Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I'm tired...and when I'm tired I tend to eat to stay going. I know this about myself, and I'm working on stopping that pattern. Coworker has candy and keeps offering it to me...and I keep saying no thanks.
But truthfully, I really want it.
I just know that if I start.... Well, I won't stop till it's gone. I'm not a "I can have just one" kinda gal when it comes to my addiction - sugar.
But all I can think about is that candy, just waiting in the next cubicle.
Put the CPAP on last night, but woke up in the wee hours to find sometime in the night I'd ripped the mask off and it was laying next to the bed - with the machine running of course, lol. No wonder I'm tired.
Still researching the C25K. Have asked my daughter to walk with me tonight. Will continue putting the CPAP on.....
That day in, day out stuff.....putting one foot in front of the other. Will. Not. Eat. The. Candy. Every time I think about the candy, I take a drink of water, LOL. Can't hurt, eh?
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
I'm going to say something I can't even say out loud to anyone I know or post anywhere else I play in cyberland....
I'm seriously considering starting the Couch to 5K program.
People who know me would likely either laugh until they cried and/or tell me I was crazy and can't possibly do it.
I'm not a runner. The last time I remember running besides running to get the garbage can to the curb in time was...um....ahem.... 1983. Seriously, 1983.
I used to walk...I even walked a marathon once...but now I don't even walk for fitness.
So the idea of doing Cto5k is sort of crazy....but it's percolating in my brain and I can't stop thinking about it. Do it in 9 weeks? uh, heeeelllll no. I'd probably take a lot longer than 9 weeks...but...I can't stop thinking about it. This is sort of how things happen to me. I go through that "cycle of acceptance".
I think of something, and immediate dissuade myself - not doable.
I think - I wish I could do that.
I think - Someday maybe I could do that.
I think - I want to do that.
I waver around for awhile....
Then I can't stand it anymore and must do it.
Naturally, this has varying success ratios, LOL.
What's prompting this? Besides seeing some sparkie friends DOING it? I do this bellydance thing - to call it bellydance bootcamp would be close to explaining it for people to understand. It is freaking hard. It is physically challenging. You are expected to do sit ups, squats, pushups, and you need some serious stamina to succeed. I attained the first level a year ago. I have waivered back in forth the last year about do I want to go farther? Do I really WANT to push myself that much? It's very expensive...let me say, VERY expensive. But it is the best training I can get, in my opinion...and I WANT it.
The weeklong "bootcamp" would be August 2011. I have about 10 months to make it or break it. This is not a little goal to me, it is a HUGE goal. The cost of the trip, the workshop, testing to certify level 2 will run me close to a grand. In my life, that is a LOT of freaking money. So if I'm going to do it...I have to commit not only to the dance parts, but getting some stamina - or I'll never cut it.
Enter the C25K idea.
I'm *this* close to making the leap. Can a fat old chick with arthritis do this? Is it a crazy goal? Is my ultimate goal of going level 2 in the bellydance thing totally ridiculous? I fight these fears day in and day out. If it were YOU, I'd say "do it! Just do it! you don't want to look back and say "i wish I woulda..."
I dunno. Speak up sparkies. Tell me what you think.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The last two weeks have been flat-out crazy...My partner flew out to Louisiana to be with her mom (recently diagnosed with fast-moving terminal cancer), I put on a huge bellydance event, and worked 7 days in a row while doing it...oh, and homework...lots of homework.
So I've been here, but not posting - no time!
things have slowed to oh, warp speed, so now I'm able to take a minute and post, LOL.
Goals: Shot to H-e-double hockeysticks this month. I'll be lucky to make half the points I had in mind. But, life is life and I got some good things done regardless.
Weigh in, I've been too busy to weigh in, no joke!
Health: a couple of sucky weeks and a couple of okay weeks. No word from doc about the fibromyalgia stuff, but I have an appointment next month with someone else and we'll see what they have to say.
School - so far so good, tho after two months off my brain sorta felt broken restarting again. I have many math classes to take before i get to the ones I need for my degree, and math was never a favorite for me. The intro to literature class is harder than i'd imagined, in no small part to having t oread materail I would never choose to read and then analyze it to death.
Been wearing the cpap, tho the last three nights I've struggled with waking up feeling panicked and having to finally take it off. Not sure what that's about. I just keep putting it on and hoping it will stop.
That's it. busy busy and all that. Kid starts ROTC early morning practices today, so now we have to be out the door 30 minutes earlier than usual on top of it all. WOO HOO! LOL.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
I saw my doc on tuesday. i'm still digesting what he said. he wants to explore the possibility that while I do have arthritis, what is causing all this pain/stiffness is actually fibromyalgia. I'm thinking about that. I'm a pretty concrete person. i want a test, a yes or no, and i want a plan of action. Fibro really doesn't fall into those parameters. So I'm thinking about that. he also convinced me I must pull out the CPAP and actually, um, you know...use it. I have definite sleep apnea and I have a cpap. why don't I use it?
Well, why don't we do a myriad of things we should do? Sigh.
So I've pulled it out and I'm using it. I'm giving it 90 days to feel better and then i'll re-evaluate. He's right tho, about not getting restorative sleep and the damage it is doing me (and likely a big factor in why i'm not losing weight well either).
On top of all the stuff that is my life...My partner must go to Louisiana indefinitely. she lost her dad about 6 weeks ago...and this week they found out her mom has terminal cancer - pretty fast moving and she may not even be a candidate for treatment. Tomorrow there will be an appointment and hopefully some options laid out...nevertheless, Jodie will not go to fall term of college and fly down for at least several weeks. It's been terribly hard to lose her dad, and so quickly her mom? Well, I'm sure anyone can figure out how bad it is. Needless to say, the stress level here is pretty profound.
One of the reasons I didn't argue much about the cpap...I'll need sleep to do all that i do without her here. So I'll wear my trusty mask and be....snuffleuffagus.
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