NOREGRET2010   49,233
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"I don't want you to die"

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Last night I was going to run out to the video store for the next installment of True Blood. My 14-year-old son said he'd like to go along so off we went. We were on the way home when he said, "I have something I want to say to you and I don't want you to get mad at me."

Several things flitted through my head...he's lost something....he had a fight with his sister and thinks she should be grounded for life....and I said, "Okay, shoot."

"I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying it because I'm your son and you're my mom and I love you. You need to be eating more healthy and exercising, because I don't want you to die. I know you've been trying...but I've only had you for 14 years and I need you mom, I don't want you to die."

Can I just tell you.....I felt like I'd been struck by lightning.

I talked to him about the things I've been doing, we talked a bit about it took me a long time to get this way and it wasn't going to change over night, and he offered to walk or bike with me to encourage me to exercise.

Since I've had pretty similar conversations with myself for the last 18 months since my dad died, it wasn't as painful or as shocking as it could have been...but to hear him say how afraid he was that I would die and how much he needed me...well, yeah, I'm sure you can imagine.

Needless to say, it's another (huge) incentive to keep on keeping keep moving, to work on building my health.

Today's goals:
1) Water...why is this so hard? Getting a little better, but it's always WORK to get it in...
2) Move - I'm taking my son up on his offer and will bike with him this evening...
3) Meds - I've not been taking my meds/supplements as I should...and my arthritis is telling me about it.

Just do it....just do it. day in and day out...Just do it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRO-BAR 7/20/2010 10:53AM

    Oh the wake up calls we receive!

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PRYDEQUEEN 7/20/2010 9:56AM

    What a great kid! You must be a terrific mom!

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MINIDRIVER63 7/20/2010 9:46AM

    You son sounds like he is a terrific kid and will grow up to be a fantastic man. So caring and loving.

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BBGYRL4 7/20/2010 9:08AM

    Wow, I don't have any children but I could only imagine how you felt when your son told you that. He is definitely a reason to keep going each day and that's great that he wants to help you out by exercising with you. Wihing you the best on your journey!

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TURBID 7/20/2010 8:59AM

    wow, how powerful.
it's kind of different, but a note i left my dad when i was 9 years old was the wake up call he needed to finally get sober. it said something like "i went to grandpa's house because you were drunk" - it's 13 years later, and he's still sober, after checking into rehab later that night.
at least for me, food has been an addictive substance, too. maybe it's sort of a parallel situation?

whatever it is, it's clear just how much he loves you.

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Monday, July 19, 2010

As an introvert I often crave solitude and feel like I rarely get it. This weekend, I got plenty of it and was a little surprised I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would.

We'd plan to spend the weekend in Portland celebrating our anniversary, but Friday morning Jodie's dad passed away back in Louisiana. We scrambled and got her a flight out at 6 a.m. Saturday a.m....and then because we'd already prepaid for the room I thought I'd just stay in Portland and have some alone time.

Don't get me wrong, there were some nice things about it and I believe it recharged my batteries to have some alone time....but I discovered I'm not the loner I thought I was. Funny how we think we know something about ourselves, then find out differently. It wasn't as fun as I thought it would be to be on my own...I was sort of lonely and bored to be truthful.

It did give me a lot of time to think about my health, about moving more etc. I splurged and got a new pair of walking shoes and ate pretty healthy as well. With Jodie gone the next two weeks, I really want to focus on health issues and put some habits in place when I'm not distracted.

That's it. That's all I've got this sunny Monday.....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATCHAGIRL 7/19/2010 3:12PM

    OHH NOOO :( I'm very sorry to hear about your partner's father passing. :( I wish her and her family well.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY though! Sorry you had to spend it alone and that you didn't have all that much fun. But at least you did figure out something about yourself in the process. :)

Two weeks is a long time to be away from your partner. I know this very well, as my partner has to travel a lot for her job. I was the exact opposite as you... I couldn't STAND being by myself and ALWAYS had to have someone around me, but I found out pretty quickly, that I actually ENJOY being alone and havin' a little break away. :)

I still don't want it to be too often or for too long a period though! ;) But after 12 years of dealing with her traveling, I'm totally ok with it now. :)

Don't get too bored while she's away, and do have a little fun if ya' can!

Have a GREAT week!

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HLEIGHH 7/19/2010 1:50PM

    I've had exactly this experience -- looking forward to a day or several days "home alone" (or out of town), imagining how peaceful and focused and re-charging it's going to be -- and then finding myself anxious, lonesome, distracted. It's weird. (Being on the computer seems to make it worse for me; I can watch a whole day of precious "me time" run through my fingers on the internet.)

Good luck with your time for introspection and self-care, and with supporting your partner long-distance through a challenging time!

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MINIDRIVER63 7/19/2010 10:46AM

    Hugs to Jodie and her family - and to you too! Happy walking!

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Keep on keepin' on

Thursday, July 15, 2010

You know, it's always something.

something is going to happen...and my first instinct is to curl up and hide. Not do my fatty, sugary food...and just stay in a holding pattern till I "feel" like working on my health.

If i wait till I feel like it...I might be too old, too ill or too dead to do it. So today when i didn't really wanna climb on my bike and open the garage door, i did it anyway. When i wanted to take the shorter route...I made myself pedal on to the planned route instead.

I often hear from people around me how impressed they are at how hard I work on things....and I can say in honesty, I do..I give whatever it is my best.

Except me. I have never consistently given myself my best....and wow is my weight an indicator of that.

I'm in week 4 of the 10 minute challenge and all I see when I look at it is "I didn't measure up"....okay, so no, I haven't had consistency there yet...but the key word is YET. I can't, won't give up on myself. I'll keep striving for that 10 minutes 5 x a week. On dance days, i blow that 10 minute goal out of the water, often by 120 minutes. The problem is, I don't do that 5 x a week! that is 1 or maybe 2 x a week...and the rest of the week....i procrastinate or talk myself out of it. that's why I started the 10 min challenge and why I bought the bike.

That's why, even tho I'll teach a one hour dance class tonight, and i could have counted that as completing my 10 minute goal...I dragged my tired butt out and hit the garage door opener when I really wans't into it.

because I can do this. I WILL do this. I will do this.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMREITE 7/18/2010 12:04AM

    It's great to read how determined you are. Don't forget to pamper yourseld too, since you are the pampered princess this week!
enjoy your bikeyard.

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BONNIE1041 7/15/2010 9:17AM

  now that's determination! you can do it....

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Wednesday the fabulous...

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Fabulous because it's half way to the which we are celebrating our 5 year anniversary (of being a couple, married for 3) by taking a long weekend to come on Friday!

Fabulous because since my last weigh in 9 days ago, I've lost 3 pounds...and my only goal weight wise was 2 pounds this MONTH, so I'm ridiculously pleased.

Fabulous because I finished my biggest quilt project to date the baby quilt pictured above and will gift it to someone special to me who has wanted a baby very badly and is only a few short weeks away from having that baby....

All in all, an excellent Wednesday by my account. Hope it's the same for you....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIKITAMI 7/14/2010 11:56AM

Sounds like you are having a great week!

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MINIDRIVER63 7/14/2010 10:44AM

    Gorgeous quilt!

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SHEALUNA 7/14/2010 10:41AM

    Woohoo! Congrats on all your accomplishments this week! Especially on the weight loss!!! emoticon

I'll be visiting P-town myself soon! :-) It's been four years so you can imagine how excited I am. Powell's here I come!!! lol

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KRO-BAR 7/14/2010 10:24AM

    Yay!!! Congrats on the weight loss!

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Pretty pretty princess...

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Tuesday check in....

Monday was good, you know, considering it was a Monday...i rode my bike, made it through a Monday at work, taught a beginner dance class, then sweated my butt off at dance rehearsal...watched a couple more episodes of True Blood season 1...and slept like a rock. Not much to complain about in any of it.

Today, repeat bike ride....repeat work....attend memorial service this evening for someone I don't really know but I need to be there in support of my partner....finish sewing the binding down for a baby quilt because YIKES the shower is tomorrow (how'd that happen??)...and oh yeah...

I'm a princess!

No, no delusions...I'm the Pennies for pampering team princess for the week...Not sure what my royal duties entail...but in the spirit of the team I'm going to check my "penny bank" (i do a penny for each point earned during the month) and splurge on something...even if i only have enough for a nail polish.

I may also torment my family by saying things like "we are not amused" LOL. have a fabulous tuesday ...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRYDEQUEEN 7/13/2010 9:41AM

    Love your pennies for points idea!

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NANN66 7/13/2010 9:17AM

    LOL! Love your enthusiasm..Have a great day!! emoticon

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