Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Did a lil counting and realized, I am 145 days out from a pretty tough weeklong dance training event.
Wow, was that motivating! Time to get my booty in gear or I won't make it!
So, plan of action:
1) Joined SP's 5K your way - walking - program.
2) Upon completion, go for the walk/jog program.
3) Really start working my stretching/yoga.
4) Move, move, move.
5) Best nutrition possible for best health possible.
Woo hoo! :) I don't want to be viewed at this workshop as "oh look the poor middle aged fat gal can't keep up!" Heck no! I want to give the young skinny chicks something to aim for when THEY are almost 50, thank you very much!
Suhaila Salimpour Level 2 Workshop, August 1-5, 2011, Albany, California. I'm going to Train my BUTT off and walk out of there the last day with pride that I DID IT!
Monday, March 07, 2011
I fell off the "working on my health" wagon. Stressful home events, jumping through hoops to get my son qualified for school help and medical help..Last week there was more than one day that I didn't drive in till 8 pm, gobble something to eat and fall into bed exhausted.
This week looks tamer - and I'm devoting it to ME!!! exercise, healthful eating, really taking a week to focus on myself. Sat in an all-day workshop Saturday for a 2 year wellness program I'm hoping my son is accepted to...and a list of coping strategies was presented...which included:
Keep living your life.
Ignore what you can't change.
Keep hope alive.
They were powerful words to a pretty overdone mom.
so that said, I'm off to the wii. I haven't made big goals - put numbers beside my "exercise in some way every day" list - just to DO it, for as long as I can and feel good about it. I actually began to jog in place on the Wii free run...used to be I marched in place, convinced I was too heavy to jog, that it was too hard...gotten up to 8 minutes. Pretty miraculous stuff!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Yesterday, I dropped my college classes. I had clung to an A and a B....so on the outside it looked good. But the stress of the bipolar/schizoaffective 14 yo increased exponetially day by day until when there was another episode of him screaming and angry....I started crying and couldn't stop. The stress is immense, and I feel like I'm not healthy enough to withstand it. At one point over the weekend, I thought "I could have a heart attack...or a stroke". Really. That bad.
So I made the decision to drop school and put the energy and intention I was putting there into ME. Into health, stress reduction, exercise, and supporting my kid as he is getting on new meds, through therapy and just how hard it is for him right now.
He has a screening next week with a special wellness program here through county mental health for youth with disorders that left untended would become schizophrenia. it would provide therapy, family counseling, medication stuff.... they accept about 25% of the kids they screen, so it's sort of a narrow window of opportunity - But if they don't accept him, they will give us other resources.
Dropping school was hard. That whole "I SHOULD be able to deal with massive stress and still get all A's in school! I'm a loser if I quit" thing is pretty tangible to me. I don't honestly believe it, but i feel it, you know? but I know that if I don't get a grip on my health and stress, i won't be alive to get that degree...and my kid who really needs me, will be without a mom. that's really much more unacceptable than dropping school.
So what am I doing instead of algebra this am? I'm hitting the Wii!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Time. Rest. Patience....
Patience with myself more than anyone else. Today is doc check up...and I haven't lost a zillion pounds so I'm irritated with myself. Realistically? i've lost about 15 pounds, depending on the day and the scale. That's awesome. Why is it not "enough" for me?
Stress load has been through the roof, and yet I have these unreasonable expectations of myself. I wouldn't have them of you, so why do I have them of me?
Had a very hurtful experience happen with someone we thought was a friend really lashing out at my partner, pretty inappropriate stuff. Lead me to thinking about who I am...what i stand for ...I'm almost 50 years old. Not real pleased in saying that, LOL, but what i've learned in those years is what is important to me..and real relationship...real bonds are what's important to me. To define myself and not allow others to define me.
So instead of that gut reaction of becoming depressed and sad over this person telling us how awful we are, I took action. Reached out to a couple we don't know very well. Signed up for a coffee meetup with a local GLBT group. Came to the conclusion I won't really miss that dysfunctional drama queen, and maybe this is a blessing in disguise!
One more Monday. One more day to get it right. To be the person I want to be, and gain the health (and healthy relationships) I deserve. Happy Monday. Make it the best.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Yep Still Here.
Home: Things a little better, everyone doing therapy helps, LOL.
Son: Change in meds last week seems to be showing up now as less angry outbursts, more even mood.
Partner: Doing therapy and doing her own work on herself - makes a big difference
Weight: Bouncing around between 234-238, but that's still 10 pounds less than I was bouncing thru a month ago!
Decisions, decisions...I may take a break from college spring term. I feel my son is really needing me, and this diagnosis of a schizophrenic disorder is HUGE...The stress I normally have with basically two jobs and school is pretty darn high...throw in your kid has a big issue? I think that's the tipping point. I waited to go back till i was in my 40s.. My kid needs me and I can perhaps just wait a bit longer for that degree. Not giving up...just prioritizing.
As well, when I'm in school, i do NOT have the time to exercise hardly at all. That's not been good.
As always, just thinking out loud here. Thank you so much for the support, the spark goodies, it means a lot. I'm sorry I'm too cramped for time to contact people personally - I appreciate you!
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