Monday, July 23, 2007
After purchasing the pedometer, I wanted a way to track it that would be fun! I found americaonthemove.org, a free website that you can log your steps on...and it takes you through a trail of your choice...get to a viewpoint, and there is a little reward of seeing stuff about the "trail" you're on, etc. Like spark people's points, this is something that motivates me!
They also take your first three days steps, average them, and then add steps daily to give you a goal to help you work up to 10K reasonably. So, today's goal is 3128 steps! Doable, but I'll definitely have to get in a walk on at least one break to make it, maybe both breaks.
I made the decision to not get on the scale today or for awhile. Instead I measured my waist - 47 inches. Good God! At 5'1", I'm almost as big around as I am tall! OY! I'd rather look at measurements than weight for awhile. i get too obsessive about the numbers on the scale and allow them to dictate how I feel for the rest of the day, or week!
So, today's goals:
1. no fast food. I do this wayyyy too often.
2. 3128 steps
3. Water. I'm really not good at getting the water in...so today, I'm making it a priority.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Back to fall down...and get back up.
We went out to eat at a local restaurant. There were Jodie and I and my two youngest kids. The server was very young, and he put us in a tiny, tiny booth. I suspect a more experienced server would have taken one look at me and put us in a larger booth...but that's not what happened.
I knew the minute I tried to sit down in the booth and scoot to the inside...that I was too big for the seat. The booth seat and table were fixed in place, so there was no moving it out of the way. I had a brief thought about asking to sit somewhere else, but I was embarrassed and thought - just eat and forget it.
I did not enjoy our time there, I was wedged in and I felt like a sardine in a can.
Shortly before we finished eating, a group of young 20's or so were seated across the aisle from us. When it was time for us to leave, I had a much harder time getting out of the booth. It was low to the ground, and I was wedged in there...and it took me several minutes to get out of it.
Meanwhile...those 20 year olds watched me struggling to get myself out of that booth with a mixture of expressions on their faces...some thought it was funny...some, it was easy to see they were disgusted.
I can't explain how I felt. The closest I can come to is...do you ever have those dreams where suddenly you realize you're naked at work or at school...and how you want to hide? THAT is very close to how I felt.
So...what am I going to do about it?
1. Realize that bellydance isn't cutting it. It obviously isn't cutting it if I'm dancing more than ever...and weighing as much as I weigh. Other exercise has to come into the equation for health and fitness reasons.
To that end, I purchased a pedometor and have been walking every day. On work days, that may mean two 10 minute walks but it's a start. Today is saturday so I went to a local park and walked the trail for 35 minutes. It equaled 3,000 steps! I was also all to aware of how out of shape I was at the end of that 35 minutes.
2. Keep the horror of the realization of "oh my god, I am too fat to get out of this booth" in the forefront of my mind. No other motivator has ever been this powerful - I need to use it.
3. Stop my all or nothing thinking. I either use Spark People perfectly (all the components) or not at all. that's ridiculous. Take what I can use and don't beat myself up for the rest. Right now, that means tracking my walking and reading, reading, reading, and making myself journal. That is good enough for me right this minute.
Monday, January 15, 2007
"Whether waiting to see a change on the scale, dealing with your coworkers, or diligently putting in work and feeling unappreciated, losing your patience is very easy to do."
I say patience is a virtue like a mantra....It surprises me how patient I am with other people and how impatient I am with myself.
Frequently I realize I'm expecting perfection. Not only that, but I want what I want and I want it RIGHT NOW!
So it has been with my weight loss. I want to eat healthy and exercise one day, and lose 5 pounds. Completely unrealistic and irrational. That's part of my "what did I do to work toward my goals" thing that I've been writing about here in this blog.
So, what did I do this weekend toward my goals?
* I practiced with both my beginner and advanced classes Sunday.
* I didn't weigh. Even tho I think weighing daily is a good habit for me to remind myself that yes, I am over weight, I've been getting discouraged by the flip/flop of the numbers. So when I weighed this a.m. and found I was exactly where I was friday, I was really okay with that. I measured, and my jaw dropped, up up and up is all I can say. Yet, a friend who hasn't seen me since before christmas said I looked like I'd lost weight. All odd.
* I worked on being organized for the workshop I'm promoting, creating a spreadsheet for preregistrations. This will make me less stressed, and in turn, hopefully in control of at least one area in my life stress wise.
* I just chilled out and watched movies Sunday for awhile with Jodie. I so rarely allow myself to do nothing but watch TV...I'm doing other stuff at the same time. Multitasking is all well and good, until you realize you are incapable of doing nothing. Doing nothing can be good for you!
Thursday, January 11, 2007
"If money comes, great. If not, rest assured, knowing that your life is not defined by what you make but what you already have. The best things in life are free!"
Well and good...but I have more of a problem motivating myself to work full time...always getting the bare minimum and not making it.
Yes the best things in life are free...but struggling day to day and paycheck to paycheck aren't the best things.
Working on self discipline in all areas of my life is going to show good things...paid bills, a cleaner house and a healthier me.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
"Today, think about your goals and form a plan to achieve them. Write them down, chart your progress, refer to them as often as you need to stay on track, and most importantly, hold yourself accountable"
I've always had a concrete idea of what I wanted, to lose weight. But that has not been specific enough. I usually had a plan, like "I'll go to WW" or an unrealistic "plan" like 'I'll exercise 60 minutes every day and eat 1000 calories'.
So what are my goals?? Well.....I'd love to fit into my burgundy costume by March 31. I want to be able to get through the class routine without having an asthma attack (or feeling like I'm gonna have a heart attack!) on Feb 10. More vague, but important to me just as much, increase my stamina...increase my health overall.
Writing in my journal is a big one, keeps me accountable. Scheduling dance students and not cancelling on them keeps me active and feeling good about myself. Weighing daily reminds me that I weigh over 200 pounds. My mind is amazing...it easily forgets how much I weigh! I think weighing daily has been very successful in keeping me out of hte candy jar at work! No candy in three work days (five total days). That is HUGE for me. I'm working on getting my water in...and since I got the to go packs of crystal light that actually seems to be working.
I have such problems with perfectionism...all or nothing thinking. It's good to be able to see what I did each day that were good choices, rather than just obsessing about the mistakes I made.
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