Monday, October 29, 2007
It's called being motivated again.
I've refocused and rededicated myself to my goals:
Went to bodybuilding.com, where I've read a ton of articles about nutrition and bodybuilding. Spark is awesome, but I was in a rut and this helped me get out of it.
I'm eating six small meals a day - I've tried this before, but it ended up being grazing for the whole day or eating too much each time. This time, I'm planning it, weighing it, measuring it, and it's going much better.
Biggest current goal is to up my protein, I've really realized I am not eating nearly enough.
Next is MOVING. Getting 20 minutes cardio in a day, whether all at once or bit by bit.
I'm throwing myself into SparkPeople - reading, reading, reading, and searching articles on bodybuilding sites, women's health sites, etc.
I WILL DO THIS!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
That old song was playing on the radio this a.m. on the way to work, and it seemed fitting.
Been writing with my weight loss buddy about being my own enemy....THINKING about weight loss efforts and dance goals more than DOING something about them....
My thinking patterns are making me fat!
My partner will be going to visit her family out of state for a week, leaving tomorrow. She is an awesome woman who loves me -fat or thin - BUT....there are issues there too. She requires a lot of attention and energy and sometimes seems to compete for both in my weight loss efforts. I want to use this week to really work on grounding myself, making habits and giving myself a little kick start!
I watched "I want to look like a high school cheerleader again" the other day, first time I'd seen it....I really dislike reality tv...but one gal - wow, she made me think. She was almost sent home because she didn't lose any weight. The next week, she could not work out with everyone else, she had to do it all on her own. My first honest thought was..."that would be the end of me." But she worked HARD, really changed her perspective, and got back in stride.
That's what I need - and I'm setting myself up this week to DO IT.
Monday, July 30, 2007
The first day of school was always such a mixed bag for me....excitement and dread. Looking back, I can see the dread was probably tied into my perfectionism.
I had no intention of signing up for the Lesbian Cafe Back to School Challenge. Absolutely no way. Too much pressure. Too hard. Too much work. What if I failed? It would be so PUBLIC...no, that's not for me.
Then a thought crossed my mind.... "yeah, like what you've got going on is working SO well for you." And I signed up, just like that.
Of course, my secret thought was...anything but "math" class....I just don't want to be in math class right away. I'll do anything to stay out of math class...and what did I get assigned to? Well math class of course!
Have I been tracking? Hell no. Be accountable for every bite I put in my mouth? Ugh. Work! Self disappointment leading to self loathing...forget THAT!
Sooooo, along comes math class. Whaddya do in math class? Well track of course and then TELL everyone how many calories?
I started getting nervous yesterday...and this morning...very nervous. But ya know what? it also made me DO it. Which is why it's called a challenge in the first place, eh?
I thought, God, I can't start a day without my coffee (and sugar and creamer!!). I had the "just don't track that" line run through my head and I BANISHED IT! Who am I hurting if I lie to myself and my tracker?? ME.
so i made my coffee...and I substituted Splenda for half the sugar I would usually use..and ya know what? It's pretty good. In fact, I think I could easily sub 2/3 splenda to 1/3 sugar and be pretty good with it for awhile and then eventually switch to all Splenda.
A small success, on the first day of school. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can DO this!!
Sunday, July 29, 2007
In the last nine days, I've carefully and purposefully increased my steps from less than 2000 to almost 5000 a day...I've been concious of what I ate, how much I ate and how often I ate. I've drank...shudder....water.
No change. No change in weight, no change in measurements.
The part of me that has given up so easily in the past says "see!! it IS too hard! why bother??" had a lot to say this a.m.
But I'm not listening to her. I'm going to keep trudging ahead, one foot at a time, one cup of water at a time.
I went to Seattle the last three days to see my aunt who has been diagnosed with inoperable cancer. She found her soulmate 9 years ago. It struck me right between the eyes...I want more than 9 years with Jodie. I know something could happen to us at any moment...but my health is starting to slip, largely due to my weight. I have to take better care of myself if I want to live a long healthy life...and if I want to be able to ENJOY it! Not getting winded going up a flight of stairs or being too tired to do anything.
So....this week's goals:
1. Make the minimum steps suggested by my Americaonthemove.org profile, track my steps every day, and allow myself to be proud of my progress!
2. Eat breakfast every day.
3. Continue to get my fruits/veggies in every day.
4. Read more about goal setting on SparkPeople and other places and consider my goals and how to make them work!
5. Keep reading spark people articles, keep reading the boards, talking to my weight loss buddy...being active on this site and anywhere else I find support, ideas and encouragement.
I'm not giving up. 'Nough said.
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