Thursday, September 16, 2010
I saw my doc on tuesday. i'm still digesting what he said. he wants to explore the possibility that while I do have arthritis, what is causing all this pain/stiffness is actually fibromyalgia. I'm thinking about that. I'm a pretty concrete person. i want a test, a yes or no, and i want a plan of action. Fibro really doesn't fall into those parameters. So I'm thinking about that. he also convinced me I must pull out the CPAP and actually, um, you know...use it. I have definite sleep apnea and I have a cpap. why don't I use it?
Well, why don't we do a myriad of things we should do? Sigh.
So I've pulled it out and I'm using it. I'm giving it 90 days to feel better and then i'll re-evaluate. He's right tho, about not getting restorative sleep and the damage it is doing me (and likely a big factor in why i'm not losing weight well either).
On top of all the stuff that is my life...My partner must go to Louisiana indefinitely. she lost her dad about 6 weeks ago...and this week they found out her mom has terminal cancer - pretty fast moving and she may not even be a candidate for treatment. Tomorrow there will be an appointment and hopefully some options laid out...nevertheless, Jodie will not go to fall term of college and fly down for at least several weeks. It's been terribly hard to lose her dad, and so quickly her mom? Well, I'm sure anyone can figure out how bad it is. Needless to say, the stress level here is pretty profound.
One of the reasons I didn't argue much about the cpap...I'll need sleep to do all that i do without her here. So I'll wear my trusty mask and be....snuffleuffagus.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I just spent 4 days in the woods at a women's dance retreat. It's a bit spread out so just to go to the kitchen area back to your cabin is the equivalent of oh say 3 city blocks...and you go back and forth all day long late into the night...take dance workshops etc. I pretty much ate what I wanted and didn't think about it much. I didn't gorge or load up on sweets....but you know, out in the woods, fresh air blah blah, I ate well to say the least.
Back home this a.m, I jumped on the wii to weigh in. Before I ever stepped on, I can see that my fingers are swollen up like lil sausages and even my ankles are swollen and I knew it wouldn't be pretty....but good grief...
if i had not just spent 3.5 days walking a good 12,000 steps a day I'd be stressed. But I knew before I stepped on that I'm ballooned up and thankfully, I'm not freaked out terribly. I'm not happy mind you...but I am quite positive a good percentage of that is fluid.
I really really struggled with my arthritis. The camp is near the coast and it was very damp there...I ached pretty much full time. Most mornings at home, it takes me about 20 minutes of moving around before all my joints stop crackling and popping and get "lubed up"...here it took well over an hour and if I sat for more than 10 minutes or so, i was right back to where i started.
it convinced me it's time to insist on some more aggressive work on my arthritis than taking a couple of NSAIDS a day. I had already set an appointment with my doc for this afternoon...and I'm going to make him understand...I'm in pain every single day. I have constant, nagging low level pain at the very least...and at worst every joint is aching. I'm 46 years old, I'm not going to settle for having daily pain, period. What do i need to do to control this? is my main question and if I don't get answers this time (last time he sort of blew me off with "oh take ibuprofen if it hurts") I'll go elsewhere.
So, back from my lil foray in the woods...I'm focused on heallth and the water weight isn't going to put me off.
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
My 2 pound goal was set for next Wednesday...and I passed it today! Very happy about it too, LOL.
Now I am less than half a pound from being under 240....July 14, I hit 239.8...and immediately started bouncing around again - up 2, down .5, up 1, down 2...then came that 5 pound gain and I was pretty demoralized.
I want under 240....and I want to be able to STAY there. Back to walking on my breaks again now that the weather has turned. Went from 100 degree days to rain and cool overnight. It's good tho, because I'm not good at walking in the heat...so now I can walk on both my breaks.
240 has been very tough for me to break and stay under....I'm not entirely sure what it's all about, but my body does not want to go under 240 - huge resistance. I just need to stay motivated and determined to hang in there till it gives!
Saturday, September 04, 2010
While running erroands traffic was crazy and the people behind the wheels crazier! Folks in the grocery store were uptight and rushing...I had my nails done for the first time in months and had to think, "gee these folks put up with a LOT from people!" when a woman LOUDLY berated the nail tech doing her pedi for not making the line on her french manicure thick enough. Came home and had some interesting interactions online and finally....went to the window to see if I could see the moon...
is it full or what? Cause here in my lil corner...people are ...something.
Baking a cake for my nephew's 2nd birthday tomorrow...the first one fell. Not just a lil fall...a big fall. So a second cake went in the oven and came out far, far better. The filling and the icing are done and waiting to go on...it's a Mickey Mouse themed cake.
yeah, on top of everything else i am...I'm a "cake lady" LOL.
someone pointed out (not so gently) that people trying to lose weight shouldn't bake. I just smiled and moved on. I bake for other people's events, not to sit down with a spoon and eat it for petes sake! I often don't attend whatever event the cake is for and never have any of it. Through trial and error, i've found ways to avoid putting sugary fingers in my mouth too...cause don't you know a few bites of buttercream here and there will land on my arse for sure! The best two tips I have is to put hot soapy water in the sink before you ever start and to religiously drop every spoon, spatula, beater and bowl in the water IMMEDIATELY. Second is to have a very slightly damp kitchen towel at hand at all times so you can wipe your fingers on it rather than sticking them in your mouth! Those tips save me a lot of calories/sugar I don't want at all. if I do a "practice" cake, I immediately post a pic on facebook and offereither the whole thing or half of it to whoever wants to pick it up first, and I'm happy to throw it away rather than eat it!
Do i sometimes get to have a piece of cake? yep, sure I do. and I track it and try to add cardio to counter it.
do I sound defensive, LOL? It's been one of those days.
Practicing the routine i am dancing a week from now..it's going well and I'm happy to say I'm not huffing and puffing at the end of that 5 minutes. that is a big accomplishment for me in terms of building stamina.
that's it. buzzer's about to go off for the top layer of the cake. have a fabulous Labor Day weekend for those in the US. Do something besides eat! LOL
Thursday, September 02, 2010
I'm about 10 days out from my short-term goal of feeling better for the 4-day dance retreat I'm going to...and more important than anything at this point, I'm having FUN with the piece I choreo'd for it and it's not a huge chore where I doubt myself which has been the story for the last three years in a row!
Now, on to september...
~ 239 or less. I keep getting to the 240 mark then I bounce around. i want PAST 240!
~ 1000 spark points. This would take some dedication, my best is 900+ for a month.
~ 5+ Fruits/veggies a day, at least 5x a week.
~ 8 glasses of water a day.
~ Keep my momentum when my college classes start on top of the 2 jobs, the dance troupe, the kids....
I can tell I'm doing better on the water this week, as I've had to get up more than once every night this week - A sure indicator I'm getting there. Hopefully that will end soon.
Still hopeful. One of my usual phrases is "hope springs eternal". I guess I can apply it to myself...I feel knocked down, and sometimes discouraged...but I continue to have hope that I can have a healthy body and so I get up and brush off and start again. If i didn't keep on, I am quite sure I'd be over 300 pounds today. So, I'm working on feeling gratitude that i'm where i'm at and optimism for the future.
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