Monday, August 30, 2010
Last Monday, I had a 1.8 pound loss. This monday, I gained 5 full pounds.
In looking at last week, one major thing jumps out at me - I was freaking exhausted. I woke up daily around 4 a.m.....and coudn't go back to sleep. Lots of stress last week = sleep problems. By Friday, i was so tired I fell into bed at 8 pm, without having eaten dinner even.
If I look at last week, I see...
170 minutes of cardio
Two days where I went under my calories and the balance were within range
Took my supplements 50% of the time
Didn't make a single day of 8 cups of water a day
way under on sleep
Way over on stress!
This is the kind of weigh in that makes me want to give upagain - BUT I can clearly see the problem areas.
This a.m., I'm really tired of trying....but I'm getting back up and back "on the horse". one more day at a time, one more week at a time.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
When I got up today, I thought "Wow, do I feel like crap!" I'm exhausted.
Then I finished logging my food and realized why I feel like crap: I was way under calories, under on carbs, under on almost everything including water. It was a crazy, crazy day and I was running from the time I got up till the time I went to bed....and on top of it all, this is the 4th day in a row I've woken up 30-60 minutes too early and been unable to fall back asleep. So I'm exhausted, but I'm not sleeping well either.
No wonder I'm bone tired!
Today: Eat all my calories making sure to hit the protein and fruits/veggies, drink the water, and try to get some sleep!
Yesterday I chatted with an old friend about how hard this is...the losing the weight. How crushing it can be. When I'm living on sugar and poor nutrition it is so much harder to try...I feel like I do right now, every day. When I'm eating the appropriate amounts of fruits/veggies/protein, I have energy and a positive outlook to do the work, make the changes and not give up.
So yesterday (and today's resulting exhaustion) was not in vain, it was a reminder of how bad I felt before I started taking care of myself.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
If you knew me...you'd know what I'm about to say is a little amazing...
I have a problem being proud of myself (wow is that a long story, just take my word for it - okay?) and this morning after finally finishing tracking for yesterday I feel like running around yelling - I did it! I rocked it! Woo hoo go me!
Yesterday: 70 min cardio, tracked every bite that went into my mouth and stayed within ALL my limits.
Doing both those things on the same day? Um, not normal, LOL. So focusing on this short-term goal thing seems to be a good motivation. Having a great day like that yesterday, makes me excited for today.
Wooo hoo! go me!
Monday, August 23, 2010
MLK's famous speech coined that phrase...and it's now such a part of our culture, we often don't hear the POWER of what he was saying in that phrase...
I saw a "what keeps you going" post on a team I'm on...and I realized a big part of what keeps me going is that I have a dream. I have something I want to attain....something just out of reach...that requires attention, perserverance, and hard work to reach. If I didn't have that dream, it would be a lot easier to lay down and say, "ok, I'm fat...and I don't care anymore". Without a dream, I'm pretty scared of what my attitude would be. Don't get me wrong, I have the usual reasons to gain health - children, a partner, a desire to happy and healthy.
But when you are over 200...and have been over 200 despite a lot of freakin' effort...it is often tempting to just shrug and say...ok...I give. This is too hard. I can't do this anymore.
A short while ago, I decided to work on gaining health and stop focusing on losing weight. I already know that i can go crazy focusing on numbers on a scale...but focusing on health is easier for me - more encouraging, more satisfying by far.
but again, without the dream....I don't know where I'd be. What is my dream? Well, if you've been around my page you know I've been bellydancing for about 25 years...A long time ago (and many pounds ago) I competed and won up to semi-pro level, no mean feat. Now I teach, I direct a multiaward-winning troupe and i'm slowly getting back into solo competing. My dream is to be able to continue to dance long into "old age"...to continue to work with amazing women...and see women gain confidence and happiness through dance. To take my troupe to having won every competition on the West coast.
Dance is my dream.,.....so much so, that I named my troupe "Sahara's Dream", and I collect items with the word "Dream".
What is your dream? What is the thing outside the "ordinary" goals of being happy and healthy for kids and a longer life...that keeps you trying day in and day out. (Again, not that those are not exceptionally worthy goals!). Tell me your Dream, I wanna know.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Yesterday I was able to creep out to the store...my back is better, I'd say I'm at 70%. Gaining back that last 30% will take time, anti-inflammatories, ice, slow exercise and stretching. But I'm incredibly grateful to be upright (mostly) again!
While at the store I really looked at people and it was sad and sort of shocking. Being obese, I view the majority of people as "not heavy"- not heavy compared to me. Yesterday I just looked at them in terms of what I would think is healthy weight, overweight and obese. The vast majoriy I saw yesterday were overweight, with a smattering of healthy weight and obesity thrown in. And, I'll wager, I was kinder than a scale would be at determining healthy weight through my viewpoint. I wasn't looking through a magazine model viewer, but through the eyes of a 46 yo woman who doesn't believe we (especially women) have to be stick thin to be "healthy".
I don't live in one of the notoriously obese states either...and my town is very well known for it's cyclers, hikers - people who are health concious. Was this a scientific study? LOL of course not! The people I saw in the 45 minutes I was out were certainly not a true guide of the state of the nation...
But it was an eye opener to me. I suggest you try it sometime...next time you are sitting waiting...really look at the people around you...We are a nation going to fat at an alarming rate.
Me? I continue to be exceedingly movitvated by my recent immobilization due to injury to turn that slow descent into permanent obesity into a quest for a healthy body. I hope you are too.
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