing like an 80 year old three pack a day smoker. An actual little hill....and I had to get off the bike and walk it up. Then I didn't have enough speed getting up the little slope of the drive into the garage...and fell on my carcASS.
I'm getting a bike. This is going to ramp up my stamina in a BIG way, and FAST. It's 4.3 miles to my work...and I realize that it will take me a few weeks of riding to even get to the point I can ride to work. 15 minutes last night and i was WIPED.
Laying on the ground under that bike - winded and po'd - was the best incentive i've had in a long time.
Bike 1, me 0. that's about to change....
Thursday, July 01, 2010
If you don't have something nice to say...don't say anything at all.
This was DRILLED into me from birth. I think it was both helpful...and not so helpful. Helpful in that I learned to listen to others and let them just talk and have their opinions without the NEED to tell them mine, or try to convert them to my opinion. I think this is a pretty good skill and it has served me very, very well. Harmful in that along with this little ditty, I was taught to not speak my mind, which sometimes needs to be spoken...in relationship especially. So, is this a mantra to live by? yes...within reason.
I bring this up because yesterday, for the first time since joining SP in 2006, I unfriended a person. I found this person to be unceasingly critical - never a "go you!" or a cheer for losing a pound, NEVER ONCE...but always something critical to say, regularly "educating" me on the "right way" (aka HER way). I worked on letting it go until ...... I snapped. I "removed" her as a sparkfriend and sent her an email that said, I think we're doing being sparkfriends, thanks for your time and energy, good luck.
I post this...because that was a big deal to me - if you had a clue about me, about who i am, you would have realized your "help" was falling on deaf (and increasingly annoyed) ears, and moved on. I didn't learn to 'stand up for myself" until i was in my 30's and it's still a struggle. But I did it...and I felt immense relief.
So, here's the deal...if you follow my blog, most likely I love you to death! i also read YOUR blogs, tho I may not comment because of time issues. I may offer suggestions and I hope you do the same. But here at chez Sahara....
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Period.
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