NOREGRET2010   49,297
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It's too soon to give up!

Sunday, July 29, 2007

In the last nine days, I've carefully and purposefully increased my steps from less than 2000 to almost 5000 a day...I've been concious of what I ate, how much I ate and how often I ate. I've drank...shudder....water.

No change. No change in weight, no change in measurements.

The part of me that has given up so easily in the past says "see!! it IS too hard! why bother??" had a lot to say this a.m.

But I'm not listening to her. I'm going to keep trudging ahead, one foot at a time, one cup of water at a time.

I went to Seattle the last three days to see my aunt who has been diagnosed with inoperable cancer. She found her soulmate 9 years ago. It struck me right between the eyes...I want more than 9 years with Jodie. I know something could happen to us at any moment...but my health is starting to slip, largely due to my weight. I have to take better care of myself if I want to live a long healthy life...and if I want to be able to ENJOY it! Not getting winded going up a flight of stairs or being too tired to do anything.

So....this week's goals:
1. Make the minimum steps suggested by my profile, track my steps every day, and allow myself to be proud of my progress!
2. Eat breakfast every day.
3. Continue to get my fruits/veggies in every day.
4. Read more about goal setting on SparkPeople and other places and consider my goals and how to make them work!
5. Keep reading spark people articles, keep reading the boards, talking to my weight loss buddy...being active on this site and anywhere else I find support, ideas and encouragement.

I'm not giving up. 'Nough said.



Tuesday, July 24, 2007

I've started my first-ever Spark Streak! I have a large # 1 with smiley faces on my monitor noting one day of goal fact, I exceeded yesterday's step goal by 200+ steps! I also kept the "no fast food" promise.....

but I didn't do so hot on the water. I'm still of the mindset water is what you bathe in...not drink, lol!

Today's goals: 3258 steps, no fast food and WATER!

Tomorrow, Jodie and I leave for Seattle to see my aunt who has just been diagnosed with cancer. I hate cancer. I'm already looking fwd to doing Relay for Life next year. I've done it almost every year for the last 10 years...this year I took a, even more reason to be back at walking with a vengence!


One step at a 10,000 steps!

Monday, July 23, 2007

After purchasing the pedometer, I wanted a way to track it that would be fun! I found, a free website that you can log your steps on...and it takes you through a trail of your choice...get to a viewpoint, and there is a little reward of seeing stuff about the "trail" you're on, etc. Like spark people's points, this is something that motivates me!

They also take your first three days steps, average them, and then add steps daily to give you a goal to help you work up to 10K reasonably. So, today's goal is 3128 steps! Doable, but I'll definitely have to get in a walk on at least one break to make it, maybe both breaks.

I made the decision to not get on the scale today or for awhile. Instead I measured my waist - 47 inches. Good God! At 5'1", I'm almost as big around as I am tall! OY! I'd rather look at measurements than weight for awhile. i get too obsessive about the numbers on the scale and allow them to dictate how I feel for the rest of the day, or week!

So, today's goals:
1. no fast food. I do this wayyyy too often.
2. 3128 steps
3. Water. I'm really not good at getting the water today, I'm making it a priority.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GEEKYPOET 7/23/2007 9:20AM

    What a great idea - thanks for sharing the website. Great goals too - I think that's becoming my fav part of Monday. It's like a reset button,

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Standing up...again

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Back to fall down...and get back up.

We went out to eat at a local restaurant. There were Jodie and I and my two youngest kids. The server was very young, and he put us in a tiny, tiny booth. I suspect a more experienced server would have taken one look at me and put us in a larger booth...but that's not what happened.

I knew the minute I tried to sit down in the booth and scoot to the inside...that I was too big for the seat. The booth seat and table were fixed in place, so there was no moving it out of the way. I had a brief thought about asking to sit somewhere else, but I was embarrassed and thought - just eat and forget it.

I did not enjoy our time there, I was wedged in and I felt like a sardine in a can.

Shortly before we finished eating, a group of young 20's or so were seated across the aisle from us. When it was time for us to leave, I had a much harder time getting out of the booth. It was low to the ground, and I was wedged in there...and it took me several minutes to get out of it.

Meanwhile...those 20 year olds watched me struggling to get myself out of that booth with a mixture of expressions on their faces...some thought it was funny...some, it was easy to see they were disgusted.

I can't explain how I felt. The closest I can come to you ever have those dreams where suddenly you realize you're naked at work or at school...and how you want to hide? THAT is very close to how I felt.

So...what am I going to do about it?
1. Realize that bellydance isn't cutting it. It obviously isn't cutting it if I'm dancing more than ever...and weighing as much as I weigh. Other exercise has to come into the equation for health and fitness reasons.

To that end, I purchased a pedometor and have been walking every day. On work days, that may mean two 10 minute walks but it's a start. Today is saturday so I went to a local park and walked the trail for 35 minutes. It equaled 3,000 steps! I was also all to aware of how out of shape I was at the end of that 35 minutes.

2. Keep the horror of the realization of "oh my god, I am too fat to get out of this booth" in the forefront of my mind. No other motivator has ever been this powerful - I need to use it.

3. Stop my all or nothing thinking. I either use Spark People perfectly (all the components) or not at all. that's ridiculous. Take what I can use and don't beat myself up for the rest. Right now, that means tracking my walking and reading, reading, reading, and making myself journal. That is good enough for me right this minute.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    God, I can't imagine how that felt for you. Good for you for turning it into something positive. I remember one time when I was waitressing a group of kids were at a table and one of them said, "call that fat waitress over here"... hell, I was only 180 then! Gawsh, what would they say now??

Anyway, I too wanted to do belly dancing -- I still do ... I think it's sexy! :) But for the weightloss stuff, it's that darn treadmill and elliptical torture device, er, I mean machine for me.

If we lived closer, I'd totally go to belly dancing classes w/ you... not that I know where you live.. lol

Anyway, I'm proud what you're doing.

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TERJEGOLD 7/22/2007 3:19PM

    Crystal said everything I am thinking in a way far more eloquent and powerful than I could. I have tears in my eyes right now just imagining what you had to go through, and with your children watching, no less. I honor and commend you for your determination to succeed no matter what. Also know that your journey might not take just one day to "arrive" and that's perfectly fine. It takes as long as it takes but, once there, it is no less sweet for having been a longer journey.

I remember once, a couple of years ago, when my SIL was visiting us. She weighed almost 600 pounds at the time and it was a struggle to just get into the house from the car. She sat on one of the dining room chairs and the leg broke. My heart broke for her because she was mortified. The good news from that, however, is that she made the decision to have gastric bypass surgery fairly soon after that and now, two years later, she is a little under 200 pounds, a weight she has not been at since Middle School! Her quality of life is so much better and she will undoubtedly live to see her 5 year old daughter graduate from college and marry. She is my hero and you will be too!

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A_PRESENCE 7/21/2007 8:14PM

    I can feel your frustration thru your writing.
I can feel your MOTIVATION thru your writing.

It amazes me, how you are using this experience to change!
Use it, Use it, Use it!!

I say go back to the resturant & take a picture of this booth; YOU WILL CONQUER... hang the picture EVERYWHERE.

126 lbs ago I was very anxious when I would get on roller coasters, just because I wasn't sure if the overhead bars would lock down. I remember seeing a young lady, get asked to get off the roller coaster.... it hurt me, and affected me to see her, waving at her friends as we pulled off. I wanted to get off the roller coaster & comfort her.. to stand with a determination that bigger ppl were being descriminated against!!!

I still have a picture of a roller coaster hanging on my office refrigerator.

Keep Blogging! You are helping other people stay motivated :)

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Patience is a virtue

Monday, January 15, 2007

"Whether waiting to see a change on the scale, dealing with your coworkers, or diligently putting in work and feeling unappreciated, losing your patience is very easy to do."

I say patience is a virtue like a mantra....It surprises me how patient I am with other people and how impatient I am with myself.

Frequently I realize I'm expecting perfection. Not only that, but I want what I want and I want it RIGHT NOW!

So it has been with my weight loss. I want to eat healthy and exercise one day, and lose 5 pounds. Completely unrealistic and irrational. That's part of my "what did I do to work toward my goals" thing that I've been writing about here in this blog.

So, what did I do this weekend toward my goals?
* I practiced with both my beginner and advanced classes Sunday.
* I didn't weigh. Even tho I think weighing daily is a good habit for me to remind myself that yes, I am over weight, I've been getting discouraged by the flip/flop of the numbers. So when I weighed this a.m. and found I was exactly where I was friday, I was really okay with that. I measured, and my jaw dropped, up up and up is all I can say. Yet, a friend who hasn't seen me since before christmas said I looked like I'd lost weight. All odd.
* I worked on being organized for the workshop I'm promoting, creating a spreadsheet for preregistrations. This will make me less stressed, and in turn, hopefully in control of at least one area in my life stress wise.
* I just chilled out and watched movies Sunday for awhile with Jodie. I so rarely allow myself to do nothing but watch TV...I'm doing other stuff at the same time. Multitasking is all well and good, until you realize you are incapable of doing nothing. Doing nothing can be good for you!


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